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No2 don't you dare apologize to me!! I'm just playing with you...and definitly appreciate the feedback that HE has chosen not to read it... dork-head... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I would seriously consider mailing it to the OW... NO2 you cause no one any grief...except the grief when we feel and hear your pain.. it's not personal... It's wanting better for you... and that is a good thing... ARK
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Thanks Guys. We will see tomorrow.I say the letter will be read, I have his attention now. Its sad that I had to do it this way, but I can say I have tried, and it feels good to be able to say that and know I really have. PLAN B! PLAN B! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> God Bless and Thanks to All
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No 2:
I am a strong advocate of PLAN B now after struggling against it for awhile. It's a scary place to be.
However, I want to also encourage you to make sure to do what you feel is right for your particular situation. Some folks here did not support my MODIFIED PLAN B. However, people here as much as I love them and have appreciated their help,cannot know all the particulars of your husband and your life. You have to trust your gut. I really think some of my modifications were essential given what I knew about my H that other people cannot know or understand. That's because he is my husband. I know because he has mentioned these things to me and I really believe that my H is in love with me again.
The innovative ideas of ESPOIR, KEEPMVN and MORTARMAN were key for me. They were not strict PLAN Bers. Neither is STEVE HARLEY by the way. He has never used the terms PLAN A or PLAN B with me. He has told me to keep with MY PLAN.
I hope that I am not being a bad influence. I just really feel that it was important for me to trust my gut in all of this.
Hang in there.
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Thank You MiMi, if I could I would take your name off your last post and put mine. You found the words that I would like to have said. I know what gets my husband and he knows what gets me, I'm just not going for his anymore. Thats my main thing in My Plan B.That will let him know no more and I will not put up with this no more. I know he was waiting for a call the next day from me when he left that note. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> The old no2nos would have called I didn't. He will start to see I am meaning business and I don't crumble at a drop of his doings anymore. If he wants to be with her then fine let us go. That is the message I want him to get. I will be taken down for a while from it, but you know what? I will get back up and move on.I am scared, but who isn't when this is going on in their lives. I have grown to like myself and beleive in me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I am a good person and one that loves her husband truely. I will do what it takes. THANKS TO ALL!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <small>[ November 14, 2003, 09:26 AM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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Ok guys, I had a letter waiting for me when I got back tonite. He read the Plan B letter. Here is what he said. I am writing it as he has it here on the paper. Wife, #1 is sounds like blackmail for our marriage. #2 you still aren't acting on a friendship basis #3 you asked me to be friends #4 If something happens to me do you really think e fu**ing mail is poper communication #5 I won't say nothing that I can't say to your face #6 If I did have something to say, I'll say it when I'm ready, not when anyone else is. #7 I took vows also and made a promises also in our marriage. #8 I have things to deal with inside of me that hurt me to when I come over here, but you still don't have to throw gas on the fire. #9 I can't beleive I'm sitting writing this childish sh#t anyway not tyring to hurt you but damn if you think your doing our marriage any good your wrong, because right now I'm highly pissed off at this childish behavior. I think you just want to drive me away now, anyway so thats all I got to say unless you think you can come up with the guts to talk to me face to face! #10 THE MONEY IS IN THE BATHROOM! I told you before that leaving wasn't going to change anything, you've made it worse!!!So have fun with "whatever" your doing and enjoy it. Love Husband Ok there you have it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I can here you now Ark. Please don't bang your head. I need ya. Sparkle what is your take on it. Mimi help me be strong here what do you think. I am flippen out here Orchid. Any feed back please! Thanks to all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
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As my brother would say, ALLLLLLLLLLL RIGHTO!!!!
I'm so glad to see his reaction, N2N!! It's perfect. You're not doing what he wants you to do (be a good girl and let him run around), so he's pissed off.
Your job is to stay cool, stay dark, and stay focused on YOU. Let him rant and rave AWAY FROM YOU. Don't read his stuff anymore. Hand it over to a trusted friend to read for you and provide any information that you may need.
In all that he wrote this time, what did you really need to know? The money is in the bathroom. (Assuming that it was.)
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I think Point #5 says it all. He won't see your face. So Plan B is officially in place.
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by No2nos:
[QB] OK, I CAN'T AND WON'T RESPOND BACK TO HIS LETTER and if I could this might be some of what I would say and some I would like to, I just needed to vent some of it out. LB bad so I hold my hand over my mouth. Thanks for your time!
Wife,
#1 is sounds like blackmail for our marriage.
>>I call it sticking up for my self.
#2 you still aren't acting on a friendship basis
>>No because you are my husband and I am the wife
#3 you asked me to be friends
>>I guess I shoud of used the word civil to each other
#4 If something happens to me do you really think e fu**ing mail is poper communication
>>You should of thought of that before, if something happens to my what do I say call his girlfriend
#5 I won't say nothing that I can't say to your face
>>My face has been here for two years waiting for and wanting you to say something
#6 If I did have something to say, I'll say it when I'm ready, not when anyone else is.
>>OK,hope I'm here to here it.
#7 I took vows also and made a promises also in our marriage.
>>So where are you now, with her, good vows!
#8 I have things to deal with inside of me that hurt me to when I come over here, but you still don't have to throw gas on the fire.
>> I am sorry you are hurting I want to help,and I having feelings also I think you forgot about two years ago.
#9 I can't beleive I'm sitting writing this childish sh#t anyway not tyring to hurt you but damn if you think your doing our marriage any good your wrong, because right now I'm highly pissed off at this childish behavior. I think you just want to drive me away now, anyway so thats all I got to say unless you think you can come up with the guts to talk to me face to face!
>>Me CHILDISH, ok why would I want to disagree with that look at both of us.
#10 THE MONEY IS IN THE BATHROOM!
>>Thank you.WOULD HAVE RATHER HAD YOU THERE.
I told you before that leaving wasn't going to change anything, you've made it worse!!!So have fun with "whatever" your doing and enjoy it.
Love Husband
>>RIGHT BACK AT YOU HUSBAND, MAYBE YOU SHOULD READ THAT ONE AGAIN.
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You H's responses are full of 'chaotic comments'. Wouldn't you agree?
L.
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Ooo... ya, I do and Please feel free to use them in your other post. Hope all is going well with you and thanks for your post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <small>[ November 15, 2003, 02:00 AM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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NO2 blessings to you... It is just a lot of mumbo jumbo.. non of it is worth power struggling..though the temptation is great... Would love to ask him what his definition of friendship and how is actions meet the defining actions... I can't beleive I'm sitting writing this childish sh#t anyway not tyring to hurt you but damn if you think your doing our marriage any good your wrong, because right now I'm highly pissed off at this childish behavior. I think you just want to drive me away now, anyway so thats all I got to say unless you think you can come up with the guts to talk to me face to face! classic non-ownership of his own actions... classic you made me do this teenage rational... It hurts though...I can feel and see that... wants to power struggle and discuss the insane with you adnauseum...only to avoid the reality of actions.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Good time to go dark for a bit.. good time to pull back and step away from the chaos... let the OW be his oasis and meet his needs without you to fall back on to... No2 I know this has been a struggle to get here... Know with out a doubt that I believe he would have kept you in a holding pattern of visiting and playing good daddy...charming husband only to leave you again again and go back to living with OW>... No matter how he spins and gnashes his teeth against your letter the letter remains a simple message...of I just don't want to be part of your chaos and deceipt anymore...and there is nothing but pride and a deep deep sigh of relief in you stating that... hold tight... You'd have better luck convincing Zack that candy does not equal a healthy breakfast....than engaging his non-logic defense... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> pray No2 for grounding and clarity... seek solace and sanctuary with God... you are in my prayers... ARK
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N2,
My take? Same as most others...the addict is very, very angry because you aren't playing into his hands any more. He wanted to eat cake and N2N said no way. N2N found her strength and he is frightened by it.
No, he didn't like what he read. Show me a WS that likes what is in a PBL. Most are either angered, frightened, or just ignore it because of the fog.
Good for you for venting your answers here and not being drawn into the cesspool of this power struggle. You've said your peace, you have told him how it is.
Now...dark. Don't glorify his words with any response whatsoever.
Go have fun with Zack today.
*S*
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Thank you all for the kind words. This letter he left me is not him and I know why (fog). I see him not wanting to hurt me in it, and I see him trying to pull me back in,I see him trying to put some blame where it does not go.I am glad he signed it Love H. That to me knowing him stands for something. I will lay out the crumbs for a path and hope that he finds his way back and we become better and stronger together. You all have been good teachers,listeners and I thank you for that,it took this hard head a long time to get it but I did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I feel sad that he feels this way and I can't help him. I don't want to see him hurting, but I have to let him find the way and see what it is that will help him. Thanks to all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
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N2N, you already laid out something better than crumbs. You left a clear path for him to follow, complete with markers and a big fricking sign.
If he can't see that, the crumbs aren't going to be much use at all.
And now that we've gotten all this out of the way, how are YOU doing? What are you doing? How are you spending your days and nights? Are you eating and sleeping all right? Are you finding peace and serenity to put in place of the chaos that was there before?
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And now that we've gotten all this out of the way, how are YOU doing? I'm ok thank you, I am still scared and worried. I just think of my Yson Zack and hearing him say "daddy will you stay here with me" It helps me to stay strong with this.What are you doing? Today I will do something for myself, I have all day I won't be here this Sunday.Don't know what this is all new to me also. How are you spending your days and nights? Still restless, wondering, playing with the kids on playstation,baking what ever it takes.PLAY DOE! Are you eating and sleeping all right? Sleeping is a joke most I get is three hour, I work third. No sleep with Zack lol. eating getting better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Are you finding peace and serenity to put in place of the chaos that was there before? I am trying ,it gets a little eaiser as the days go on. I'm learing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Thanks for asking Just J, I hope all is going well for you also.God Bless and thanks for the post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Thanks to all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Question? What do you all think of his respond to my letter? Was it good, as in, what it is to be while in fog, What do you all see in some of what he said? I know don't look to try and make something out of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I know some of it is fog. Was it good that he did respond? Ok I'll stop I'll need go get some sleep. Thanks to all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
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I'm ok thank you, I am still scared and worried. I just think of my Yson Zack and hearing him say "daddy will you stay here with me" It helps me to stay strong with this.Yeah, I understand that. If there's anything we can do to help with the fear and worry, please let us know. That's more important right now than wherever your WH's thoughts are taking him. Today I will do something for myself, I have all day I won't be here this Sunday.Don't know what this is all new to me also. It's cool and scary at the same time, isn't it? That's how it was for me, anyway. The first thing I did was to try to remember that emptiness isn't a bad thing. So if I had open time (empty time), that was good. The fact that I didn't immediately have ideas about how to spend every single second was quite all right. And in your case, a quiet place to park the car and get some sleep seems like a wonderful way to spend that time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Still restless, wondering, playing with the kids on playstation,baking what ever it takes.PLAY DOE! Yay, playing!! I love playing Nintendo, and I've just now gotten around to doing some baking. I hadn't pulled out the breadmaker in years, and had forgotten how wonderfully good the smell of baking bread is. And cookies, oh my, I love having fresh-baked cookies in the house. My already-burgeoning waistline doesn't like it, of course, and that's all right with me, too. I try to walk and lift the baby, and while that's not the kind of exercise I used to get, it IS fun and that's what's important to me right now. Sleeping is a joke most I get is three hour, I work third. No sleep with Zack lol. eating getting better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Hm. I've never worked 3rd shift. I've heard it's really tough on sleep schedules, though. I hope someone with more experience on that can give you some ideas! And I'm glad that you're eating some. Every vitamin and mineral and nutrient that your body gets it will put to good use. (And in my own worldview, anything that can be purchased through a drivethrough has NO nutrients. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) I am trying ,it gets a little eaiser as the days go on. I'm learing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Yay! I'm so glad to hear this! You're headed in the right direction. Keep it up, and when you get down, remember that really the only reason we're here in life is to find the joy in things like Play Doh and sunrises. (And when you can find the joy in that AND cleaning the cat's litter box, you get to be a boddhisatva!) Thanks for asking Just J, I hope all is going well for you also.God Bless and thanks for the post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You're welcome, and yes, life is continuing to improve for me. There are ups and downs, of course, and still a long way to go. Nevertheless, this life that we live is not impossible. Weird, ayup, but not impossible. Please let us know how your Sunday goes!
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My H showed up early. typing will be bad hurring to get what I should do. He let me have it. If you will give me a min of your time I will post it. He took son not for good i will explain.
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N2n,
R U or your children in any danger? Do you have someone close by who can help?
If you require immediate assistance where you or your family is in jeporady, contact the police or women's shelter within your area.
We will wait until you let us know more. Remember we can help with our experiences but we are not professionals and can not fix the problem for you.
Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. Contact the authorities and mature ones to help you. This is why it is important to have your support group around you indentified and kept on alert.
take care,
L.
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My head is spinning and I am not thinking clear. So I really need help.
H showed up thirty mins early and I was not yet gone when I went to leave I kissed Yson and told him to enjoy his day with daddy and walked out the door.
H followed me and started to yell at me and said that if I leave and pull out of this drive way that there will no chace in hell for this marriage and for me to grow up and quit acting childish.
He also said that all of this was my fault and that he would not take none of the blame for it. that was enough for me so I got into my van and he walked down to it we had a few words and they were calm I never yelled He said I ws making everthing worse.
He said that he would start taking Y son and I told him that was ok if that is were he planned on staying with Ow. He went on to ask about Thanksgiving I said he can't keeep coming on hoildays that itws not right if he wants to take young son for part of the day and me the reast fine the more I talked and he saw I belevied in my self the madder he got.
Well, needless to say I here all of you in my head and I leave. I felt I needed to state were I stand I came back a hour in a half later and they are gone O son said they were going to OW house. I am so upset Please give me a some light of hope that this is ok please.
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