OK guys, My love Bank feels like it is getting real empty here. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Has anyone else got this way? If so what did you do when you felt there was nothing left? Or is the normal to feel this way? I know part of it has to do with the hoildays.

I am feeling real down. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> What can I do?(IF I HANG ANOTHER CHRISTMAS LIGHT MY NEIGHBORS ARE GOING TO SCREAM! HA HA)We always did the house up in lights and set up little displays in the yard like Santa land,snowman land I did it this year with out him it took me a he** of a long time, but I did it and I do wonder what he thinks. Even the lights on the roof. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It has been two years guys, you say keep faith give me something that would be keeping faith to.

Why would he not just say he is happy and move on? What is the point to all of this in his head? Fog can not last this long? You either love me or you don't it is that easy. Why has he let this go and go? (I know I am part to blame for that also!)

I hope you all are still with me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Thanks to ALL.

I'm still here with you.

I'm glad you were able to do those Xmas lights.

This is AWFUL for us all, even those of us in RECOVERY.

I don't think that Xmas will ever be the same for me again. I haven't even put up my tree.

My D-Day was December 31 last year.

Thanks MiMi. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Thanks for hangen in there with me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Did you ever feel so low that you seen no light to the marriage? If so what did you do?

Do you or any of you truely think it is worth me hangen in there?

Thanks to all.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by No2nos:
<strong> ............Did you ever feel so low that you seen no light to the marriage? If so what did you do?

Do you or any of you truely think it is worth me hangen in there?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">2 years you said in an earlier post. That's about right. This is the time when you start to get tired of all the A mess. The game no longer can hold you in it's spell and soon you will be screaming to get off the roller coaster.

IMHO, I believe your M and you are worth it. The question is can you?

L.

Thanks Orchid, I am lost. I thought I had a good grip on all of this and it is like a ride. You are up then down.

Thank you for your kind words. It gives me light in my own world of fog. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Thanks to all!

<small>[ December 16, 2003, 05:57 AM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

how are you lost.

what exactly is making you feel lost...

lots of people here have done plan b..no2

the more you seek help..the more you will find that many felt/feel as you and stand where you are ..

what exactly has you feeling so bad...
and what can we do to help you..

ark

what exactly has you feeling so bad...

I have been lied to, unloved by someone that I loved so deeply. How did I become such a fool? It is hard to work on yourself when you don't know who you are anymore or who you thought you were.I gave all of me to my family, that was wrong I should have done for myself also in all of those years and I would not have lost myself so bad and I now see that.

That my life for the past how many years have been lost,lied to, given to someone that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.

I here so many times that my heart is to big for my own good, I now wonder if they were trying to tell me nicely that I was being walked on by people.

I don't like what this has made of me. Yes, I have the right to change it and I feel I am. I read some were here that it has made them a bitter person and that is how I feel. I don't like that feeling and I am trying to find the me I like.

To give someone your heart in their hands total and to be so blinded that you do not even see them suck the life right out of that is scarey. It makes you take a hard look at yourself. How could I have been so blind!

To see your children go through what they do from someone that has no care for them (op). To see their hearts damaged and they had not one thing to do with it. Their lives are changed. They to start wondering about themselves and their homes are at risk the future change totaly.Why? Because I beleived total in someone.

Family is torn apart. These are people that you have spent most of your life with and when this happens some turn their back and there are few that stick around, but are they all there for you? I guess what I am trying to say is you find out who is your friends and family and who is not, that is another blow you have to take.

It is hard to start all over, when you thought you had it all going for you already. I really wonder if he ever truely loved me?

I have a problem with understanding how and why people would want to hurt someone so bad. How they can be so selfish. I am not on their level to understand it all or were they come from on their thoughts and feelings.

I am lost and I will find my way. It might take me sometime, but I know I will get there. I have to start to beleive in myself again and in others. I thank you all here, it might be just one word, or a post that pulls me through and gives me hope and to see the light that I am reaching for in my life .

Thanks to ALL I hope you all have a very Merry Chriostmas and a Happy New Year <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ December 21, 2003, 06:52 AM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

Hope everyone is doing good as can be through the holidays and I WISH ALL A HAPPY ONE. Sparkle how are you? MIMI did you get up your tree? Well back to baking.

Thanks to All.

<small>[ December 21, 2003, 01:12 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

Just a quick post to say I think H pocked his head out of the fog again and we had a few words yesterday.

So... I am here to thank you all again it was you guys running through my head <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> as it came at me and if I do say so myself I held ground quit well.

I said somethings I have wanted to say for a while. I kept throwing the ball back into his court and he did not have much to throw back.

H kept saying he doesn't give a s$it to everything I said. So I told him, then why come here leave us alone. If you want to see your son take him to the family you have picked and do your visit with him there. If you want to talk with me any right now (as I got closer to his face) I said, You better give a s$it or just leave. Go! (No tears here this time)

He walked out the door. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He went to his car for a few mins and came back in the house. If he was looking for me to run after him... I don't think so.

We started talking about Y son and how he is still feeling lost without H here. H said, I know how he feels every night when I go to bed I have this knot in my stomach and this sick feeling. I said, well if it is so right what you are doing why do you feel that way. Why keep prolonging these feeling so long if it makes you sick. I got no answer.

Yes, I am in Plan B, H was still wanting to come for Christmas day. That was how the talk began. I did get to ask him if he was thinking this marriage was unable to be saved or fixed. He said he didn't know, what did I think? Well you know what I said.

I did tell him when he started to point fingers that he needed to grow the f%%k up and quit being so selfish. I did well. This was to be a short post sorry. I will tell more later I am still baking and wrapping so must go.

Thank you ALL very much.

<small>[ December 22, 2003, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

N2N,

Happy Holidays, Sweetie, to you and your family.

May 2004 bring you peace and happiness.

Love ya!

*S*

Thanks Sparkle I hope you have a wonderful New Year!

I don't know what I have done here, I post here to get the help and encouragement,support and inspired. All post to me are taken to heart and filed in my mind if they are ever needed.

Maybe I am not MB material. I thought that everyone here has... the same problem wanting there marriage.

Some need help getting it on track to recovery, some just need to know that they are not the only ones out there that this is happening to. Some just need to here a word or two to keep beleiving in themselves, weather they are at the begining of finding out about it or comeing to a close to it all.

You know what I am trying to say..? We are all here to find help and what if all can be told what to be expected. We do, all of us, become so blind one way or another to it all and some come here to have the blinders lifted from those that have been there and know how it feels and what they did to make it better for them and try to help us.

That was all I was thinking of and I have been blind sided by many here and it is a shame. We are here to lend a hand not turn our backs to helping someone that has felt the same pain that you have felt at one time.

I will get blasted for this, so what, Melondy Lane please tell me what is your problem with me just because we had a few miss understanding in words that we were trying to type? Yet, we have felt the same pain.

Lets see Red hat you never really posted to me till Quipper post. All you ever told me was to loss weight and make sure me breath was fresh. That was on my fisrt post here. You didn't know one thing about me and that was my first post and thats what you told me. My weight is fine. I am more then making sure I loss weight, I have a soul and a heart. My heart has weight on it and that is what I am lossing now the weight off me heart.

I am tired, and for 2004 my Goal is to lose the weight off my heart, an shoulders and become the person I want and to have a happy heart, helping heart and a kind one. To loss the weight off of it. I am getting all of this unwanted weight off my chest.

I can't say we I do not post to many how can I when I don't even know how to fix me an my mess and tell someone else how to do it, but we are a team here and just to know that you all are out there is the biggest help I have found for this mess that I am in.

So.. I say to all if I have stepped on your toes I am so sorry. I have one big Sorry.... and that is to Quipper and I had become the other woman and I see that and that is what I am trying to show here that every post does count even if you do not want to here it at that time it sit there and turns in your mind and then it all falls into place one way or another. So every post and word does help!!!

Shuagh, I read your post all the time and it sounds so much like me, I have wanted to post to you so many times. I pray for you. Your post made me cry <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> one to many times so I can say I know how you feel and I loved your letter to Ow I feel the same <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> , but they are right as much as I would love to send one don't. Don't give her not one thing to use towards you.

I do thank everyone here and thank you for everything. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Thanks to All <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ December 29, 2003, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

Dear No2

blessings to you....gosh you wear your heart on your sleeve do you not??

I will bodly speak for the collective to assure you that no one has/is turning their backs to you....

The best way that this forum works is for people to post specific issues that they are struggling with...

then you can gets lots of feedback on what steps )even small ones) that may help you feel less overwhelmed and in control...and you always have the right to pick and choose which serves you best...

I know you are struggling...
I know you work d@m hard at your job and taking care of the children....

In all honesty no2 your posts are ambigious at times and it makes it difficult to give specific feedback...

I have many questions for you...

How is plan B going...
what interactions are you having with your husband?

How is he communicating to you?

did he come to your place on Christmas day?

Do you think your plan b needs tweeking...
which way...to be firmer in no contact...
OR to give him some sort of pathway back....


Where are you in mulling over some direct contact with the OW...
sending her your plan B letter?
I know you see this as stooping to her level or a "low-blow" and your feelings about that are understandable...
BUT there is no shame in speaking your peace either...

What are your specific struggles we can address with you....

No2 your sensitivity is a gift...and can be appreciated....and valued...
marriage builders is a great path of recovery...no matter the outcome...with out a plan for stress in our life we can flounder...
but we need to know where you are in it...

I can't get a pulse on your situation...(nursing lingo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> but am always here waiting too know how you are....

tell us what you need....
be specific and objective...
people want you to thrive and be the best you can...

we are waiting for you....

much strength to you...
ps have you learned to babble back yet....

ARK

No2,
thank you so much for your kind words on my thread and here. I often feel the same way about not wanting to give advice to others as my own situation is often not handled well.
But I hope the times I pop in to just give a warm word of support is appreciated as much as yours have been.
It's enough to know that someone cares enough to even follow your posts, ya know?
Let's hang in there together! Our kids need us to be strong and the best parents we can be in the face of such a painful challenge. It is often difficult to get through the day, but get through it we do!
I'm trying very hard to appreciate the little things again...and not look at the big picture(which I think for both of us can be very discouraging due to our financial situations etc.)
I'll be posting another Plan B letter on my thread later, and will need some feedback. Don't feel like you don't have the MbB knowledge to comment! It's time I pull back again...I can't continue to put myself through this...it gets me and the situation NOWHERE!
Hang in there, I'll be following your posts too!

Hey, N2!

Keep your spirit strong, gal! I smell depression. You probably just had a bad day or week. So...we all need to vent and this is the place.

Like ark says, nobody is turning their back on you. Some of the regulars have never posted to me either, but that doesn't mean we don't have a strong circle of supporters here, reading our posts, feeling our pain, celebrating our joys (even the teeny tiny ones <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

Rather than worry about those with whom you haven't made a connection, be grateful for those with whom you have. I know I am.

Hugs to you,

*S*

Happy New Year No2:

I simply want to say to you that what worked for me was to follow the MB principles as closely as possible. I did Plan A after D-day, then had to do Plan B despite my initial objections here and now I am doing Recovery.

My marriage is great TODAY. I'm taking it one day at a time. My motto is PLAN A for life. In acting loving towards my FWH, he is acting loving towards me. He bought me a Xmas tree. He surprised me. On a rainy Sunday evening, he said "let's go for a ride " and pulled up to a lot that he had found which had tons of trees. He helped me pick it out. I never dreamed last year that anything like that could happen. This is why I believe in the MB principles.

Believe me I had the darkest days in which I did not know if I could make it another minute, nights when I couldn't sleep, days when I couldn't eat. I needed a plan, a strategy like Ark indicated. That's another great thing about MB. It helped my stress level and the depression by me being able to rely on a system, a game plan or rather a battle plan as Mortarman would say.

It seemed that you were not following the principles. That gets frustrating for us because we know that they work. I was just like you and now am on the other side and understand why folks got frustrated with me. For example, you were LBing when cursing at your WH, No2. You were doing this while you indicated that you were in PLAN B. In PLAN B, you are supposed to be completely dark. He is supposed to be missing you, having memories of his life with you, feeling that he might lose you. While you are going on with your life in PLAN B, you are getting stronger. You don't want him to use PLAN B as a time to rationalize continuing in the affair. That's what will happen if you LB. Understand?

I don't understand where you are with this either. Let us know so that we can help.

Ok you all I will try to tell all of this as long as the oldest son lets me have the computer.

I want to Thank you all very much and please I will try and tell what is going on it is all to hard to put into words.

I am doing good and I am doing more for me. I had a good Christmas there was smiles on my childrens faces, so that was all I needed.

I did tell H Monday before Christmas like I posted on my last post that he can take Y son to his house for Christmas Eve and give him his gifts there since that was the family he has choose. (if that is a LB sorry that is how I feel) I left the ball in his court to do what he wanted for Christmas with the boys.

Well he was here at 12:00 noon on Christmas Eve day and left around 6:00 that evening. I went about my way through the house and getting ready for the next day. H brought no gifts with him and I did not ask.

Ok are you ready for this H was here the next morning at 9:00a.m with his gifts that he had put under the tree and all around then woke us up. H stayed till that evening and was very sad when leaving. Had a house full of people and I can tell he didn't want to go. O well, his choice. I didn't make the day for him if that is the right words for it. Yes... H bought me gifts, I took them and told him thank you very much.

I have been doing a good Plan B till then, back on it. What was I to say... you have to go? With Zack so happy to have his daddy here. I went with the flow of the day and I am glad I did.

New Years came and went, worked. I want my H back very much and I will only stay this way for a few more weeks and I have to move on, I will not stay this way for through 2004.

Ok.... oldest son is sitting here over shoulder so I will write more later.

Thanks to All. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 03, 2004, 12:31 AM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

Hi N2! Glad you're back with us.

For the sake of your boys, yes, I think you did the only thing you could have done on Christmas. Shame on your WH for not respecting your wishes (but there's that word...respect...they don't have it for us BS's at all). But under the circumstances, it being Christmas day and all, the boys thrilled that Dad was there, you couldn't have done anything else.

The only comment I have is that I would not have accepted his gifts to me. I would have returned them, unopened, and told him, "Thank you very much, but I don't want your gifts. What I want is a husband, committed to this marriage and this family."

But it's done, and I'm not going to beat up on you, N2N, you know me better than that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am very glad your boys had a good holiday.

Like you, I have vowed 2004 will be very different. No more standing still, no more steps backward...forward is the way to go!

Hello all, how is everyone? Well,2004 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> had a busy start. The house is saved we signed the papers this past Thrusday. H wanted to do it, go figure. Why I have no reason don't want one either. Don't care. All that matters is the kids and I have a roof over our head.

H mother had to be rushed to the hospital and I had to call that house to give him the message. Ow mother answered the phone and I asked for H and she said he was not there and I asked when he will be back and she then asked who was calling and I said HIS WIFE. She paused and said O honey with this cancer I don't get out much. I cut her off and said, tell him not to call me I will call back later. I felt so bad I am not that type of person <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> but I just didn't want to know nothing about that family.

I have done some thinking and as I see it the battle is done now the war is starting. I will be letting my gut feeling go and I will start to show him what this Ow is really.

The van broke down Monday and I called his work and he had all ready left so I took it into my own hands to take care of it, and ow she works a hour later then H must had told him I called and she told him and he called that night and I did not answer the phone so the next day he called and I told him what was worng.

HE started on me for not calling him at their house and so on when he was done I thought to myself I will turn this one on you bud. I said it was not my pride or hate for all of this it was repect. I would not like a woman to call you at night and for it to be the X and ask to come fix the van that is not right. I said I am the X now I need to get things done. You are not my crutch anymore. He had not much to say after that.H said seams you don't even want to talk to me anymore I said I don't. He said well we have the boys and I said I will be always more then happy to talk to you about the kids. H said,you don't even want to be friends? I did not answer. He said well friends help friends. You can call and I will help. I said good by got to go.

I was so hot after that and I thought and thought I called him back about thirty mins later and I said you said I can call any time, he said this is not a good time. I said well... you said any time and he said not now. I said have something to say H said what? I said, I really don't know if I should say this or not but YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND!! YOU ARE MY HUSBAND AND TILL YOU DIVORCE ME OR GIVE ME PAPERS YOU ARE MY HUSBAND, DO YOU HERE ME MY HUSBAND! MINE! You are to do for me us your family.

Want to know what he did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> laughed a happy laugh. I said you are laughing in my face and I am spillen my guts out here. H laughing says I know and I am tired of being pissed off. I started laughing H said only you wife I said good by HUSBAND!!!

There has been other things said and H has no answers so like I said the War is just starting. I don't see Plan B working that well so I want to know if I should tell him this can not keep going this way. I need him and we all do if he is happy that is fine let me go so I can begin to move on. What do you all think?

Thanks to All 2004 is for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ January 19, 2004, 07:18 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

Oh no2no...I don't even know what to say...

what about full out illusion you are moving on....
way on...
what about calling him up...setting up him to babysit...and really really create the illusion you are going somewhere fantastic...accomponied by "unknown"...

what about YOU getting an overnight away...
God knows you deserve it..
have him watch kids at your house...
and you go get some rest and pampering...
and let him stew in it....
and offer little info into exactly where and what you are doing....

seriously wonder what he would do if he thought someone else was interested in you....

any good looking docs at that hosp...just kidding!!!!!...

any good psychiatrists... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> could get free advice all about him...
that's it tell him you are having dinner with a shrink friend...just doing a case study....
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
OK kidding again..
but am thinking more about making it appear like somethings up.....
uuuuggggghhhhh

have ya read this one...
carolk's story.....
ark....

I like that Ark, will work on that and post here with my ideas to see what you think before I do that. I need a night out even if I just go to the movies.

He will not like it at all I know that. He already flipped out when a male friend came over on a Friday to play poker with the gang (us girls). He showed up before H left about five mins. My friend knows what is going on between H and I so he just walked in and was making himself at home pissed H off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He left in a huff and get this went and called from a pay phone telling me if I started dating I need to tell him.

This all happened a few weeks back. Didn't mean it to happen that way, but it turned out that way. Friend has been wanting to come join us for cards for awhile. Come to find out H works out at the same gym as friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> O well.H took it the way he wanted.

I do think some 180's will be need in the next few weeks. Valentines day is two years for H and I that was Dday.

Thanks to all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />