Nick

I'm glad to see you take on board the concern and thoughts of everyone here. It's because people truly care about your wellbeing after such a horrible time.

I am sorry your poor D has to put up with STBX's (believe me, it sounds even better when it is just X or the evil Pound Man <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) strange behaviour. Carry on carrying on - giving her the emotional support and stability she needs. Look at poor Neil (Porche) and all the crazy things his X used to say and his children had to put up with. Try and also reassure your D, that nothing is final until it happens and plans change for many reasons.

I also hate to say it, but I am glad you are going to start DV proceedings once you have settled into your new job. Whilst I came here as others trying to see if my M could be saved, when you know there is no hope, I honestly feel it is better to finalise things so that you can re-build your life properly. I would hate to still be in the situation now of Pound Man living with Shiney Head and we were still M'd.

I know we have always had conversations about you would KNOW when you have to move to Plan B or whatever. Only you will KNOW when it is the right time. Some here may have thought I moved too quickly, but in my heart I absolutely knew there was no chance for recovery. And frankly, with all recent discoveries, I truly am in the best place.

Nick, I stopped coming here for a while. Sometimes I don't think I can a)either help people or b)just find it depressing. If you need a break from MB it is understandable. But we'll all want to know how you're doing and that things are going well for you and D.

Take care and wishing you well from rainy north London.

Lisa

PS

Brit Brat, Big Star (whose emails I've lost!) and others who want to be in touch with me by email, please drop a mail to <strong> MB_Nick123@hotmail.com </strong> - I’ll then email you my private email address. Would love to keep in touch with you guys, and also particularly those who followed my story from the beginning (Espoir, Lisa, USH, Neil, Deluded etc etc etc) ...

Nick,

Just wanted to say how happy I am for you. I am glad you are dating and getting back to a somewhat normal existence. Congratulations on your new job! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

True healing comes internally...not externally. Dating and recieving attention from others feels good and reminds you that you have worth and value. When you're truly healed, you'll know this already and can remind yourself.

The thing is, these other women work as bandaids...but the wounds are still there and will not heal until you do the proper grieving. You can't do any of that until your divorce is actually final and you have some time to put it all behind you.

I'm sure that some people can date successfully and still heal during Dv...but some can't. And the worse thing is that there is no real way of knowing. So it's a crap shoot. I, personally, wouldn't take the chance. Why set yourself up for worse pain down the road all for the sake of a little peace right now? It's pretty much the same thing we tell WS's, actually. Fix yourself, then the rest of your life.

Good luck to you, Nick. I know you gave your M all you could. I think the sooner you can find the time to Dv, and get it behind you, the better off you will be.

Again, many thanks everybody.

Will be on & off of this site over the next period; firstly to take a break and focus on myself, secondly to let the newer member here more share of voice, who need it more than me now. I'll chip in my views when I've time. Having been there, I know how helpful any comment is.

But, as the famous Austrian says; "I'll be back."

And in the mean time - drop me a line on MB_Nick123@hotmail.com if you want.