KIT,

Well, I'd say that guilt was part of the overall withdrawl (both physically and emotionally) from my H, but not all of it. Anger, pain, stress, and an overdrawn love bank were major factors as well.

For me I had to gain an understanding of A's so that I could let go of the fantasy of the OM. Then I could deal with the reality of the situation. Then I had to gain an understanding of marriage, so that I could see where ours went wrong. That helped me to see 'us' in a more realistic light. Once I realized that both situations were following a rather typical pattern I could see some hope for us. Plus, in that time, I'd had time to let go of my resentment and anger long enough to look at my husband through clearer eyes, as I had earlier in the relationship.

It was a lot of pieces really, that all had to fall in to place before I could really put it all together.

bump

Hello

i live in holland, en come here for months now.
married 26 years.Husband had affair a year ago, for two months very much in love with a young women 26 years old.Plan A for almost one year now.Husband was out the house for 2 months, came back,was very depressed.No love for me anymore,said never loved me.That girl opend his eyes, nows now what real love is.Affaire is over because she was playing a game whith him.Now he is feeling better to go on with live alone.He will divorce me, en live with his brother.Feel so much love for him, he said never find a women like you anymore,but i dont love you.Your very good for me, but i want to feel more passion, and not growing old with you.I dont now him anymore,feel so much pain.He is 49, i'am 46.We have 2 girls adopted from sri-lanka.Age 21 and 19 now.HELP PLEASE!!!!!
Thank you Roos from holland