Blah said:
"Imagine if I had even spent one eighth the time, energy and (so-called) love on my wife and marriage, maybe we would have had an ok life today, which is all I want or need from now on".
Blah, recovery starts when a person repents, has remorse and turns themself 100% back to the marriage.
But don't give your BW a OK life!
She deserves a lot better than OK!
Love recovers once you put the effort forth you were putting elsewhere.
A great sex life is possible too for as John Gray said, he practiced turning his lustful thoughts to his wife when they arose.
If you're going to have thoughts of lust for someone else, put your wife in that picture so your feelings eventually are for her!
As a BW myself, there can be lots of anger on our part, and you may take a lot of flack for months or couple of years. Everyone heals differently in their own time.
But don't aim for an OK marriage. If you aren't willing to make it a great romance, with in love feelings, do her a favor and keep going!
I wouldn't want my H under any circumstance other than being Number 1 now and always in his heart!
LouLou

In case you wonder if Blah is hiding <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I can say that he is not,he has been working 16 hours/day on two jobs since Wed (thru tonight)

ba109 </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Until your W accepts you back into the M from which you strayed, recovery cannot begin. Your recovery may be your own, but on this web site it is the marital recovery that matters.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">here he meant he is in recovery to "let go" of OW. He still email OW to keep wanting to let out his hurtful feelings and to get answer from her,why how etc..and OW still try to lure him back, I will begin a new topic and please visit me, that is the truth of OW and then you all can help him to SEE things clearer...I do not know what to do with his so-called withdrawal esp. with this psychopathic OW..

Thanks.

<small>[ August 29, 2003, 01:35 PM: Message edited by: wangi ]</small>

Will you and blah be coming to the Bay Area get-together? It would be nice to see you.

Blah seems to be caught in the trap of wanting the OW to understand him. She won't. Let it go. As soon as we stop wishing others to understand us, we can move a lot more freely. He is risking getting snagged again in the A.

She writes back that she wants to explain. Why don't they meet for coffee so that she can explain? Etc., etc., etc. Then he's back in the same cycle, only with more self-contempt.

AMM, I will try to join the MBers tomorrow. No Blah won't be going,he has to work in the afternoon. It would be nice to meet the MB-Bay
Areans in person. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I don't know what is going on with Blah,fog, but why? OW left him a v/m just yesterday. The worse part is that she would try to save the R with Bob just to keep the house or whatsoever,told Bob's family that she loves Bob and it is ok to love him and have sex with WH,she said she used WH for sex. At the same time,she explained to WH that she lied to WH is because WH is unstable and still love the BW,and she is waiting for WH to be successful before she would leave Bob...Only WH can figure the confusion out. I might not be the best woman but I know I am not the wicked one.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Thanks AMM.

Blah really needs to do no contact. This is tar baby. He is going to be wicked back into a bad situation if they try to "understand" each other.

AMM, I don't know what and how to understand my WH
But I think he is trying to let go just that his A had been a BIG destruction and he had spent his complete energy building his life on something that was not true..At least I know he is trying to get male FWS to guide him through,he emailed L? I hope so.I am presently the only that he can really talk(so far only on the phone)about his pains and withdrawal(though I am sure he is holding "something"back) and I am not the best candidate moreover I had been through all his withdrawals and NCs too many times by rushing back into rebuilding the M, this time is different,for me for him,for us..I won't rush and I had explained to him until he can come clean and show me total NC.

I feel tired and unsure if he would even break through? It sadden me esp. when he refuses to SEE the true color of OW and can't let go???

Let go and let God.