DH & the rest who are feelings the anger stage,

Please read this thread......it helped keep my H alive.

5 steps of grieving

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Even knowing this is a phase and for most of us part of our healing, is a sort of comfort. It also helps to know that this frame of mind is temporary. Eventually you will get to the stage where you will be able to handle, digest and spit out enough to make it easier to move forward. Your focus may be tweaked a bit and your boundaries will be more defined. At the same time you will become stronger and a better person. Probably save a life in the interim..... yours or the Ws'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So DH, know that your 'heart is not hardening', it is trying to protect your fragile love.

L.

<small>[ September 03, 2003, 01:02 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Well, since other people are pointing you to the Plan B letters, I'm going to post my Plan B checklist. It is FAR from complete. But it's a start on the things you should be thinking about and planning for.

And you never answered whether you've done the Plan A things that you need to do... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">--Taking Care of Me--</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Start taking Lexapro</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">End sessions with MC</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Listen to yourself. Learn to hear demands and when you're telling people to do things.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Listen to your Giver.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Listen to your Taker.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Listen to other people.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">--Finances--</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Figure out my own personal budget</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Find out how long it takes to revise automatic deposit location.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Open new bank account.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Change Comcast account holder.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Change automatic deposit of paycheck.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Move half of current bank account balance to new account.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Print statement of current balance and transfer amount.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Take half of other assets, or at least print a stock brokerage account statement.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Get new (separate) cell phone service.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cancel or take WP's name off of jointly held accounts. Car insurance, cell phone, credit cards.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Set up automatic payments out of new account.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Contact a lawyer and discuss legally required financial obligations.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Discuss custody ramifications with lawyer.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">--Baby--</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Set up detailed schedule for when I have DD.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Add detailed schedule to Plan B letter.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Talk to work about work schedule.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Try to close custody loopholes</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Find out how much day care will cost, if needed.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Find out about abandonment if I leave the house and its impact on custody in legal terms</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Car seat in the red car</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Clothes and supplies for DD at my new place.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">--Communications Preparation--</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Determine who will be go-between</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Make sure work knows not to provide my contact information.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Talk to parents about the situation</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Talk to mutual friends and acquaintainces about the situation</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Change e-mail and account passwords</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Get caller ID</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Block WP's e-mail</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Notification of changed e-mail address and phone number.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Block WP from AIM and YM</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Write Plan B letter</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Put schedule, financial, and contact arrangements in letter.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have Cerri review Plan B letter</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have lawyer review Plan B letter</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">--Just Before Going--</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">House clean and neat</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Enough diapers and other baby stuff here.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Food in the fridge, meal plan for the week known and prep as complete as possible.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Print Plan B letter and leave for WP</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Completely out of the house</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You'll want to put timelines next to these and check them off as you finish them. It's a lot to do, and there's a lot more that you probably could and should do. But I would consider this a bare minimum.

Thanks so much all of you who responded! It has really helped me so much to know that what I'm feeling is normal. I was feeling so guilty about my anger and hatred and the violent thoughts, that I was starting to wonder if there was any love left for my H.

Although I talked about Plan B, I have not written my letter yet. My H called me on Tues. morning at 6am to tell me good morning and he loves me. We talked for a few minutes before I went to work. Then he called me at work that day and on Wed. I spent a couple hours with him on Wed afternoon, and it was nice. There was no LB'ing at all. Yesterday, he told me that he had a dream about me. That I was sitting in a glass case, like one you see over an old clock, and that I looked like I was asleep, he said I looked like an angel. He said he went to the glass and started knocking on it, and when I didn't wake up, he realized that I was dead and he began to sob uncontrollably. He said he woke up crying and had a terrible feeling of loss inside him. I wonder if his subconscious is telling him something. He also mentioned to me that his weekend camping over Labor Day just wasn't the same. I said why? He said it "just didn't feel right cuz you weren't there." Hmmmm...interesting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Anyway, I still feel some of the anger and hatred for what he is doing to me. But I know I love him and still want to be with him. He asked me yesterday why I left him and we talked a little bit about it, what I was feeling at the time, and how I know now that leaving wasn't the right thing to do, but that it has made me see that I needed to make changes within myself before I could expect him to change, and that I have also learned just how important he is to me.

I will work on Plan B letter this weekend. I really think he is getting closer to reconciling with me, but is still having his cake and eating it too, so to speak, and won't break his A if he still has me. I also think it will help me to work more on myself, and getting me to a healthy point, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Again, thank you all. I am so glad I found this site and have all of you for support. You have made this ordeal a little bit easier to handle. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />