OK 8-time loser I held off from this thread because the others seemed to be making progress with you and I can't be trusted to be kind when dealing with WS's who are so fogged up they make London look like Ari-friggin-zona at noon.
Newsflash:
Yes, you are unique, just like everyone else. Your actions exhibit a pattern of behavior exactly like 98.3% of the other WS's on this board or the spouses of the BS's here. Judgmental? bet your a$$ we are, why? Because what you have been doing is objectively wrong.
Affairs can be explained and are sometimes very predictable - that does not mean you can excuse them.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are judgemental. You see me as a predator. You see me as a wandering hopeless man seeking something he knows not what </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well there is a shocker, what could it be that would make anyone judge you so harshly? You are not honest with your OW, you are lying to your wife, you are behaving in a way that could do permanent damage to your child. Does that make you irredeemable? No, there is hope for you. Does it mean that until you stop lying to everyone, most of all yourself, that you will cause a lot of pain and suffering without a thought to who gets destroyed in your pursuit of fulfillment and validation? Yes, you will cause a lot of pain to others who do not deserve it as well as to yourself.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She accused me of being a player, smooth operator, "typical horny guy." She now regretted what had happened before and felt betrayed by someone she had felt so close to </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And which part of this is confusing you?
8-time, I am probably wasting my time with you, which is why I haven't posted. Let me tell you about my d-day.
My fiance and I did go through a down period and my life was rotten in many areas then. Relationship going bad, tech bubble burst (Can you say $10M to broke in a week and career gone?), had undergone a very serious accident that almost killed me, life wasn't fair, boohoo, whine, whine... Yes, I had an affair at that point. Ego boost, trophy chick, look at how cool I am. Thought i was something special for a while.
D-day. Oooops. The woman who I love and who stuck with me through all of those rough spots was devastated, her face so contorted in anguish she looked like someone else, her hand (from punching my lights out) as broken as the heart I ripped out of her because I betrayed her, lied to her and never gave her a second thought while worrying about what made me happy. If you could die from heartache, she would have. I have never seen another person suffer that way and pray I never will again. Damned sure it won't be her because I am taking responsibility to protect her feelings first and worry about my [censored] second. Harsh? Sorry, truth is tough, wear a cup.
My daughter almost lost the perfect stepmom.
I almost lost the best thing I have ever found.
Hurting myself (I sure did) is one thing, hurting my loved ones through selfish, cruel and disgustingly deceitful behavior? You think you feel bad now because OW does not see you as a hero?
Little exercise for you, I dare you.
Imagine your wife on the floor sobbing uncontrollably in absolute physical agony.
Picture your little child asking you "Daddy, why is mommy crying?"
Imagine your child finding out why and asking "Daddy, why didn't you love us enough to be happy here?"
Now imagine your child behaving as you do in the future - the evidence is OVERWHELMING that you are encouraging just that.
Now picture the guy you are most jealous of and intimidated by. Imagine your beloved wife blowing him right in front of you and enjoying it.
How ya feeling, Bubba?
My sole purpose here is to wake you up, there is something that can reverse this. I won't bother telling you to come clean yet - there is something you need to do first.
Make a decision.
Make a decision that as of today you will no longer cheat and lie to your wife.
Make a decision to be a husband and father.
Make a decision that getting your knob polished, however entertaining is not worth ripping your wife's heart out, destroying your child's childhood and destroying another family you are not part of.
I won't make excuses and blame fog or life or feelings or any of that soft crap. It is your [censored], you are the master of your own penis. You are not the owner of your feelings, you are the manager of them - you can feel tempted, but you can manage that feeling and say to your penis "I am sorry, you do not make the decisions"
It is not easy but it is damned simple. Act like a MAN, not a freakin hamster and do what you know is right.
Get over yourself already, why did you come here? I suspect that despite your protestations of uniqueness and sadness that you know full well that you are living like a lying sack of [censored].
It ain't rocket surgery Bubba, choose to live as a man and look yourself in the mirror again.
If you think it would be nice to escape life's cruel realities picture your child
"Daddy, I don't understand why you didn't love us like you promised to, isn't it your job to keep us from being hurt??"
Knock off the theatrics and fess up - you know you are wrong in a million ways here. Do one of two things -
1. Decide to do right, make a decision and ask us to help you with the next steps, we will do so kindly and with love in our hearts.
2. Tell us to take a leap, ruin your family, break your kid's heart and decide you are too unique and special unlike the rest of us and are entitled to make your own rules.
Just don't come here and sorta kinda acknowledge that you are wrong and give us this drivel about caring about what is best for OW while thinking only of your own romantic visions of you on a white horse gallantly protecting her from your badness. That, my friend, is the steaming pile behind that pretty white horse. This board is harsh on fairy tale creatures and kind to real world people trying to survive mistakes.
Hamster or man?
Right or wrong?
Excuses or integrity?
Fact or fiction?
Your wants or your family's needs?
Who matters more, you or your wife and child?
Again, it ain't rocket surgery.
if your answer is that what you want is so important that it is worth destroying your own wife and child do us all a favor - go indulge your weaknesses but divorce first and save your family's future, at least have that shred of consideration.
If your answer is that you sincerely want help I will never bash you again, I'll help anyway that i can and would love to. The less you worry about what you want, the more we'll help with what you need. What's it gonna be? 9-time loser or first-time winner?
