Double post, oops

<small>[ September 05, 2003, 01:55 PM: Message edited by: Enigma ]</small>

GoodGuy, I am listening, just having a bit of a chuckle about my poopy husband

"At times I also feel sorry for my WW. She's no longer the person she once was"

Don't we know it! When I got married, cheating was the last thing my WH would ever have done.

"And because the OM was a friend I know things about his past/character that my WW has no idea about".

She will probably find out:( The question for you is whether you love her enough to help her out when she does find out.

"The OM is betraying my WW and has been since DDay"

It is hard to stand by and watch people we love (we still love and care for the WSs despite it all) get trashed. If WS were capable of making good decisions, they wouldn't have affairs. "Past behaviour predicts future behaviour" was something that a psychiatry lecturer (I studied medicine) once said to me. Negative, but it's so true. If the OM is willing to cheat on HIS wife (for whom he has promised to forsake all others etc) of course he will cheat on someone else's wife.

Look after yourself GoodGuy!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by goodguy007:
<strong>Adgirl48,

Sorry to cut in,

But does your WH relize that in his near future he's going to me not only a father but also a father raising his child on his own.

If the OW is only 26 and has a 2 1/2 year old that meens she was 22 when she got preagnet the first time. Gave up her baby to her first husband/boyfriend and is now having another mans baby.

Two babies, Two Men in 4 years.
WOW</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Goodguy. Congratulations to you for being a man who apparently has common sense. This is something that my foggy ex did not see. Yes, this girl got married at 20, had the baby at 23, almost 24, and gave him up completely, all rights, except every other weekend and unimportant holidays. My ex knew her 3 weeks when they did it. He did not want to have kids in the near future but he did not understand that not using birth control makes babies. He got a free pass in Sept. but didn't use that to get some sense so he got her pregnant in Nov. The baby should be here now- she was due in August. See, I was on the pill so he didn't have to worry. And his OW is so smart that she doesn't know how to use birth control either even though she had a child already. See, because she didn't get pregnant on purpose
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

The lovebirds also got a misdemeanor for frolicking in the park.
See why I pray for that child, and for them, still???

<small>[ September 05, 2003, 01:57 PM: Message edited by: adgirl48 ]</small>

I agree with adgirl. We need more men like GoodGuy with common sense!

Lucky escape for you adgirl!! Now you're free to find a real man who knows where babies come from.

When I think I am sad for losing my marriage, I try to think about those things so I can laugh at how ridiculous it all is.

Yay, we like men with common sense!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Enigma,

Yes I will be there for my WW when the affair ends. I've told her that regardless were our relationship goes in the future my door will always be open.

I will never turn my back on her in her hour of need.

Adgirl48,

Maybe the OW is very smart. Meets a guy, has a baby. Likely discussed support with first guy and maybe trade a reduced support payment for giving up the child.

I can almost hear her conversation. "Pay me X$ and I'll keep the kid or pay me Y$ and I'm out of here"

Maybe your Husband is her next provider???

Adgirl48,
Maybe the OW is very smart. Meets a guy, has a baby. Likely discussed support with first guy and maybe trade a reduced support payment for giving up the child.
I can almost hear her conversation. "Pay me X$ and I'll keep the kid or pay me Y$ and I'm out of here"
Maybe your Husband is her next provider???

Goodguy,
My ex-H started coming around in december again and I was suspicious that maybe OW did not get divorced after all. SO I ordered her divorce papers. She has to pay $348 a month to her ex-H for child support. She had to take over her 4 credit card payments and her Honda CRV payment. She also got the 19inch TV and futon. That is all. No house. No furniture besides that. No tax deduction for the child. Nothing. She makes about $22K a year if you calculate that she pays 21% child support....
My ex is an engineer and makes about $45K a year. So I don't know. Maybe she thought he could provide for her.

Good point you've raised Goodguy. And good on you for doing the hard yards. She will probably never know how much work you have put in.

If/when it all comes crashing down for WH, I won't turn my back on him. I will be here to support him, but I just won't be married to him. For obvious reasons.

If/when it all comes crashing down for WH, I won't turn my back on him. I will be here to support him, but I just won't be married to him. For obvious reasons.

But how does that help you? How does that affect your future? You can forgive someone without trusting them, you can even love someone but refuse to continually help them.

2nd time I've edited this post. Hard to explain what "supporting WH " post affair will mean for me. I won't be there for him to come back to as a husband, but I do need to forgive him for this. I do still care about his well being. But my interests are now coming first. It would also be good to see him re-establish his religious beliefs, once he realises that with Buddhism, he is destined to be reincarnated as a common garden slug!

As for whether it will come crashing down, very likely. Character of OW will eventually come out, he won't be able to control her the way he wants to

My WH's OW is a total gold digger. Very money orientated. Says she wants to be filthy rich, and also knows in order to do that she must get people to work for her, instead of her working for other people. Good business head on her. Last year, when they were still "just friends" (I think!) she was constantly at him to start go into business with her. He's a computer programmer. Now, just who do you think would have been working for who?

<small>[ September 05, 2003, 02:34 PM: Message edited by: Enigma ]</small>

I guess, it helps me to be a bigger person than I am at present. I need to be able to forgive him. And I do still care about his well being. I don't expect that he will come running to me, however.

But you ARE being the bigger person, regardless. You have changed and grown and loved the unlovable and forgiven. All those things are good. You can care about his well being, how could you not with your history? I care even though my ex doesn't seem to have ever been in the relationship fully. I still want him to turn from this nastiness and have a better life. But that doesn't mean that I should be the one to always nurse his wounds. Remember, choices have consequences - sometimes you lose a lot to learn.

As for OW, boy oh boy, she is at the controls isn't she!!

Maybe "support" was the wrong word to use. I wouldn't turn my back on him, I just wouldn't go out of my way to help him out - neutral type of support?? My needs come first.

If he became suicidal, for instance, then I would help him to get help for himself. Treat him with decency perhaps? The golden rule - do unto others.

Enigma,
Yeh, I agree with all of that. That sounds good and I would be the same way!
Even if we did get crummy gifts! hahahahaa.