Hi J,
I was out of town for the weekend, and I thought I would have internet access, but it turned out that I did not. I would have said something had I known I would be off line for so long.

I have good news on D. Have just been to school for parents evening- and had good reports from all his teachers. Although all say he is laid back about work and could achieve even higher he is getting his head down, working, not disrupting lessons and in some subjects doing really well. No real negatives at all.

What good news!
I think some of my prayers have been answered, and I hope this continues. Lots of things come to mind - sometimes I don't know how much I ought to say. This is so - so wonderful. Can you see me doing the happy dance?

Also the Head teacher stopped me to tell me that his gang had truanted today but D hadn't gone with them. He knew about it but didn't want to he told me afterwards. I feel light has entered that particular tunnel.

This is such good news. You are a lot like my mother in some very good ways. She went out of her way to help us make good choices and it paid off. All my brothers and sisters seem to be doing well, except for me. Seems I got the twisted sense of humor, and my Mum can't do anything about it. Oh well, she still loves me.


Also this afternoon I received a postcard about A from his english teacher praising how well he'd done in a pice of work recently.

If you keep on doing the best you can, it will continue to pay off. You and I know they will make some bad choices, but in the long run, I have to believe they will do well. I have not been where you are now (single parent), and though I try and understand what you must feel when things are difficult with the boys, the fact remains that I have help when I deal with our children. I am glad you have some good times when they help by making very good choices. Sometimes I wonder just how much help I am to you, but I CAN tell you that your example has taught me a great deal about how to have grace under pressure. I constantly try to do better myself. Thank you for that example.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
To you questions:

Is there any one thing that you have learned on MB, ( about marriage relationships) that stands out in your mind as being most important?

I can't honestly say anything has. That sounds like I haven't learnt or else I'm arrogant but the truth is until D day T and I communicated on most levels. He now says that I didn't meet his en for passion but that's one area he didn't communicate with me before- and I always find it difficult that he would never let me meet that need and others after he left. I suppose this last 3 years have taught me to be more true to my own feelings and doing what I know is right rather than going along with what others say- but that's not necessarily learnt from MB. What MB has done is make me realise that all I went through was very normal and also to give me a place to journal my thoughts and feelings. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is a lot here to comment on, and I could probably do a few pages if I had a longer lunch time. I still wonder what happened inside his head for him to leave like he did. I understand that he was gone, and someone else may have met his needs and he may have gotten into something that he did not understand - maybe the first time, but after that ended I would have thought he could see what direction he was going and do something to get his life back. I am still amazed at his choices then, and now. Most people learn by experience and change their life so that the bad choices do not repeat. I cannot see any sign that he learned from what has happened. Both in his dating patterns, and in his finances. The short version of this is that I also wonder why he did not let you try, but he may be just making an excuse for his bad choices.

I think I understand your comment about doing what you know is right. That brings to mind more questions - you should see me smile.
I don't know why I ask some of the things I do. Many times the question comes to mind and I just type it. They are often not the kind of things we ask friends, let alone strangers, but somehow I just smile, and type them out. Sometimes I frown, and worry, but I still type them out. I tend to think that someday you and I will meet, and talk ............and I tend to like to talk about things of an eternal nature, and not just about the weather. Perhaps that will be so much in the distant future that all this will be just a footnote, but if you do indeed get that mansion, and I am qualified to live a similar lifestyle, you can count on me to visit and chat.

As to what I have learnt about myself- I've learnt I'm stronger and more patient than I thought. , and paradoxivally weaker and more dependant on God. I also lose my temper quicker in certain situations!!!! Make sense of that if you can

If I can?
I may be wrong, but it makes very good sense to me. May I explain?
Thank you - I will.

You have been able to get through this - you have gotten through it and not just survived, but thrived. You (but for a few exceptions) did a very good job of it, so good in fact, that I have pointed you out to others more than once as an example of how one ought to live in the midst of a disaster. I know you are modest, and sometimes this praise bothers you, and I know you sometimes protest that you only did as you had to so, the only way you could. Well, not many are able to do as well, and anyone that spends more than a few months on MB can see that, so my opinion of you remains very high, and is not likely to change.

I think that kind of covers the stronger and more patient part, so lets go to the weaker and dependent on God part.

Though God expects us to do our part in things, he cautions us not to depend on earthly things for success. That is, no matter how well we prepare, there are still things we cannot guard against. He also tells that after we DO all that we can possibly do, he can make up the rest if it is not enough. So, we do well to cultivate the habit of doing our personal best, and then asking him for help to improve beyond that. Added to that - there are troubles that come to us as a complete surprise and there is no way for us to prepare for them, and we can count on him to help us cope with those. Not that he takes them away, but that he makes it possible for us to handle them. You seem to have reached understanding of these things, and your faith has grown in both yourself, and your own ability, and also your faith in God, that he is there, and that he won't fail you when you need his help. I see that as a good thing.

As far as loosing your temper more quickly -

One learns over time when to tolerate things( and let them continue,) and when to do something about them. Sometimes we need to have patience and sometimes patience will make things worse. It sounds like you have learned to put your foot down sooner when you understand that if you leave it alone it will only get worse. I would count that as a good thing also.

Maybe you have a mean streak too, but I doubt it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I've learnt that my faith is very real in extreme situations and that even when I felt far from God he was close to me. I'm learning to trust my own instincts when making decisions , and not to let 'feelings' or emotions rule my decisions.

I'm learning to trust your instincts too. It may yet prove that I am capable of learning and improving. For what it's worth, I have been able to see improvement at a steady rate. I remember once more than a year ago you expressed fear about making a decision - and now you calmly weigh the factors and you go ahead with things. It has been fun to watch, and though we sometimes like to think we help a lot here on MB, I think you and God did a very good Job on this one as I kind of watched it happen.

Am I happy with the person I'v become?? Well content may be a better word. i've a long way to go but am at peace with who I am now.

I don't think I could have said that better in a hundred years of trying. My limitations sometimes drive me crazy, but I don't know how I could have done better with the time and talents I started out with. So, you are content but still improving - you made me smile again.


I've spent this w/e away on my own contemplating my future.

I've reached a number of conclusions.

First I am not content to sit on the side lines in my faith, I have to be active in persuing all God has for me.
I won't be content with just any partner- he has to be a godly man following Gods ways and seeking him wholeheartedly.

I could tease you about this one, ( but the tease would NOT be about you ) .......but if I do, you would want to whack me. Or course, if I just leave it, you will want to whack me for teasing you about teasing but then not telling you what I was thinking. Whack, or Whack - how do I get into these loose, loose situations?

Probably I ought to learn to keep my mouth shut - so to speak.

Out of all the things I have asked for lately, as I have prayed for you, this is the one most of all that I pray for. I wish for you to have a partner to share all the things of this life with, but also the things of heaven. After all, it is the lasting, heavenly things that count for most, even if the world does understand or accept that. It is interesting how we can go from laughter to tears so quickly - and If my prayers count for something you will get help with this.

Friendship is important to me but I need to each out and make new local friends, not rely on cyber friends.

You don't seem to rely much on MB, but I know you have friends from another form that you have been to visit with a number of times. I don't know much about them, but would think that you may have been very close by now to some that were in similar situations. Local friends would be good, and I have been praying that you would find friends - not only to socialize with, but that will support you in your goals and aspirations in life. I have also been praying for the boys to find friends that will help them make good choices, not bad ones. I hope these prayers come to pass.

I need to find a fulfilling and people orientated job to wok at for next 20 ys. With that in mind I am going ahead with my application to be a nurse.
I am not willing to let students push me around or pull my strings.

Some w/e!!!

I WISH you success in these things. I BELIEVE you will find it. It sounds like a very good weekend, though probably not very relaxing. Mine was not very relaxing either, because I was looking after the twins. I am not so used to it as you ladies are.

Now, after all this, I want to remind you that people care about you, and that God will continue to look after you, even when you do not realize that he is, and even when you may not realize that you, or your sons are in danger. That counts for a great deal, and it is always enough. If God could help you with the boys, with all the turmoil of the D, and the other things he has done, he can help you find a partner, and he can help you get training to be a nurse too. It is often hard to know what he expects, but if you listen closely over time, you will know.

Thank you for answering the questions, as I said, I am not always sure why I ask them, but It is very good to see how far you have come, and I am very optimistic about your future.

I hope the rest of the time you spend in school will be more pleasant.

SS

I was working on that LONG post while you posted your latest news.

I have to think it would be enjoyable - though much work. My W owned and operated a pre-school in our early married years, and she loved it.

Will the wages be enough to meet your goals?

SS

Hi SS
Well forms have come through to appl;y for the job and so will be filling them in this week. After today I'm even more determined- while helping a student at lunchtime- I was bending over to explain something, one of the other students walking past hit me hard on the behind. As i had my back to them I have no idea who it was so in all likelihood nothing wioll be able to be done about it. What is it with teenagers today that they think they can do this to a teacher and it not matter!!!
I am waking up frequently on school nights- stressing over the net days lessons- Roll on May when I can quit.

Jante

Hi Jante,

Well forms have come through to apply for the job and so will be filling them in this week. After today I'm even more determined- while helping a student at lunchtime- I was bending over to explain something, one of the other students walking past hit me hard on the behind. As i had my back to them I have no idea who it was so in all likelihood nothing will be able to be done about it.

I was one of those students, though I would not have done it to a female teacher. I just wouldn't have dared. I did get a few male teachers to turn red in the face a few times, but they were good about it and helped me see the error of my ways so I soon learned to be more polite. I think today what they did may be called abuse by some but I just figured it was part of my learning experiance, and oh boy did I learn.

I am still not sure what got into me then, and I don't know what could have been done for me. I am sorry it has to happen to you now when you are trying so hard.

What is it with teenagers today that they think they can do this to a teacher and it not matter!!!

As I say, I wouldn't have dared do it to a female teacher, and most of the male ones would have probalby killed me on the spot. If I were to give a serious answer to your question, I would have to say that it is many things, not just one. Many of the television programs have children being disrespectful to adults, and I know that affects how the children act. I am sure I do not know all the reasons, but I am sorry you havd to put up with those kinds of acts by students.

I am waking up frequently on school nights- stressing over the next days lessons- Roll on May when I can quit.

I do think younger children are easier to deal with most of the time. I don't know why but I don't seem to have much problem with the 16 to 19 year olds that I meet with weekly. I get them on Sunday for a class, and also Wed nights for activities. Perhaps it is that I get them for 2 to 3 years and the older ones help the newer ones learn what is acceptable and what is not. I often wish some of them would come more often, but we do what we can. I think it would be hard for me to want to teach them if they treated me that way.

May must seem a long way out some nights. I hope you don't blame yourself for what they are doing. I really, sincerly hope you can find some happiness in the months remaining to you at school. However, this job sounds like something you would enjoy and I hope you get it.

Had the same problem with S Sunday that you have with D. He just wouldn't go. I'm still thinking about it, but force is not an option at this age, and I need to do some praying too before I act.

May this week be better for you.

SS

<small>[ January 26, 2004, 04:28 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi
Thanks for your prayers SS. Yesterday was a slightly better day and I only teach one lesson today. I find myself shouting when they won't listen which isn't the answer I know and I must learn to just wait .
We have had a dusting of snow today but nothing like what had been forecast! Much to A's disappointment.
I hope you find a way to get S back to chuch- I'm still trying with D and now A.

Jante

Hi J,
It's almost the weeked, and I have a thousand things to do before I can leave work. Not that I will get them all done - but I always wish I could.

Yesterday was a slightly better day and I only teach one lesson today. I find myself shouting when they won't listen which isn't the answer I know and I must learn to just wait .

It's hard to get them to listen sometimes. I know with my own group I have 45 minutes of time but I cn only teach a 30 minute lesson. Sometimes it's less than that. One of the best ways to get them to listen is to make sure they know you love and care about them. That is difficult to do if I am angry with them for something, but over time it seems to work. Some kids are hard to love - you know, I am just kind of rambling - I ought to leave this one alone and go on. Those were just some of my thoughts about teaching, not intended to help you really, I am just kind of talking about it.

We have had a dusting of snow today but nothing like what had been forecast! Much to A's disappointment.

Once you were going to take the boys skiing, is it something they still wish to do?
I know at that age they often change their focus every few months.

I hope you find a way to get S back to chuch- I'm still trying with D and now A.

I had a little talk with him about it, and told him he was free to run his own life. He turns 18 in a few months and here, that is the age he can leagally leave home or whatever he wants to do - so I thought I may as well turn him loose now.

Anyway, I told him he is free, but that freedom didn't look very well on him in some areas, and he agreed with me and expressed a desire to do better. I also expressed that as long as he chooses to live with us, there are standards to meet and he agreed that we have the right to set standards for those that live in our home. It was a very loving discussion, not a confrontational one. Often I wonder how much good I do, but then, my mother and father often wondered about me.

You don't comment much about your interactions with T when he comes and goes. I tend to believe that it's still hard sometimes - I hope it gets better and better for you.

Please have a very nice weekend. Rest your mind, and have some fun.

SS

Hi SS
I har all you say about teaching but I'm afraid in the pesent school set up it doesn't allow for time for rlationships to develop so it comes down to whether I have enough presence in the classroom to be able to make myself be listen to- and I don't!!

Just had an enail from T to inform me amongst other things that he and his g/f intend to get engaged in summer.
I know I should be fully over it all by now but its like a kick in the stomach again! Ah well time to get used to the idea.
Jante

Well J,
Maybe you could try the science teachers trick, and do an explosion to get their attention. That would work for one day, but I don't know what you would do to top it the next. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

No, it is probably a blessing that you got this other offer, and I hope you get it, and that it works well for you.

S came with us today, and acted surprised that we wondered about him. Life won't be easy around here any time soon - we never seem to get bored.


Just had an enail from T to inform me amongst other things that he and his g/f intend to get engaged in summer. I know I should be fully over it all by now but its like a kick in the stomach again! Ah well time to get used to the idea.

I have thought much about the relationship between divorced couples. (Perhaps I should say "X" couples?)

From watching this site, and real life, it seems that the one who did not stray has a more difficult time getting over the permanent separation. It is something that makes sense to me. It is something that is almost never wished for, and against strong values we have from youth. It pulls at the heart strings long after the event (D) has taken place. Often there is relief and a sense of freedom from the pain, but it is a relief only on one level, and on others the pain and longing continue. Note, I do not claim to know what you feel, but I have eyes and ears and I can see it happen over and over again. I have a friend (from about 12 years old) whose W filed for D after about 5 years of Marriage. He has been D'vd for over 20 years now and he has never gotten over it completely. Mostly, but not completely. He did not use the methods that could have helped, and I wish that I could have helped him more, but in the early years I did not know how. I have taken many camping trips with him, and talked about things with him, but he is still hurt over it. The W didn't really have a reason, she just said she didn't want to be married, and so she left him and filed.

I don't think it will affect YOU that long term, but I do think it will be more than a year or two before the effects are gone from your life. It may be longer still before it leaves the boys alone. I am sure there is some fear and resentment - though they may not understand where some of their feelings come from.

So, when you say that it's "time to get used to the idea." - well, you know with your mind, but I believe it may take your heart some time to get used to things. I hope you don't berate yourself if you find some strong feelings left over, and if it takes even more time to work through them.
To me, it means that you were committed to him, and to your M, and it seems that would be a plus if someone were to judge your character, and what kind of person you are.

I think it good that you have had time to think about your life these lasts few months. I wonder if you took time before - in the Castle Levan years. Sometimes I struggle to communicate - it's not that I am happy for these life changing events, but the way you have responded looks very good on you. - and you learned the lessons that some fail to grasp. I am glad you learned, and believe it will be a help in your future.

I continue to believe you will get help when you need it most. I believe you deserve to be helped.

SS

HI SS
Well not the sort of explosion you meant but a small one came- of a human nature. The class became so irate aout having to have me teach them they got up a petition. The actual reason was that someone didn't want to work and so was using it as an excuse to avoid it. So toay the Head of Year went in and made it clear what she thought about their behaviour and that they had to put up and shut up!!

Had a fun w/e away with an old school friend who I hadn't seen for 25 years, and also with one of the group I usually go away with. She has a new gentleman in her life and is very happy.

I am going out with someone on Friday. I am making it a point of principle to only date people who share my faith and trust that God will bring the right person into my sphere.

Opened some photos today that T had left on my new computer for me- unfortunately he had forgotten to delete the photos of the firs woman he had the ffair with and so while searching for a photo of myself I found 4 of her!!!!
He has apologised and said he hadn't intended to hurt me!
Perhaps I should forward tem t his latest friend!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jante

Well not the sort of explosion you meant but a small one came- of a human nature. The class became so irate about having to have me teach them they got up a petition. The actual reason was that someone didn't want to work and so was using it as an excuse to avoid it. So today the Head of Year went in and made it clear what she thought about their behaviour and that they had to put up and shut up!!

It had do hurt somewhat. We both know it was a ploy (and the Head does also, thank goodness) but it has to hurt some. When will you know about the other job?

Had a fun w/e away with an old school friend who I hadn't seen for 25 years, and also with one of the group I usually go away with. She has a new gentleman in her life and is very happy.

So I take it she recommends it highly?
Glad it's a GENTLEMAN, and that she hasn't taken up with the rif-raf.

I am going out with someone on Friday. I am making it a point of principle to only date people who share my faith and trust that God will bring the right person into my sphere.

When God leads us, he has our happiness in mind. He does nothing - but that it will make us happier if we follow. I commend you - but then you might say that is just a habit I have gotten into, and that I don't mean it.

Actually, I do mean it - and you can quote me.

Opened some photos today that T had left on my new computer for me- unfortunately he had forgotten to delete the photos of the firs woman he had the affair with and so while searching for a photo of myself I found 4 of her!!!!
He has apologised and said he hadn't intended to hurt me!

It's probably a good thing he was not there when you found them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Perhaps I should forward them to his latest friend!!!!
I can agree to that. Maybe you could get a photo of all of them and send them along with information on how many months he spent with each one, and the reasons they left him.

Perhaps D, and A will help?

OK, I'll leave you alone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Let us know how the evening goes, we won't be able to wait to find out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

SS

Hi SS

I'm not sure when I'll know aout the nursery job. I sent off the application form this week but the closing date in't until 1st March so I would expect at least a week after that before they start calling people for interview.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Opened some photos today that T had left on my new computer for me- unfortunately he had forgotten to delete the photos of the first woman he had the affair with and so while searching for a photo of myself I found 4 of her!!!!
He has apologised and said he hadn't intended to hurt me!

It's probably a good thing he was not there when you found them.

Perhaps I should forward them to his latest friend!!!!
I can agree to that. Maybe you could get a photo of all of them and send them along with information on how many months he spent with each one, and the reasons they left him.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually I wasn't angry- a bit stunned then I sent him the email knowing it would make him uncormfortable. As to photos of the others there have been so many I'm not sure I could track them all! And the boys prefer to forget all about them!!!!

Date went ok- though it had a funny start. We had arranged to meet at a lovely traditional pub about 10 minutes from my home, and near to the motorway junction J would have to use. I arrived and sent him a text as arranged to let him know. He called me immediately to say they had closed the junction for resurfacing and so he was stuck on the motorway until the next juncton- about 8 miles north. I suggested that instead of my waiting where I was for him to try and navigate his way back I would make my way to the junction through the back roads and meet him at an alternative pub- gave him directions to it.
Arrived 15 minutes later in the pub carpark and called him. He was sat in an alternative pub at the other side of the village ( I hadn't known the name of the pub) so I set off round to that one. It made for an amusing introduction.
We got on really well all evening- no uncomfortable silences . Will now have to wait to see if he enjoyed it as much as I did and whether he contacts me again. I did send him a text message to let him know I had arrived safely and thank him for the evening- he replied also.
So now I have a weeks peace from school and then 6 weeks until the Easter break
Janet.

I'm not sure when I'll know about the nursery job. I sent off the application form this week but the closing date in't until 1st March so I would expect at least a week after that before they start calling people for interview.

I hope that if this is the right job for you, you get it easily - I would really like to see you have a good break after all the hard times.


Actually I wasn't angry- a bit stunned then I sent him the email knowing it would make him uncormfortable. As to photos of the others there have been so many I'm not sure I could track them all! And the boys prefer to forget all about them!!!!

I didn't think you were angry - and what I said was all in fun. I didn't think you would really want to do it, HOWEVER, it would be an eye opener for her, and it would be doing her a favor. I know, I know, it usually does no good - because he will come up with a story about why everything happened, and she would probably believe it. Oh well, it is fun to talk about it.

Date went ok- though it had a funny start.
Sounds like you did not panic, and that is good................... well, it really is.

I wish you could see things from my point of view - because you seem to be doing so much better with your self confidence. It's not that you didn't do well early on, it's that you believe in yourself more now. You KNOW you can do well.

Had arranged to meet at a lovely traditional pub about 10 minutes from my home, and near to the motorway junction J would have to use. I arrived and sent him a text as arranged to let him know. He called me immediately to say they had closed the junction for resurfacing and so he was stuck on the motorway until the next juncton- about 8 miles north. I suggested that instead of my waiting where I was for him to try and navigate his way back I would make my way to the junction through the back roads and meet him at an alternative pub- gave him directions to it.
Arrived 15 minutes later in the pub carpark and called him. He was sat in an alternative pub at the other side of the village ( I hadn't known the name of the pub) so I set off round to that one. It made for an amusing introduction.

It's like the script for a comedy movie. Maybe you should submit it.

We got on really well all evening- no uncomfortable silences . Will now have to wait to see if he enjoyed it as much as I did and whether he contacts me again. I did send him a text message to let him know I had arrived safely and thank him for the evening- he replied also.

Sounds Ok from what you report. I am glad you enjoyed it. I am very glad you will only date men that have the same values as you have, it will save you a lot of time, and you will be happier for doing it that way, I know you will.

Was thinking about the boys this week - hope they are doing well, and that they are being helpful to their mother, and not causing her problems. S seems to have settled down again, he was up early this morning, called other boys to make sure they were ready for their assignment to visit a retirement home today. We visit some of the more elderly people to cheer them up. It turned out well, he was very helpful, and on time. It's hard with them on and off, on and off, but we do love them and hope for the best. I continue to pray for you to get help with your boys - to know what is best, and be able to do whatever that may be.

So now I have a weeks peace from school and then 6 weeks until the Easter break

I hope it is a very good week. One of the reasons I was excited for you to teach is that I thought you would be able to have the same days home as your boys. I really hope this nursery job will be good that way also, and I continue to pray that he will give you whatever is best. At least you have something steady for a time.

Thanks for the timely news about the date, I won't say I was worried, but I will say I care how things go for you, and I wanted so much to hear good news.

No matter where you go, what you do, or what happens to you, remember that you have friends in the world that care about you and that pray for you. There are also those in your heavenly home that watch for your safe return.

I know you have some good friends that you see from time to time, and that help you much, but - a person can always use more friends.

It's hard to know just how you are doing at any given time, sometimes I pray extra hard that you will know that God does know you personally, and that he directs a measure of care and protection for you. I pray also that he will make sure you understand that he does. I understand that you are better than me at many things, and I don't mean to communicate that I worry about you all the time- I know you are a strong, capable person - but all of us need help at some point or other, and I just wish for it to be there when YOU need it.

SS

<small>[ February 15, 2004, 07:57 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi

SS
Thanks,I'm enjoying a week of housework while off school. Last night went with A, C and some A's friends to celebrate his birthday by bowling. We had a fun time . D chose not to come. This was planned as an alternative to going with T and the boys to celebrate the birthday. How things have changed!!!
I've had an email this evening from my Friday date asking if I'd like to meet again. I've said yes and suggested times that would suit me to fit with the boys- so now I'm waiting for him to come ack with a actual plan. Nice to know someone enjoyed my company.
Got a new christian friend coming for supper tomorrow. She is a friend from church but is also my immediate boss in sociology at school and has helped me greatly. She'having a new kitchen fitted and so I suggested she came and ate with us. I'm really finding my place in this new church. Last Sunday I was on the rota to do the bible reading, and then when I got to church was also asked to present a candle and pray in a baptism service. I'm also down to be a sidesperson 3 times over next couple of months- just means being there to do any jobs hand out sheets etc, and I'm to lead the prayers one week. It,s so good to feel I've found my home for the present time.
Well hope all continues well with you- especially pleased to hear about S last w/e
Jante

I'm enjoying a week of housework while off school.

If I told my daughters you said that, they would really wonder how anyone could enjoy housework - but home doing work is better than away from home doing work.

Last night went with A, C and some A's friends to celebrate his birthday by bowling. We had a fun time. D chose not to come. This was planned as an alternative to going with T and the boys to celebrate the birthday. How things have changed!!!

You didn't say anything about the scores - THAT would tell me a lot. (Are you in the mood for teasing today?)

No, it does sound like things have changed. Does T remember the birthdays on his own without you having to tell him?

D not going sounds like my brothers and I at that age. My older brother could hardly stand to do anything with me at all. I always wanted to go with him and do what he was doing, and he stayed as far away from me as he could.

I've had an email this evening from my Friday date asking if I'd like to meet again. I've said yes and suggested times that would suit me to fit with the boys- so now I'm waiting for him to come back with a actual plan. Nice to know someone enjoyed my company.

How could someone not enjoy your company? Perhaps I need to think about that one some more..............I think I understand what you mean, but you had me for a minute there.
Romantic setting, not just chit chat. Date - serious stuff. OK, I think I am getting it.

Got a new christian friend coming for supper tomorrow. She is a friend from church but is also my immediate boss in sociology at school and has helped me greatly. She'having a new kitchen fitted and so I suggested she came and ate with us. I'm really finding my place in this new church.

I hope the boys show their good manners. I know they have been taught well.
Good for you - it helps a person to feel more normal with their life - like things are settled down a little after all the changes that took place.

Last Sunday I was on the rota to do the bible reading, and then when I got to church was also asked to present a candle and pray in a baptism service. I'm also down to be a sidesperson 3 times over next couple of months- just means being there to do any jobs hand out sheets etc, and I'm to lead the prayers one week. It,s so good to feel I've found my home for the present time.

You are needed - I suspect they don't ask you to help just for fun. You have talents and they are using them. Keeps you out of trouble on weekends too. (still teasing with that last one - in case your mum forgets to do it.)

Well hope all continues well with you- especially pleased to hear about S last w/e

As well as one can hope while still living in this world. Sometimes one gets kind of tired of the way things are, but we help where we can help, and we do the best we can with our own struggles. I suppose that if Jesus Christ could do what he did, I can try to do a little better with my own life when I think things are dificult.

Here's to J having a week off from teaching -
May she reach all her personal goals this week, with time to spare.

SS

Hi

SS- the scoes at bowling were mixed. In the first game A and his friend came top but C did very well for his age. In te second game I was doing much better but the hour ran out before we finished the game so A won again. The main thing was that we all had a great laugh. Its the first time I'd taken the boys without T but I didn't even think about it when we were there, or the time that I had to watch him and his previous g/f bowling with my children- these thoughts have only come as I'm typing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Had a phone call from J my new friend last night and we are gong to try and meet at the pub we intended to last week , this Saturday evening.
I have very little contact with T these days- however that has one draw back.I have still to get the pension split and sorted and yet again he's dragging his feet or even ignoring me when I email him about it. Oh well what new !!
Must go now and fill in another applicaion form.
Jante

Hi
Well sent off another application form for a similar job to what I used to do- if I get it I'll be co-ordinating volunteers mums to work with new mums and their babies.
Had a econd date last night with my new friend J. It was a good thing I had got used to accepting your complimnets and positive comments as J made quite a few similar ones while we were together! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
He is going to ring me gain this week with the intention of meeting again. The boys are away again next w/e so I hope we can met then. They told me this lunchtime that they were happy for me to date now and that if I met 10 times ten they would like to meet him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I tink tey've accepted that as their dad is getting engagedits acceptable for me to date now! Cameron even suggested I might be married by next christmas!

Hi J,
Fondest greetings to you.

the scores at bowling were mixed. In the first game A and his friend came top but C did very well for his age. In the second game I was doing much better but the hour ran out before we finished the game so A won again. The main thing was that we all had a great laugh. Its the first time I'd taken the boys without T but I didn't even think about it when we were there, or the time that I had to watch him and his previous g/f bowling with my children- these thoughts have only come as I'm typing.

It's fun to spend time with our children doing things they enjoy. It seems I get these lists in my head of "things" I "need" to get done, and sometimes I forget to spend time with them. You seem to realize what they need, and you seem to be able to give them what they need. It pays off in the older teen years when they need to talk. D may not be there quite yet, but I think it will work. I am glad he is doing better - and I am glad his mother is doing better with her positive thoughts and outlook. It really is good that you didn't think about it until reflection as you sit and type


Had a phone call from J my new friend last night and we are gong to try and meet at the pub we intended to last week , this Saturday evening. I have very little contact with T these days- however that has one draw back .I have still to get the pension split and sorted and yet again he's dragging his feet or even ignoring me when I email him about it. Oh well what new !!Must go now and fill in another application form.

I wonder if it may take another visit with the solicitor before you can get him to do something. I hope not, but I am not impressed with T's abilities lately.

Well sent off another application form for a similar job to what I used to do- if I get it I'll be co-ordinating volunteers mums to work with new mums and their babies.

Any thing you do will benefit from your experience and ability. And if you feel you have faults - well, we all do, but remember that having faults DOES NOT mean that our strengths do not count. You have strengths, and you care about others, and those are good things despite any weaknesses you may feel you have.


Had a second date last night with my new friend J. It was a good thing I had got used to accepting your complimnets and positive comments as J made quite a few similar ones while we were together!
What are you talking about? All I have ever done is tell the truth - you supplied the subject matter. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am happy for you. Your posts sound happy, and that is a hard thing to convey by typing.


He is going to ring me gain this week with the intention of meeting again. The boys are away again next w/e so I hope we can meet then.
Lots of questions come to mind, but probably best if I don't make you blush. It sounds very promising to me, and I hope you are blessed to know what God wishes for you. It is always nice to know what is best, and I believe if you do know, you will always do what God wants you to do.

They (the boys) told me this lunchtime that they were happy for me to date now and that if I met 10 times ten they would like to meet him! I think they've accepted that as their dad is getting engaged it's acceptable for me to date now! Cameron even suggested I might be married by next Christmas.

C may be right !! !!!!!

Your posts are happier, you don't worry so much about the future. God is helping, you are responding. The boys support you, and you have a new friend that can see what kind of person you really are. Your American friend (or one of them, you may have many,) is very happy for you, and he continues to pray for your success and will continue to do so.

The cycle will continue, you have seen enough summers and winters go by to know that. There are good times, and their are bad, but you get to understand that, and realize the blessing of it as it keeps us growing, and learning, and it keeps us seeking his face in prayer so we don't forget we need him, and we don't forget where our blessings and help comes from. Probe your friends faith, you will need it in the future after you marry again.

For now, enjoy the good feelings and realize that God intends for you to be happy. I tend to think your actions of the past few years have earned you some measure of happiness too, and you should realize that you are blessed for obedience.

It is cloudy and rainy here today, but what a blessing after so many years of little rain. I am never sick of days of bright sunshine, but the rain is good for us.

S continues to try, and I can live with slow improvement. He is often a very big help. I also pray that the person YOU FIND will understand boys, and will help them find God and help them be the kind of men God wants them to be. It would be a great sadness to you if your sons do not share your knowledge of God and his plan for us. I pray for God to take care of that one for you.

I hope this doesn't sound - well, I hope it doesn't sound odd, but I wanted to say it.

One of the reasons I know God cares about you is because of the feelings I have as I pray for you. I felt this morning as though I needed to remember you, and to pray for specific things, and I have related what some of those things are, but often I feel prompted to make specific requests in your behalf. I cannot take credit for it, but I am very sure that your Father in Heaven knows you (and the boys) and is working for your happiness and success. It is a strong feeling, not a vague unsure one. I know he is watching out for you. I know he loves you and that he knows who you are and what you are doing from day to day - I know that.

Heres to a great week, and much happiness for you and your whole family. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

SS

Thanks for your long and considered reply. I have had a couple of emails from J asking me out to dinner on saturday when as the children are away I can spend more time with him. I have accepted.
Back at school this week- some lessons are going well others are very hard work. Roll on May and a new job. Perhpas I'm a coward but I really want less stress!!!
Your posts are happier, you don't worry so much about the future. God is helping, you are responding. The boys support you, and you have a new friend that can see what kind of person you really are. Your American friend (or one of them, you may have many,) is very happy for you, and he continues to pray for your success and will continue to do so.
I am happier- I'm glad it shows in my posts. I know that life will get better even if their are down days.
Must dash and pack up my lounge- I'm finally getting round to having it decorated after a year of torn wallpaper and bare plaster after the rewire!

Jante

I have had a couple of emails from J asking me out to dinner on saturday when as the children are away I can spend more time with him. I have accepted.

More time is always good when you like someone's company.

Back at school this week- some lessons are going well others are very hard work. Roll on May and a new job. Perhpas I'm a coward but I really want less stress!!!

Sometimes I dream I own a ranch - a really remote one, and I spend lots of time on that ranch doing nothing. Less stress would be nice - I wonder...............

I am happier- I'm glad it shows in my posts. I know that life will get better even if their are down days.

Yes, it does show. You are more sure of yourself too - that goes along with a happier life.

Must dash and pack up my lounge- I'm finally getting round to having it decorated after a year of torn wallpaper and bare plaster after the rewire!

I thought you had it all finished !!!

It's only been a short time ago you wanted someone to operate a drill for you. Has it been fun, or just a lot of work?

One of these days I need to come by and see how it looks.

SS

Hi

Well I've made arranegements to see J on saturday- we are going to meet in his home town this time and go for a walk then he's taking me for dinner <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> He also told me how good I make him feel. We share the same values and I feel safe and confident when with him.
My friends husband is out of work at the moment so hes coming in to do my decorating- its a large room and has a fireplace I want taking out so more than I can mangage. Now I'm back to looking i shops for ideas for colour schemes- the boys want a dark blue and white, I want somethingeutral ut warm!! Somewhere we may have to cmpromise,or as mum I think I'll have my way!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Saw te lady I replaced at work today, she brought her lovely new daughter in to see us, and ad it confirmed that she is returning on 17th May so I can definitely leave then Hurray!!

Jante