What is even funnier is that our full initial are both JEH!!!

You wouldn't even have to change the initials on your luggage.


I trust you had a good time with the boys! D was out with his friends Friday evening I'm afraid. He's had tests in school all week so they all went out to relax. He is behaving himself these days which is good to see. He has had some results for science back- earlier in the year he got a C and a D but this time he got 2 B's so we are really proud of him.

I know you tell him that you are proud, and that helps him keep improving.

This is so good, but remember that your happiness reflects back to the boys. They know you are doing better, and they do better. I am glad for D, and the other two. Two B's - one could be a fluke, but two means consistancy. Is the teacher in you helping him more too?

The other 2 are enjoying the improvement in the weather and are out a lot with friends. They seem quite accepting of J and will chat with him when he is here. So far we haven't done anything other than eat all together.

As I watch you go along, I think I am really happy with both the progress you are making, and the rate of progression. Many go too fast, but you seem to be doing this right. It does take time to adjust to new people in your life. It does take the boys time to get used to things.

J came again yesterday and built my new wardroe for me. I enjoyed acting as helper! We then went out to dinner in the evening and he initiated a conversation about where we were at in our relationship. Both agree that we are enjoying each others company- only seeing each other, but that neither of us are ready for a deeper commitment. We both still have healing to do and also are enjoying our own space for dscovering ho we are as well as the time we spend together.

See, he seems to agree with the rate of progress. I said this once, but if he really does love you, he will want what makes you comfortable, and what makes you happy. It appears that he does.


We are meeting for a drink Monday night as its a Holiday here in England.
Time for church
Have a blessed day

So, what is this one (holiday)? I love learning new things. Only thing is that I show my ignorance a lot, but oh well, I have a lot to learn.

Our hike was good. No one was hurt, all had a good time. We hiked into an area where a forest fire burned many of the trees two years ago, it was quite sobering for the boys to see what happens if someone is careless. In this case, the fire was lightening caused, but the results are the same. We sat around the (safe)campfire, and told stories until late - I enjoy that part of being out in the mountains.

You haven't talked lately about T's visits, or the boys visiting him. If that part of things progresses normally, visits may become more sporadic, he may find occasion to miss coming more often than he once did. It's not your job to worry about him, but I keep hoping he will learn something from all this, and get his finances in order.

Do you still collect him from the station?

I also wonder if you have met the newest OW, and worked out some kind of parenting agreement with her - to avoid future scooter scares.

I haven't asked this many questions for a while, I better go.

Hoping your holiday went well, and the drink and company went better.

SS

<small>[ May 03, 2004, 05:05 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi

Quiet week- getting ready to leave my job on Friday but praise God I have an interview for a new job on Wednesday. This will be as a Family Project worker and is just the kind of work I was looking for so am praying hard I get the job.

Is the teacher in you helping him more too?
No D won't let me help him- he did it on his own but says its because he understands the subject better.
As I watch you go along, I think I am really happy with both the progress you are making, and the rate of progression. Many go too fast, but you seem to be doing this right. It does take time to adjust to new people in your life. It does take the boys time to get used to things.
We are taking it very slowly- and J has told me he is staying back from too much interaction with the boys so they get used to him being around. On saturday I cooked for all of us and it was good to see J help A learn to use a bottle opener. They chatted away at the table easily as well.

This w/e J and I had our first misunderstanding. We took the dog for a walk and he ran off after another dog in an area I wasn't used to. He was missing for half an hour, and during that time J made a comment about the dogs behaviour ( and lack of training ) which upset me. He realised he'd upset me and apologised straight away. I know I was probably being oversensitive as I was stressed at the loss of the dog. He has since apologised twice more for upsetting me and said he never wants to do anything to hurt me. I'm glad we were able to sort it quickly. I've told him we need to forget about it now.

The holiday last monday was May day always the first monday in May. Not really anything special though in our town we have Labour Marches.

I'm off this w/e with my old friends from the other board. J has decided not to join us.

T tries to maintain the fortnightly visits with the boys- though over April he actually went a month without seeing them because of his work commitments. He is taking them camping this w/e - though D is refusing to go and says he will stay with a friend instead. I have told him its up to him to organise it and tell his dad. At 15 and a bit I feel its time for him to start to make these decisions himself and for me to step back from acting as mediator. The following weekend the boys are going to stay with their dad. Then it will be 3 weeks until he sees them again.But then again hes seeing them 2 weekends together and then having a larger gap. I fit in with him as best I can.. He is taking them to Corfu for three weeks in the summer- I still haven't addressed the skooter issue with him but will do when I see him. I haven't seen him to talk to since 7th March!

Glad all is well with you
Jante

<small>[ May 10, 2004, 10:35 AM: Message edited by: jante ]</small>

Well didn't get the job I had an interview for.
Had a lovely time with my friends. Visited J on the way home. For the first time felt relieved to leave after 2 hours. Have spent the week trying to work out why I am feeling doubts about this relationship now, and whether its time to move on. I'm visiting him again tomorrow and I'm hoping to be clearer in my mind when I see him. This week has been stressful with my mum and nephew staying so it may just be fatigue. Or it may be that its time to say goodbye! Not sure but praying about it.

Jante

We will pray for you too.

I wonder if it is lingering feelings from the dog walking conversation. I know if I am sharp with W, it can take weeks for her to feel completly comfortable with me again.

Sorry I missed you again, I am not on as often as I once was. I ought to look around a little better when I am here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Glad you had fun with your friends, I don't worry about you as much as I once did, and that is because I have learned to trust you. You really are doing well, from all that I can see of your life. That doesn't mean we don't have problems, it means we learn to cope, and still be happy and enjoy the good parts of life.

I am so sorry about you not getting the job. I continue to hope and pray that you will get something that will fit with takling care of the boys, and still meet your goals to save for the future.

Don't let things get you down, and please continue to have faith in yourself - I do.

SS

HI SS

I went down today to visit J today as planned and after much prayer, willing to feel different when I arrived but I felt so empty and sure when I got there that I ended up blurting it out. However, he said he'd been wanting to discuss our relationship with me today and so I agreed to stay and have a coffee and we chatted. We both agreed that while we liked each other a lot it was not developing into anything stronger and we both felt that it wouldn't in the future. We agreed the time had come to stop dating though we will keep in touch by email, at least in the immediate future. We then had a walk and lunch together before I left. We came to the conclusion that God had brought us together to do a work in each of us in restoring confidence and faith in humanity but that the time had come to move on from each other. I am not in a hurry to find a new date- but want to take sometime to myself.
On a more positive note I had sold my wedding and engagement rings so today I have used the money to buy myself a lovely dress ring! Now out with a girlfriend for the evening for a drink!!
Have a great w/e
Jante

SS
one thing I forgot to mention which I know you will be pleased to hear. I had parents evening for A last week and had glowing reports from all his teachers. They said that he was a lovely boy to have in class and that he generally worked had and is very bright. The one thing that lets him down is that he doesn't like writing long essays so English and histoy suffer. However he is working well and behaving himself. C's parents evening was earlier in the year and he too is doing very well and behaving, and D is improving in every area. He had got a little lax at leaving for school on time but now I'm not working even that is being dealt with. Life continues to improve.
Jante

<small>[ May 25, 2004, 02:58 AM: Message edited by: jante ]</small>

We came to the conclusion that God had brought us together to do a work in each of us in restoring confidence and faith in humanity but that the time had come to move on from each other. I am not in a hurry to find a new date- but want to take sometime to myself.

When you can post this kind of clear statement that shows how far you have come, it makes me feel so glad I know you and get to converse with you. It is so............so........ uplifting?, what's the word? I can't find one that describes it well enough. It is so great to see you doing so well. Truely recovery looks good on you. Now, I realize you still have days, but I still think you are doing well.

Glad the boys are progressing. Doesn't it feel good? I hope you don't stay awake nights waiting for the next problem to come along. I doubt if you do, because you seem to have faith that the partnership between God, and J, will continue to prosper. I think J is holding up her end pretty good lately - and God always seems to do a good job on his end. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

We're having a bit of a BarBQ on Saturday, starts about 6:00 pm. Bring the boys round if you are not doing anything else fun that evening.

Still praying for you to get a job that will help.

SS

Hi
Thanks SS but the boys were all busy on Saturday so we didn't make it for the BBQ
I'm doing fine and NOT laying awake at night worrying- in fact since finishing teaching I've been sleeping really well. While I was in the classroom UI had a number of sleep disturbed nights.
No job yet but am continuing with the training to help parents and hope that in the long run that may lead to a job.
I am not regretting my decision about J, and I'm enjoying the peace of being on my onw- when the boys are not around.
Yesterday I wnet shopping with C. When in the car he started making some comment about me 'sleeping' with J. It feklt good to be able to honestly reassure him that I hadn't. At the same time I was sad that he takes it as normal for an adult to sleep with someone they are dating. A good opportunity to explain why I didn't- in simple terms of course.
Jante

Interesting what C said. I wonder if he knows what it means yet.

BBQ went well - sorry you missed it. I ate too much, and If your boys had been there, I would have shared, and perhaps been a little more careful. Mostly I ate too much cookie dough - and it gave me heartburn.

Well now, you realize T didn't leave because there was something wrong with you. You know you can still kiss, you know that men like you, and that you can cook, and enjoy conversation, and have fun on dates.

Now it's time to see about jobs, and your future, and then maybe you can look around a little more. Is it time for front yard sign joke? No, I better leave that one alone.

You have balance that many never find. May you keep it all your life, and beyond.

I predict you will yet find adventure.

SS