Uhm excuse me folks but you all are really generalizing about TOW and it's members.

Yes I am because I don't really want to take the time/effort to single anyone out. Like I said, there are some very good, decent people there. But not all of them. They are quite welcome to have their opinions, I just don't agree with them.

First of all if you have an opinion that does not fall in line with theirs, you will NOT get banned.

You may for the most part be right. I'm just talking of my own experience there where my "mean troll" posts are still there but all my thought out debates are not.

They have members who are perfectly capable of having a stimulating dialogue on any wide array of topics.

Yes they do. And I was in a particularly enjoyable debate when I was subsequently banned. I'm sorry, but Emerald has a bug up her bumm since becoming a Mod and is on a censor spree.

There have been many a time when a new poster came on considering an affair and EVERYONE advised against it. They do not advocate affairs and more times than not, try to encourage others to get out.

This is one of my main points. Let me share with you a post by one of their "senior members". It is in response to a question posted by another member on why do W's cheat. Here's the response...


Member # 87

posted October 06, 2003 03:29 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What makes a wife cheat?

Her strength. Her courage. Her trust in self-resilience. Her infinite capacity to love and lust.

She's empowered and has a secure sense of self that is not created or limited by her marriage. She's adventurous and not afraid of risk/to risk. She's full of spunk and spirit. She's bold enough to have a lover(s).

She has the ability to think, and act, outside the box. Not only does she not play by the rules of the game, she creates her own game. Or, as was recently replied to a woman on the pink board who said her parents taught her never to make waves....some parents teach their daughters not only to make waves, but also how to surf them.

She has an affair because she is able to define who she is and what she wants instead of having others define it for her. She chooses not to live with life's constraints; she is willing to live life's possibilities.

I'm a serial cheater - if I'm not afraid to have had one lover, why would I be afraid to have another lover(s)?

I ask you, does this sound healthy??

I like posting here and there, both provide what I need to grow as a person, SUPPORT. I hope I don't get banned here myself for having this opinion about TOW. I happen to like that site as well as many of the posters, and BTW, there are posters here on MB who are regulars there that seem to like it as well. My 2 cents.

I too liked posting there. Never really got an answer as to why I was banned. I have since btw gotten back in <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , changed e-mail and screen name. As for you getting banned here, I have been here almost 2 years and have never seen anyone get banned. I very much enjoy posting there mostly because most of them don't agree with me and some of them are pretty intelligent.

My comments on the site were only personal opinions based on my observations. That's all. We are still entitled to those right? I'm sorry if my post upset you or you thought I was bashing the EVERYONE there. I'm not. Let me know if I can clarify anything for you as far as my thoughts/opinions are concerned. I'll be happy to "jab" with you just as I do them. When I do I'm almost always very nice and respectful, when I'm not I always apologize for my AO's. I still think my being banned originally was all Em's doing but, I'm not gonna rock the boat there anymore lest I get vanquished again. BTW, I DO NOT post at philanderes.com....those people are just toooooo sick for me.

MTD

Hi way2 - I have posted there since March and I read there EVERYDAY and post maybe once or twice a week, only on subjects that I can't contain myself on. I try to watch what I say because even though I WAS an OW, I am primarily a BW and entered there as such and they all know me that way too. So I try to watch my p's and q's over there simply because it IS their board and though they are not there to offer me the wife support, they have on many occasions!

They do have the typical stereotypical views about BW but then again, don't we? It's still kind of hard for me to let mine go about my H OW b/c my feelings towards him are so biased but I am working on it alot. My thing about being involved with MM is just how very much they believe the things MM tells them. THAT'S the part that gets me! When I was OW and MM would tell me things like that, I remember thinking "YEAH RIGHT! What a jerk! He actually thinks I believe this?" I'm not a very trusting person by nature. My favorite line is "My wife and I don't have sex anymore". My H told his OW this and she told me he told her that. I just laughed at her. My reaction spoke volumes of the true nature of his character. IMO, men just want it both ways, that's it. My H even told me he was perfectly happy having me and her on the side. Uh oh - I'm running off the road here-----

Anyway, I like TOW alot and I like you all too. Bottom line.

IMO, men just want it both ways, that's it. My H even told me he was perfectly happy having me and her on the side.

Hey, that's not fair......why is it a man thing??? My W said something very similar during her A, does that mean she's a man? (EEEEWWWWW)

Ok, double EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Who's generalizing now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ??

Anyway, I like TOW alot and I like you all too. Bottom line.

yeah, I love me too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Just kidding, I love everyone here. Especially when we don't agree. More fun that way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MTD

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"IMO, men just want it both ways"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Careful DG for there are certainly women WHO also want it both ways, if you get my drift.

<small>[ October 30, 2003, 11:14 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Now see here, this is exactly one of my points about TOW/aka gloryb.com. A BW called pearl went there to ask a simple question and she got ripped apart by other posters there. Granted there were a few better people there that defender her, but none-the-less...my point proven. This is what I was talking about DG, no disrespect intended, just want you to see my point. Please if you have time, read the thread and tell me what you think.

http://64.62.137.163/forum/cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=007111&p=

MTD

My husband has a book called "Mom's House - Dad's House" that I am certain the other woman bought because my husband has NEVER, EVER purchased a book about parenting or marriage.

I saw a book in the bookstore called "How To Marry A Divorced Man". I'm certain the other woman has bought this book too for herself. Because she is definitely employing many of the tactics outlined. Specifically she's employed the same tactics detailed in the book to limit the time the visitation and contact they have with their children - sick. She very aggressively has done this while all the while posing as somebody who 'never intended to be the other woman who broke up a family' and supposedly 'cares about his daughters' (gag) I would send my husband a copy of the book to tip him off to her manipulations but I don't want to add a cent to the author's profits. (My husband naively assumed since they had never discussed marriage she wouldn't be upset when he signed an agreement to delay the divorce for a year LOL. She's a 32 year old, unemployed, unwed mother who wasn't interested in dating my husband until she lost her job and when they broke up wouldn't take him back until all her bills came due a month later.)

But her fantasy innocence will be shattered once she finds out that he's only pretending to be spending visitation with his daughters now - they are refusing to even talk to him. Apparently he's keeping it a secret from other woman - not spending the time with her instead when the visitation is cancelled. She's such a jealous controlling snoop I'm surprised she hasn't found out yet. I'm planning to let her in on the info somehow ASAP.

Madly_truly_deeply - I read the thread and on posts like this one from Pearl, the OW/OM on this site are pretty good at seeing the true intent behind a BW's question. Yet there will always be a minority who will always feel the BW has no right to post anything on TOW unless it's a positive reply to an OW. This will never change. But as you saw, the majority of posters were not offended by Pearl's question and Damn Pearl for apologizing for her concern! The forum is GENERAL and it has been stated many times over that EVERYONE is welcome to post there as long as it is not MEANT to harm or insult the OW which her thread was not.

Delph's replies seemed to me to indicate Pearl's Q. touched a nerve with him/her that only Delph can understand and explain. That's what the majority of the thread consisted of was arguments on whether or not Pearl should have posted. Emerald AKA Mae West is a very intelligent and fair person. I know her well from her posts and like her despite my BW status.

<small>[ February 08, 2004, 01:13 AM: Message edited by: Lovely ]</small>

Hiya DG. Yeah, Delph has seriouse issues. I don't particularly care for EM too much but that's just me. The people there like Delph just dsigust me. The others just make me sad. Many of them have said repeatedly that they are happy bing the other woman. Like you said they do not seem to me like bad people. Which is why it makes me sad. Like I said before they seem like good people selling themselves short by being with a M person. But I will continue to post there. It's fun, like I said because most people don't agree with me. I love to jab with people as long as they don't get mean, which a good majority can do there. My point is that there are a minority (though a large minority) that can't do that. I just ignore them. LOL, and they call me a troll. But I'm so cute and cudly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . Quiet is one of my favorites there, along with Landsharkbandaid (not sure what that name is supposed to mean?). I like MIC and whatever cuz we been jabbing eachother lately about political stuff but no meanness so it's allllll good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> . I did take a lot of offense when one of them mentioned that MB was a "dead board"!!!! That was kinda rude and uncalled for <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

MTD

Hiya DG. Yeah, Delph has seriouse issues. I don't particularly care for EM too much but that's just me. The people there like Delph just dsigust me. The others just make me sad. Many of them have said repeatedly that they are happy bing the other woman. Like you said they do not seem to me like bad people. Which is why it makes me sad. Like I said before they seem like good people selling themselves short by being with a M person. But I will continue to post there. It's fun, like I said because most people don't agree with me. I love to jab with people as long as they don't get mean, which a good majority can do there. My point is that there are a minority (though a large minority) that can't do that. I just ignore them. LOL, and they call me a troll. But I'm so cute and cudly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . Quiet is one of my favorites there, along with Landsharkbandaid (not sure what that name is supposed to mean?). I like MIC and whatever cuz we been jabbing eachother lately about political stuff but no meanness so it's allllll good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> . I did take a lot of offense when one of them mentioned that MB was a "dead board"!!!! That was kinda rude and uncalled for <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

MTD

BAH, I take technology..LOL. PC ate my post! OK here it is again. Yeah, the people like Delph disgust me. The rest just sadden me though. Like you said they are really some seeminly good people there. That's what's so sad. They are good people selling themselves short by being involved with a MP. It's very sad to see good people drop to that level. People like Delph and the ones defending her...we..what can I say. And they call ME a "troll"....ME!!! And I'm so cute and cudly too, I don't understand <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . There are a few good people there that I like to chat or jab with. I enjoy jabbing with people when they can do it without being mean. It's fun, so as long as I don't get my username banned again, I'll keep going there. The good peeps anywhere always outshine the bad ones <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

MTD

What did you say when they said MB was a dead board and what was the context?

Just curious. I've noticed that on other infidelity forums talk of the TOW site and forum is quickly shut down for fear of a board war.

Here it is talked about and there is always someone who will "defend" the TOW board -- or make sure it isn't improperly maligned.

When MB is maligned on TOW does MB get defended? Do the Maligners backdown or modify their tone or views?

way2

Way2, you know it. Nobody there defends MB. Except us. I've got an idea. Maybe WE shoulds start a board war. We all go over there at the same time and just start posting like mad. Cause there servers to go BOOM@!@@

Wouldn't that be fun? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Who's with me?? CHARGE!!!!!!

MTD

Delph was complaining on TOW about BW posting on TOW and someone suggested that the reason there are so many BW on TOW is because MB is dead and Delph said that perhaps that's why MM had an A to begin with ( implying that the spouses on MB are dead and boring).

Delph is VERY immature and TNChange has been calling him on it lately (TNC is an OW I believe)

MTD ... lol! no I think we should pretty much stay above that... but it would be interesting for those who post on both boards to defend MB when it get's slammed.

DG - hey did you look at my story, I think I did include you in it!

I think alot of people on TOW are immature .. deph must just makes sure he stands out from the crowd ;-)

And now that I know the context .. I do remember reading that thread.

another question .. anyone extend them and invitation to read and learn and post here as they extend here?

I'm just looking for equality and parity? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

way2

comments about TOW , first your question was answered THE OTHER WOMEN . It is there place to support eachother to continue there A . JMO

Yes there are some who tell some not to continue or they shouldn't start . But most of that seems to be said like , " you haven't found the right MM to cheat with " or don't get in to this unless you have the stomach to be on the side . Like basicly it is a life style .

And for some it is they say that very openly , to these kinds of OW I just find them to be low lifes . JMO .

There are many types some who don't know right away and then there are the ones that where/are so convinced there OP is SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO unhappy at home and the poor baby did nothing to deserve that . Then we have the HE lovessssssss ME , I understand him and our R is built on total HONESTY thing .

MY warning to you is not NOT NOT to go there if in early recovery or if you get sick at the thougt of people who are so closed minded to any opoin other then there own as being the trueth .

If is filed with alot of that , If a MM changes his mind relives his mistake and goes home to his W , WELL hes only doing for any reason OTHER then LOVE ! Thats the MAIN attitude there .

I went there 2 months ago and it kicked me so far down in my recovery (self recovery) ..

Now I had gone back for a couple of weeks , its not to bad I read the ones I can the ones that I feel give me some insite .

I want to learn to forgive OW in away .

That I am finding harder when I read so many who think what they are doing is GREAT !

The other thing is about beliving the lies , they say BS are neive but wow , look how many of them avoiding the D-DAY , but yet they belive the OP will leave the S soon .

It comes down to them being scared that if D-Day happens the OP will go home and work on the M . They do not want to face there worst fear that they where an escape for a time in someones life that relized you can run but you can't hide !!!

Just my 2 cents . No BASH intended !

Way2 - The only time it is suggested or close to it to come here is when someone like Delph protests about a BS posting there. They always say if they (OP) were to come here with Q. on their R with MM they would get ripped to shreads instead of answered with sincere advice. They're not entirely wrong on that aspect.

3isacrowd - No my question was not answered. Neb was the one who asked what is TOW. My question was are Neb (here) and Nebulous (TOW) the same.

Yes the women on TOW do advise others not to be in an EMR unless they are comfortable with OW status (reduced time together, infrequent calls, sneaking around). Logically it makes sense BUT their advice is seriously lacking on morals right? Right and wrong does not apply to them because then they wouldn't benefit ( I should talk right TMCMan?).

They do piss me off when they suggest the only reason MM goes back to wife is for kids, obligation etc.. everything except LOVE. Ya know why they say that? Because most of the time MM contacts them even after going home. This leads them to believe that they ARE special to MM.

I've been in a few EMR's in my lifetime, some unknowingly, some knowing. I was younger and thoughtless then. I can't imagine taking it as far as some of those women do (staying so long that I want him to leave his family for me). I could never have that on my conscience. I've lost so much trust in men because of this, my general opinion of men - RUFF!!! RUFF!!!.

Way2 - what story? Where is it?

----

<small>[ October 31, 2003, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

I've lost so much trust in men because of this, my general opinion of men - RUFF!!! RUFF!!!.

HEYYYYYY!!!!!! I resent that!

I can honostly say that I have never been in a seroiuse relationship in which I wasn't cheated on, I don't go around calling women B.O.W.'s.

MTD

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Diamond Girl:

"I've lost so much trust in men because of this, my general opinion of men - RUFF!!! RUFF!!!."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">DG keep in mind that a man goes as far as a woman ALLOWS him to go for there is NO affair without a woman's WILLING participation. So if a man involved in an affair is a dog, then what is the woman who is WILLINGLY involved with him? If you are going to vilify men who have affairs, then you must vilify their women as well, MARRIED or single, who are their oh so most WILLING lovers. Just as lust is no excuse to have an affair, neither is falling in love with the OM.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by DIAMOND GIRL:
I've lost so much trust in men because of this, my general opinion of men - RUFF!!! RUFF!!!. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">futher, it's a bit unfair to make such a statement about all men in general -- as implied with your words -- as not all of us are like the men you know who have created your distrust. ultimately, who bears a large bit of reponsibility for the experiences we have?

if one has a history of being mistreated in relationships with others, is there a selection problem? what is that the person who is continually mistreated brings to the partnership that results in said mistreatment? i don't have the answers, but it's worth exploring.

of course, no one deserves to be mistreated. ever. but at some point a person must proactively change it or else it won't.