but this is my life
well actually it's not your life...it is your choice/choices...

and actually it's not just YOUR life..it actually involves mucho paino to others...

husband, OM...

and the book...
It discusses modern love,
what the heck is that??
the new definition applied to love when we decide to devalue it and ourselves...and change the definition to mean something grander...and out of our control...

I plan to take a break from the OM, see if he can move on. If he can, then this was not serious for him.

soo you expect serious real love from OM..
but husband gets open marriage....a dichotomy in and of itself...and does not even exist at all...
based on the definition of marriage there is no such things as a open marriage...

think maybe I was meant to just be free.
Is your definition about being free involve hurting people as well...
since that pretty much surmizes your definition of marriage...

That I was so into him - I was risking everything. Seems like an ego trip.

Really?? I don't think you risked anything..for you placed and found no value in what you had in the first place...


and in all honesty...
why did you bring this story here...
to a marriage building site...honestly..I can't see one thing about your husband...his pain..your responsibilty for his pain...

ARK
who keeps making sure this is the right site...

Hi - I do appreciate your responses and criticisms. I come here to be honest and get feedback.

My issues are issues that everyone in this group seems to deal with, so that fact that I am questioning marriage, maybe isn't new to everyone. I would be really disappointed in a discussion about marriages that was afraid of criticism.

I was honest with my husband, and did hurt him, and OM, and felt extreme pain the entire time. What i am seeking now is to find some way to be honest with myself and build a life around it, whether that be married or single.

You can find the book I recommended on amazon and skimming soem pages, might give you a better sense of it.

Thanks again - jeez

Quite frankly - if you are right, if I am just "bad" or whatever, should I just end my marriage? I am not interested in hurting anyone. Seems like being single would avoid that.

How do you evaluate if you should end a marriage? But I would not plan on getting married ever again.

Thoughts?

jeez

lets get really real on this....
life is way way too short and marriage is serious business...

marriage is not an entity that exists outside of us...
Marriage is what we ourselves create of it....
the best marriages aren't good because of some cosmic connection...anyone who is in a good marriage takes a huge active role in creating it, sustaining, and thriving in it...

How do you evaluate if you should end a marriage?

How do YOU leap to evaluating if a marriage should end when you haven't participated in creating it...

that's an honest question..not an attack..
the state of your marriage is equal to what value you place on it...

You came here in november..
with story after story of placing your emotions and energy any where and everywhere outside of your marriage...
INFACT kissing two different men is two affairs already under your belt....
and now here you are with your third...

Are you a "bad" person....never said that...but you are also not a victim...
you are exactly in a place in your life of your own creation...
and no relationship be it with your husband or anyone else will ever be what you want it to be until you realize that you are in control of it...

You don't fantasize or think about other people because you can't control it...you do the exact opposite...

you feed those thoughts
you empower those thoughts
you entertain those thought...

I just am so surprized you are so willing to give up marriage..when you haven't even given it your full attention or energy...
as if you really view this as something that just happened to you in your life ...after getting married...

where's the learning curve...

hmmm all this energy and emotion that you've spent on anyone outside of your husband....and instead of coming to any type of conclusion..
like..
gee...
I wonder what would happen if I took all this energy and emotion and instead of looking out there for it...spent it on my husband...

nope...
your next plan is to quit the marriage...as if it didn't work for you...yet you never worked for it...

and I refuse to get sucked and labeled into I am telling you to save your marriage and every marriage at all costs...
lots of reasons to walk away from toxic relationships...

but I can't see where you have tried yet...
and trying to make a marriage work is a decision..
not a feeling...
and
ironically
you did decide to try the exact opposite ..
an open marriage...which is a mockery of everyones marriage...and gross misunderstanding and mis-use of Gods' gift of human sexuality and intimacy...which cause great damage to all involved...

so if your willing to try an open marriage...
why aren't you willing to try an exclusive marriage?

So do you wear the been there tried that cloak and walk away from this chaos as if to save people from yourself...
cause you are only running from yourself...and you aren't going to get away from you...
when do you stop and really evaluate this and your role in it...and try a different role...

dorothy went all over OZ and met some pretty nasty people...only to find that what she had been looking for was right in front her the whole time....

I mean you no malace...but if you want help on these issues...
then lets get real...
ARK

^^??^^