one breath at a time

maybe its a good sign that he is moving in with aunt and not OW. Perhaps things with OW are not so Ok and that is why he called you.

Hang in there,

one breath at a time

maybe its a good sign that he is moving in with aunt and not OW. Perhaps things with OW are not so Ok and that is why he called you.

Hang in there,

Originally posted by onebreathatatime:

But I am so scared of the unknown!

This type of remark always draws my attention. Think about what you wrote here. The "unknown" scares you.

Isn't everything pretty much unknown to us? Do we control anything in our lives .... really?

Everything that has not happened yet is out of your control. Everything is therefore unknown.

You can look at some past events and make predictions about what is likely to happen, but the future is, in fact ..... all unknown.

Does that mean you are scared of everything?

Aren't you tired of being scared?

Did you know that this reaction of fear to what you don't control (the unknown) is learned, and can be unlearned. You control this, not anyone else!

Ever hear of the "what if" game? I am sure you are good at it.

What if I end up alone?
What if he comes back and I don't want him anymore?
What if he finds his love for me and I lose my love for him?
What if I get sad and can't stop the sadness?

If you hear yourself posing "what if?" questions .... answer the question!

The truth is, you will deal with any problem as it arrises. You will get through things as best you can. You can seek joy in any given day despite it's problems.

Which brings me to this .....



The holidays are approaching, my first alone in almost 10 years, ouch!

Yes. "Ouch" is correct. This will be a difficult holiday time. What is your next thought after that realization?

Is your next thought productive or not? How to plan something as nice as possible? How to be with friends and loved ones? How to share your bounty with others that have less?

Stop asking yourself scary questions and then allowing that "unknown" question to hang in the air like some phantom. Answer the "what if" with an "in that situation, I would try this...." Get out of the "what if" and look for your options.

Pep

Thank you! Some times I forget how blessed I really am! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yay, he IS currently with OW, can't and won't believe he is at his aunts house until I see it with my own eyes and even then I can't believe he has ZERO contact with her. He does come into the site and has witnessed much of our pain. He understands the withdrawals, fog and EN, but when that FOG sets in it's right out the door. However when the FOG lifts its such a wonderful feeling for both of us, I get to witness the man I once knew and its sooooooo comforting, but then I can feel and see him drift back into the fog, and this feeling is so lonely, not to mention how scary!

Pepperband, what wisdom! I feel like I can hear you write for hours and your advice for me and others feed my heart. I wonder if you will ever know what you give, there are so many on this site that got me through some horrible patches <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

The only thing I can due is take one day at a time and learn to work on myself and healing my heart. I think plan B will be good for me and I hope to God that one day if it's meant to be and in Gods plan that we find our way back to each other: p !

Marilyn

OKay, he says his moved into his aunts house and away from OW AND is changing he's cell phone #, NOW WHAT? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I guess this is one point for the home team, right?

Any advice from MB?