Faith1960,

Just getting back to this reply. Got bumped off net late last night.


Have you always had to take the first approach in the past. Would he normally remember your anniversary/birthday or other celebration without your reminding him? If not, why would this day be any different?

I believe WH usually remembered the occasions. Our anniversary date is engraved on inside of his ring, but he no longer wears his; I wear mine. I did have it on and off during my emotional rollercoaster, but now it is on for good until I'm ready to take it off for good if that time comes.


Your replies about the anniversary well wishes are good. I knew in my gut that what I was thinking of saying back to him was an LB, but thankfully I realized this before saying it.

All for now. Still no word, call or email from WH re: anniv., though I hope, I just don't expect it anymore.

Take care,
FF

Hi, here is an update how anniversary day went for me.

The day started off with me praying for WH and for God to send laborers into his life and so forth.

I surfed MB for a bit, then started to mope around house. I don't know how it happened but before I knew it, I had put our wedding day video in the VCR and watched the whole 30 min. It made me sob, but it also made me see WH very happy it appeared. I hadn't watched this tape in a few years.

It made me also think of possibly making a copy of it and adjusting it to a certain point in the ceremony and sending it along with some pics of kids and maybe of us in an envelope, just as you did Faith1960. The only reason I didn't jump up and get started on sending it is I just don't know if it would piss WH off more or not. Yes, I am fearful of the outcome if I do.

I may wait and do it after the holidays. Any suggestions out there?

Anyway, I was in no emotional state to provide the loving care my younger 2 kids needed so I took them to a friends, came home, prayed a lot and talked to relative and a friend for the rest of day.

The interesting thing was the time I stepped out of house to run errand for 5-10 minutes, WH called and left message at 3pm, He paused before speaking and then said a message for the kids. He normally calls at night, but has in afternoon a few times, but not in a while. SO I was thinking he may have called knowing I would answer phone and who knows what he would have said to me (aknowledge our anniversary?) Who knows. I was very disappointed that I missed his call cuz it has my curiosity peeked now.

I'm sure there will be other times. Rest of day went on uneventful. I got through it w/no acknowlegement from/to either of us.

Thats the latest. Gotta run and check on little one.

FF

I forget if I asked you all this question or not. I believe so, but here it goes anyway:

If/when I ask WH if he would like to babysit kids the next time I need one, since he had previously removed SEVERAL items (financial records, computer, weapons, safe) from our house during my arrest, would it be too much of a trust risk to allow him to watch kids here at my (his former) house? I would love to have him watch them here in the comforts of the kids home (easier to put them to bed on time) and the memories of WH old house, but would be nervous about him snooping in my office.

I looked things over, and I could spend about $35 (a bit of sheetrock and a door lock) to make my office lockable w/a keyed door lock.

What do you all think? Thanks,

FF

Hi FF,

I have read your posts(and the one for foghorn) and I would say go to a Plan B.If WH is still iving with OW then that is what I would do.I have been trying to get Foghorn into one but she is so reluctant to just do it.But she has inched closer each day.And she sounds more pewerful to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Also,if you are concerned about personal items in your office,maybe consider a safety deposit box so as not to arouse any more animosity should WH realize you have changed locks.Just a suggestion. But,even more so, I would also say that I don't think it is a good idea to have WH do the babysitting at your place. This allows for you two to possibly see eachother,interact and Plan B can't get off the ground if that happens.Let him miss the home and the family life that you created in that home.I know you said that you don't have mutual friends to help in the matter of handing off the children but what about a trusted neighbor? Someone that lives nearby that would be ok with that arrangement?

Stop offering him chances in his presence to talk.Until the homewrecker(OW) is gone& the affair is over,don't keep giving him the effort like that.Also,you shouldn't be giving him gifts and doing a Plan A.Not after the time frame given already.Just IMHO.

Remember,it sounds to me that although he has been teary eyed and saddened,he is only that due to the children right now and what might have been.He has not changed anything in the way of his actions.He is still with OW.

Don't send him any video pics of wedding etc.I just have this deep feeling that that isn't the right thing to do.You again might come off as being needy.You need to appear strong right now.

All that you have been doing and think of doing would be a different story if the OW wasn't in the picture but WH is still living with her right? So then stop being overly giving.It's time to restrain yourself a bit and appear to be getting on with your life.

About the D too,now that it was mentioned that you were angry when you filed,that is a big elephant in the room now.I'm not sure what I would do or say about that now. I have to think about it but that issue is now something you really have to think about seriously.If you are really wanting to work on the M then you have to ask yourself if the proceedings should continue.That's a tough one.

October

Octobergirl,

Thanks for replying. I hear what you are saying but like Foghorn, it is tough to implement Plan B, especially with holidays approaching.

HOWEVER, I am getting fed up with WH, especially after not acknowledging our wedding anniversary last week, and he doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact that I didn't acknowledge it either. I also was not expecting him to acknowledge it, just hopeful.

I may give him until the holidays are over and my anger management class is over Jan. 9, because he may be asked to attend my final anger mgmt. exit interview, and if he does not express or show the least bit of interest, regret, care, or feeling for our M, and/or proud of my accomplishment for completing the 3 month class then I WILL go to the full Plan B; no ifs ands buts or excuses about it; PLAN B IT WILL BE!!!!
I guess this will be considered as my final deadline for Plan A to end and B to begin.

The only times we currently communicate in any way are when we see one another during kid exchanges. I know how I will handle those in future Plan b when I do it so we do not end up seeing one another.

I know, Jan. is a long ways off, but it is only 1 more month from today. After that I will be ready fully to implement the Plan B to the max.

I also know you probably have the 2 x 4 in your hand, but I am also getting on with my life in the meantime, getting out with others and meeting new people, so I am not just sitting around house moping anymore. However, I just implemented this over the last week or so.

Will let you know how things progress. Thanks again.

FF