pretty much agree with everything she tells me
No. But you don’t need to disagree. Just leave it alone if possible.

This is what Steve Harley told me to do.
If she criticizes you, then tell her, “Wow, I never saw it that way before (or) I did not realize I was doing that. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll work on not doing it like that again.”
And then don’t do it again.

This will totally take the wind out of her sails.

ok, gotta have some help, wife is now wanting her Stair Stepper. She asked for it and I have not said yes or no, just forgot to bring it when I brought the kids back. She said her "father"
bought her one. Also Do I bring up the " A doctor
asked me out and I said I would go out with him when we are done" I know she is jerking my chain. She told me after she left she hates guys and will never re-marry.

Give her the stair stepper HAPPILY. Offer to go to her house and set it up for her. WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE!

Don''t say a WORD about her dating the doctor comment. She is only trying to yank your chain and if you stop reacting to it, she will stop doing it.

Don't you see that she is just trying to make you mad? And every time she succeeds you help her avoid looking at herself. As long as she can keep you mad, then YOU are the bad guy and NOT HER. Stop making yourself the bad guy, ok? Stop HELPING her avoid taking an honest look at herself.

Here is your motto: KILL HER WITH KINDNESS

She said her "father" bought her one.
Why‘d you put father in quotes?

Also Do I bring up the " A doctor
asked me out and I said I would go out with him when we are done"
No, don’t bring it up. She may/maybe not be doing it to get a rise out of you. Don‘t take the bait.

I know she is jerking my chain. She told me after she left she hates guys and will never re-marry.
That means absolutely nothing.

I put father in quotes because she has told me her father bought her the cell phone and payed the bill, couple of hundred per month, gave her the 4k in her check book, payed for her lasik eye surgery,,, I know the cell phone is a lie, I found out it was registered in friends name and he payed the bills, it was one of his company phones. doubt very much her father has 4k for her checking account or 1600 for the eye surgery, she also has one of the top D attorneys in town..

ok, how did I do. I had the kids this weekend,
Sat. night there was a party for a friend that returned from Iraq and for another friend. I went to the first party to say welcome home, etc. Then I went to the 2nd party. This was around 11pm. when I walked in guess who was there. My WIFE and her Father. I went up and said hi and shook her fathers had and said Hi.
Wife asked wheres my kids, I told her with my brohter and sisater inlaw and kids cousins who are the same age as my kids. The 2nd party ended early so I just turned around and going to leave. The wife grabbed me and told me how sorry I was, then on the way out of the bar/restraunt
she was saying Oh you dont have money to give to me but you have money to go out bla bla bla.
as I was going out the door she grabbed the door and would not move. wife said I was checking up on her, I told her I was only there because I was invited to a party. She said she knew, it was someone she did not like who invited me.
any way as I was walking to the car, she followed me accross the parking lot telling me how her attorney was going to really like this.
I got to my car and she was going on and on
about how her and her father was out trying to have a good time since her mother passed away, she passed Sept 5th. after wife rambled for about 4 min. I told her I seen her point of view and did not mean to ruin her night, got in the car and left.
how did I do

Were you snarky or were you polite and civil? Why did she follow you out to the car? Why is she so furious?

P.S. It sounds from your telling that you did VERY GOOD, btw. You didn't let her bait you and it appears that you stole some time and attention away from the OM.

no I was very nice, smiled, Told her i did not want to ruin her night with her father shook both of their hands while inside, Told them both goodbye when I was leaving, aBOUT 1 MIN AFTER i ARRIVED since other party had left already. OM was not there. wife and her father, Why she followed me to my car, I dont know I said nothing, when I got to the car i turned around and said goodbye,
very polite.
got in car and left.
going to take kids home now I will update in 1 hr
I hope.....

gbd,

I'd say you did VERY well....under duress for sure! Your wife is trying very hard to provoke you and you didn't let her. Good for you. I know this is hard...but feel good about how you conducted yourself.

Ok Im back, took kids back to wife, I also took the stair stepper and told her I realized I was being selfish, When she told me she had one already I told her ok, Maybe some of your friends may want it if not let me know and I will pick it up or take it to goodwill. She then started asking me if I was talking to OM's wife.
I told wife it was cold out, she then asked me
who told me she was at the club/ I just told her our friend that she spoke to , I told her I was invited to a party. Wife then asked how I was going to pay for my drinks since I didnt have money to pay her, I told her I was not drinking last night. Wife also said she was not looking for dirt on me but EVERYONE is calling her telling her all this stuff. I let it all slide, I
then told the wife what I was going to buy the kids for Christmas, I told her if I had some of the same gifts as her to let me know and I would change mine, I told her I have bought some clothes already, she said " it costs a lot dosent it, I didnt make a sound. I told her goodye and then she stopped me and asked me if I wanted to go to kids Christmas party at the school, I told her only if she didnt mind, I told her if you dont want me there then I will not go, she said she didnt care, I told her to let me know the time. She then told me I could have the kids on Christmas eve, I tried to set a time and she said you can have them all day as long as I have them back at night, I told her no problem.
How did I do.?

Again....surprisingly well under assault. If you have portrayed your responses about these last few incidents accurately....I'm almost ready to cannonize you. You tellin' us everthing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yes, please do, the wife asked me tonight how could I be so mean sometimes and so nice the next. I told her I had to change my self before I expected anybody else to change, Wife said
over the years I was mean. I am telling all of you, we had no more arguments that any other married couple, I always invited her EVERYWHERE I
went. I told her a million times, if she was not werlcome then I wasnt welcome. Sure over the years 14 I have said some things I shouldnt have, but who hasnt. I have told her I was sorry, as a matter of fact every time there was an argument she would bring up my past wrongs and I would tell her I was sorry again. A lot of times I would get " you dont mean it". I would not have told her I was sorry if i didnt mean it. Bottom line, we had the arguments about
house being clean, I should have helped more sure, helped wash clothes more, clean dishes more. Probably some other things as well, but to have her walk out like she did. NEVER in anybodys
lifetime do I or did I deserve that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gblogbd:
<strong>I told her only if she didnt mind, I told her if you dont want me there then I will not go, she said she didnt care, I told her to let me know the time. She then told me I could have the kids on Christmas eve, I tried to set a time and she said you can have them all day as long as I have them back at night, I told her no problem.
How did I do.? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do I have to call you gblogbd? Can I call you by your first name? gblogbd is too long to type!

I think you did very good tonight! Do you feel that she is backing down a bit since you haven't been reacting to her? She seems to sounds more conciliatory in inviting you to the Xmas party and giving you the kids on Christmas Eve. Do you see it that way? Is she backing down?

Do you know all about lovebusters, what they are, and that you should avoid them?

Will you take a minute and read this: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html

seems like she backed off some, But she done this in the past then next time I talk to her she has changed her mind, telling me I done this or that when I havent. no I do not know about the love busters, as it is now I am stil not invited the daughters bday in jan, I was told i had to plan my own and get my sister in law to help, wife was telling her I was a dead beat dad
and didnt care about the kids, Sis in law told wife I was a great father and could not imagine how she tought that of me, Sis in law told me she wanted to tell her this is what you get when you walk out.

Steve

Steve, she will get bored with picking fights with you when she sees it won't get a reaction. Just keep on doing that consistently and she will soften up. Will you go read the link I gave you?

Any thoughts on what you want to give her for Christmas? I figure a few weeks of treating her like a princess would be followed up nicely by a thoughtful Christmas present.

please give me any ideas you think would fit
right now at this point in our life.
I talked to our friend that was there, she said the wife kept digging up the paast, our friend told her why didnt you call em. wife did not say anything. friend said wife just seemed to be very mad, told her i was telling people she and OM were an item. wife denied this ot the friend and said I dont even talk to him anymore.
wife told friend she never cheated.
still need gift ideas.

Well, it depends on what she likes. I like stuff from Bath and Body Works. I think a nice gift basket would be appropriate. Not too expensive, but very thoughtful. If it were me, I would want a gift basket that had some Fig Body Scrub [this stuff is wonderful!], some lotion, body wash, hand wash, candle, maybe some foot treatment stuff and gel socks. Does she like stuff like that?

You could write something nice on the card, like To XXXXX, I hope you have a wonderful day,

With all my love, Steve

You could also let the kids get her a little gift there and help them wrap it at your house. The kids could take it all home to her that night. That would be really sweet and would help her miss you on Christmas Day.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gblogbd:
<strong>
I talked to our friend that was there, she said the wife kept digging up the paast, our friend told her why didnt you call em. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What exactly what she saying about the past? What is her complaint about you, beside telling people what she has been doing?