ok, let's talk about this. Why would you want to stop giving her money? I mean, its not like you are giving more than what your kids would need for support. Its not unfair or out of line for you to pay $500 towards your childrens support. You are their father and should contribute to their support.

On the other hand, if you stopped, what would you achieve? Wouldn't it just make her furious for no purpose? I think there are some things you HAVE to do that might make her angry, but there needs to be a good reason behind it. I can see no good reason whatsoever in this move. It would be negative every way you look at it and would hurt your children and YOU the most. As a consequence, you wouldn't be meeting your obligation as father and would give her certain ammunition against you.

right after she left i spoke to an attorney, this was back in August, He also told me not to give her any money. When the wife found out i had TALKED to an attorney she went nuts, I explained to her I was confused and did not know what to do, she was telling me she was going to TRY and get everything. I told her this is why I talked to one. I told her the attorney said not to give her any money, she could care less, all she did was compain and make a big deal out of thefact i contacted an attorney.

This might all be a moot point when you get served this week and take the papers to your attorney. I wonder if she knows that she is at a serious disadvantage legally? Do you have proof of her affair? Does the OM's W?

The OM's wife suspects him of having an affair with my wife, i have confronted my wife several times and she has denied, I also asked my ex best friend, he has denied it as well. I do know he has told his brother my wife was the love of his live. I have stuff like money in checking
account, where is getting all of the money, she shops almost everyday, I have recipts 100 each where he is getting my car washed waxed etc.
ex best friend admitted to his mother he had an affiar, I dont know if he told his mother who he had it with, I dont know of anybody he was friends with he could have had an affair with except for my wife

So what was the reason she gave for leaving? Can you have her tailed for a couple of days to see who she is seeing?

ok, I just reread your first post and see where she just up and said it was over. Did she ever say anything like "I love you but am not in love anymore?"

I have evidence where they me for lunch, she tookhim to the dr office when he needed surgery.
This was a couple of months ago, I dont know if they continue to see each other, he bought her a cell phone, I dont know if she still has it, Best friends wife knows about cell phone, so he probably had it turned off.

Well, I wish you knew the truth. But since you don't, the best you can do is continue to try and develop civil communications with her and see where that takes you.

what are the chance she will return 50/50
what are the results from this board.
or is ther any waty to tell
how many wondering wifes try and return?

I don't know what the odds are, but I do know that the Harley's are extremely successful marriage counselors. They specialize in infidelity and are probably your best bet. They do phone counseling and I know several on this forum have found them very helpful.

yes my wife said she loves me but she is not in love with me, she also said she dosent know if she ever loved me. She said she only stayed amrried so her mom wouldnt think she was a failure. Sha said she stayed with me because she had noplace to go. I have heard them all.

CLASSIC affair talk. Now I really think she is in an affair. She is using all the classic language and rewriting history.

Wow! I thought I was the only one. My wife said the exact same thing! She loves me but is not in love with me. She thinks she does not know how to love. Hearing those things hurt so much. But is it possible that she really does not mean all of this? How is that? And is it possible that she will take all of those words back? Its amazing that they all say the same thing.

I wonder how often affairs turn into happy marriages.

how is she rewriting history?
Now what do I do to try and get her back,
I know she has filed for D. Do I just sit and wait it out and see if turns around?

Steve, she is trying to recast the past in as bad a light as possible in order to justify her actions. This is CLASSIC behavior of a WS in an affair. Did she ever tell you any of crap BEFORE she got in the affair? Of course not. It is just FOG TALK that we hear all the time.

The only thing you can do right now is try to attract her back TO YOU, via Plan A, and do everything in your power to end the affair. Just keep on being as nice as possible so that you don't give her any more excuses to demonize you.

And I really do wish you would call the Harley's for counseling. They can often zero right in on a situation and give good advice on how to proceed.

what are some good ways to help to anything that is going on, I just wish things would slow down, why hasnt she told me she filed?
I think time will be on my side, It will be July or Aug before the court date from what I have been told.
I am going to continue giving her money.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by solon:
<strong> I wonder how often affairs turn into happy marriages. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The generally accepted statistic here is 3-5%. Not great odds, but both the WS and OP are great at deluding themselves into believing "it's different for us." Amazing that all these "we're different" scenarios follow the same old song and dance.

anyone know how long Emotional affairs last?
are they more difficult to end the the others.

Do I just keep being nice, not saying much when I am around her because she is hashing problems, I told her the other day if there are any duplicate Christmas presents for the kids to let me know and I will return the ones I got them and
get something else, I also told her if she did not want me at the kids school Christmas party then I would not attend.

This is how I have been really cut back on the
comments the past 3 weeks. Do I wait for her to ask about lunch or take a chance and ask her ?

Okay...

Steve and solon, you BOTH need 2 do some serious RESEARCH.

You are both amazingly ignorant of how these things go, when you've been dealing with this for weeks or months already. Sorry, but there's no excuse for not doing everything you can 2 understand how affairs "work" and how they should end, especially since the info is so readily available.

GET YOURSELVES COPIES OF "SURVIVING AN AFFAIR" AND "HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS" first thing. Go 2 the homepage and you'll find info on how 2 order over the internet.

Also, I strongly, STRONGLY suggest you consider calling one of the Harleys for phone counceling RIGHT NOW. Both of your sitches are SO BY THE BOOK it'd be funny if it wasn't real life. They are expensive, but they are amazingly efficient. And it would be a lot better 2 have a PLAN of action than flopping around like a fish on a hot boat deck like you're doing now. We can help SOME, but we're NOT professionals.

As for the things WSs say? Yep, we've ALL heard ALL of those fog-latin phrases. They ALL say them. They all behave this way, 2, with minor variations on this scripted theme. And that is precisely why the MB methods work so well 2 end affairs and restore marriages.

Go there!
-ol' 2long

Thank you, 2Long! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />