</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gblogbd:
<strong> The OM's mother has said she knows about the affair and that my wife will not be welcomed in her house if things continue the way they are, my wife has to know i know, I have not come out and told her, early on I asked but of course she said no, the OM is now telling people " we are just friends" when asked about my wife. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you told her that OM's mother knows about their affair?

No, I have not told her any proof i have about the affair, just I know he has bought you cell phones, checking account etc, she keeps telling me her dad done it all, if her dad done it why would she have her checking account sent to his business office

I was talking to the girls age 9 and 6. the oldest told me the wife has told her we are living in 2 houses because Mommy and Daddy argue, she told them various other things as well, she told them when everything is done between Daddy and I we can see OM again. I explained to the kids that the OM was wanting to take Daddys place and be Mommys boyfriend.
they said they want Mommy to come home. I told them to be big girls and not to give up hope.
Was I wrong in theis, I will probably go talk to OM's Mother whom I know well and talk to her.

You know, Steve, I think it is terrible that your W is telling these girls this stuff. I would mention it to your wife and tell her how upsetting and how VERY inappropriate it is. Just be calm, civil and respectful but...........FIRM.

Don't let her bait you into a fight either.

It is bad enough that their family is torn apart without bringing in 3rd parties. Let them get used to their family being torn apart before she starts foisting a new stud on them. Kids can better handle one trauma at a time.

I would suggest just telling the kids that you are doing everything you can to get Mom and Dad back together and leave it at that. Don't even mention her new stud.

the kids know the OM and I were best friends.
They know I dont care for him very much and when they see a pictire of him they cover it up. I am going to stop by his mothers house and talk with her. I just took the kids back and the wife just opened the door and let them in, I set their stuff in and told them bye, she never said a word. The kids also told me the wife told them not to take me to her room again, this is after I saw the Christmas stockings for the OM's kids. I have not mentioned them, I also did not comment on the car, she just got it back.

when my wife asks if I have talked to OM's wife what do I tell her. I have not talked to her yet.
right now I donot anwser the question.
also read also, please read above post.

Contact the OMW. If your W asks, if you tell her anything, tell her tha you will not support her lie, and you won't let the OM lie 2 his W. She will be mad because you will be blowing her secrecy. Goes with the territory.

-ol' 2long

The OM has left his wife back in March, Divorce is pending next month. My wife hates her with a passion. Looks like OM lied to his wife about my wife and the other way around so they could not compare notes. He also made sure we/they never wound up at the same functions.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gblogbd:
<strong> when my wife asks if I have talked to OM's wife what do I tell her. I have not talked to her yet.
right now I donot anwser the question.
also read also, please read above post. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you have talked to the OMW and your wife asks, tell her yes. If you haven't, tell her no. If she asks what you were talking about, tell her that is your business. You are not the one who has something to hide here, Steve. There is no reason you shouldn't talk to the OMW about your w's affair and there is no reason you should hide it.

Here is something else, the last 4 or 5 times I have had the kids the wife asks when I will have them home. I tell her 5:30 6:00. she then says fine. But 1 -2 hours before I am to bring them back she will call and ask me to bring them back an hour or 2 later. I always say fine, she then says if you have to bring them back drop them off next door. I dont even know the person next door. I take them back the hr or 2 later like she asks and dont say a word.

ok, Do I pay the car insurance and the tags for the car AND give her the money I have been. Or should I just give her the renewal notice. ?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gblogbd:
<strong> ok, Do I pay the car insurance and the tags for the car AND give her the money I have been. Or should I just give her the renewal notice. ? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a tough one. You can do what I have done, and basically pay everything, or you can be hard-nosed. It all depends on your personal situation and your needs. I decided to basically take the high road because I have four children and I want them properly looked after. I have probably erred on the part of going too much and sooner or later the money supply will start drying up for my wife. Until then, precedent and lawyers be damned, I keep paying most of everything.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gblogbd:
<strong> ok, Do I pay the car insurance and the tags for the car AND give her the money I have been. Or should I just give her the renewal notice. ? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Steve, just give her the renewal notice and let her handle it.

what is going on, I buy the kids some fireworks and call to tell them I will bring them over so they can shoot them. My wife call minutes later telling me not to bring them over becuase I did not ask her. I told her I bought them for the kids since they wanted tehm, Wife said to keep them with me and shoot them next time I have the kids. I seems like she is kinds doing a Plan B on me, she never calls, asks me anything, or even says thanks for the money I give her, At
least a while back she would call to complain.
whats up ?

Ok, The kids called and talked to me, the wife was telling them things to to tell me like, "tell daddy to buy you some clothes, Im not packing any more clothes for you" I asked my daughter to put Mommy on the phone. I calmy told my wife I would like it if she spoke to me about these type of things, she then went into, your only giving me XX dollars and you need to buy them clothes...you havent given me money yet, I told her I would get her some money asap.
When I hung up I went to where she is staying and brought her a check, she then told me her lawyer was going to make a fool of me, that she was going to have me kicked out of the house and was going to try and keep the kids from me as much as she could, I calmly told her if thats what she wanted there was nothing I could do.
She then told me she was still upset about
all the things I have done in the past, I told her I let her down emotionaly during our marriage, she said that right that she will never forgive me, she has not gotten over the death of her mother, All I told her was I understand how she felt and I understand, she told me she had a great lawyer and I better get one, I told her I was not going to get an attorney, I asked if she had filed for the D and
she beat around the bush and would never tell me she did. She denied seeing the OM and said they
were never more than friends, I never said a word. She then talked about a DR. that asked her out then started back telling me all the things that I done wrong, The main things she said were I let her down when she was sick, she also kept bringing up the conversations I have had with her friends telling them I did ot know why she left. She just kept telling me it is over, and I will need a lawyer, she then told me how she tried to be fair by wanting to give me everything
house furniture etc. now she says she wants it all. I know this is from talking to her attorney.
what does this sound like ?

Steve, it all sounds like more angry talk designed to bait you into a fight. She needs to get you mad so she can justify her affair. When she starts going off like that, you might just excuse yourself by saying "I'm sorry you feel so bad today, please call me when you feel better" and leave. It does no good to sit there and just listen to that nonsense.

Can you get into counseling with Harleys? I think he would be a huge help in your situation.

Am I graping at straws or, does it seems as though my wife is having second toughts or really dosent want this since she cant or wont tell me she has filed. Could it be she has been pressured in to doing it ? any thoughts.

Also, should I get counseling alone or see if my wife will do it also. I think the chances of that are none at best.

Steve, your W isnt ready for any counseling. But you could benefit GREATLY from some guidance from the Harleys. They are PROs at this and could maybe guide you into breaking the ice with your wife and making some headway. It would be WELL WORTH your money. They are not the kinds of counselors where you just sit around and stare at each other, they are proactive and always give very good guidance and tips.

Who knows what is on your W's mind? I sure don't. I think she likes to make threats in order to bait you into fights and wonder if she means much that she says.

Got home from work and found the Christmas gifts
I got my wife from the kids at the back door, Christmas Eve she told our daughters she did not want them. I took them to her and told her they were from the girls. Today there at the back door. Let it slide or ?

found the Christmas gifts
I got my wife from the kids at the back door, Christmas Eve she told our daughters she did not want them. I took them to her and told her they were from the girls. Today there at the back door. Let it slide or ?
She had them twice and gave them back twice.
Can you say, LoveBusster" to keep doing something which she doesn't want?