Steve:

Can you answer Mel's 2uestion?

Would you consider counselling with the Harleys? I, 2, agree that it would help you a great deal.

Let your W waste her money on a lawyer if she wants 2. Lawyers are good at getting other people 2 give them money. In the case of DVing, it's sad that their objective is the money, not repairing peoples' lives. A GOOD counselor will not only work 2ward the goal of putting your shattered self back 2gether, but they will try 2 do so in an expedient fashion, so as NOT 2 waste your valuable finances in the process. The Harleys (or Cerri) are the best. Why not get with a program and quit this flopping around, always trying 2 2nd guess what your W is thinking when she does the s2pid things she does?

Yeah, sure she's probably having doubts about what she's doing, and maybe she IS trying 2 avoid taking responsibility for the mess she's in, but you'll get nowhere fast by always trying 2 fathom the unfathomable. It won't make sense because it can't make sense. Let her take responsibility for her fu2re. Take responsibility for yours.

best,
-ol' 2long

Hey Steve what's the latest? Are you still here?

Got served the D papers yesterday, she wants to have me removed from the house even though she has been gone for the past 6 months. 50% of my 401K, sole custody of the kids and child support. This is WRONG. First trial date is set for April 14th. I gota a lot of stuff to get to the attorneys office.

This is scary!

I just spoke to an attorney here in my office. She could file anything she wants but that does not mean the courts will agree. Don't allow this to get to you.

What are the chances I will get the boot, April will be alsmost 1 year she has been gone, then got to court and have to move out because she wants back in. Whats up with that. I have no probles paying the child support even though I think its too much, but thats that law. I do object to giving her 1/2 of the 401k and furnishings. She had a key to the house for 1 month, all she took was her clothes, booze that the OM had purchased and the kids tv, vcr's and tv stands. SHE WALKED OUT ON EVERYTHING else, said she didnt want it. now she wants it all.

Steve, I don't know what the chances of her getting everything are, but I hope you get an attorney right away. Can you hire a P.I. to get the goods on her affair?

They are very secretive now,I have a lot of evidence, cell phones, him taking her out to eat.
car wash, her checking account being sent to his business.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gblogbd:
<strong> They are very secretive now,I have a lot of evidence, cell phones, him taking her out to eat.
car wash, her checking account being sent to his business. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is evidence you can take to court?

I spoke to an attorney today and he really didnt give me the warm and fuzzy, sure I can take this to court, also the OM wife said I can use all of the evidence she has as well.

Steve:

Dag nabbit, CALL THE HARLEYS!

Having said that, it wasn't s2pid 2 call an attorney and protect yourself. But don't just use the attorney. If you're done with the M, then you're done, but you don't sound ready for DV. You need 2 learn what your options are right now. Most DV claims I've heard about here, the WS will ask for everything in the hopes that they'll do better than break even, and you should counterfile (if you're not going 2 delay this as long as you can) by asking for everything yourself. But 50/50 is the right thing 2 do.

-ol' 2long

I do plan on taking as long as I can, I also plan to counterclaim on the grounds of adultry.
I dont think she should get anything, she left, walked out, quit, gaveup what ever you want to call it. never gave me a chance, betrayed me, her kids and everyone that knows us. As far a talking to the Harleys, I would love to but now I dont have a spare 185.00 dollars, I continue to pay her for the kids and keep the household.
SHe is living high on the hog, no rent or bills
gets money from me, her father and the OM. Then to make herself fell better she shops and nags at me.

Her chances of getting everything is darn near nill. She moved out of your house. The only way she stands a chance of having you moved out of your house is if she proves domestic violence, other than that, she does not stand a chance. But, on the other hand, if you have these documents that you say you have and you have only one eyewitness of seeing the two together, she stands a much greater chance of losing everything.

What you can do is file a countersuit for sole custody (arrange to have the children with you. home is home and make it clear that the children are home with you) and for child support. You do not have to file for divorce to get these things. In the brief you'll state (or your attorney) that your wife is involved in an affair, she has moved out of the house, and as a result you are filing for sole custody for the betterment of the children. Make a point and say in the brief that you are NOT filing for divorce at this time because you love your wife dearly, you wish your wife to turn from the affair and come home (include all supporting documents that prove the affair). You will stand a very, VERY good chance of winning...if her affair lasts that long. It will take about 6 to 12 months for there to be a trial, but you can get temp. custody and arrange for child support.

The wife has filed for Divorce, she has the kids.
She knows I dont want a Divorce, she tells everybody its over, done. I do have some good
proof, like cell records where they called each other 10 - 20 times a day. The OM's wife said the
OM's mother told her that OM admitted to an affiar. OMs Mom did not mention a name but did say my wife would never be welcome in her home?
My wife is scheduled for a deposition in their Divorce case on Feb 4th. They have mediation scheduled for Jan 26th. I hope they dont settle.
so the wife has to go through deposition.

Please read the last post as well,

Questions about all this Plan A stuff, for the last 10 weeks I have been a role model, when the wife tells me Im a dead beat, I tell her Sorry you feel that way I will help you anyway I can, all she wants is more money. I do not give extra money. She wanted me to buy kids clothes when they stay with me I did on and on. I donot argue
with her, she has tried to get me to comment, returning the Christmas gifts and leaving them on the back door, leaving notes, telling me her attorney is going to take everything from me,
not inviting me to our kids Birthday party. I
never say a word.

She has told me she hates me being nice, tells me to " act normal" and not be nice. I smile at her and she tells me to stop laughing at her.
I called the other day for the kids, she picked up the phone and said there not here and hung up.
I called back and said I will try later what time would you like, all she said was 7:30 and hung up.

I called last night and she had the kids tell me
Mommy needs 500.00 to get me tested for Allergies. I need to go to the Doctor.The child is 5 years old.

If the wife hates all the nice stuff and the sorry you feel that way what else do I do. She does not call and really dosent care to talk to me, she is not at her parents when I bring the kids back on Sunday, it has been this way the last several times.

All I ever hear is Im gonna @%@#$@##@#%&*^()(
and to tell you all the truth Im ready to
tell her goodbye. I still hold out hope.

I did tell her the other night I was 1000% sure she had an affair. I spoke to OM brother who I have also been friends with and he told me he had no idea why his brotherdone what he did to me. when I asked him directly he said he did not want to get in the middle of this.

I then asked him how long it has been going on and he said he would not answer that either.

I asked him what would happen if I asked their mother and he said that would really clear things up. I told his brother, tell your brother to ride over and lets drink a beer together if
he has not done anything wrong, his brother told me he didnt think his brother would come over.

I dont have the 185.00 for the Harleys so please dont tell me to call them. I need the money for an attorney later today.

Steve, she is still trying to bait you into a fight in order to justify her affair. You don't have to oblige her by giving her what she wants. You should stand firm and not let her run over you, but you also should not respond to her silly baiting comments. See what I mean?

As far as your children asking for money on her behalf, I would just tell the child to have her mother talk to you. Then IGNORE the subject entirely. If she needs the money, she can bring it up herself and you can consider it.

Please don't get discouraged, Steve. There is nothing you CAN DO to change her attitude right now. She will eventually get tired of being so mean when sees it gets her nowhere.

Has her affair been exposed to everyone in her family and HIS? I think you told me it had. What did you BIL mean when he said you should talk to his M? Are you going to speak to her?

The OM brother more or less said that the OM's Mother knows that my wife and EX best Friend had an affair. Ex best friend told his mother the truth. I have not talked to his mother. When I speak with the kids and they ask about money I tell them we talk about us not other things. they say fine. The wife got 2 supoena's, 1 for a deposition and 1 for the Divorce case. This may have something to do with the reason she stays so mad.
I really want to say screw it all and jump ship. I will always be there for my kids. they will always be my kids. Where did/does all the
hate come from ? the wife has started calling my friends(funny she said I didnt have any)telling them she would supoena them in our case, trying to cause trouble she even told me my brother was going to get involved it was up to her. ha ha ha ha. now this is funny!!!!!

I talked to an attorney today and it sounded like I have a very strong case.

You should definitely counter-sue on the basis of adultery and claim everything for yourself. Try to get some photographic evidence from a P.I. of them together.

My biggest question is, is Alabama a "no-fault" divorce state? I went through my A in Florida which is a "no-fault" divorce state and the attorney basically told me it doesn't really matter what broke up the marriage. The court just looks at it from strictly a business perspective and divides up the assets accordingly.

Alabama is NOT a "no-fault" only divorce state. Here's a link:

http://www.nolo.com/lawcenter/ency/...atID/995EE405-21AA-4B4A-97CBABD905A37E1B

If I read this right, you have to be separated for 2 years for a no-fault divorce, otherwise there must be grounds for divorce. This should be good for you, especially if you have undisputable evidence of her affair. Hire an investigator to get some photos of them but don't tell anyone you are doing this or else they might go into hiding.

I would also file a seperate lawsuit against the OM for emotional pain and distress and for breaking up your marriage.

<small>[ January 22, 2004, 03:21 AM: Message edited by: Layer3 ]</small>

I just got the school records, on the emergency contact form the wife lists the cell phone the om
had been paying for. My attorney really liked this, he said it looks like she listed him even though she carried the phone, if she admits that she carried the phone then it looks bad as well either way, also she did not even list me as a contact on the forms!!!! shes gotta explain this.

Should I go for the throat ?

Do you guys really think there is a chance?

I do love her deeply and care for her, I have to look out for myself, she surely will not pull any punchs.