I think she is dr shopping for pain pills etc.
The cell records are to show who all she is talking to and to prove she is working, she works cutting hair and has all of her customers, this will help show she has employment and reduce the child support I have to pay. SHe has worked this year for cash. Most of the Drs she has been to are family practice type, Doc in a box as they call them, go in with a pain out with a prescription. I know she is on an Anti Dep. and Darvocet along with a lot of sinus med, this is just from 1 dr. this is the reason for the Dr stuff.

Melody, see the answer to your questions above,
Mort. I read your last post, should I change anything? sounds like you regret Plan B
Also, what if wife does not respond to plan B
letter. I sent it to her on Tuesday.

Steve,

First off, I never have regretted Plan B...I am a proponent of Plan B!! So, now that you are in Plan B, you are on my "turf."

Now, your Plan B letter (PBL). What if she doesnt respond? Steve, she will respond. She has to. Even going along and never contacting you ever again is a response. But, I want you to see something here. For the first time in all of this, YOU ARE IN CONTROL. She is RESPONDING to you. She no longer gets to walk around carte blanche. She can make demands until she is blue in the face, but that just means that she is talking to a wall...because you my friend are in NC.

The rules have now been set...not by her...by you. Whether she likes it or not, she will have to abide by them. You are in control. You call the shots now.

In Plan B, it is all about you. It is about getting you out of that mess, to protecting your love for her. It is about starting to piece your life back together, and to get some normalcy to it. It is about working out, getting sleep, eating right. Do you see, the first and most important part of Plan B is YOU...not her.

The second is that she now gets to live with the consequences of her actions. She lives with her decisions. She gets no Steve fixes. She gets nothing. Why do you think she wants to argue and threaten you? If she truly didnt care at all, she would just shut up and do what she has to do to get out of this marriage. Why all the drama?

Ask yourself those questions Steve. If you dont have the answers now, you will shortly...when she explodes. She will scream, threaten, etc. Remain calm and remain in NC. Everytime she tries to contact you, dont answer. I assume that your PBL has set up the boundaries on how to deal with the kids (3rd party, email, etc). Dont be baited into ANY conversations with her.

Instead, start getting your act together...with YOUR life. Financially, legally, socially, etc. You have a lot of work to do...not much time to worry about what she is doing (another benefit of Plan B). Make a plan.

Look, even if she is to come home, she wont be back for awhile. It could be months. When she does, there will be a lot of work to do on your marriage, etc. So use this time alone WISELY! If she comes back, you will need to have your act together financially, etc. If she doesnt, then you will need to be prepared for court...and also be prepared to move on with life and someone else.

So, this time is about you. You will never have this kind of time alone again. So, get done all of those things that you have been putting off. Go back to school, learn to play guitar, whatever. It will make you feel better, will improve your future. And, let me let you in on a little secret...she will find out. She will hear from the kids that you are playing guitar now. She will know thru your contacts that you are very busy because you have put yourself back into school. Or whatever. And what do you think she is going to think? How will she perceive you?

She will see a man, not lost in his mess, but a man that is able to overcome even without her. She will remember why she loved you, and most important, she will wonder what she is going to miss out on. Who is this new Steve guy?

But, the question for you remains the same, Steve. No matter what she does, whether she comes home or leaves, Plan B is still the same for you. That is the beauty of it. You dont have to do one thing to win her back, or another thing to be ready for diorce and a new life. With Plan B, it is the same path.

Get with it. You have sent the PBL. Now, it is her problem. Get on getting your legal house in order. Research everything you can on how to protect yourself and your kids. Find out what it will take for a mother to lose custody of her kids. Get all of the ammo you can on her, so you will be ready. Then work on your life. Write all of this down. Get a big calendar and post it in your house. Plan it all, just like a military operation. Dont leave yourself idle time. Get busy.

In His arms.

I been busy, going out with frends on Thursdays to eat, joined the gym, back working out again.
Mort, I just can hardly belive your story and mine are very close. Wife always talked about the way I sounded when I said stop or dont do that. she said I sounded very mad, mean hateful.maybe she was afraid in some kind of way. Now she does not even speak to me. Waitin to see what happens.

Melody, please read about the Dr and cell records posted above.

Steve, can you elaborate on the doctor's visits thing? How did you find out and how did you ask her and why do you think she would be scared and why would she comply with your request to turn them over? Can you fill me in, oh-man-of-few-words?!

Mel, You are one of the few people to ever say I was a man of few words, this message board thing is NEW to me. The way I found out about the Dr visits is when ever she goes to any Dr, the insurance carrier, Blue Cross, sends a summary of charges form to me, the insurance policy holder. I have then went to the drug store and
done other research on some of the Family type doctors she has gone to. They like to prescribe pills, Loratab, darvocet etc. As I als said earlier, I sent the plan B letter with some of your changes to my wife on Tuesday, no comment yet. The wife is talking about taking the kids to Mardi Gras Monday or Tuesday, I have them this weekend. I have talked to the OM wife. She has all of her Exs cell records and it shows where he and my wife talked on the cell phone
about 10 time per day. once they found out I was
looking at all the records they stopped calling on the cell hpones like each of them died.
If you look at the records its talk talk talk
then STOP. Looks funny, How can they just stop like Bam!, My attornet says it dosent happen like that. They are being very secretive, I also found out the wife (sure its her) got the kids
Nintendo Advance game boys for Valentine day,
she also got tehm Gymnastics workout outfits/warmup suits, she went and bought herself new bikinis and the kids swimsuits as well. Does this sound like she is starving for money. She told the kids they better not tell me about the Nintendos. I promised my 9 year old daughter I would not tell her I knew. They both told me about the nintendo, said they also got more Playstation II games as well. Yet the wife tells all her friends I dont give her any money. I currently give 500 per mo. plus pay car insurance, life insurance and health insurance.
She has no bills except gas for the car and her cel phone. Last month she talked over 1500 minutes on it(to who) this is why I want cell records, she cuts hair and this will prove employment, she also better file a tax return this year!!!!!!!!!She is self employed.

So Steve, does that mean you are going to bust her with this info on the prescriptions and doctors visits? Is that the point?

And I take it you are not a man of few words in person? Are you quiet or chatty? My DH is very very quiet and I am a chatterbox!

I do plan on showing the perscriptions she keeps getting. I know she also takes anti Dep.
My wife and I were/are outgoing, our house
always had people over swiming, hottub cooking out etc. I can be the joke of the party without any problem. If I had to choose my wife is a little more of the social butterfly than I am.
I guess a lot of times I have to make sure on of
us could drive home when we were out. normally when we would go out there were lots of friends
there, (my friends) funny she told me I didnt have any. I do talk more on the phone or in person.

Ok, check this out, Tuesday night while I was out of town I called for the kids several times.
No answers Last night I called and the wife answered, I said Hi S*** may I please speak to one of the girls, she said there not here right now, she then said the reason I did not answer the phone was because you said you did not want to talk to me> I then asked what time the girls would be home and said goodbye.
Today I get home from work and I find out the wife has been to 3 doctors ( Orthopedic) I
caled the Dr and was told they specialize in
Knee, hip and shoulder surgries. The wife does not know I know this. What do I do? I found out
because the insurance sends the billing summary to the house. please advise

Why do you need to do anything?

Maybe I dont really get this Paln B, am I to sit back and let her come to me, let her make the first move. My sister in law is going to take
my wife a check for half the medicine for my daughter this weekend. Mel did you read my last few posts about the doctors etc?

During this paln B How will I know when to start talking with her?

Steve, yes that is right. You just sit back and let her do any contacting in Plan B. Did she ask you for the money for your daughters prescriptions? Yes, I did read your posts about the doctors.

No she has not asked for the money, I want to do my part. I will have to pay for half the meds. once the div. is final. Do you think she was wanting to talk to me the other night.
What your telling me is wait until she tells my sister in law she wants to talk to me, what do you think about my sis in law taking the check by on Sat. She has also been calling one of my other friends we used to go out with. She is talking to him about small things like when I scolded the kids when they were bad, about how everyone feels sorry for me and nobody is thinking about her feelings. My friend tells her
everyone is thinking over her. I asked my friend if she said its over for good and he said she has not said. he will talk to her in the next day or so.

I wouldn't make it easy for her, Steve! Make her belly up to the bar and ASK for the money. And I would also require copies of the bills. Make her SQUIRM!

It sounds like she is trying to get others to help her rationalize the demonization of Steve! That means she isn't too confident about what a bad guy you are and is trying to convince others. I would just sit back and chill.

I kinda get the same feeling, I think she has tried to find someone to say bad things about me other than my ex best friend. just aint gonna find anyone other than her 2 friends that tell her what she wants to hear. I think she may
have some second thoughts, The reason I wnat to pay half is, if she is thinking about me will this
show I am willing to change, not LB, will paying 1/2 of the med deposit love points?

Steve, but that is what you did in Plan A. Now you are in Plan B and not supposed to meet her needs. It is time to make her squirm and put pressure on her. Let her see as much reality as possible. She can come to you and ask for money if she needs more than the $500 you are sending her. You are taking care of your kids' support as agreed with her. You are doing good, just hang in there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

when my friend talks to her later this week, if she tells him she would like to talk to me before
the divorce is final or goes to court or meet me for lunch am I to go meet her? my friend is not the person in the plan B letter, I know he has told her I still care for her and want more than anything for us to workout our dfferences/problems is ther anything wrong with this ?

Steve, yes you should go and talk with her. Don't get your hopes up, but this is the time when many WS get cold feet and want to come back. If she has something to say to you, let her come meet with you and hear what she has to say.

I still hold out hope but have also thought about life without her, I have had several people already tell friends of theirs they want them to meet me once the D is final. I sure hope my wife turns around and comes home. I miss her and the girls everyday.