Go through the depo, and then what? stall divorce date set for April 14th?.
my friend called her by mistake and she said she just loves shopping now, talked about how dark she was from being in the tanning bed and she has colored her hair.

he was going to ask about counseling, see if maybe he can talk her into at least going to listen. he has taken up for me whenever
she starts harping on me, she still talks about the same 2 issues. 2 things in 17 years.

What does she harp about?

about not supporting her when she fell and went to the hospital, she busted her mouth. this was after one of the nights she was out till 3am.
I saw her at the hospital and just left, the other time was not wanting to be a paul bearere at her Grandfathers funeral 10+ years ago. I did not know the man and her 2 brothers refused to be one. I finally gave in and was a paulbearer.

Don't know in what country you live, but in the US, I am not aware of any state where it is a criminal offense to sleep with another man's wife or another woman's husband (although it should be !!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) I am sure your attorney told you this, but unless there is some criminal charge that can be brought against her for her answer to the questions in the interrogatories, taking the 5th is not a proper answer. Does your wife have an attorney?? I would ask your attorney about this and whether you could seek sanctions against them? Just a thought.

Regards,

Brit's Brat (BS)

Thanks Britt, I think part of the reason she took the 5th is to keep from looking bad infront of her friends and her father. She does have an attorney. The OM admitted in his D he had an affair.
I was talking to the kids tonight and asked about the day at the beach thye had today with the wife. I then asked if some friend went because the kids said they were going. when my daughter answered the qustion I heard my wife say tell him I can take 3 kids to the beach, I dont need anyone to go with me.

I feel like putting the D off, I also feel like getting it over with.

just got a message from my attorney that the wifes attorney has postponed the Deposisition set for tomm.

I'm glad cause I really dont want to put her through this.

depo's have been postponed. Do all of you think this is normal. I want to talk to her so bad. I really feel we can work this out. I think right now she is caught up in money, like I said, she has had around 30K given to her since July. She
works a couple of hours per day cutting hair.

She shops all of the time. Something she has always enjoyed.

Also as I said above she always brings up the same 2 instances. Is there no way she can look at the big picture. I think since she has the kids she feels like she won and knows this hurts me.
instances

but in the US, I am not aware of any state where it is a criminal offense to sleep with another man's wife or another woman's husband
I believe 21 states have criminal laws against it.
I don't believe there are any that actually prosecute though.

NEW HAMPSHIRE!!

Friend of mine divorced there, on grounds of adultery.
Her WH and OW had to testify! (I believe she brought them up on charges...not sure what the outcome of that was) But...
Divorce went quite nicely in her favor!!

NEW HAMPSHIRE!!

Friend of mine divorced there, on grounds of adultery.
Her WH and OW had to testify! (I believe she brought them up on charges...not sure what the outcome of that was) But...
Divorce Settlement went quite nicely in her favor!!

Shugah, we are in Alabama not New Hamp.

what do you think about putting off the divorce.

should I finally say I struck out divorce her,
be a weekend dad and get remarried one day.

or say screw it and move to Las Vegas, get a casino job and live out the rest of my life.

I know the wife talks bad about me to the kids.

I really dont like paying a bunch of child support that will be used for Tanning beds, getting her nails done and other stuff.

I'l quit my present job and make it hard on everyone iof this is what she wants!

Chris, I would be interested in knowing the states that have criminal statutes for criminal conversation/alienation of affection, or anything making it an offense to sleep with another person's spouse. I don't profess to be a criminal or family law attorney - just one of those corporate kind - but thought that, while a few states still recognize a civil cause of action for alienation of affection, most, including the one in which I live have abolished such criminal statutes.

Regards,

Brit's Brat

please read my last posts

BACK TO THE TOP

Here is a quick reply.

From the Washington Post after the Clinton & Lewinsky scandal.

"Because -- just for the record -- adultery is, in fact, a crime. Berra's student's instincts were inarguably right: An "extramarital affair" is illegal in the District of Columbia, where adultery is a misdemeanor with a maximum penalty of $500 or 180 days in jail. It's a misdemeanor as well in Virginia, Maryland and more than 20 other states, and a felony in Idaho, Massachusetts, Michigan, Oklahoma and Wisconsin.

And though the law is rarely enforced, it's not never enforced: As recently as 1980, a Massachusetts couple were spotted having sex in a van and, when they admitted they were married but not to each other, arrested for adultery. The man admitted his guilt and paid a fine of $50, but the woman appealed, invoking the same right of privacy defined in landmark contraception and abortion cases. The court rejected the argument and upheld the conviction.

Closer to home, in Maryland, there's a bill in the legislature that, far from striking the state's archaic adultery law from the books, would expand the criminal definition of adultery to include extramarital affairs with partners of the same sex: If, for example, a woman leaves her husband for another woman, she could be convicted of adultery and fined the penalty of $10. This bill wasn't introduced by an anti-gay constituency; just the opposite, it was introduced to assist couples seeking to dissolve their marriage when one partner comes out of the closet. In Maryland, adultery is the only grounds for an immediate divorce; other grounds, such as desertion and separation, require a waiting period. So the effect of the bill would be to ensure that homosexual liaisons could also be used as grounds for obtaining a quick and, equally important, cheap divorce."

People, I really dont care if it's a crime.

I am asking for advice on the best methods to stop/delay or whatever you want to call it the divorce.

I am asking for your experience and what worked or did not work.

I want my marriage to be rebuilt.

I know the final decision is mine but would like to hear options or advice.

Please post the legal stuff elsewhere

Steve, I don't think anyone has any magic answers that will turn a toad into a princess. The truth is that your W is hellbent on getting a divorce and nothing you have done, Plan A or Plan B, has changed her mind. In fact, any kind gestures on your part have only seemed to make her MORE hostile and cause her to mock you.

I don't know what the answer is, but I do suspect that she would probably view a postponement as a sign of weakness and a fresh opportunity to mock you. But then, you know the situation better than any of us, so you would know best. What is your suggestion?

<small>[ March 31, 2004, 10:59 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Steve:

FOLLOW the plans. That's all the advice I think I'm 2ualified 2 give these days.

The simple truth is that you can't make your WW do anything she isn't ready 2 or doesn't want 2. All you can control are your own actions. Plan B is designed 2 help you keep yourself under control, be yourself for yourself, and protect you from being affected by the things your W says/does.

Want 2 stall the DV? Then stall. Stay within the law, but only just. Wait until the deadlines, that kind of thing. But definitely protect yourself regarding visitation rights or custody as much as you have 2 when you have 2.

Then wait, and be prepared that DV might be the outcome anyway. It's all you can do.

-ol' 2long

I think I broke plan B, I called for the kids last night several times, they did not answer.

I called this am at 8 and the wife answers, I ask to speak with the kids and she tell me she will have them call me. I told her I called last night several times with no answer. She told me to call her cell phone. I told her I was not going to call her cell. I told her if they were not at home I was not going to bother them. I asked her to have the kids call me when they got
back to her fathers. She said no she was not going to do that.

She then started crying saying I was making her spend a lot of money on attorneys, her moms insurance money. I told her I was not making her do anything. I asked her to please stop crying and she did. I told her I was going to pick up the kids tomorrow and she said well go thing you told me. I then told her I asked the kids to tell her all week long, seem funny she hears me tell the kids to clean their room, brush thier teeth etc but dosent hear me tell the kids I will pick them up on Friday.

She then started saying how for the last 15 years she was unhappy, I told her wait till court and tell me, I told her not to listen to other people, she said I done heard bla la bla.
I told her to wait till court.

She still is under the impression I am going for custody of the kids. I have not told her I am or am not, she has made up her on mind with the help of her friends all 2 of them. She then said after 15 years of marriage all you want to give me is half the furniture, She left, I dont think she deserves that, she left, walked out, quit on me and our daughters friends and family.

I think I broke plan B, I called for the kids last night several times, they did not answer.

I called this am at 8 and the wife answers, I ask to speak with the kids and she tell me she will have them call me.
Your conversation should have stopped right there.

I then told her I asked the kids to tell her all week long,
Do not use the kids to pass on messages, even if it is only about picking up or dropping them off.

She then started saying how for the last 15 years she was unhappy, I told her wait till court and tell me,
If you don't want a divorce, don't tell her to "wait until court."
You should not be "egging" her on to court or agreeing to everything.
Simply let it stand as it is.
If she says things about going to court or the divorce, jsut tell her, "oh, okay." No need to discuss it.