lisa ... you are amazing. i hope sarie is picking up what you're laying down. i can't help but feel otherwise.

Boy oh boy, am I addicted to this place right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Anyway, after I leave in a few hours this morning, I am seriously out of here for a few days.

Whippit thank you so much for your kind words. I never feel that I am of much help really. I don't feel that I *deserve* to help in some ways, because I think I was so foolish and stupid back during the A that I couldn't possibly make a difference or give advice to anyone else. But I think having watched my friend press that self destruct button I just so want to try and help Sarie because I become very very scared for people because I know how devasting the outcome can be.....

Sarie, my friend is so like you. So in love with OM1, so adamant that she didn't want to hurt her H and was never going to tell him. Eventually it comes round and does bite you in the bum - maybe not now, next week, next year but eventually it will. You know what my Mum told me she had once said to my brother (goodness knows what he was up to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) "You should only ever behave in a way that if anything goes wrong, you can take full responsibility for your actions. Remember whatever you do, be prepared for the consequences of that if you are ever discovered or exposed"

Sarie, you are still in a fantasy world, as my friend was (don't know how she is doing now), still in an EA with OM, still hurting your H and Linda (gosh I feel so sorry for her that she's getting involved with someone who continues to lie to her). Your H has a fundamental right to know - you have denied him for so many years. Maybe he wouldn't want to stay with you anymore - and that dear would be his choice - it is not yours.

Take care Sarie

Lisa

Lisa in London

I have read most of your posts to different people and I am impressed by how far you have come in such a short time. You have learned so much so fast. I wish for you the best on your holiday.

Beau

Thank you so much Beau - you are very kind. I only want to help because I don't want people to go through what I did - mostly due to my own selfishness and pretty mad behaviour <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> But we can all learn, we can all dig deep for the right answers and the right way forward. Most of my learning has come from the support of all the wonderful people here - people who never gave up on me, people who cared even though they barely knew me, people who carried me when I thought I couldn't go on any further.

It is within all of us to make those changes, but only we can decide that we want to.

I am certainly now beginning to enjoy the thought of my trip - it's a wedding I'm off to, isn't that a lovely thought!

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Have a great trip!

You are an awesome humanitarian and a very smart woman.

Helping someone like Sarie is often very difficult because she is not accustomed to hearing the naked truth, and (sometimes) when she hears the naked truth she feels confused and retreats back into fantasyland. Unless one is very agressive with her she doesn't process the facts but applies another layer of sugar onto them.

It's a fine line between encouraging and supporting positive changes ...

and....

giving a little electric shock with a probe of truth therapy !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Have a wonderful Holiday Season.

Cheeri~o Lisa In London

Pep

Dear Sarie, God Bless and Keep you as you travel on your painful but necessary journey "home" to be 100% a part of your FAMILY.

To me, FAMILY is where the heart belongs.

Take care,

Pep

Lisa, Pepper:

Well, I came back. I couldn't really sign off like that, it's not me. I 2 commend Lisa for what she's learned and how insightful her posts are. I don't know if I've done that before, and it needed doing.

Sarie, I hope you understand that when I sound upset with you it's because I see so much of my FWW's past behaviors in what you're describing now. I know how bad it feels 2 be told, for almost 2 years now "I will always care very deeply for RM. You can't expect that 2 change", knowing that each time she said that, I was getting closer and closer 2 a healthy detached state of mind where I COULD move on without her if that's what I need 2 do. But I don't move on because I see her making progress every day. I only see it though, because I found out about her A when I did. If I hadn't, at best I'd be living in blissful ignorance, at worst I'd be continuing a mediocre, dysfunctional M.

It 2k until just recently for my W 2 offer an NC agreement of sorts. At first, I wondered why I didn't just jump at the offer, but CSue made me realize why I didn't: I want the offer 2 be genuinely something SHE wants for HER. Not something she's doing 2 placate me. I think that, with a little more time and effort on both our parts 2ward radical honesty and POJA, we'll get there.

NONE of this REAL SPIRI2AL GROWTH would be even remotely possible if I didn't know about the A, whether it was over or not.

CHOOSE 2 do the right thing, Sarie. In the process, re2rn your H's right 2 CHOOSE his own fu2re 2 HIM, the only rightful owner of his fu2re.

-ol' 2long

to 2long:

if you want a burrito, you can have a little bite of mine.

** resume thread **