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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Surviving an Affair Does coming home then going back to Other Person prolong an affair?

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Re: Does coming home then going back to Other Person prolong an affair? #1105268 01/10/04 09:31 AM
Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 470 L lost-without-her OP Member
OP lost-without-her Member L Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 470	I agree I need to be in plan B for me. The less I see and know about my W the better, at least that was how I felt the last time being in plan B. I've been messing up with my plan B alot lately, well, kinda messing up. I haven't actually talked with or seen WW, but I have left messages on her cell phone... I live in Alaska and the weather has been terrible here for the last couple of weeks. My WW works from 1pm to 11pm and she has to drive about 50 miles to her work. I drive basically the same route, but I work from 7am to 4pm. Anyway, I know she keeps her cell phone off most of the time but she has voicemail. When the roads and weather are bad, I've been leaving messages on her voicemail warning her about it and telling her to leave early to get to work on time. I also tell her I worry. I haven't actually talked to her since she moved back out and I feel pretty good about that. I probably shouldn't leave messages for her, but I do worry and I don't think I'm doing harm in doing so. If any of you out there feel this is not a good idea, please let me know and let me know the reason. I know, I'm enabling her by continuously contacting her and meeting some of those needs the OM should be fulfilling. But, what if he isn't filling these needs and she sees that I care more than he does, is this wrong? I don't know...

Re: Does coming home then going back to Other Person prolong an affair? #1105269 01/10/04 10:24 AM
Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906 A ark^^ Member
ark^^ Member A Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906	Hey Alaska..keep your darn blasted cold air up-err as we say down here.... welll lostwith... one of the BIG points of Plan B is so that the unfullfillment of her needs by him is FELT by her....... you can't call it plan b if you are iniating such contact especially one that is so kind and concerning.... I suggest you stop it....if you are going to consider yourself in plan b...it means NO contact...especially the kind you are doing.. otherwise your plan b letter means nadda... ark... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Re: Does coming home then going back to Other Person prolong an affair? #1105270 01/15/04 08:41 AM
Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 470 L lost-without-her OP Member
OP lost-without-her Member L Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 470	Got back into plan B again. No messages on her cell phone. No contact. Still having good days and bad days. Not much else happening....

Re: Does coming home then going back to Other Person prolong an affair? lost-without-her #2805892 06/07/14 07:06 AM
Joined: Aug 2013 Posts: 17 O OldPilot Junior Member
OldPilot Junior Member O Joined: Aug 2013 Posts: 17	I have been looking for this thread for quite a while as the fourth post by ark^^ has been circulated around the internet for quite a while. ark^^ wherever you are thank you for posting this. And thank you to Marriage Builders for letting her do that too.

Re: Does coming home then going back to Other Person prolong an affair? lost-without-her #2805932 06/07/14 03:25 PM
Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe J Jedi_Knight Member
Jedi_Knight Member J Joined: Nov 2011 Posts: 11,239 Another universe	I wonder how it turned out for this poster

Re: Does coming home then going back to Other Person prolong an affair? Jedi_Knight #2805940 06/07/14 08:44 PM
Joined: Aug 2013 Posts: 17 O OldPilot Junior Member
OldPilot Junior Member O Joined: Aug 2013 Posts: 17	Here is the last thread for lost-without-her http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=122475&Number=1441924#Post1441924

Re: Does coming home then going back to Other Person prolong an affair? ark^^ #3008798 07/18/19 04:34 AM
Joined: Aug 2013 Posts: 17 O OldPilot Junior Member
OldPilot Junior Member O Joined: Aug 2013 Posts: 17	Originally Posted by ark^^ Your wife is in huge conflict.... the good news is and the truth is that she is totally incapable of a healthy relationship with anyone right now... her actions are actions that she does not like in herself right now.... her actions towards you, the children, the OM, and herself...keep her from engaging in any type of real interactions... all she offers are misguided attempts to fill the void that has appeared in her life... yet the filling is way to fleeting to sustain her and the truth is with her each night lays down her regardless of whom is next to her.... she is the living cliche..of no matter where you go to hide...there YOU are... she is lost to herself... and you lostwithouther stand at that point of being her lighthouse home....even though she creates the waves that block her vision from seeing that... You become the lighthouse..you fill your home wiht light, calmness and sanctuary... see just visualize yourself as a lighthouse... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Your offer her glimpses into that sanctuary at every chance you get... you invite her towards it...let her know it is there as much as you can in a most subtle way.... she is untrustable right now... but you know that...so she can't hurt you right now...she will spend great energy to convince others differently...but you know better... you show her the path by also protecting the children from her... set clear boundaries that the OM is not part of your childrens lives.... without lovebusting... offer alternatives that let her see the children...but be clear that he is to have no access to them... you fill the childrens lives with stability....they deserve it and need it more than anything else.... Do not discuss and or powerstruggle with her on her irrational movements...seek out and validate the rational ones with lots of praise for when she chooses correctly.... your wife is very lonely and sad right now..but that is OK...no one can stay very long in that chaos...it is wearisome to the soul... and remove yourself from any aspect of participating or adding to her chaos...and eventually she will see that you are the only one...who stood with clarity and reason when she needed it most... be the lighthouse.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> OK that's really out there I know.... strength to you.. ARkK I love this post and am so happy it is still here and has not been purged! Thanks MB.

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