oooohhhh matilde!!!!!

change that...
I have learned there are a LOT of things that escapes my control, and what I can only control NOW, are my feelings or the way I think.

you can't control your emotions....they are what they are.....they are pure chemical reactions....
you can't turn a switch....
and be mad...
and we all know you can't turn a switch a be "happy"...
you can only control your actions...
but you really did know that already..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

lostin...

OK, help me on this one....while I see that a night out is not necessarily harmful to the H, please explain why it is not disrespectful to his feelings - and also how it is not denying his EN for....say recreational companionship....I'm still a little fuzzy on this.

this example is difficult it way over simplifies...
going out one night with the girls should not and does not DENY recreational companionship unless recreational companaionship is not occuring...anywhere else..

so then the issue is not the night...the issue is the unmet need in general...and if "you" the going out one....chooses to agree and make it like it is solved with "not going out"...you aren't fixing what's broke...

I guess lessons well learned are to really listen to what is being said...

But I do think it is often a concept that people take for granted. How often do we hear "you make me sooo happy" or "I am so happy when I am with you." It has taken this entire experience for me to really look at myself and see that I need to build an internal support structure to make my own happiness and peace. Prior to that, I hung my entire being on whether or not my H was happy with me or not. Basically, I let him define me.

I don't know...I don't often listen to hear how happy I make someone...
not that that is good or bad...
I guess it's the not the "words" I'm searching for....its the actions...and if I was expending all this energy and stll not getting the action or response...
it would be frustrating...

ARK