nid - I support everything auto and Mel have advised (on both threads <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ).

The only thing I'd add is to repeat the recommendation to get an appointment with Steve Harley - possibly before any exposure. I bet auto and Mel would agree, as long as you don't have to wait too long.

BTW, you did a good job confronting him about the contact. An excellent job. The key is staying calm. We know it's ripping your guts out and it's dern hard. But gain strength in knowing you have the collective knowledge of us here and you know WAY more than H and OW about the physiology of affairs.

Knowledge is power and STRENGTH!!

Exposure is a tuff choice, but the right choice in continuing affairs. You hold the cards about when it will occur. OF COURSE your H doesn't want exposure. But, I bet that a lot of people know already. Your H and OW - in their intoxicated stupor - may think they're pulling a fast one on everybody. This is VERY common among WSs. But until the WSs know everyone knows, they don't suffer any embarassment.

Hey, why do you think the term "embarassment" is used in conjunction with exposure?

BECAUSE AFFAIRS ARE WRONG!!!

Exposure doesn't CAUSE the embarassment! The AFFAIR DOES!!!!!!!!

OK, I'll stop yelling.

Seriously, the decision to expose is always a tuff one. If you can get an appointment with Steve, he'll do a better job than us explaining why it's needed and how to do it. But I can promise this: he will insist it be done one way or another if you want to take the best course to restore your marriage.

Don't get me wrong. Your marriage MAY be restored without exposure, and it may completely fail WITH it. But the track record is crystal clear - affairs are fantasy and the best way to cease fantasy is to expose it as fantasy.

We're with you.

WAT

<small>[ January 31, 2004, 05:44 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Thanks again everyone. I feel so much better than I did yesterday.

I will consider talking to the Harleys, but I will have to discuss that with my H. I can't just go and spend $180 (?) and not tell him.

And I really do believe I know my H better than anyone. If I expose him, he will not forgive me. I'm starting to believe (we just had another big discussion, I didn't LB, but I crumbled) that if I can just show him that we have hope, he will come back to this marriage. I hurt him deeply 5 years ago. Its obvious his pain is still there. I want to stop the hurt.

I've told him I'll respect his decision if he decides to separate. I'm not going to make any threats to expose. He says his goal is to find out if we can start anew, as friends first. I know he loves me, he has said so.

Thanks for all your advice everyone. I know it is frustrating for you guys to see me go back and forth on this exposure thing. I just don't want to make a mistake.