SDFR,
You don't think it was normal? Don't married people, behind closed doors, have their own private sexual fantasies?

Fantasies? FANTASIES? Oh my goodness, you surely must know the difference between fantasies and actions. Fantasies are thinking about going out in a mini skirt and no underpants. Actions are actually doing it. Fantasies are thinking about cyber anonymous sex and web cams. Actions are actually buying a web cam, installing one and using it. You two are way beyond fantasies.

Hey, a swinging life style is fine for many people as long as both parties are equally in favor of it. Pushing a less reluctant spouse along into a swinging life is borderline abusive.

Here is what must happen. You must either decide that you are equally as enthusiastic about an "out there" sexual life and rid yourself of the guilt OR you must put up appropriate boundaries and be willing to enforce them. Personally, I would go for emotional intimacy with my spouse and a monogamous life, but you go with what is right for you.

I do have to say that I don't think that this site is appropriate site for you at the present time. Either you are being sexually abused and you need to seek help for that (and so does he) OR you need to move forward into a swinging life and find a web site that furthers that.

I can only speak for myself, but I find your posts very, very upsetting. I can't imagine any loving husband pushing the wife he loves into situations that leave her with mounds of guilt, no matter how sexually gratifying he might find her sexual adventures. It is usery. He is using you for his own gratification. That isn't love. It is some form of .....God knows what, power struggle. Would you push your child this far against his or her will or would you act in your child's best interest? I am not talking about sexually exploiting your child. Would you push your child to shoplift just for the thrill you get out of seeing him or her succeed at it? Could you possibly be happy or feel like a good mother if what you coerced your child to do left him filled with self-doubt, guilt and shame? Why would your husband do this to you expect for his own pleasure at your expense? Would you encourage your sister or best friend in this type of sexual behavior? In your shoes, I think I would feel quite used and abused, especially given his career choice and traing in the human psyche.

Please seek help. He is playing horrible mind games with you.

MJ

MJ,
Thanks for your words of thoughts. I don't know what to do or what to think at this point. But, I will leave this site alone, as not to upset anyone any more than I have. Thanks again. And I am sorry.
BD

BD why leave?

No one is advocating you leaving. What concerns so many of us is that this sexual lifestyle your husband seeks is not what you are seeking as well. Instead you appear to be an unwilling or unenthusiastic participant in your husbands fantasies.

Yes married couples do seek to fulfill their sexual needs...but note its THEIR sexual needs not his not her needs. When one spouses needs do not account for the other then there is some level of exploitation at the least and abuse at the worst. I see abuse in my book.

Thanks for the reply. Not much to say here. Got some names of some MC. Haven't called for an appt yet, but will soon. Keep the reply coming, please. I check for them often.
Thanks, BD

Babydoll,


Your H is using you as a sex object in a very distructive way. H needs IC regarding his sexual needs. He has some very unhealthy ideas about desire. What he is having you do is not healthy for the marriage and is very emotionally harmful to you.

Try MC for both of you and them perhaps the MC can point him in the direction of IC.

Beau

Thanks so much. I will.
BD

I need help. Don't know what to do. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. My husband is making me check in with him and account for every second. This is driving me crazy. Worse, I think it is pushing me away from him. I used to love how secure and confident and free he was. I was attracted to man he used to be. Not to who he is now. He is turning me off in so many ways. He is even looking thru my stuff, my car. I love him and I want this to work. But, I don't know how much more I can take. I keep telling myself, he can't help it. After what I did to him, he has every right to feel and act any way he wants. I and believe that. But, I can not help how it is affecting me. I just hope soon, he will get over all this and we can go on with our lives together. Soon, before more damaged is caused. I want him to heal not for me, but for him first and then for us. He is not the man he used to be. I know it is not his fault. But, do you think he will ever get back to man he was? Or could he just be using this whole thing as a reason to treat me like this? I don't know anymore. I don't how I feel anymore. I just want to be happy again. I have never been this unhappy.NEVER!!! This kind of life is not me. Am I being selfish? What? Some one, help, PLEASE!!!!