I am curious if many people have come to the conclusion that they should take off their wedding ring, even if that decision was only to do it temporarily.

Why did you reach that conclusion? Did wearing it provide bad memories? Was it a trigger? Did you feel like you really were no longer married in your (or your spouse's) heart? Was removing it a psychological part of a plan to get your wayward spouse to return? Did you finally decide that marriage was over no matter what you wanted or could do about it?

When did you decide to take off the ring? On D-day, when your spouse moved out, after to many betrayals? When the divorce was final?

The only time I had taken my ring off was when I played sports. After she abandoned me I couldn't bear to take it off and cried even when I took it off to play ball. But as the months went on and I gradually lost affection for her, I kept it on only to remind myself of the commitment. I still have it on as we are still married in the eyes of God and man, but I have no real attachment to it otherwise. Right now it's just a piece of silver to me.

If she gets her D, I will request that her ring be returned to me. I will sell it and put the money in savings. I will then use those funds to buy my future W a ring. I will offer my W my ring, but I doubt she would want it. If she doesn't, I'll sell it, too. I don't want it laying around - too many memories and hurt.

I never took off my ring. On D-Day and in the following months, I was devastated but always knew I wanted to work things out with my H. Plus, he had his on and that gave me hope. I wasn't sure my H had any hope for our M at that time, but I kept my ring on just in case he did.

My H never moved out, but even if he had I think I'd have worn the ring until I'd given up hope. I wouldn't have continued to wear it *only* because of being legally married, but if we had D'd I think I'd have taken it off just to help myself realize things were over.

Jazzey - It's tough, isn't it? When my W bugged out she took our wedding album with her and hid our marriage certificate in the basement. I can't even look at the pictures of the most important day of my life. I cry for you and all others here.

Through out our M (17 yrs) I awlays wore my ring, yet H wouldn't. I begged and pleaded, he would put it on a bit and then take it off for whatever reason.

When we separated, I guess (this was wrong) I took mine off as a sort of rebellion. Then after he saw that, he was then saying.. Lets not take off our rings. I will find mine and put it back on if you put yours on. At that point I was still full of anger and bitterness, so the point was mute!

When we reconciled, (three months ago) we made a point to put our rings on, and NEVER take them off!

I took mine off on D-day and haven't put it back yet. I won't. That wedding band was a symbol of his vows...to include fidelity....and he broke that vow. I will not put it back on. I told him that I believe we were spiritually divorced as soon as he started sleeping with OW. I told my h that he will have to propose again (the same diamond is okay...not the same symbolism and WAY too expensive to replace), repeat our vows, and buy me a new band as a symbol of a new vow(or have mine remade). I miss my ring horribly. The empty place is a reminder of what he did. But I refuse to rush anything. We are living together and going through the motions, but the onnus to repair the gulf is on him. We've agreed to not rush the vows until after the 6 month point, but I would like my engagement ring back (sigh). Right now I'm wearing this little double heart ring (like a $99 ring) that he bought me almost 14 years ago for my 21st BD. It reminds me of how long he has had feelings for me and that they will stand the test of time.

Very interesting comments. Thank you. More are welcome. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I should tell you what triggered my interest in wearing or not wearing my wedding ring. I had decided that I would continue to wear it as I still consider myself a good husband who has been wronged.

But, I spent last night cleaning up junk left by my WW when she moved out. One item among the junk was a shoebox with old newspaper clippings and several printed e-mails to the OM. No doubt she forgot the e-mails were in with the clippings. The e-mails show me that the length and especially the depth of this affair are much greater than I had assumed. I had assumed in the early years they met only a few times a year to 'test the waters' of infidelity, so to speak. The e-mails show a frequency and depth of betrayal and deception that is almost beyond belief.

It now appears that the last 1/3 or maybe 1/2 of our long marrige has been a sham.

I will wait to see how this plays out over the next few months, but I am starting to feel that the cause is hopeless. Thus I feel like a fool wearing the wedding ring. If not foolish, then I feel like a hypocrit who is pretending to be something (happily married) that he is not.

I have taken off my wedding rings before when I do cleaning but I also have taken off my engagement ring and eternity band most of the time now.I keep going back and forth with wearing them all or just my wedding band.I still want to wear them because I am still married,"for better or for worse,til death you do part,etc" and I am not ready to put them away for good.I also don't want any added attention from men if they see that I am not wearing any wedding rings.Can't handle that right now.

My WH still wears his,at least when he was home but there is now ANOTHER ring on his hand(SICK!),a silver piece of junk from the homewrecker I'm sure(which he lied to my mother about) but it will never compare to the ring I gave him for his 30th birthday.I didn't think I could be more disgusted by WH actions but that just adds to it all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

O

Mine stayed on until the day after the divorce was final. I was married until then.

Auto and Other,

I need help here.

My original band broke and I stopped wearing it. I didn't want to lose it or break it anymore that it was. While we were in Mexico, prior to our mutual D-day, we both bought silver bands to wear. She'd stopped wearing her original band a while ago. Anyhow, we had our d-day and she told me to take my ring off because I didn't deserve to wear it. I took it off for an hour or so and put it back on.

Fast forward three months and she gets me a new wedding band for Christmas and she begins to wear her original wedding ring every day. She gets a call that says while I was at a friends bar months before d-day I was hitting on every woman I saw. Not the truth because I was with the OW at this bar everytime. Anyhow, it seems like we're almost back at D-day at times. She now only wears her ring when we go to church(2x's) or family is coming over the house or go to a school function with the kids.

What's going through her mind on the selection process of why she wears her ring on just those occassion? I wear the ring she bought me for Christmas night and day and in between night and day and every second, well I guess you get the picture. It's just a reminder to me that at one point she was looking future tense concerning us.

Please share your thoughts...

i took off my rings around d-day. i couldnt bear to wear them at the time. it represented a broken promise to me. he vowed fidelity and the ring was a symbol of it. i made him wear his, and when he asked why he had to and i didnt, i calmly told him my vow wasnt broken and his ring still symbolized it. i put it back on a few months later but it hurts to look at. i wear it for him, i feel nothing but hurt when i look at it.

I took mine off shortly after D-day in November. It was too painful a reminder to wear and look at all the time (I had a habit of playing with it when it was on my finger), and since the A is still continuing, I will continue not to wear it until something changes for the better. I have debated, if he does come back to me, having him just buy me a simple wedding band to wear.

We never got to that point and I'm glad. Sometimes I wondered if FWS ever took off his ring when he was with OW. It must have been weird for her to be with him and see it on his finger. I suspect he didn't take it off -- he actually loves his ring -- he picked it out himself.

During the A, I asked him when we would take off our rings. Even though I never asked for a divorce, if we went to Plan B, I would have been divorced in my heart and would have taken off my ring at some point.

<small>[ February 02, 2004, 06:01 PM: Message edited by: lbc ]</small>

I took mine off about 5 minutes after D-time. It was the second thing I did. Number one was to phone him and telling him to come home from work and move out. The third thing was to phone my parents.

I will not put it back on, as I feel as if our marriage was a sham. He never really wore his in the first place (now I know why!).

I don't know at this point whether I will ever put it back on or not. Guess I'll see whether we ever get back toghether or not.

I have not stopped wearing my ring since D-Day.
It was one of the first things I thought of and I left it on as a symbol to ME that I wanted to stay married and recover from this. If I had taken it off I think it would have been the last gesture in me giving up.
I told H my thoughts on this. He knows what it will mean if I do stop wearing it. I notice that when I have a rough period where I am angry, sad, resentful, etc. he checks my finger often.

I am leaning strongly towards taking my ring off, but wearing it on a chain around my neck.

That would be a symbol of my contrary feelings. On one hand I feel that my marriage is and has been a sham for years, due to the infidelity of my wife. On the other hand it is still important to me, it is near to my heart and my being, and I want to restore it and make it better.

My wife took off her wedding ring, as well as a newer sapphire ring from me about a week before we separated in July. I can't say for sure why she has kept them off since, but I expect it is for a few reasons:

1. She does not feel like we are married any more
2. She is flirtatious (or at least likes the attention she gets from men and a wedding ring would cramp her style.

I continue to wear mine because we are still married. Furthermore, I do not want to tempt fate with any other women.

SBNS

Yes, Jazzy, that is a shame to put the wedding ring in a box and forget about it.

I will be wearing mine all my waking hours. But, I want my WW to put it back on my ring finger when she decides to recommit to our marriage. that will be a joyous day, if and when it happens.