Hmm.....interesting thought committed to cut out the latter paragraphs.....but I feel the need to tell him those things so as not to feel like an evil person or something. Those words are from the heart and I am pretty sure that want him to hear them.

I have actually just finished writing the letter out in handwriting as it appeared above, although that first paragraphy took up the first page of note paper, so I will have the option of considering shortening it up. I won't be dropping it off until after work.

Thanks,

Jen

Jen

The latter paragraphs seem to continue the "if we only could have" theme you and him have been running with months now.

Don't send that part. If you are truly at peace then with this decision then there is no use trying to defend your decision. It is what it is.

I totally agree with stunned dad. That first paragraph is more than sufficient. It's precise, to the point, and not an LB in it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The final choice is YOURS Jen. Only you can decide if you're going to continue to play those games.

Karen

I second Stunned Dad and Topie. If you truly want to tell him the last part, then send it in a separate letter.

Jen,

I would have to agree with committed's suggestion that you stick with the first paragraph. State the matter of facts and leave it at that. Adding all the emotional mumbo jumbo afterwards just infers that he still has a hold on you. Let him go.

ba109

<small>[ February 10, 2004, 05:05 PM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

Well, I seriously thought about whether I could live with myself if I just gave him the first paragraph, but I just can't. I needed to have the chance to say everything else one last time, and for once, he couldn't cut me off or argue back, because it's in writing on paper.

Thanks to you all for pointing out how it seems to be continuing a game of emotional volley-ball, but from here on out, I don't intend to reach out to him or contact him again, except maybe in a few months once I've had the time to scan pictures from our mutual photo albums.

Ah, 'tis good to know I've said my peace to him, and I'm officially out of limbo!!

Jen

Well I was feeling at peace. While I was out tonight at the gym and then at a late movie, my H called here 3 times and left messages. He had not been into his mailbox obviously. He said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(1) I'm imagining that the Dv papers are in the mail b/c you never got back to me after my calls on Friday and Saturday.....(2)It's me again, I have absolutely no idea what I did to get ignored, was it because I didn't try to sleep with you after dinner last week?....(3)I'm absolutely confused why you're pissed at me, I don't get it at all. I don't understand why you're not taking my calls. Send me an email or something if you like to explain, but I just don't get it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So I did send him a short email at home just now. I informed him that I was out of town on Fri./Sat. and out tonight, that he had done nothing wrong, that he guessed right, that the papers have been filed, and that he should read the note that I left him in the mailbox, since it explained things as best I could. I told him sorry for not returning his calls, but that it's just that much harder to do what my rational side knows is best when I hear his voice and all the memories come rushing back from the past.

I guess I blindsided him again. As he said, I blindsided him last June when he thought things were going well, and I ran to my lawyer to start Dv proceedings. Then in his eyes I blindsided him again when he wouldn't make a commitment to me at the end of Sept. when things were going well, and I again went back to my lawyer and pushed things along some. And who knows, maybe he thinks things were going okay this time too, but I can't imagine him treating me the way I think I deserve to be treated. I can only imagine more of the same. I can't even begin to fathon having kids with him as he is.

It's funny, when he thinks things are going well, they're still not good enough for me. It's a clear cycle as well. Good thing I've tried to actually end it this time.

Hearing his voice in those messages makes me wonder two things: 1) if he still does care and is actually hurt by my ignoring him, or 2) if he is just upset that he is unable to control me and get me to see him when he wants.

Sigh,

Jen

Of course he's upset that you haven't answered his phone calls! That means he has no idea of your whereabouts, and this lack of control he has over you (finally) is driving the controller MAD!

But you know what Jen? That's HIS problem. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

True true Topie!!

This morning when I got to work, I emailed him and asked him if he'd checked his mailbox or his home email. He claimed that he had not, and then proceeded to write this (the smart a$$ he is). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> No but let me guess it probably goes something like this.
>
> Dear John,
>
> "Unfortunately due to your lack of effort I have decided to divorce your
> [censored]! Time to move on! You are not the same person I used to love! I
> will however love you and I thank you for all the great years we spent
> together! You will always be dear to me! No one will ever be as good in
> bed as you! Nobody will ever make the bling you did! Nobody will ever
> treat me as well as you did when you loved me!"
>
> Love Always
>
> Jensababe</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So I didn't blindside him. He knows me all too well. Or rather, maybe he did read it and is pretending he didn't or something. I didn't reply to that email. He's a youknowwhat for mocking me. A youknowwhat that won't get to have me as his wife anymore!

Jen <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Oddly enough, my H called here and since I didn't answer yet again, he left a simple message saying he'd read my note and to get back to him. So I called him back a while later, and we had a completely friendly conversation, joked around a bit even, were both totally nice to each other, even as I explained a bit further about why I feel I just need to go ahead with the Dv. We talked a bit about how we feel about this whole Dv (he said his stomach is in knots). We went on to chat about friends and family like old pals and work and stuff like that.

True to form, he asked if I wanted to go over there, and I said no. I guess I should be thankful for how amicable things are between us. No one hates each other, we just couldn't work it out. He is so shocked that I'm not out trying to date other people, but as usual I told him I am still married so forget it. I won't consider dating other people until the Dv is final.

I thought talking to him would leave me in tears, but I'm actually okay. I'm glad we're able to be friendly with each other. Who knows, maybe we'll get along better without commitment and pressure, and sometime down the road we could find a way to try being together again, in a healthier way.

I don't really have any questions tonight, I just thought I'd give y'all an update. That and it helps me to process things when I type about them.

Jen