Freetobe, Thanks for that link. I think it's a great idea to write her.

I posted here right after watching the show, and I felt so sick, sad, disturbed by it. I still do, and it somehow struck me even to the point of tears... kinda just angry and sad tears. Not for myself but just the whole institution of marriage. To me, the show today so devalued marriage.

I too thought, like some others here, about how Oprah isn't married and after today's show, I wondered if she doesn't really value marriage. She just did not seem in any way appalled or disgusted or upset by today's "blissful" couple.

And isn't the husband only separated from Ruthie, but not divorced? I'm not positive, but I think he said they are only separated. So I was really so sick that Oprah never confronted him by saying, "Why don't you/didn't you divorce your wife?!"

I suppose, like freetobe said, that maybe Oprah isn't familiar with the nature of adultery/infedelity, but I guess I think she is to an extent simply because she works with so very many people. But to me, she seemed to not want to "judge" this couple. She even alluded to that with a couple of comments, like "Now let's not judge..."

And she reiterated so many times about the emotional needs not being met and how that's why he had the affair. It was almost odd... she said it so many times and kept focusing on that. Almost as if she herself is dealing with the question of why do people have affairs.

Unfortunately, I really saw today's show as two people given the opportunity to go public in saying, "We are justified in this." They pointed out that it was better for the kids, better for him, and they made sure to point out how the bad marriage was all about Ruthie (she put him last, she was critical, etc).

Anyways... it was just very very depressing and discouraging and disgusting to me.

I, too, felt very bad for Ruthie (and her children) after this show. The other woman sure didn't have any qualms talking about how her kids love her lover's new "role" in their life, and how he and she have "fun," and on and on. I am a very forgiving person (esp. if someone is repentive) and am fairly slow to anger, but I just wanted to punch that woman today!! And that man too.

Even his daughter said she was "disgusted" with him.

I will write to that link and good to see others are too.

I think probably that Oprah is around so much of this stuff in Hollywood circles (adultery, divorce, etc) that she is desensitized to it. Plus, there is such a big "don't judge anyone" thinking today that people no longer will call a wrong a wrong, but instead will show compassion and empathy to the wrongdoer (before the wrongdoer has admitted to or repented of his wrongdoing).

I really have nothing against Oprah. I admire her because she has done so much good for so many people. But she will be so vocal on some things. Why not on infidelity??? I honestly didn't understand her reaction to it today.

At least she did menion about her friend and how she'd never do that to her.

Sorry, I'm rambling and "venting" about this I guess. I am going to need to really pray and read my Bible tonight to get some peace before I go to sleep!!

OK, guys,

Here's what I wrote.

At the encouragement of others, I have looked at the excerpts of the recent show where you featured infidelity. As a spouse currently going through the agony of an unfaithful husband, I would encourage you to take advantage of the window that this has opened for your show and for marriages around the world.

Adultery is a horrible plague affecting 85% of marriages in this country! Did you know that? I find it horrifying. Yet so often, unfaithfulness is portrayed in a romanticized fashion..."finally finding one's soulmate," for example.

There is much, much more to it than that. Adultery is, believe it or not, akin to a physical addiction, just like drugs or alcohol. There are, out there, serious professionals who are determined to change this statistic in our country and are doing everything in their power to heal and repair marriages and to stop adultery from occurring in the first place.

Oprah is such a strong voice and has such power in getting a message out.

Please help to take this further:

Contact Penny R. Tupy at Save Your Marriage Central...877.416.2657
(saveyourmarriagecentral.com)

Contact the Harley Family at Marriage Builders...888.639.1639 (marriagebuilders.com)

These people are changing the faces of marriage! Help us stop this epidemic.

Thank you.

I just wanted everyone to know that I also sent an email regarding the Oprah show about infidelity. I watched the "Oprah - After the Show" on Oxygen and couldn't believe what I was hearing. It especially irked me that one man sitting with his wife admitted that his affair made him feel like he was 19 again and that it re-energized sex life with his wife during the affair. His wife said it helped that the OW was 11 years younger than her husband. The pain on his wife's face was so evident as her husband smiled while talking about his affair and how good it made him feel.

I hope Oprah does a follow-up that truly shows the aftermath of adultery.

Blessed Time,

Would you consider editing the title of your thread, something to the tune of invited all MB'ers to email Oprah's producers?

I think with enough folks clogging their mailbox, maybe we can get the Harleys and/or Penny on the show, or at least have a follow-up to show the real side of infidelity...not the romanticized version.

I would be glad to, *Sparkle*.

I need to write yet.
I started to but we have to get an ID and password first.

Thanks for the suggestion.

I think Oprah's show was a success, in that it made a lot of people angry at the way infidelity was taken so lightly.

It sure showed the selfishness and self-centeredness of foggy WS's, didn't it?

You know, if it were me, I would NOT want that creep of a guy back.
He didn't seem worthy of a devoted Plan A. LOL
Love, Julie

<small>[ February 05, 2004, 07:36 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

Opera is part of the entertainment industry. To expect her to be concerned with how adultry effects common people is not rational. These folks live in a different world from you and I.

Doorstop

All that is required for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.

This is happening all over, the little fights are let go.

Sure people with money get away with a lot. Because we let them. Sure she is part of the entertainment industry, but where does she get her money.

Silverthorn,

Take a bow!! I agree completely! If we let this pass without our first person knowledge,we will miss a good opportunity to speak our minds.

Blessed time,

I don't know if would claim that the show was a success.I think since we are in the unfortunate position of being BS's we can see how misguided the show was but for the average lay person out there in TV land,I am worried about the image that Oprah helped perpetuate, that affairs aren't as painful and serious as we know firsthand.If they do a follow up show to THAT one and she advises her audience on the seriousness and frequency in this country,etc then I would feel better.So many people watch her show and it is exremely frustrating to know that other's have not been given the correct and appropriate information on Adultery.

Just my thoughts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

O

Well, if the studio audience is an overview of the viewing audience they almost 'booed' the 2 pukey love birds responces, true?

They should NOT have been holding hands, that was sickening.
As someone said, they may not have even been divorced from their spouses.

I wonder if the book recommended earlier about Healing marriages would help them?

Hope for the Separated by Gary Chapman

Chapman believes that the Biblical ideal for a seperated couple calls for reconciliation. If you are separated, you may not feel like reconciling. You may not see hope for reunion. But through small steps, this marriage counselor, shows that your wounded marriage can be healed.

There probably is hope for their marriage but like I said previously, I don't know why anyone would want to stay married to a man who says all 19 years were unhappy.
I realize that MAY be the FOG talking, but ugh!

Lovingly, Julie

<small>[ February 06, 2004, 12:55 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

I went to the Oprah site and sent the following message to the producers.

At the encouragement of others, I have looked at the excerpts of the recent show where you featured infidelity. In that show, one of the guests was a wayward spouse who was unremorseful about his actions, and did not see that he did anything wrong to his wife.

As a woman who committed adultery, I find it appalling that these individuals don't recognize that what they did was wrong and claim no responsibility for their actions. While the guest on your show had no interest or desire in saving his marriage, I did and was successful in my marriage.

I encourage you to take advantage of Ms. Winfrey's enormous popularity to show how marriages CAN recover from infidelity.

When I was a kid, I always tried to imagine what I would be doing when I got older. Would I be a movie star? A famous scientist? A wonderful wife and mother? I dreamed of falling in love, getting married and living happily ever after.

I never would have thought that I could commit adultery - and go against God's "top ten" sins.

I am not proud of what I have done. It was the single, biggest mistake of my life. And, if I were granted one wish, it would be to go back in time and never, ever have had the affair. It was a decision, however, that I made, and one that I deeply regret.

Again, I am not proud of what I did or the type of person I represent. However, I am very proud of my husband for choosing to forgive me and to work with me in saving our marriage. Four years ago, I thought my marriage was over.

Today, I can honestly tell you that our marriage is better. Not only have my husband and I been able to reconnect on a much higher level, we have a wonderful little boy who would have never been born if it had not been for the Marriage Builders Website, and the principles promoted by the Harley family in rebuilding marriages.

The website and the suppport I received from posters throughout the world, not only saved my marriage, but saved my life.

My H and I will never forget what happened, but we have learned from the experience so that it will never happen again. Our marriage is stronger, our love is deeper, and through the grace of God and the love and support of my H, I am not perfect, but I'm a better person - not because of the affair, but inspite of it.

As a woman, the only thing I ever really wanted out of life was to grow old with someone who loved me for who I am. My husband has shown me that he is the love of my life, my hero, and my knight in shining armor, not because of what I did, but for who I am. He loves me despite my faults, and he loves me despite the mistakes that I made.

Often, unfaithfulness is portrayed as a romantic adventure. And for some people who do not feel remorseful about their actions, they have to focus on the romance, because that's all that's there to build on. But that's the easy way out, and the way out for a number of people in our society.

Saving a marriage, re-lighting a flame that has been reduced to smoldering embers takes a lot of hard work. It's emotional, it's traumatic, but so much more fulfilling than continuing in a relationship that was built on lies and deception.

In a lot of ways, recovering from adultery, for a wayward spouse like me, believe it or not, is akin to recovering from a physical addiction, like drugs or alcohol.

While my husband and I never sought or received professional marriage counseling, we were able to save our marriage but following some basic priciples the Harleys outline in their books and on their website.

And, then there's the emotional support of the various posters on the website itself. . . There were a number of times I was ready to give up, but the people I met through the discussion boards wouldn't let me. They were compassionate at times, and at times, they needed to be brutally honest with me. There are a number of betrayed spouses who post on the website, and a few, like me, who were or are wayward spouses.

Oprah is such a strong voice and has such power in getting a message out. I would like for her to promote marriage building and saving marriages from infidelity.

Please contact the Harleys at Marriage Builders...888.639.1639, or visit their website on www.marriagebuilders.com.

The Harleys as well as the support community are committed to saving marriages, which is the foundation of a healthy family environment. Sadly, many marriages fail. I thank God every day that I was able to save my marriage to the most wonderful man in the world.

P.S. If a "rebuilding your marriage after infidelity show" doesn't work out, maybe doing a show on "really cool husbands" would be good. I know of one really cool husband already.

Thank you.

That was beautiful SKM.
It was worded so sincerely, I wish YOU could be on the Oprah show!

As the wife of a forgiven WH, I only have love and understanding for him.
The reason is because I truly forgave him. He was worthy of that forgiveness because he was SORRY.

Forgiveness means you do not keep bringing up past hurts.
When Christ forgives, he blots out the sin as if it never happened.

Of course, we do not have the ability to have that kind of total forgiveness but we do have the ability to do the best we can.

Thanks for sharing your story.
You are a valuable and forgiven child of God.
Your kind words and repentant soul are what life is all about!

We all have our shortcomings and I am learning to understand that sometimes affairs happen because the 'obsession to experience excitement with another' gets such a hold of the person, that it is often stronger than their will to say "No".

Love, Julie
P.S. I am coming back with an edit.
I just posted this on Oprah and copied and pasted SKM's message under it:

The following was from marriagebuilders.com and I think what she said is so valuable.

I would love for you to have this lady on your program!

I too was disappointed at the frivilous way you handled infidelty!
....Then this was followed with SKM's message.

<small>[ February 06, 2004, 01:54 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

I just hope all BS's and WS's read SKM's message! ABOVE the previous post!

<small>[ February 06, 2004, 08:20 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

SKM

That was wonderful.

Thank you

<<bump>> (For message #30 from SKM!)

We in Australia haven't seen that show yet....our shows are way behind yours.

However, I can add something to this discussion because I have just finished reading a biography of Oprah Winfrey by George Mair.

Mair says that while in Baltimore, before she became "OPRAH" and at the age of 27, she had an intense four year affair with a married man, who had no plans to divorce his wife.

This may have clouded her judgement of the entire issue, even after so many years.

Gotta admit I was shocked when I read that. I never expected Oprah would have been an OW, but it is in the book. In fact it also says she considered suicide when it ended.

Just thought you all would like to know.

Love and light,

Jacky

Thanks for sharing that about Oprah.

I admire Oprah very much, she has a wonderful program and has helped many many people.
I think she sincerely CARES!

I am glad she has Stedman in her life.
She seems very happy and in love.

Sorry to hear she had an affair with a married man...She has come a long way since then.
Love, Julie

Blessed Time - I also mailed Oprah, stating that the show was characterized as having an affair seemed to be okay on her show. I didn't realize that she had committed an adulterous life with a married man either. But I directed the staff to the MarriageBuilders site too. I expressed that as a betrayed spouse that I felt like she was saying too bad for you betrayed spouse. And both the betrayed spouses didn't show remorse or sorrow for their upheavel of the marriages or the children (5) that he created. When they showed the daughter, crying and saying why?, any human with a heart would of cried, but neither the OW or the father seemed to care. It was awful.

Yes, us betrayed spouses are left to fight for everything, while the wayward spouses just sit back and relax.

It ended because he would not leave his wife.