Lisa-
I can definately relate to what you mean about being "psycho" towards OM. When OM and I first started our spiral downwards and I would tell him that I wanted to end it because it wasn't right, etc. well initially he would come crawling back and would beg for me to give him another chance and tell me that he loves me, can't live without me, etc. But, this last time that we have decided to end it, he has just basically accepted it and hasn't come crawling back and because of that it makes me want to invoke some kind of a reaction from him.
It hurts me worse that he can just walk away without pining for me but in reality I know that is the best thing for me. After the last email that I sent him, I wanted to receive one back from him explaining that it was all a mistake and that he still loved me. Well, that never happened and that's been hard for me to deal with. I think that if I had to see OM everyday and deal with his indifference directly, I would have to learn how to control myself as well because I would be the same way you are. See, the thing is that they are doing just as JL told us to do- they are practicing indifference where we're concerned.
Its hard to see that we meant to little to the men that we gave so much of ourselves to. I think that he is getting his ego boost everytime he sees some kind of a reaction out of you. The best thing you can do (and I know that it'll be really hard) is to ignore me. Pretend like you don't notice him and if you happen to see him just give him a casual smile and keep walking. Don't stop to talk or ask him how he's doing. Just keep walking. See, everytime you have an outburst now it gives him some sort of reassurance that things must not be so well in your marriage if you still react that way towards him. But if you just ignored him then he wouldn't have these ego boosts anymore.
It's hard Lisa, I know. Somedays I just wish that I could go up to OM and slap him and hurt him the way that he's hurt me. But, to do that would give him too much of my energy and I have to control myself and make sure that he doesn't possess this kind of power over me anymore.
Initially, maybe you can just walk past him (ignoring him) and then when you're all alone just yell at the wall and pretend it's him. But, don't give him the satisfaction anymore Lisa. It's not worth it and it's making it harder to achieve your goal of indifference.
I hate OM for what he has done, but then I think what has he done that I haven't done? So, if I hate him then I must hate myself because I've done the same thing to him and his BS. I have to make peace with the fact that I made a mistake and I have to somehow learn to say goodbye in a way that lets me let go completely. I don't want to feel anything where he's concerned anymore (love, hate, sadness, loneliness, etc).
Just work on ignoring him and don't let him invoke any more outbursts from you. If you really want to hurt him you'll ignore him and let him see how he doesn't affect you anymore and how you truly have found happiness with your H. That'll hurt him worse than anything you could ever say or do. Good luck Lisa and let me know how the battle goes for you.