Brett -

Poor baby. Yes your W should be there for you. She did sign up to be your helpmate. However you are doing much better than when you first got to MB. You will have a good future. I am not so hopeful for your wife.

I still think she will come out of the fog, but if she doesn't, she won't be in a good place.

Yes, much better. Time flies when you're having fun! She has a rotten future ahead when the fog clears. Today for the first time in my life I wasn't afraid of communicating with other women. I had a great time in the ER with all the pretty nurses. I think one was even flirting with me. Could have been her personality though. Strange they were all single. Even one had gone through what I am going through. She was entering in all my info and got to the Q of me being M or what? I said "I'd like to be married but my W does not." We swapped a little of our story.

Time to hit the hay..

Brett -

I love your toe story. You made me smile. You truly have a writing gift. Not everyone can get their humor and feelings through as consistently as you do, and with so few words!

I could get my same thoughts through, but it takes me a page and a half! You could start by writing a children's book about your toe. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am angry and sad today. Mostly for my kids. His behavior with them, changing their lives in such a dramatic and frightening way, pisses me off and scares me.

Do I want to put them in that type of danger again? This is the second time WH has broken the same vow to me. The first time was in '94 when he had ONS with prostitute in Korea.

This, of course, is much different. Last time he wanted to work on the marriage, and come back to me. Now he is running as fast as he can from me.

Which is very telling. He knows what I know, and when he sees me, it is a reflection of that. And he cannot face himself, so he cannot face that in me, either.

Does that make sense? Oh, I am feeling so much better! My coffee is kicking in!

I am going to have a great day. I don't want to make you or your toe jealous, but I am going to go to the gym, my favorite Step class at 10. The instructor's name is Tim. He is a fireman in Caldwell. He is so funny, and his routines are advanced. And he is funny and happy, and we all have such a good time.

Then I am going to go cook at my client's house. Then my attorney appointment at 2. Then pick my son up from Meridian Middle School (he's going to stay after school and get in some tennis practice - the team starts up again next week).

Then WH is picking up the boys for the weekend, and I am going to hang with my girlfriends.

And pick out the colors I am going to paint my bedroom. WH and OW did it on my floor 2 times (they stayed off my bed, out of respect for me - how sweet and considerate!). So, the room must be redone. With a rug for the floor. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

What do you think you and your toe are going to do this weekend? Just some hobbling? Or any kind of wobbling? Or just some gobbling?

Sounds positively fobbling! I mean fabulous!

Well, thanks for cheering me up. Even though we don't talk face-to-face in real time, knowing you, and posting to you, I feel like I am having a conversation with you. Like when I post to Believer and ARK and a few others.

Your strength and insight into your own situation has given me a lot.

Give that toe an "atta boy" for me! He's a trooper!

SS

Brett -
Be sure you don't break your other toe and have to go back to the ER to see more pretty nurses.

Looks like spiderslayer will be disppearing again for a couple of days. She tends to party hard. But at least it gives the spiders a break.

Yes, she will be missed. Glad she is able to get out and have a great time. Good medicine for the soul.

The next couple of days are actually the middle of my work week. I'm playing hookie for one more day(can't take it anymore). I watched 3 movies yesterday,elevating my toe on the couch. I will be back at the gym next week, just have to stay off of the treadmill.

The toe is black-n-blue today. I hobbled out to the curb with the trash can this a.m. just fine.
This could develop into something, toe-ism.The misadventures of the stalwart warrior Stubby the fourth.Or something like that.

Nothing changes days go by.Looking forward to today because it will be better than yesterday.
It would be nice to see those pretty nurses again. But I don't want to be on a first name basis with the ER personnel. Where do we go when we just don't know.

have a great day everyone

Geez, Brett! You fell off the first page of this Board! How the heck did that happen? Has Believer been neglecting you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

How is the toe? I remember when I just jammed mine, it was like a rainbow. Pretty, yet disturbing.

Then it fades into an ugly pukey yellow color.

Running in one month, huh? I don't know. Unless you are OK with having a bent toe for forever.

Which, along with all of your other physical shortcomings, I guess won't be that big a deal to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I know, I am bad today. I am feeling very free and "World is my oyster" kind of thing.

Must be the no kids. I love them, but I have been their primary caretaker for their whole lives.

And I don't worry about them at all like I do at events with other people (sleepovers and stuff) because they are with their very own dad! I know they are having fun and are safe.

I wonder what all I will do today. I know I have to do the kitchen floor. There are chinchilla and dog hair tumble hair-weeds floating all over. I keep walking through the kitchen very slowly so as not to disturb them. So I can trap them with my Swiffer!

I am a dangerous cleaning lady. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Chat at you later! SS

Glad to hear you are doing very well today SS.

I'm just hobbling around at work. I've got steel toe boots so my foot is almost bullet proof.

I'm almost hoping WW just sneaks in-n-out tomorrow w/dog. I haven't talked to her since wednesday when she asked if she's still on the med.insurance.So she can get her teeth and eyes checked out before we are D.Taking advantage of me again.

Bullet-proof, huh?

Let's see, where can I get a gun . . .

Just to test out the theory . . .

So, how were the episodes of Dukes of Hazard?

Rosco P. Cotrain. Is that his name? That is how I remember it in my head. Except he almost yelled it/sang it. And Mr. Hog. And Miss Daisy.

What was the mechanic's name? I always liked him. And of course Bo and Luke Duke. And Uncle Jesse?

With the General flying through the air, and the cop cars always landing in the ditch or the construction pit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Man, I used to love that show. I watched that, and Love Boat, and Fantasy Island. Sometimes Fantasy Island freaked me out, though. Some of those episodes were scary! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Have a great day at work, Hobbler. Oh, my strained butt muscle is healed. Now I have a muscle on the side of my left knee that keeps cramping up. I didn't even know I had a muscle there! Who knew?

Chat at you later! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> SS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The mechanics name on Dukes of Hazzard was Cooter. He eventually left Hollywood and became a Senator or congressman from Georgia. The 1st five episodes, Roscoe was actually an s.o.b. not some doofus.They were actually filmed in Georgia. Guess that is where my car fetish began. Yes I remember Fantasy Island being a bit scary at times. I wonder if I could really get those first five shows. Not that I'm a Dukes nut. I seen a magazine article where there was a reunion put together by a fan club, guess there is a website and everything.

The toe is doing well, except it got bent the wrong way on the clutch pedal this a.m. Ow!
Glad to hear you're butt is better.Watch that new muscle problem. Talkatya...

Brett - Glad to hear that you are doing okay. So far my day has been good. I am moving along with my life.

I did talk to OW's H last night. He is very nice to me. He knows all about what is going on. He told me to move on with my life without H. Even though my H says he loves me and wants to reconcile, he is still with OW, not with me. He has a point. Who wants to be with someone who loves them, but spends all their time and effort with someone else? Not me.

I hope you are doing fine and doing things for yourself.

At least he "says" he wants to reconcile. Don't know if that is worse than what I've got which is zip,zero,zilch,nada. Awhile back s.h. recommended I email couple times a week. This week I felt like NC with WW. Even though she called on Wed. looking for some support via medical benefits. Which could fall under EN as in her "security" wish. I have stayed NC since.

It would've been nice to have her around when I broke my toe. But she wasn't and isn't. She is with OM and is "happy". Meanwhile I'm growing as a person, leaving pain behind. For the most part I'm doing just fine. But I do miss her and it still hurts. No where near at the level it did a month ago. I'm so much closer to letting her go and moving on with my life.

Could be that once again God works in mysterious ways. I asked him to use this broken toe for something good. She wasn't included in any part of the broken toe incident. I had a great time with all the pretty nurses in the ER. I was wearing my wedding ring and only one nurse heard from me that I'm seperated.All that experience made me realize that I can move on without WW.

I pity WW for the life she is leading and will lead in her future.I've got a pretty good idea what it would take for this M to recover. She has no clue. I've got a pretty good idea what is in store for her curent relationship. She has no clue. I feel sorrow that she is the one that needs change the most and have considered the possibility that she may not change,ever. All we've had and all we could ever have is gone. She is gone from my life of her own freewill.

I can't say why you believer should love someone that puts all that effort into a relationship that is not with you. Because I don't know why I've loved her so long after all she has done. She continued to just repeat the same mistakes. I won't repeat my mistakes, I will change. It takes two to make it work. But my faults weren't bad enough to warrant her behavior. I was a great husband. Maybe there was an intimacy problem with our M. But I'm beginning to see that it was more her fault than mine. For her to think about another man from time to time, regretting letting him go. And for her to have the thought in her mind that if she ever found her 4 wishes in a man that she wouldn't let that one go. Just shows how impossible it was for intimacy to exist between us. For she had the "wandering eye!"

Brett-

Who care if he loves me if he is not around? That is not the kind of love I need.

I think that I have come to the point where my best was not good enough. We had a blended family, my 2 boys, his boy and girl, and his two step daughters. When we got married I took on the role of mom to all of them. I was much more involved with them than he was.

I did the cooking, cleaning, doctor appts., shopping for clothes and groceries, and school stuff. Finally they all got out of the house, and I thought it was time for us. H always wanted a brand new Harley. We saved for one, I put in papers to get it, and we finally got one. Then I paid half the payments.

But instead of being satisfied with what we have (good jobs, nice place to live, money, and a good life) H decided he would like to have a girlfriend. Our good life was never enough for him. There is nothing I can do about the hole in his heart.

So I am slowly moving on. He cannot give me what I need.

Geez, maybe it is dangerous for me to hang out with you two!

D, moving on, letting go.

Tell me what you think of what my WH wrote to me yesterday:

"I also feel very confuse and messed up and all alone through all of this. I know you want to help me out and stuff, and maybe eventually it will get to a point where that could happen. I did not want to jump straight into a divorce either, but I feel like my hand is being forced. If you are willing to wait a little, so am I.
I don’t know how this is going to turn out either. But right now I feel I have lost everything but my boys and that I am losing my Scout program too. That was the one last thing that I had in my life that I still felt good about and it is being ripped away from me without any say on my part. I do understand your concerns about it, and honestly we might not be going this weekend because of my work, but I want to try if I can. If Jacob wants to stay back because James is in town that tis fine. Austin is behind Jacob on campouts anyway. And if Austin does not really want to go because James will be there I will understand too.
Emotionally and everything I don’t know where I am at. There are times when I feel like I might have cared, and times that I feel I didn’t. We were a very good team most of the time and it makes me wonder about a lot of things. I know how I have felt over there past few months and how I feel now and am trying to put everything onto some sort of perspective. I never meant to hurt you or anyone else. I didn’t even want to tell you half the things I did, but felt I was forced to. Why, because I am really screwed up right now and I don’t know anything.
Maybe through some counseling with Mike we will be able to actually communicate with each other. We might never be able to be friends again, but I don’t know what the future is and I have given up trying to think I do. I have destroyed any kind of future I have ever dreamed of over the years and shattered all of my wants and dreams. Right now I feel all I have left is the boys and Scouts, and that is why I am fighting so hard about that. I feel it is the one thing I ever wanted to do in life that I still have and I am not willing to let it go."

Opinions? Good, bad, ugly, can't tell?

Believer, experience. Brett, man.

Talk to me, people!!!

I'm on a sugar high. I have eaten almost an entire row of Thin Mints. They go down amazingly and frighteningly quickly! Oh my.

SS

Dazed and confused. Focusing on what he feels is important/all that he has left. When what is important is right in front of him, his wife.

Oh, so not so good? I don't know why, but it was kind-of encouraging to me. Like when he said that he has been thinking about stuff (being a team), and perspective. Like maybe getting glimpses outside of the fog?

I'm reading too much into it. Darnit!

Oh well. Maybe in 3 more months. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am going out tonight. I have on my red shirt. It is lowcut. I want . . . I don't know. Attention? Validation like you got from the ER nurses? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I won't do anything stupid. Promise.

SS

I would write back to him and say something like:

H- I'm so sorry you are confused and feel like you are losing everything you ever dreamed about. It is a terrible place to be.

However I understand exactly how you feel. Lately I have been giving up hope of ever having our family back together, and you and I working as a team. You are right, it is miserable.

I hope things will be better for you soon.

The end

Now about that lowcut red thing that you are wearing out tonight, hoping for attention......
Watch out, Brett may be driving by and crash his hot car and end up back in the ER. You got to watch out for those Idaho guys!

Crash my car or at the very least get whip lash!
It is a full moon tonight, makes me crazy.
I managed a trip to sonic for a peanut butter fudge sunday. That was my big night out. Oh well 4:30am is very early to be getting up, but I gotta do it. So I couldn't get out and about.

Have fun SS and be safe! Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Then again don't do anything I'd do either...

You two are too much!

Well, I managed another night out without doing anything foolish. I didn't even dance with anyone except my girlfriend tonight.

Chat at you tomorrow. I'm going to bed!

SS

WW snuck in-n-out. Gave me a call while she was on her way to the house. Told her about the toe.
She chatted with me like all was well between us and she sounded in a good mood. Made small talk about her folks house. Made small talk about car stuff.She asked about counseling. That was about it. I said"have a nice week." She hesitated like she wanted to say something or seemed suprised that I wasn't going to communicate for a week. Couldn't tell which.

That is what you wanted, isn't it? In and out?

Isn't it so sad that in order for them to realize what they have, they basically have to lose it first?

Did you read Pep's DEAR DADDY post? Did you read ARK's Lighthouse post?

I recommend both.

How's the toe? How are you? How are the cars coming along? What else is going on with you?

SS