The Dukes are swell, Hee Haw sweller. That Enos, I always thought was a pansy, but he did end up with Daisy....

My molar is about to have company. I went to see about a bridge. The dentist looked at me cross eyed when I told him what I wanted. But its my money right?!? I wants gold front teefs. With a diamond on one. I want all them gurls to swoon when I smile.

The toe is better, gives me balance being on the long leg. Now I seem to walk normal.

My dog is doing ok for an old gal. Hate to leave her at home all day by herself.

Work was busy today. The aero-plane had problems with pressurization. We found a loose clamp on a duck..I mean duct. That was fun. I pressurized the airplane as far as it would go on the ground, then I "dumped" the pressure and made it fog inside the airplane. If the conditions are right sometimes it will even snow.No b.s.

Talked to MIL this evening. She is still wondering why. Feeling like a failed parent. I did my best to explain as much as I could. But she still wonders what WW is looking for.

I'm at a vulnerable stage right now. The bank teller was flirting with me today and it felt good. He was so cute....just kidding. She seems like a real nice gal. She had talked me into opening my own account a couple of weeks ago, just in case WW loses all her marbles. Speaking of marbles I can't seem to find mine. Oh yeah, I gave them all away.

Well if my sense of humor offends anyone, tough. It makes me smile!

Brett

Yeah, tough, because it makes me smile, too.

My MIL is speachless when it comes to her son, as well. She has no idea what his problem is.

Me either.

He has a great house, a W who is willing to forgive him if he'll do some work, and great kids. And an old dog that has started doing very strange things - but that is a thread all on its own.

Isn't perspective a strange thing. 6 months ago WH swore there was no way he would ever leave us, ever not love me. That I was the best thing that ever happened to him. That the boys and I kept him sane and gave meaning to his life.

Now, he claims I am the source of unhappiness in the universe. I did not know I was that powerful, but, you never know I guess! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anyway, that plane stuff sounds very interesting. How long does it snow? Just a light dusting until the pressure stuff stabilizes? We can't go in there and pretend it's Christmas?

I don't do important stuff like that, but I used Anchovy Paste for the first time in a recipe yesterday. Is that exciting? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well, chat at you later.

SS

What's not important about anchovie paste? And who cares if there is pressure in the airplane (or water in the car)?

Brett -

Now, be honest, aren't you so glad you have two great ladies posting to you every day?

Men are so boring!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> SS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Uh oh. You didn't ask that bank teller out, did you? Or get lost in a blizzard on an airplane, did you?

Hm. I am suspicious. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

SS

Brett -

Where are you? Well my mechanic came today and took apart the engine. Yes I have a blown head gasket. But it looked pretty good to me.

There are 6 holes and they are all kind of black, except one that is just steel color. That is the bad one. The head gasket had only like a quarter of an inch spot that was bad. So I feel good about it.

He took both pieces in to get milled. Then I will know Tuesday if any are cracked. But they seemed to be okay to me. I am very hopeful that I will get my car back and it will run okay.

Where have you been?

A rough couple of days at work! I've had to earn my paycheck this week. We got a real sick airplane today. I worked nonstop from 6am until 430pm. Well, I did grab a bite to eat at 1030am. The airplane is still here. It won't be flying until monday pm. So I've got another day of work yet to do tomorrow. Not complaining, I like that kind of work. It doesn't come often. Especially with good weather. So it was rather pleasant to turn wrenches.

Glad to hear the head gasket wasn't a bad one. Hopefully the milling will help. It usually does.
From the way it sounded the temp gauge didn't peg so it should be fine. Maybe you should tell WH you need the use of the bike until the jeep gets fixed.

In the eyes of all here I probably will look weak. For what I'm about to say. No I didn't ask the bank teller out. For the past 2 months this gal at work that I know has been trying to set me up with her cousins daughter. She knows me well enough to think we'd be a great match. I've been staving off all temptations. Until I broke my toe. Doing all the stuff I had to do by myself that day and the way I was actually able to communicate with those ER nurses without fear of any kind got me thinking. Thinking about 13 years and at least 6 affairs. Leaving me 3 times for other men. I don't know what other women are like. I married my first love. I can count on one hand how many women I've slept with in my life.Not that I would like to have a bunch of notches on my bedpost. No that is not what love is.I'm actually proud to say that I can count on one hand. And a bit sad that it isn't one finger. For that should have been God's plan for me to follow. I'm signing the D papers monday. I've got a lunch date at noon on monday with the cousin of that gal from work. I talked with her on the phone today and it went great. I've got my IC appt's on tuesday's at 9am through April. I'll pray to God for his guidance and his forgiveness if I'm straying from his plan. I want to know what a healthy relationship is. How one begins normally, not one that begins with sex on the first night.

So those that want to chastize and flame go ahead. I do not feel guilty. I feel sad and relieved.I've stepped over the threshold. The ship I'm on feels like home. I don't need a compass.Jesus is there for that. The storm doesn't seem so bad anymore. The door behind me closed with a resounding thump. I'm laughing at the boiling black clouds. My stance is firm against the wind. I'm at sea on a voyage to.....

Brett -

Well I'm not overjoyed by your news, but always thought someone would snap you up real quick. You know that this is not part of the MB program, but I know how lonely you've been. Please try to keep it at a friendship level.

What are you going to do if your wife comes back?

BR:

Your last post got my attention, and so I read the whole thread just now (2k me a good half hour of speed reading 2 do it!). And that was appropriate, because, frankly, you've been doing a bit of "speed MBing" the past 2ple of months... ...only now you're not doing so hot at it. I'm not really going 2 flame you, but I do think you need a nice li'l knot jerked upside your haid with the MB 2x4:

"I pity WW for the life she is leading and will lead in her future.I've got a pretty good idea what it would take for this M to recover. She has no clue."

I submit 2 you that you have no clue either. Or at least you'll forget what you've learned if you start dating now.

My observations:

♣ You spend 2 much time worrying over what your WW is thinking or doing. Stop trying 2 control the outcome here, and you'll find yourself in control of YOURSELF, the only person you had any ability or right 2 control 2 begin with.

♣ The past doesn't exist, except in your memory. It might be useful 2 revisit past mistakes YOU have made, so that you can learn from them and be a better H 2 your WW or some other gal someday. But don't DWELL on the past, and definitely don't try 2 figure out your W's behavior based on YOUR understanding of HER past. Heck, I wouldn't even be surprised if she was lying 2 you when she said she'd had so many As - it doesn't jive with how you got along before this A. Unless you know about them for a fact, don't just assume she's telling you the truth. It might even be a way for her 2 "help you" get over her, if she made you believe she was so unworthy of your love.

♣ The fu2re doesn't exist either, except in your imagination. It is sensible 2 make plans for the fu2re - things like paying bills, improving your work si2ation, even hoping for a better M, either with your WW or someone new. But it is senselss WORRYING about things that haven't happened yet. Like memories, we all perceive our possible fu2res differently, and we're all usually pretty surprised - sometimes pleasantly - when they don't go the way that we imagined they should.

♣ For Rice Cake! It's only MARCH. Your WW's A started less than 3 months ago???? What's 3 months?? You should know, if you've been talking 2 SH, that it will likely take many months, even a year or 2, for your W's A 2 "run it's course", though you can certainly help burst the fantasy bubble by outing it. More importantly, many, many BSs here have been dealing with "full blown As" for far longer than you have, and you're already contemplating throwing in the towel? My FWW's A was never "full-blown", though it was an EA and a PA. She never left her family. But the A spanned more than 12 YEARS, though there was about a 5-yr "hiatus" between the early part and the last part. I found out about it 26 months ago, and we only began recovery about 7 months ago. You've got a lot of work 2 do, IMHO.

♣ Sounded like you were doing a GREAT plan A, from what I read. I know that SH advises that BSs without children must be very careful not 2 push the WS away 2 soon, but it seems 2 me that maybe right now would be a good time 2 write a LOVING plan B letter with that excellent writing ability of yours, take back the cars (or stop fixing hers), give her the dog (or keep it with you), and go NC and totally DARK, so that this OM can meet ALL her needs, including fixing oil leaks on the Blazer (maybe he'll use plumber's putty?). No fooling, this sitch is RIPE for plan B, if I'm not mistaken.

♣ DO NOT DATE. You are WAY 2 vulnerable 2 having an A of your own. If you do, you'll not only immerse yourself in a fog of your own making, but you'll lead some innocent gal in2 a world of potential hurt (and if she's the kind of person that wouldn't be hurt if you used her in this fashion, then she's also not the kind of person you'd want 2 be with anyway).

"I've got a pretty good idea what is in store for her curent relationship. She has no clue."

♣ STOP THE DRAMA. Stop worrying about whether you're right or wrong, whether she'll be happy or not. If you truly love her, you'll want her 2 be happy. She does need 2 find out on her own that this kind of behavior isn't good for her. Perhaps she's having another A because she didn't learn the previous time (and so, yes, it might have been better if she'd tried 2 make it with her last OM and FAILED - she would have learned something.)

"I feel sorrow that she is the one that needs change the most and have considered the possibility that she may not change,ever."

♣ Don't let this train of thought become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Stop worrying about getting other people 2 change, or waiting for them 2 change. Hope. Don't expect. Change yourself, and those around you may just surprise you by liking the changes in you and mirroring them in themselves.

"All we've had and all we could ever have is gone. She is gone from my life of her own freewill."

♣ For RICE CAKE, man! It's been THREE MONTHS. This is more "drama" talking. END this mental mas2rbation! You have no idea how this may 2rn out. But I can assure you, that if you're thinking these kinds of thoughts, it's going 2 affect your ability 2 be of much help, if she were 2 someday come 2 you asking for it.

"But my faults weren't bad enough to warrant her behavior. I was a great husband. Maybe there was an intimacy problem with our M."

♣ Then you weren't a great H, were you? Sorry 2 come off so harsh, but you need 2 change your thinking here, 2. When a BS is left 2 try 2 recover the M single-handedly, it's a LOT harder than if the WS goes NC on D-day with a willingness 2 commit 2 rebuilding. But it can be done. When I look back on my "performance" over the past 26 months, I realize that, although I did a pretty good plan A (it only 2k me about a year 2 get it "down"), I still thought most of our M problems were with my W. Only in the past few months have I been able 2 REALLY look inward and address my shortcomings. They're there, believe me. Hopefully it won't take you as long as it 2k me 2 find them and really start 2 do something about them.

"But I'm beginning to see that it was more her fault than mine."


♣ More drama. Stop blame-shifting. You're responsible for your own problems. She's responsible for hers. Let her come 2 her own realizations of what she needs 2 do for her. Stop worrying about what her "problems" are. You won't be able 2 truly change yourself if you're always able 2 say "but it was more her fault". See?

"For her to think about another man from time to time, regretting letting him go. And for her to have the thought in her mind that if she ever found her 4 wishes in a man that she wouldn't let that one go. Just shows how impossible it was for intimacy to exist between us. For she had the "wandering eye!""

♣ And you have "corneal rectumitis!" Sorry for the harshness again. But you're judging her again! Stop it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . The "regretting" letting the OM go: Remember what I said above - if she had stayed with the OM and left you at that time, it would have accellerated the demise of the fantasy. I even said something along those lines 2 my W: If she had left me 12 years ago 2 live with Rat Meat, she would have realized a long time ago that it was a s2pid thing 2 do. OR, she would have DV'd me then and I would have had enough time 2 start over with someone else (I've told her THAT, 2). You see? Without having ever had 2 ac2ally live every day, day in and day out, with this "wonderful" 4-star OM, she never had 2 face the fact that he was a liar and a cheat, without any integrity, and that she had become one herself. Hopefully, this time she will.

♠ ol' 2long

<small>[ March 14, 2004, 02:27 AM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

Brett -

Listen carefully to 2long. He is an expert.

Thanks for the proverbial 2X4 2Long! Guess I'm still wet behind the ears.

Twenty-six months, you've got sand!

Brett-

The most important thing for you is to resolve this relationship before you jump into the next one. Continue with your counseling. Work on yourself.

Your self-esteem has hit bottom with the treatment you've been through. But trust me, there will be plenty of women if things don't work out with your wife. But do the work now, so you don't have to do it later.

And congratulations for being so honest with us. That shows what a good man you are.

Brett -

2long's post resonnated within me, also.

SS

I do need to work on myself. That I hope to do with IC. I need to find out what my role/faults are with the intimacy issue. Starting to see where some of the problems lie. Just beginning to scratch the surface.

Also, I was reading another post, somewhere, and there was a link. Of course, I clicked on it.

It went to MB where Harley talks about the 3 states of marriage, Taker and Giver, Love busts, etc. I hadn't read any of that since I joined at the beginning of February.

I think with all this posting and advice and thinking on my own (scary), I lost sight of my objective, my goal.

The saying that continues to reverberate through my being lately is:

"Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?"

My Taker has been out this weekend. I have wanted to join my WH is his state of withdrawal.

But that is not conducive to saving my M. That is conducive to nothing, ultimately.

Myself says that I deserve more, I have been wronged, I want him to hurt and I don't want to hurt anymore.

BUT, none of that is possible right now. So, I can continue with my plan, or file for D. Basically.

You can continue with your plan, with your Giver, or you and your Taker can sign D papers.

Before you decide, will you please do what I did? Go read all the stuff we read when we first started this jouney - the reason for our journey.

And see what your heart tells you then.

I am there with you, I know what you feel. I know.

SS

Funny you should say that. Last night I was looking at a stack of stuff I printed out when I was 1st reading this site. I was thinking that I should read through it all again..

WW called and had snuck in n out as usual, picking up our dog. She chatted with me on the phone as though all was well. Her tone was like it was when we were together. Just chatted about her folks coming up. I told her about someone wanting to buy the blazer. She said she'd let me know. She only wants $500, the rest can go to bills. She also offered $$ for the credit card. I said no. I talked about upcoming concert and the work I'm doing on the Camaro. Nothing changes, days go by..

Did you tell her you are tempted to date? Might be good to be honest with her.

Funny you should say that. I emailed WH about when he was coming to get his boys, since that is per HIS visitation schedule.

No response, and the boys were questioning me. So I thought, if WH had already left, they should call him on his cell. So they did.

He had forgotten, and was still at his office, and had ridden his bike there. So asked if he could talk to me. Then he asked if it was OK if he came and got them at 2, and drop them off early at 6, because he has a dinner at his boss's house (it's supposed to be 7). I said that was fine.

Then he chatted about his fishing trip, the weather, the drive. I talked about the boys' sleepovers, and invited him to dinner sometime next week.

He tentatively agreed. Of course, he agreed before and ran away, so you never know.

It's like a huge elephant in the living room, and everyone ignores it.

Strange.

SS

Good luck on the dinner SS. No believer I didn't tell her. I almost did. But I didn't want to make it sound desperate. Or like a threat.Three days off now. To think,contemplate,do stuff, grow,change,etc....