Golly! I hope he isn't having trouble getting that new bridge work installed. And if he accidentally bites his tongue or lip with that shiny new diamond - OUCH!

Goodness, you aren't dating all of Idaho, are you??? What is going on??????

Are you writing your big new novel? Enquiring minds NEED to KNOW!!!!

SS

spiderslayer -
The last I heard he was going to church - must have been a loooooong sermon. Either that or he heard from his friend again, or maybe another airplane lost pressure.

Could be a lot of things. What do you think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I've been in my "cave" this week. Couple of busy days at work also. Lots of thinking, too much.
And my dog is sick. She has been breathing funny, short and like panting. She is a 13yr old Cocker. She has been on a diet for years for kidney problems. WW called this a.m. with the blood test results;she may be having serious kidney problems and maybe heart problems. Not to mention all the weight loss from her anxiety over my WW's affair and moving out. Yes my dog is in tune to what is going on. For those with dogs you will understand. For those that don't you'll think I'm nuts. WW started to cry on the phone. I wanted to tell her that I loved her and missed her but I don't feel it like I used to. So I told her to take care and called her sweetie.Plus I told her not to worry about the bill.I'm loaded don't ya know. She is going to the vet in the a.m. again for more tests.I don't want to lose my dog too.

Oh, so sorry to hear this. I know how attached you can get to a dog. We have a wonderful pitbull that we have to get rid of (homeowners rules). I can hardly even think about it.

Brett - Help. Spiderslayer needs you. Have you heard from your little friend?

I saw her sushi post earlier today. I haven't posted with her all day. Hope she is ok, will look for her.

And have you heard from your friend?

Yes, we are going to the Metallica concert. So far I'm fog free.Friendship can lead to a slippery slope.I understand that. Today I don't want WW in my life anymore. Through IC I've discovered alot about myself. I'm not as messed up as I thought. Once I figure out why I failed in my M I will then truly be able to decide about D.

Here's some venting; I hope OM is worth it.She lost her husband,house,good relationship w/family and friends,Camaro,church family and now our dog is ill because of this.Our dog is old but she hardly ate for 2 months,she lost 25% of her body weight,which compounded her previous problems with her kidneys. I hope she feels losing all that is an acceptable trade for what she has gained. Good Luck OM!!

Brett - Please keep working on yourself.

Here is where I differ from the marriagebuilders approach. I truly believe that sometimes, it is not that BS has made mistakes, but that WS lacks some moral fiber, has serious emotional problems, fear if intimacy, or some other issue.

Since being here I have seriously examined my contribution to my WH straying. I made many mistakes, and was perhaps not a great wife all of the time, but my H came first with me.

As I look around at friends, I see that many of them make mistakes too. However their husband has not wandered. Ours was a good marriage. My husband said so, his family said so, and everyone thought we were happy. However my best was not good enough for him. He has many things to be grateful for, but it was never enough.

My WH has a hole in his heart that I cannot fix. I think he will continue (as he has in the past) to go from relationship to relationship. It makes me very sad, but there is nothing I can do for him anymore.

So my advice to you is fix what you can in your own life, work on yourself. Your wife is headed for disaster. As much as you want to save her, you cannot.

As far as your friend, you know that you are not doing the right thing. You are still married. You made a covenant with the Lord and your wife. You could slide (easliy) down that slippery slope. So let your wife know that you have been tempted, Satan is near. Then go ahead and sign the D papers. Then you will be free to start a new life, not hindered by past problems. You deserve that, your wife deserves the truth, and so does your friend.

I signed the D papers 3 days ago.

Glad to hear that. Have you been honest with your wife? You need to be, to end this, and be able to start anew.

I haven't told her. Part due to my conflict avoider personality. Also partly due to our dog being sick and how upset she sounded on the phone. Part due to being angry hoping she'll get an eyeful this evening. Her and OM are attending this evenings event also. That is wrong of me.
She'll press me for the papers again and I'll tell her they've been signed X days ago. Guess I've got alot of work to do on myself as I see these words in front of me and how wrong they look.

Just angry that I feel she's killing the dog also.

Brett -

You are a good man. You need to be honest with her. And try to do it before the concert. You will feel better, and it is the right thing to do.

You cannot save your wife, or protect her anymore. I am truly sorry about your dog. But this was out of your control also.

So call your wife and let her know the truth. Then you can go on with your life, and know that you did all you could.

As much as we've posted, I think there will be many women in your life. Take your time, get through this, and go on with a great life. You deserve it.

Will do. Too bad I didn't have the sand to stick with MB.

You are still very involved with marriagebuilders. Keep posting her and we will help you through this. Just be honest with your wife. That is what you need to do. Then you can move on.

Also remember the Lord is watching after you. He will take care of you. He will bring good to you. Please believe that.

Thank you. I continue daily to pray for strength and guidance in his will.

Great concert! Hard to believe I was 15 when I started listening to Metallica and they are still around. Then again I was on tour with the Rolling Stones 9yrs ago and they are still doing it after how many yrs?

It feels so good to see you having a nice time after all the pain you've been through.

Did you see wife there? Be sure to let her know what is going on, so that your new relationship does not start out like an A.

Nope didn't see her there.Did not even care to look. She'll hear about it. I told her when that door shuts, she'll hear it. My WW's folks are here today, to see new home. They'll probably stay w/me mostly.FIL has lots of projects for us to do.I'll tell them too. I posed the hypothetical situation to MIL about a month ago about this very thing. What if I meet someone? She said,"That would be good,you deserve better." I feel so sorry for WW, her relationship with her folks is terrible right now.It will never be the same again.

Yes I've been through some stuff. But there are much tougher people here than I. Part of what I realized through IC is that I never let go of WW's other A's. I kept it bottled up and let it affect our R.I don't know if I'm fogging up or trying to make excuses here. We never had a proper recovery. How the H#$$ was our M supposed to ever survive? All that may have contributed to my speed MB'ing. Or I just plain don't have what it takes to stick it out like others here.

I am glad you had a great time. We went out dancing in Boise last night and it was really fun.

I hear what you are saying about not being able to stick it out. If WH gets me D papers, I am signing. I cannot live in his psuedo reality anymore.

I don't know if I ever totally forgave him for cheating on me in Korea. Even though that is more of a ONS, it was still betrayal and lying and very disappointing for me (disrespectful judgement?).

If he is incapable of ever controlling himself, why do I want to continue on with him? Why should I continuously put my trust in him? This time hurt a million times worse than that Korea one - what would be next?

He develops feelings for another woman and actually plans my death or kills me? Where does it end?

So much of what needs to be done depends on him coming to his senses, and I do not have any faith in him whatsoever.

Sorry to be so long-winded. Just rambling. I gotta go shower the smoke out of my hair! Have a great Sunday, Brett.

SS