Hey you all. Don't give up. I haven't and mine is still living with OW.

Spiderslayer - Please slow down. WH is just coming out of the fog. They usually don't have a good attitude right now. So have some patience girl.

2long - Cerri will help you out. Stop worrying about it and leave it up 2 her. And yes we love you 2.

Brett - You have given it your best. In the future you will look back and know you did all you could. How is you know who?

Unsure if I gave it my all. As I was told I was a bit of a speed MB'er. Though past A's, I believe dictated some of that. Right now I'm confused and angry. Her attitude today just angered me. I know it was a show, but still I'm angry.

You know who and I have talked a couple times on the phone this week. I'm keeping it as a friendship for now. Nice to have the company. I don't feel "chemistry" brewing. I've been open and honest about my M and WW. I'm not getting over 13yrs fast. Yet she doesn't mind. Guess she likes the hillbilly looks.

Sorry about no chemistry - but you don't need that right now.

I think you have done remarkably well. Just keep it up. You are a good man. Should I do the list again about all your great qualities?

Ahh, the list that was a real picker upper. Another day dawns, another jet flies, another 8000 gallons of fuel burned! Yak at ya later, have a couple of jets to look after.

Rescuing myself from the second page. WW called this p.m. just to tell me how our pooch was doing. Sounded like there was more,wishful thinking probably.But it sure sounded like there was more. She just chatted and chatted.Man she doesn't get it.How can she talk to me like I'm ok with this? FOG! Talked to FIL also since he has an annagram in the a.m. for blockage in his arteries.

Sounds like she is still getting comfort from you. Maybe OM is not doing very well in that department.

It is kinda strange how they can't see that their spouse isn't just a friend. But you never know what is going on in their minds.

Hey my friends. WH and I went to son's conference this morning. When we left, he was commenting on my new fitness (minus the 30 pounds), how good I looked (I was in my workout clothes with no shower), and what a great team we make.

I mentioned to him that in the conferences we were told over and over what a great job we have done with our son. When we left I said, "See, another reason you and I should never live apart. We are better together, as a team, than apart."

And he said very true, that he never doubted that.

I guess I feel that we will eventually work out, it will just take time and lots of patience and willing to get over the speed bumps.

Brett, all I can say is that when my H defogs and we talk, he tells me that all the times I got hope from his voice or small actions, he thinks he was doing those things on purpose so that I wouldn't give up on us.

I don't want to give you false hope, but all those times I doubted what I heard and felt, and I was really right on. He was just not capable in his mind to do more.

He says he has spent a lot of time and energy justifying his actions, his feelings for her, and now that he is committed to making our M work, all of those things are fading quickly.

And guess what? The feelings he had for me are not gone, they are just buried under all of that. Some times, on some days, he actually feels love for me again. But it still comes and goes, along with his justifications.

So, we are friends again. And that is where we started. And that is 90% of M anyway. Continue talking to her, deposting LU, and loving her to the end. It could pay dividends.

Remember Redhat's saying, about looking back in 10 years and knowing you did everything you could.

Lots of love and hugs. I would say hang in there to Believer, but she is rockin' and rollin' on her own!

I will say hang in there to 2long. Do not doubt the things you have done in the past. I have been reading your posts lately. Know that you did what you did at the time because you thought it was best. Do not doubt or regret. Do not judge yourself on hindsight. You cannot win that game.

Well, I'm off to the gym! Chat at you all later.

SS

Spiderslayer - Glad to hear things are going fairly well with you. Keep it up.

I am now taking advice from a WS (lostbird). My WH may be retiring after all.

Sounds like things are going very well for SS. So glad to hear that.

No word on FIL, how his angiogram went this a.m. Guess no news is good news. I called WW at her work just a few minutes ago to see if she heard anything. OM answered the phone. Great. I asked for WW and he asked who was calling. I shoulda said "her husband". She hasn't heard about her dad yet either. She seemed to want to chat with me on the phone about dog with a nervousness to her voice. I was short and didn't really want to talk. Just kind of torqued right now. So I though I'd jump on here and share. Adrenaline is flowing now. I think I'll go for a walk. Before I smash the keyboard.

Brett -

You should have said "her husband". That would have been good. Hang in there, this place will change you.

I very much recommend the physical activity. When I feel like that, sometimes the only thing I can do is get out and walk.

I am so sorry you are in such an emotional spot. I can empathize. I have been there.

Keep on keeping on. Work on you. I know it sounds like a broken record, but she is noticing. My WH said he noticed all the changes I was making, even though he wouldn't acknowledge them.

He also told me it was too little, too late when he was foggy. He didn't really feel that way. He was just being defensive because he was justifying his poor behavior.

Lots of love.

SS

Brett -

How are things going? Dog? WW? You know who?

I have been thinking about you all day, and was hoping to have some news from you.

Believer has made major breakthroughs with herself the past 2 days. It is your turn, next!

Lots of love!

SS

No breakthroughs. For some reason I've been angry the last couple of days. Our dog is doing well. WW is bringing her over on sunday. FIL did fine today. You know who, I haven't heard from in a couple of days. Might be I've got too much baggage right now and she wants to keep a distance. Which is probably ok. I've still got lots of personal workings to do. Man this roller coaster sucks. I get on whenever I talk to her now. She called this evening to apologize for not calling me today and giving me an update on her father. Then she got all chit chatty like everything is fine between us. Earlier today I felt like going downtown to the meat markets this weekend and finding some broad for whatever. But I'm no Cassanova and that is just not me.Looking for revenge I guess. Stop the ride so I can get off is how I'm feeling right now.

I just see myself as wanting to rush this thing and have it all fall apart around WW. But it may take awhile and I have no control over the situation. I don't have any illusions that I do mind you. But some of my actions over the past 2wks as I look back on it point in that direction. Just a bad week.

I'll be back to my hee haw-ing, redneck, snuff chewing, hound dog hollerin' self soon enough. Talking with ya'll sure brings that side of me out and I feel better. I change shifts next week. I'll be on afternoons. So I'll have mornings to hit the gym. I'm also going to try stretching my legs some next week and see how the toe does.

Thanks for your support, it is much needed.

Brett -

Yep, there are lots of ups and downs while going through this stuff. Just hang in there and try to be patient.
This month, it was a year that my WH has been cheating. But I have completely changed. I like myself and my life better now. That will happen to you too.

Brett -

That is so funny you talked about the hee-haw redneck thing. I saw something at the bank yesterday that reminded me of you and made me laugh, and I totally forgot until I read your post.

What I read was one of those small daily quote boards, and for yesterday is said, "You might be a redneck if you have visitation rights to your dog."

With all our hillbilly joking, and your obvious devotion to your pup, it just struck my funny bone.

Let us be your support right now. I remember so many bad nights, reading your words was so comforting for me. And Believer, too. And 2long! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Try and remember that in a year or 5, this will all be totally different for you. In the valleys is where we grow.

Suzet from the boards posted to me one day at 2 in the morning (she lives in South Africa), and she gave me a couple prayer poems. And one talked about if we were always up on top of the mountain, we would never grow. But in the valleys we do.

Keep turning to the Lord for peace. All you have to do is ask. Trust me. I know you know, but sometimes we forget.

And I know what you are talking about with the SF. H still doesn't feel comfortable doing that. I think I would be, but probably not. I am sure it is for the best right now. He still has feelings for OW. I am being as charming and attractive as possible. And he loves his family. NO MEATMARKETS! You exotic-looking hillbilly, you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HUGS!

SS

Visitation with my dog, hmmm.. Must be a redneck! Thanks for your kind words believer and SS. Suzet from S.A. is wise. What a place that is(S.A.), I was there 9yrs ago, had a great time. Another lifetime ago in my 15 min's of fame.I'll tell ya about it sometime.

Part of my problem this week is not enough time in the Monster Garage. I had a relaxing 3hrs, rockin' out and working on some parts for the Camaro. Kind of got me realigned. Hadn't listened to "Serenity" in a week or so. Hope the neighbors didn't listen to my singalongs.

I need to break out my Hank Williams JR. and my Johnny Cash while I work in the garage. Would complete my hillbilly persona! Actually I don't own any Hank or Johnny but I'd like to, there are some great songs by them. Recently I actually branched out to some Stevie Ray Vaughn. The man was truly gifted. He has a great song; "life by the drop."

Hello there my ol' friend
Not so long ago it was til the end.
My mind is achin' an' Lord it won't stop.
You went your way and I stayed behind.
We both knew it was just a matter of time.
Livin' a dream
That's how it happens livin' life by the drop.

Not all the lyrics, just some of them. A real bluesy acoustic rif. Short and sweet. But one that gives me that burning sorrow deep in my aching heart.

Brett - While it isn't pleasant to be sad, it is good to go through the grieving. It is normal and healthy.

I just want you to know that you will feel good again. It took me a long time, but life is great again.

Brett -

I hope that you are not down at the local meat market looking for a broad for whatever.

No, I'm not down at the local meatmarket looking for whatever. I went and played pool with you know who. It was nice to get out. I did read some posts by Dewt and noticed a bit of me there. With the exception of my not ever having an A. Still some strange parallels, regarding my behavior of late.

WW will be able to file final this coming week. Don't know how I'll feel when she does. Right now I'm fine w/it. I do feel that I never want to see or speak w/WW again once we lose our dog. Irregardless of her decisions in life. I made mine, sign papers and move on. I still hurt, I still have issues/baggage. I know the storm I'm in for when the final D papers show up in my mailbox. I'm ready.

You've done a lot better than many here. I think you can look back and see that you went beyond the call of duty in trying to save your marriage. I just hope your wife does not want to get back with you after the D (if it happens). That would really be confusing.