Zizzy, he is trying hard to have his cake and eat it too. He is getting nervous and wants to keep you on the string. DON'T RESPOND TO IT! Don't you dare undo all the hard work you have done up until now.

Just stay dark and stick with your Plan. You did give him a Plan B letter that outlined your conditions for a return, right? If he contacts you again, tell him to contact you WHEN - and only when - he has ended the relationship with the OW. You must be a BROKEN RECORD, Zizzy.

zizzy -

Listen to Melody. I didn't and almost let H move back in. Luckily I came to my senses. Then I had a horrible time getting back into Plan B. It was just like going back to square one.

Everytime you are tempted to break Plan B, realize that you want your H back, and Plan B is the way to get him to wake up and come out of the fog.

Thanks Melody and Believer.

I still have not spoken to him or seen him since Plan B started. Text message him only about 3 times all regarding my daughter.

He has not even say or message me close to anything about wanting to talk. Not even once. It is so sad. Not even one i miss you or i love you text message. Not even that.

I do miss him a lot. I know he hurt me a lot but i miss his company and someone whom i can talk to openly. I miss his smile. I miss his smell. I miss everything about him. Yes, i admit there was a part of me that said why not one short call just to check. It did cross my mind a few times lately. So far i have managed to hold on to Plan B.

Its hard but i am okay so far with plan B. I won't break it.

Would it be against Plan B rules to simply e-mail the wayward spouse a reminder that communication can be restored when he breaks off with the OP and is willing to write the NC letter?

Yes...i think so...to REMIND is a NO-NO in Plan B <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You must remember they hurt us and betrayed us. It is time they do the work FIRST. We have been doing all the giving and making the first move in Plan A so in Plan B...WS must make the 1st move.

My second week in Plan B.

I finally receive SAA book airmail all the way from Australia. Good book! But it is also scary to read because WS affair is at that intense emotional attachment aka soul mates. How can he ever get out of that??!

Now here is my question. I want my WS to read the book too but is it against Plan B to give the book to him? I can pass the book to him through a third party so i will maintain my non contact.

zizzy, I wouldn't try and give him the book at this point. He is not in marriage recovery mode so it wouldn't do any good. Have you heard from him?

ok melody i won't give him the book.

I text message him today to inform him that my daughter won't be going to school tomorrow because she is having the flu.

Later he text message back saying in his exact message to me "Ok, how are both of you doing? Actually, how are you doing?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So i message back saying that daughter is fine and if you want to know about me, read plan b letter again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

zizzy -

Sounds like you are hanging in there. Plan B does get easier and easier, the longer you keep it up.

Are you keeping busy during this time so that you have something to feel good about?

Lousy day today.

My daughter misses her dad very much. I don't understand why he has not drop by to visit her at home during day time so i thought i better give them a chance together. I sms him to come over tonight to put her to sleep with the excuse that i was going out.

I planned the time so i need not meet him.

I ended up watching the movie Stuck On You by myself. First time i have ever gone to see a movie by myself. It wasn't so bad but i had a few episode that i felt like crying while watching a comedy movie...and i don't know why.

15 minutes before the end of the movie he started to sms me asking what time i was coming home and whether i wanted him to wait for me. i told him i will be home soon. He said he will wait for me because he wanted to make sure that i get home safely and that if i need anything, to call him.

I park outside and told him that i was back. I also thank him for waiting. I waited until he drove away before i got out of my car so we didn't meet.

He sounded so caring in those few text messages that he sent. It gives me hope because there is care in his message and it makes sad at the same time because he is still not back yet.

Imagine those short words can make me feel like this...Imagine if i broke my plan B...met him and spoke to him...imagine the pain of my hope being smashed to pieces...

Almost the end of my second week of plan B...still holding...i can't see no end yet.

Yeah, it is miserable. But just hang in there. Plan B is what is going to bring your H back. You have to believe this.

Are you doing anything to divert yourself during this time? It helps to get busy so you are not focusing on him.

Believer,

So far i have been good in my plan B. Today my daughter told him i was sick. I message him asking if he could send DD to school on thursday because i got to go for work outstation.

Then he text message me...asking if i had the flu, who i was going with outstation and if i needed any money. I did not reply him immediately because these questions are about me and no longer about our daughter. If I remember plan B is strictly about our daughter and nothing else. So how should i answer questions like this???

He just SMS me again about the same questions. Should i answer him. If i do answer him, is it breaking Plan B rules???

You can talk about finanacial matters only. If you need money, let him know, otherwise stay dark.

Believer, I did not reply to his questions at all. I just ignored them. I don't need any money from him. I have more than enough to support myself and i am also working. I guess he was just being nice to ask if i needed any or not. But if he was generous enough he could just give me the money WITHOUT asking.

I am having a downer day. 3rd week of Plan B.

There is no sign that he is ever coming back. He never said he hates me. He never told anyone that we are separated. He never said he wants divorce. He never said he wants to leave me. He says he loves me unconditionally. He says my DD and me is his first priority in life. He says i am a good wife and mother. He says he will come over and do anything i ask him.

He says he is not ready to let OW go. He says he is IN LOVE with OW. He says he needs to stay away from me to find out if he loves me enough and miss me enough to come back. And this sentence is what HURTS so much coz since he has not been back for 3 weeks now. It does beginning to look that he doesn't love enough to come back and probably never will. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I can actually see myself in this limbo for a very very longggg time.

zizzy, don't you dare let yourself get down. What is happening is he is now free to find out that the OW can't possibly meet all of his needs. He is now able to see all her warts in the light of day. The fantasy aspect that has fueled this affair is blowing away. That often hastens the end of the affair and brings them around.

Pretty soon she will start lovebusting [remember, she doesn't have the benefit of MB] and you will start looking better and better. It won't happen overnight, zizzy. Just hold your ground and don't get worried. It takes time.

ZIZZY- Mine was gone for 12 weeks before he started coming around. So go on with your life, make some changes, and try to start enjoying things. He will be back. Do not give in. I did and it just prolongs everything.

Melody & Believer, thanks for support i will try to hang on.

I took my daughter and myself for an overnight trip at a resort by the beach.

My daughter has been in contact with WS. He has been digging info from her about me. From her conversation with him i know that he is curious about our trip and fears for our safety.

That night after talking to my daughter, he asked to talk to me. This is the first since plan B started so i was pretty anxious. I was hoping this could be the turning point. I took the call. He asked me how i was. I said i was ok. Then he asked if everything is save there. I answered Yes. Then i asked him if he had read Plan B letter and he said yes. I asked if he understand what is needed to be done and he said yes. He asked me why i took the trip? That was when i told him to read plan B letter again and cut the conversation by asking him if he want to speak to DD and he said yes. I think he was just curious about my trip because i was travelling alone with DD and this is something i never did before.

When i took that call i thought maybe he was going say something i wanted to hear but it doesn't look like it.

He has been going through my DD for info about me and sending text messages like I love renee and mummy very very much...I miss you and mummy...drive carefully...make sure mummy eats properly...etc etc. It confuses me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Do you think i cut the conversation too fast...maybe i should have let him speak a little longer...i don't know...i keep thinking about what you said melody, repeat it like a broken record...i hope i did it right.

<small>[ February 28, 2004, 11:40 PM: Message edited by: zizzycool ]</small>

Melody is right, repeat it like a broken record. I got an eight page letter from my H today. He keeps telling me the same old thing, he loves me, is sorry, blah, blah, blah.

He knows what he needs to do (NC with OW) but can't do it. So I'm continuing on.

Good for you going on a little trip. Those kinds of things will help you feel better. Stay in Plan B. Stay dark. Hang in there.

Oh believer, a whole 8 pages long and not even one sign that he is ending it? That is a fog letter. At least he is still saying something to you.

I saw him tonight. My heart went flip flop and my tear welled up. I could not avoid meeting him coz my daughter was upset and insisted that she wanted to see her father tonight. It was already 10.30 pm when he finally came over to see her. I open the door and nothing was said between us. We even avoided eye contact. I also made sure the living room was dark so i didn't have to see him. But to smell him...that made everything come crashing back. I wanted to cry there and then but i told myself to stop that.

He went into the room and stayed until my daughter fell asleep.

Only when he stood at the door way and was about to leave then he asked if i was okay. He caress my cheek with the back of his hands. At first i was caught surprise with that gesture. Then plan B click inside my head screaming that he should not be touching me and i flinched from his touch. Immediately he pull back his hands and said good nite and that was it.

Now i cannot sleep.

I am very very confuse now. Are these signs that he wants to come back but he doesn't know how? Do you think it is time for a talk??? Or should i continue to maintain black out and wait until he calls for the talk first.

Plan B, Plan B, Plan B. He knows what he needs to do to come back.

My H wrote that he was sorry, ashamed and felt worthless. He said he hoped MB would soften my heart towards him. He asked me to pray for reconciliation. He went on and on.

But he knows what he needs to do. He will not do it. So I am continuing in Plan B. You do the same.