</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by zizzycool:
<strong>
Do you think i cut the conversation too fast...maybe i should have let him speak a little longer...i don't know...i keep thinking about what you said melody, repeat it like a broken record...i hope i did it right. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You did just right, zizzy! He is feeling guilty and fishing for affirmation. Don't take his bait. You did good in taking his call and not getting into any conversation with him. If he does it again, just remind him of PBL, like you did, and then ask him to not call you until he is ready to comply.

And don't you dare despair, zizzy. It won't happen overnight. Just hang in there!

Okay believer...i will do the same...plan B plan B plan B... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yes melody i will try not to feel sad about the whole thing...its not easy but i will do my damnest not to let him control my feelings. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ February 29, 2004, 09:28 AM: Message edited by: zizzycool ]</small>

zizzy, you should feel sad. This is a very sad situation. You can't change that. But just don't give up HOPE! This is far from over.

Zizzy -
Check out Luke's thread in the divorcing board. He has been posting there for several months. His wife filed for divorce and wanted nothing to do with him. Now she is back.

Hi ziz,

Hang in there.I was in Plan B for 6 weeks and then my WH came around.BUT,you know any little contact isn't helpful.I know it's hard with kids but your WH shouldn't be hanging around the house and stroking your cheek,etc.That was a fix.Don't be around if at all possible when he needs to see D.It sets you back.

Also,don't listen to anything WH says.That used to drive me insane.I was so confused when he would say loving things to me but still be out and about with the homewrecker.GRRR.Don't listen,tune him out.Keep living as though you are D.You have only yourself to rely on and take care of your D.It has to become almost habitual.By the time 6 weeks in Plan B came around,I was really comfortable being on my own.

Keep us posted.Thinking of you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

O

<small>[ February 29, 2004, 09:48 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Octobergirl, i read your other posting that your WH will be back home for good soon and you are now experiencing another type of dilemma.

I think i am feeling like that now. Something seemed to have changed in me. Am i beginning to detach myself from him? I don't feel so crazy about wanting him back anymore especially since reading some of the posting about recovery. Recovery sounds tough especially those thought about how you should have let him go when you had the chance.

Why should i take him back? These thoughts are going round and round since yesterday...

Strange...is this the effect of plan B?

Yep. Isn't it nice? I think when you get off the rollercoaster, you finally can look at the whole situation more clearly.

ZizzyCool,
Sometimes things look bleak, the rollercoaster ride, the terrible things our WSs say, the waiting, the wanting, and mostly the uncertainty. I still feel very new to all this though I've been living with it for about 8 months. Not knowing what is going to happen is what has always been the worst thing for me during this time. I still have bad days but mixed in all this I have good days also. But, I've always held onto a teeny glimmer of hope. I was getting to the point of giving up, not that I would have filed for divorce, but giving up on hope for this marriage. I still love my W (I think) and I still want to work on our marriage, but I've also just recently started getting into a long lost hobby I had to give up when I got married. I never had the time or money to do this. Now it seems I have both and it almost feels good to not have anyone holding me back from doing these things. I still miss my W terribly, but it feels good to be semi-free... I know this is long winded but it is leading up to my point for posting...

Here's is what is now happening with WW. She has secured her own apartment and will be moving in on Thursday. She told Ds that she is not telling OM about leaving until after she is gone. She has gotten a new unlisted phone number and is going to change her cell# also. She told the girls she wanted to borrow my other car so OM could not find her because he knows what her car looks like. Apparently she doesn't want to have anything to do with OM anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say with all this is affairs end. Things between your spouse and other person aren't always what they seem to be. I guess the realities of life finally set in and they realize the affair partner isn't who they wanted or thought they were. It has taken some time for this to happen and had I done all that was in the marriage builders plans instead of going back and forth with my plan B, things may have ended sooner. I guess I'm trying to say, do a good plan A, then do a very good plan B and work on yourself during this time. The affair will work itself out. At the end of that time, you are then ready to either work on your marriage or ready to move on. It changes hands at that point, you have become the person in charge of your life, you hold the keys to your happiness, it becomes your choice what lies ahead for 'you'...

I don't know if W and I will reconcile. She hasn't said anything to me or Ds about it. I feel anxious, but I also feel pretty calm for a change. I still hope to work things out, but it is up to her to decide if she wants to continue this marriage. I can go either way. I know I'd be sad if we divorced, but I know I can go on without her. Yes, I still have bad days. The hurt never seems to go away and I haven't done the best job coping with it, but I know I can go on though. But, I am a better person through all of this and I can be a better husband for my WW or someone else...

This post may not be much of a lift, but I hope it will give you a little hope for your future. Whether you reconcile with your spouse or not, you can make it on your own. And no matter how bleak it looks, affairs to end. So, be good to yourself and prepare yourself for whatever future you decide you want...

Believer & Lost

I have done a pretty good Plan B so far. Did not fall off the wagon yet. This is my fourth week of plan B.

But today i want to know. He could have ended it but have had no chance to tell me because i have not even given him any chance to talk. I am afraid that he is feeling rejected and may have the thought that i am so angry that i no longer want to have any contact with him. He may be waiting for me to initiate contact first.

From past experience, every arguement or issues, i have always been the one who initiate talking or try to patch things up first.

So what do you guys think if i text message him this...Have you ended it with OW?...If he says no or no reply then i can assume that he is still in foggyland and continue on with my plan B.

Believer you mentioned you fell off your wagon because WH contacted you and ask to talk about reconciliation. Now in my case...WH did contact last week but i cut him off so fast that even if he did wanted to say it, he could not. He probably might mistaken my reaction as "No i am not ready yet to reconcile". He may think he needs to wait. And because of this we both could be waiting endlessly.

I don't know for sure but i feel i need to know that this is not the case.

I am still sitting here...pondering if i should or should not send him that message... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I am afraid to find out that he is still sitting on the fence. Kind of afraid to know this and it will hurt me again.

But at the same time...a little hope that he may have found his answers but have not found any ways to tell me about it because of my cold treatment.