</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want this feeling of not deserving to go away, as does my husband, but I'm having a hard time losing it.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Again I ask you why are you so racked with guilt over an 8 year old incident that did not go all the way?

I am not saying it wasn't a bad thing it was but you confessed you are remorseful. You were in committed relationship but he was out of the country. You were not legally married.

I think this issue bothers you because of other childhood or abuse issues.

This lack of unworthiness is way out of line compared to what you did. Not disregarding it. You feel it..its real to you. So the question is not whether its right or wrong but why...why do you feel this strongly?

I really don't have a feel for what pre marital behavior has in relation to post marital behavior.

I don't think its a big a deal as some say. If you accept the argument that if you strayed without the legal and moral bonds of marriage then you are bad marriage material then what does it say for the waywards spouses that actually strayed when legally and morally bond by wedding vows?

It goes back to the thinking that once a cheater always a cheater and if you accept that then none of us should be on a marriage board when should be a on a singles board because repairing a marriage is a waste of time in the once a cheater always a cheater scheme of things.

Thanks SDFR,

Much of what you say regarding the guilt and it being out of proportion, etc., is what my therapist has already said. And I am listening.

You know, I realize when I read back through what I've written that I sound like an oddly disturbed individual. This board has been something of a dynamic diary though -- I write down my innermost thoughts and worries AND get a response.

If it weren't for the anonymity, I wouldn't share a fraction of what I do here.

I appreciate your feedback and wish I could repay you. Please do accept my thanks.

Best, alegna

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I appreciate your feedback and wish I could repay you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You just did.

I don't remember if we talked about books so if I am repeating myself....aw h#ll I'm not getting any younger so I am entitled to repeat myself!.

I strongly recommend The Sexual Healing Journey because of its "couples" approach to working on sex abuse issues. And also Outgrowing The Pain which is an easy to read primer for childhood abuse victims.

50% of treating abuse victims is having them become self aware of the abuse and getting to the core "lie" about the abuse. Most abuse victims share some common misbeliefs or lies about their experiences....."its my fault, I'm worthless or dirty, it wasn't really abuse, I had a physical response (false sense of enjoying it) therefore it wasn't abuse or I am must have wanted it because I responded to it, I can't tell anybody because they would know I was a bad girl/boy, I should have stopped it, fought harder, cried out".....and so on.

While you may embrace any or all of those misconceptions victims tend to pick one as the core belief about themselves. Once you accept one lie as a core lie then all the other negative feelings become validated as well.

Once your core lie is say "I must have liked it because I had a physical response" you then fill in all the other lies as well. I had a response, I must have wanted it, I didn't cry out because deep down I wanted it, only bad girls/boys want this and since I wanted it I must be a bad girl/boy.

Sometimes debunking all the lies is enough. Other times additional therapy is needed.

But it seems like you still cling to a core lie and that is why you still have so much guilt beyond what you did.

And that is what needs to be worked on within you not your marriage.

Alegna, sorry for interrupting your thread, but I have just read the following from SDFR&#8217;s last reply:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Once your core lie is say "I must have liked it because I had a physical response" you then fill in all the other lies as well. I had a response, I must have wanted it, I didn't cry out because deep down I wanted it, only bad girls/boys want this and since I wanted it I must be a bad girl/boy.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know, this is SO true... I have believed that same lie for YEARS, but with the help of therapy, my counselor helped me through the process of forgiving and accepting &#8220;my inner child&#8221;. Can you remember the empowerment therapy link I&#8217;ve send to you on your other thread and the 3 parts of personality (parent, adult and child) I&#8217;ve explained to you? Well, part of this process is to write a letter to yourself and correct all the misperceptions you have about your &#8220;inner child&#8221; (as explained by SDFR in his previous reply, the lies etc.): You (as the current person and adult) must write a litter to &#8220;your child&#8221;. You must accept your &#8220;child&#8221; with everything that happened to her (abuse etc) and you must realize and accept IT&#8217;S NOT HER FAULT and start nurturing her - the the "free child" will start to function and not be controlled by the "hurting child" any more. As I&#8217;ve explained in your other thread, your &#8220;child&#8221; is currently controlled by your &#8220;critical parent&#8221;. That means that you&#8217;re giving very critical and bad messages to yourself e.g. &#8220;Inherently I&#8217;m a bad person&#8221;, &#8220;I&#8217;m not good enough for my H&#8221; etc. Your &#8220;nurturing parent&#8221; must start to accept your inner child and give positive and nurturing messages (that means in stead of the critical messages, you must give nurturing, good messages to yourself) e.g. &#8220;I&#8217;m not a bad person. I&#8217;ve make some bad choices and mistakes in the past, but I&#8217;m still a good person&#8221;; &#8220;I deserve to be a happy wife for my H. Yes, I&#8217;ve made some wrong choices in the past, but I have received my H&#8217;s and God&#8217;s forgiveness and not going to let this unnecessary guilt control me any longer; the fact that I have remorse and repentance about past wrong behavior shows that inherently I'm good person with strong values and a good conscience&#8221;. You get the picture? I hope I make some sense! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I must run now, but I will check in tomorrow again.

oops wrong place

<small>[ March 01, 2004, 09:15 AM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

First, to SDFR:
I have noted the books you've been mentioning to me. I've not bought them yet because next week my husband and I are moving back to the U.S. (I'm excited! we've been living in Europe for almost 6 years) So, I'm going to go pick them up at the book store as soon as I have the chance.

It's very odd how one side of me knows the "I am dirty" feelings must be just that -- feelings that in no way are actually true. But then, there is still the other side of me that says, "yes! See what you've done! It's true-"
So - getting to the point: I welcome any book that helps me get a handle on this.

Suzet:
I did read very closely what you had shared regarding the inner child and empowerment therapy. I appreciate all the information everyone has shared here.

I have never read a single book about this (how's that for denial and avoidance). I've always been afraid that reading about it will be too depressing. And honestly, I've never wanted to dwell on it. Problem is, I've come to a time in my life when I can't do that anymore.

So thanks, guys.

<small>[ March 01, 2004, 04:49 PM: Message edited by: alegna ]</small>

alegna

Think of all the emotional energy you spent avoiding this over the years and would have to continue to spend if you kept on going this way.

And that says nothing about the added happiness and peace you stand to find if you overcome all of this.

Well, SDFR, I'll be 30 in a couple months. I suppose it's time I sorted this out.

I have always been reluctant to spend much time thinking about what happened, or to tell others what happened, as it makes me feel like a victim. And I hate that.

But worse is the depression that hit me six months ago. For the first time in my life, I felt out of control. Not for anything I was doing, but because I had no control whatsoever over my feelings and thoughts. I had never experienced anything like that before. I felt like someone had invaded my head and stolen the real me. Anyway, I'm so thankful the worst of it has lifted.

Don't get me wrong. I have had a good and happy life. But, I've spent a lot of time pretending and glossing over a lot of hurt that I've not been willing to deal with. I am extremely fortunate that I had wonderful parents. Why I didn't tell them what was happening all those years, I really don't now. I remember very clearly what happened to me, but I don't have any memory of my emotions at the time. I do, however, remember very well how I felt when I was around 11 and just beginning to understand what had happened.

I felt dirty, and envious of my friends and their innocence. And like many people in my situation, I grew up with my offending uncle close by... pretending for years that nothing ever happened. He would hug me every time he saw me, etc. I don't know how I lived that way for so many years.

I'm paying for it now. I want to deal with this. I really do. I want to be my happy self again -- minus the denial.

Oh- and changing topic - I read on another thread where Melody Lane questioned the reliability of statistics regarding the number of people who have experienced sexual abuse as children.

All I can say is that I have been repeatedly amazed that the relatively few times I've opened up to people in the past eight years, so many have either experienced something similar, or someone close to them has. I realize this isn't scientific research, but it does confirm to me that it is very common. Depressingly so.

One more comment, SD,

Earlier you had asked why I felt such deep guilt over the kissing incident from 8 years ago. The first time I posted on MB, SonOfW? posted a reply that basically said that even if my husband claimed not to be deeply hurt by my confession of the makeout, he wasn't telling me the truth. His post said, "Believe me, as a man, etc..." I knew that he was a therapist, so I put quite a bit of stock in what he said. Of course, my therapist said the opposite.

Also, he called that and the flirting episode affairs -- plural. When I read back over my initial post, I wondered if he thought I spent the night with the guy. I didn't. I know that kissing him was bad enough. Truly, I know that, but the reason I mention this is because when I posted a second time his response was a bit less pointed.

I know that I am being influenced too much by other people's opinions when I should simply listen to my husband. But the depression of the last few months wrecked havoc on my ability to think clearly, so I've been reaching out to other's for how THEY would feel, etc.

Anyway, SonOfW mentioned how if he were my husband, he may not be able to continue being married to me as his trust would be destroyed.

As I mentioned, knowing that SonOf is a counselor, I felt strongly influenced by what he wrote. His message did tend to confirm my fears regarding the gravity of the situation.

Just a little FYI...

Alegna, it&#8217;s a pity that SonOf has responded to you like that, but I really hope he will come out and respond to this thread&#8230;and correct himself if he was under a misperception about your circumstances... I think sometimes people are not really aware what kind of damage/hurt they can cause by giving out opinions that are inappropriate, judgmental and are meant to critize others... This shows that even a counselor can be WRONG, especially if they giving out opinions and advice to someone without having the full picture, background and circumstances about that person. This why it is SO important to listen to all advice and opinions, but be very careful when deciding what kind of advice/opinions to follow and take personally. In my humble opinion a counselor is suppose to HELP people&#8230;not to destroy their self-esteem and give out harsh, insensitive opinions that will break down a person&#8217;s opinion of him/herself and make them believe that he/she is a bad person &#8211; especially it that person show signs of a strong conscience, repentance and remorse.

No Alegna, listen to your dear husband instead - trust him and believe in him (not a anonymous person who might even pretend to be "counselor")! Your H is the person who really knows you - he knows you and what a good person you are really inside. That's why he don't need to dwell on some past mistakes you've made. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ March 02, 2004, 01:24 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>

Alegna, the following will be somewhat of topic, but I think there might be reason for concern: Are you currently receiving any medication for depression (I remember you said you are/were clinically depressed)? Were you properly diagnosed by a specialist for any psychiatric disorder or deviation that might be caused by a physical imbalance in your brain/body and needs to be treated? Do you have any signs of obsessive or compulsive behavior (I&#8217;ve noted some obsessive thinking about past mistakes in you posts). I know an obsessive thinking pattern (that might also be caused by a physical imbalance) also adds to excessive feelings of guilt, etc. I think there might be a possibility that you suffer from a disorder (chemical imbalance) and that you must first clear out this possibility. Sexual child abuse often leads to psychiatric disorders in woman that&#8217;s from physical origin (like the imbalance I&#8217;ve mentioned above). Please read this article and this one.

Sexual abuse is the external cause of mood-disorders that often leads to the internal cause (imbalances in the brain/hormones etc.). Both these internal and external causes needs to be treated &#8211; the internal cause (if there is one) through appropriate medicine, and the external cause (like sexual abuse, etc) through therapy & counseling. Its even possible that there might not be any real success with therapy if the internal cause is not treated and vica versa.

Last year I was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder and associated anxiety and depression (caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain). I was diagnosed with it after I&#8217;ve experienced similar obsessive thinking and excessive guilt than you. This imbalance contributed very much to my emotional instability and excessive & obsessive thoughts and feelings I had about the EA & OM at the time. The guilt and residual feelings I experienced was way out of proportion with regard to my involvement with OM. I was involved in an inappropriate friendship which developed to beginning stage of EA, but my feelings and guilt was similar to someone who was involved in a very heavy and full blown EA/PA. I couldn&#8217;t get real/full relieve from counseling until I started using medicine. I&#8217;m using chronic medication for almost a year now. After I started using it my progress was HUGE and I&#8217;m feeling so much better and emotionally stable today. I still have issues I struggle with from time to time (especially with anxiety) but in general things are under control.

I think most people don&#8217;t understand the nature of disorders that contribute to anxiety, depression, OCD etc. and therefore, many people suffer &#8216;in silence&#8217; for many years before they get any help because they belief there problem is only mentally or psychologically and they must &#8220;pull themselves together&#8221;. But as you have seen, the problem can also have a physical origin as well that needs to be treated through medicine. Although I felt very bad about my diagnosis at the time, it was at the same time a big relief to realize that the imbalance was hugely the cause of my emotional instability, anxiety etc. It was a big relief to know that my problem wasn&#8217;t just my fault &#8216;mentally&#8217; and &#8216;psychologically&#8217; and that something could be medically done about it (together with counseling to treat the external cause of abuse).


I don&#8217;t underestimate the impact of your external problem (sexual child abuse) on you mentally psychologically, but I just think you must make sure that you don&#8217;t suffer from an internal cause (physical imbalance/deviation) as well.

Suzet,

Thank you SO MUCH for both of your posts. I will try to address some of the points you raised (but the posts were long, so I might leave something out ;-)

First, in relation to your post regarding SonOfW post, if you're interested, you can look it up and then set me straight if you think I'm over-reacting. But either way, I really, really appreciate your encouraging words.

Anyway, on to your second post. Regarding the depression, it was diagnosed by my doctor. It was no surprise to me. I had completely lost my appetite, was crying daily, my heart was racing, etc. In other words, it wasn't one of those cases where people are suffering from depression and don't realize it.

This was completely out of nature for me. But I think most important of my symptoms; I was having obsessive thoughts that focused on the make-out incident from eight years ago. Literally, and I am not exaggerating here, the memory replayed over and over for months.

Anyway, my doctor wanted me to try behavioral therapy for six months before trying medication. So that's what I've been doing since the beginning of November. And the depression has lifted. I did question my therapist about my concerns regarding the obsessive nature of my thoughts. She agreed with me -- and has been working with me on techniques to break the patterns.

I believe you could be spot on with your observation. And I did read the articles you referred to in your post. This is something I have read about in the past couple months. I will bring it up to my new doctor once my H and I are settled back in the states again.

As I mentioned, we are moving next week. (By the way, if I don't post for a couple weeks, you'll know why!)

Thank you for sharing with me your situation. I do really feel we may be experiencing something very similar.

You're very special to take time to share with me-

SDFR and Suzet-

I've posted quite a bit today (yes, multiple posts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) to both of you.

If you have time, could you take a look?

Thanks!

--alegna

alegna

Did I miss your posts I can't seem to find them.

Alegna, you're welcome and it&#8217;s a big pleasure. Thanks for your kind words! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You know, if there is at least one person in this world I can help with my past experiences and sufferings I will be so glad! Although your situation (with the 2 incidents before and after your M) is totally different than mine, I could immediately recognize the same thinking and feeling pattern than you in myself when I first started posting here... Although I never shared so openly about myself in the beginning (I was also afraid I might sound &#8220;stupid&#8221; <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) many times while I was reading your posts, you sounded exactly the way I think and feel at the time. Like you, other people also view me as a strong and confident person while in fact I have many insecurities and self-doubts. For example, I have &#8220;stage fright&#8221; in a major degree. Even when I have to say something in a meeting where only a view people is present, I feel very uncomfortable and anxious(my heart is pounding, I feel shaky etc.), but then, while talking, I try to look self-confident and relaxed the best I can.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Regarding the depression, it was diagnosed by my doctor. It was no surprise to me. I had completely lost my appetite, was crying daily, my heart was racing, etc. In other words, it wasn't one of those cases where people are suffering from depression and don't realize it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If someone has a physical imbalance (internal cause), it&#8217;s possible that it might linger for years before it&#8217;s eventually &#8216;triggered&#8217; by something and then started to get out of control&#8230; (Depression and other disorders can also be genetically transmissible in families). In my case I&#8217;ve never recognized any signs of depression (although I had many &#8220;blue&#8221; or bad moods throughout the years without any specific reasons which I viewed as &#8220;normal&#8221;, but today I know it wasn&#8217;t). For years and years I tried to repress the childhood experiences until 2 years ago when the depression, obsessive thoughts and anxiety was &#8220;triggered&#8221; by my inappropriate involvement with OM. The EA was the catalyst that forced me to go into therapy and explore childhood issues. My reactions, obsessive thinking and depression was also totally out of nature for me, but if I think back on past years, I realize the tendency was always there, but I haven&#8217;t realize it because it was in a very light degree.

My post starts to get too long again &#8211; sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I just enjoy sharing with you &#8211; it helps me too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Anyway, as soon as I have time I will read SonOfW post and let you know what I think.

It seems that I have missed some of your other post too &#8211; I don&#8217;t see any multiple posts?

Have a nice day!
Suzet

<small>[ March 03, 2004, 02:33 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>

Hi SDFR and Suzet,

The other posts I was referring to were in this thread, but going back to page 2. Suzet, I believe you have seen everything.

And Suzet, I have read your new post. There were a couple things I wanted to comment on, but can't do it just now. I'll come back and do it as soon as a I can...

Alegna, after I've read SonOfW&#8217;s post to you today, I can see now his original intention wasn&#8217;t meant to hurt you (I have exaggerated yesterday &#8211; I can see it now - sorry). I think generally his attitude in his posts towards you was good-natured and from some of the things he said, it&#8217;s clear that he thinks you&#8217;re inherently a good person. I think he only tried to give an honest opinion from his point of view (which isn&#8217;t necessarily the correct one, even though he might be a counselor!) I think he was only trying to help you with his personal view and how he would might have experienced it if he was in your H's shoes (which isn't and indication at all that you H must feel the same way - people differs), but unfortunately his words had a very negative and hurting affect on you which I can understand&#8230; If I were you I would possibly feel the same way. Remember, when you first started posting on this board, your concern was (and I think still is) a very sensitive and big issue for you (although it's way out of proportion to what happened during the 2 incidents) and it&#8217;s only normal under the circumstances that you would over-react and unnecessarily took it very personally.

Alegna, counselor&#8217;s are also human beings and not perfect and correct in everything the say and their own observations &#8211; they can have wrong perceptions about someone or a specific situation too. I think especially if a counselor trying to help someone or giving his opinion anonymously &#8211; without knowing the person and having a full understanding of the background and circumstances &#8211; there is a high possibility that there might be misconceptions. I really think this was the case with you and SonOfW. And also, remember the fact that SonOfW is a BS (I think he is ?) could have also contributed to his exaggerated and out of proportion view about your situation. Your H know very well that your behaviour during those 2 incidents were totally out of nature for you (because of the alcohol) and therefore he really don&#8217;t have any reason to dwell on it. That&#8217;s why it would also be possible for him - should he have known about the kissing incident before your marriage - to forgive you. I really think there isn&#8217;t any reason for you to doubt about this any longer (although I can understand your self-doubts - I have struggled with the same thing in the past). Be kind and not so hard on yourself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> How do you think & feel about all of this now?

<small>[ March 03, 2004, 05:05 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>

Hi Suzet,

How nice of you to take the time to look at the original post! I appreciate your interpretation. I'm wondering if you too live outside the U.S. since your posting now???

About your opinion of the post, I am sure you are correct. I have just hurt so much over this. And you know how the depressive mind works -- (or maybe not, I think you mentioned you had cyclical "mullygrubs" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and on the big D as my H and I refer to it!) the mind tends to focus only on the negatives, and then magnifies them to the n'th degree. And the thought of losing my husband is enough to evoke instant panic.

Suzet, I feel more and more that we have quite a lot in common. And we're the same age as well. (Well, I'll be 29 until June!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

You are an encouragement! (Which is what I try very hard to be for others too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) So, I hope one day I'll be able to return the favor in your direction.

Alegna, thanks again! Yes, I&#8217;m also living outside the U.S. I&#8217;m a South African and I&#8217;m especially proud to say it after Charlize Theron has won the Oscar last week!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yes, I know exactly how the depressive mind works (and it can be SO frustrating)! And on top of it I also have a melancholic personality! But I&#8217;m doing much better now than in the past and I&#8217;m able to direct my thoughts positively if I recognize the negative and self-destructing pattern. I just refuse to listen to the &#8220;critical parent&#8217;s&#8221; anymore... Well, I only listen to it if there is really some reason to do so, but I don&#8217;t allow it to &#8220;bulldoze&#8221; me anymore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have recognized that we&#8217;re almost the same age. I&#8217;ll be 31 this month. So, it&#8217;s not so far before you&#8217;ll join the 30&#8217;s club too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This is too funny. I have a way of making friends with people from all over the world. And it's not as if I set out for it to happen. (And this is the first time I've participated on a board) As I mentioned, I'm American, but my husband's not. Anyway, just had to share!

About the depression, it can be a terrifying thing. And one thing I've not mentioned about myself in regard to the obsessive/compulsive behavior points you raised earlier, I'm ashamed to say that I have also struggled with bulimia as an adult. That's an example of obsessive/compulsive behavior if there ever were one.

It started three years ago. I tried to stop a few times during the past few years, and finally managed about a year ago. We've been working on that in therapy as well. It's just so humiliating to admit. I never ever in a million years thought I would go to such destructive measures to stay in tiny sizes.

But I did. And I wasn't depressed during that time either. Really. Not at all. I was in denial, and thought I was in control. Anyway, I did have what a recognize now as obsessive thoughts about calories and my weight during that time. But, believe it or not, the obsessing was not what it has been for the past four months on the kissing episode.

Hardly anyone knows now of the eating problem business. No one else knew while it was going on. I hid it from my husband until he figured it out. I promised I would stop, swore I could handle it (and did for several months). But then I slowly slid back into it.

What I felt triggered the eating problem at the time was that during the year leading up to my first purging experience, I had gained 12 pounds. I had never gained weight like this in my life. (I am 5'6" and had always weighed 118) But I had been stressed out that year and my husband, literally, barely showed the slightest interest in sex for a year. (A lot of stress and sadness in his life and the time - unrelated to our M - which I won't go into, and no he didn't have a porn problem.)

I couldn't accept the bit of extra weight and thought I looked fat. (It goes back to that feeling that everything has to be "perfect".) I could barely stand to look at myself naked in the mirror. And I only weighed 130 pounds at my "heaviest". well, I did lose the 12 pounds I gained, plus several more. I know how sad this sounds. I still feel ridiculous thinking about it. Anyway, in my mind, I turned his disinterest in sex and my weight gain into: He's not attracted to me anymore. This definitely wasn't the case.

Anyway, the reason I mention this is because I felt what you had written about obsessive/compulsive behavior could really apply to me. But my therapist never suggested medication. And her area of expertise is eating disorders.

OK. I'm tired of sounding pathetic. I would like now to proceed with writing something that reflects all the strength I try to project and hope to one day find. But I need to work. And I'm sure it wouldn't be that interesting for you to read! But it would be nice to leave you with a good impression.

Thanks, Suzette. My posts seem to get longer and longer...