</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by committedandlovingit:
<strong>

It's being used for the wrong reason. It's being used as a manipulation tool. Manipulating him into wanting her...and into coming home...regardless of anything else.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">committed, you are right about this part, but let me clarify. This wasn't intended at all to be a traditional Harley Plan B. We are just calling it that for purposes of convenience. Harley doesn't even recommend AT ALL that alcoholics even use his program. He thinks its a waste of time unless the drinking problem is addressed first.

My intention was to get her to cut off contact and acheive 2 ends: protect herself from his abuse and to stop enabling him. As an alcoholic, as long as she was in Plan A, he could continue to abuse and exploit her. And I know from long experience that once a spouse stops enabling, the alcoholic gets a HUGE wake up call. THAT was my intention here. She was in Plan A, which is actually destructive when dealing with an alcoholic.

But as you have pointed out so astutely, she is not ready at all to give up enabling and is not committed to this course of action. She does view it as a way to manipulate him into coming back her without any intention of learning to withdraw and protect herself.

Melody & Committed,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My intention was to get her to cut off contact and acheive 2 ends: protect herself from his abuse and to stop enabling him. As an alcoholic, as long as she was in Plan A, he could continue to abuse and exploit her. And I know from long experience that once a spouse stops enabling, the alcoholic gets a HUGE wake up call. THAT was my intention here. She was in Plan A, which is actually destructive when dealing with an alcoholic.

But as you have pointed out so astutely, she is not ready at all to give up enabling and is not committed to this course of action. She does view it as a way to manipulate him into coming back her without any intention of learning to withdraw and protect herself.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do agree with what both of you are saying. I went into Plan B (or whatever it is) with some hope that it would ease my pain, but with a lot of fear, too because I still have a great deal of love for my WH (how, no one is sure--but it's there). However, I also did it in the hope that it would wake him up. I am afraid that by not doing a better Plan A (mine basically sucked until maybe the last couple weeks) that even though I may have been enabling in a way, by doing such a short one, I didn't even get to build up a reason for him to want to come back.

And I wasn't so much enabling the alcohol (even according to Al-Anon standards - you can't just make the alcoholic stop drinking), but was definitely enabling the A because I was allowing (didn't seem to have a choice) him to stay out all night nearly every night with her.

It was very painful. I'm just wondering had I ridden it out that way if the A would have eventually burned itself out and by my being loving and more in control, I might have looked pretty good to come back to. (You can see my anxiety problems here. Imagine what he got from about October until the middle of January from me?!) Instead, I may push him away and lose something that maybe could have worked had I just ridden it out longer.

Now I'm in it. If I go back on my word and ask him if he'd like to try again with me, I lose any ground I may have gained by standing up for myself. But I don't want to end my life someday saying "I lost my husband because I did the wrong thing, but by golly I stood up for myself."

Am I making any sense? I don't think I am sometimes.

He just called again a few minutes ago to my cell from his shop. I didn't answer. He didn't leave a message.

I hate that there really is no good advice for what to do when you're married to an alcoholic who is having an affair. It's sort of like we're lepers. No one really wants to deal with us. They just want to pretend our situation doesn't exist, because it's messy and not easy to solve. Although I know the alcohol is causing his judgement to be severely screwed up, like I said, I didn't see it as the primary problem initially, because he was completely dry for 2 years (not healed...granted...but dry) and was thinking clearly. The affair preceded the drinking again.

I do appreciate the few people who have posted on here who have alcoholic spouses. And Melody, I'm not knocking your posts either! I appreciate your advice and encouragement (and slaps).

I just feel like I'm back at that "damned if I do, damned if I don't" place again.

LL

Well, we certainly have not been ignoring you, leper! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Only kidding.

But seriously, you have been given good advice. It is just not what you think is best, what you want to hear.

How has what you have done in the past worked for you?

You haven't begun Plan B yet. You have gone back on your word already. Why is that all of a sudden a deciding factor in your decision-making process?

I still love my WH, too. But I do not allow him to blame me, yell at me, or otherwise project his crap onto me.

I do not take accountability for his A. And in doing that, I'm sure I pi** him off, because he doesn't like himself right now.

He could file for D tomorrow. Who knows? Do I think deep down he still loves me after spending 15 years of his short 33 years of life with me? Absolutely. Do I think he'll be back? Absolutely. Do I know when? Nope.

This is not on our timetable. No matter what you do, you cannot make him come back. Why would you even want him right now? No offense, but you are having a hard enough time with your kids and your parents and your job and your house right now with the OW attending to your WH.

What gives? Where do you think you have the strength to deal with him?

If you think you can love him into change, you are totally delusional.

Go to an Al-Anon meeting and educate yourself.

Come back here and post what you have learned.

I am very interested to see if the program is different than when I went because of my alcoholic stepfather when I was a teenager.

SS

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am afraid that by not doing a better Plan A (mine basically sucked until maybe the last couple weeks) that even though I may have been enabling in a way, by doing such a short one, I didn't even get to build up a reason for him to want to come back.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LL, this is delusional thinking that we have covered before over and over and over again. The purpose of Plan A is to meet the needs of the WS. It is impossible to meet the needs of an alcoholic. That is why Plan A is a WASTE OF TIME. I don't know why you persist in believing you could have possibly met his needs, you couldn't have. You were fully enabling him in absolutely every way, up to and including helping him move.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It was very painful. I'm just wondering had I ridden it out that way if the A would have eventually burned itself out and by my being loving and more in control, I might have looked pretty good to come back to.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You looked like an opportunity to exploit and that is exactly how he views you. Being "loving" to an alcoholic is the same as giving them ROPE. Alcoholics respond to tough love.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> hate that there really is no good advice for what to do when you're married to an alcoholic who is having an affair. It's sort of like we're lepers. No one really wants to deal with us. They just want to pretend our situation doesn't exist, because it's messy and not easy to solve. Although I know the alcohol is causing his judgement to be severely screwed up, like I said, I didn't see it as the primary problem initially, because he was completely dry for 2 years (not healed...granted...but dry) and was thinking clearly. The affair preceded the drinking again.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LL, I and others on this forum have tried to NO AVAIL to give you good advice and you simply ignored it. How many times have folks told you to go to Alanon and you simply refuse to go. You ignore other alcoholics who have been through this. You ignore other Alanons who have been through this. So, please don't say that you haven't received advice. You simply REFUSE to follow said advice or to listen to ANYTHING that is said to you. You then claim "confusion" as a cover.

This last paragraph here only emphasizes how little you know about alcoholism and how very much you need Alanon. Being dry does not mean that your H ever solved his problems that led to drinking in the first place. He NEVER got help for his problem so he was just a DRY DRUNK for years. And of course he started drinking again because he never addressed the problems that led to his alcoholism in the first place. Stopping drinking is only ONE of TWELVE STEPS. The rest are learning how to live sober. Your H has never learned that. He has been a dry drunk for years. But you don't know that, because you refuse to go to Alanon.'

Anyway, LL, I am tired of debating you every day to convince you to help yourself. I knew from the start that you didn't want help and I know now that I am right.

Melody,

It is impossible to meet the needs of an alcoholic. That is why Plan A is a WASTE OF TIME.

I know, but three months of crying, cursing (bad Christian sometimes), begging, trying to physically push him out of the way when he was going out the door, trying to climb in his truck before he could leave, and threatening over and over to call the cops on him certainly was NOT doing a good job building LU's. I only pulled out of that phase about the time I hit this MB. So I feel like had I been a normal human being for a while longer, even if I weren't meeting his needs, at least I wasn't busting them all to pieces either.

LL, I and others on this forum have tried to NO AVAIL to give you good advice and you simply ignored it

No, no, no! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I don't do a good job conveying what I'm trying to say sometimes. I didn't mean this board (you and others) don't give good advice. The professionals don't like to deal with it, or don't know how.

How many times have folks told you to go to Alanon and you simply refuse to go.

A lot. I'm not even sure why. Lately it truly has been because I'm at work. Still here tonight. But before, I guess just scared of not fitting in. I am free tomorrow night and Sunday night to my knowledge, as long as I know where my kids are. Maybe I'll try the Sunday one up by my place. And if I do, I will be SURE to report back.

Your H has never learned that. He has been a dry drunk for years.

Actually, though I didn't know the term, I did know he wasn't truly recovered, and that something that produced a lot of stress could easily cause him to drink again. I'm just saying it wasn't the drinking and not being in a sober frame of mind that caused the A. It was, I believe, the guilt of the A that caused the stress he couldn't handle that led to drinking again.

Anyway, LL, I am tired of debating you every day to convince you to help yourself. I knew from the start that you didn't want help and I know now that I am right.

Yes, I do want help ...and people to turn to for support. I'm just asking that you try and understand my personality. It's skewed a lot by the anxiety. I analyze and analzye and analyze everything over and over from all different angles for fear I'm making the wrong move. I'm not one to just jump in and do something spontaneously (unless it involves hair, nails, clothing, or interior paint colors).

SS,

Do I think deep down he still loves me after spending 15 years of his short 33 years of life with me? Absolutely. Do I think he'll be back? Absolutely. Do I know when? Nope.

I wish I were that sure in my case. If I were, I wouldn't be having these anxiety attacks. In my case I truly do believe he's very smitten with OW and that she is meeting a great deal of his needs and may be able to out-do what I've ever done, because my anxiety has been a big factor in our marriage. I am getting help from an IC now, but I'm afraid it's too little, too late because now he's already out and I don't get the chance to prove I'm trying to be different (and not doing a good job anyway).

I still love my WH, too. But I do not allow him to blame me, yell at me, or otherwise project his crap onto me.

And here is the other issue. I hate to admit this one. I have absolutely no self confidence and self esteem. Been a problem all my life, since childhood. Why? Don't know. I don't like myself all that much (SO many things that need to change, both emotionally and physically), but I AM intelligent enough to know that if I don't like me, no one else will find me attractive either. Vicious circle. And because I don't have that self-respect, it has probably allowed me to be walked on all my life and I'm pretty much used to it by now. I don't know any different.

I know I'm a leper (maybe I should change my name), but please don't desert me completely.

LL

I have been following this thread and decided not to get involved because I didn't want to get frustrated. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But...I can't help myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know, but three months of crying, cursing (bad Christian sometimes), begging, trying to physically push him out of the way when he was going out the door, trying to climb in his truck before he could leave, and threatening over and over to call the cops on him certainly was NOT doing a good job building LU's </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is EXACTLY why you need Alanon.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A lot. I'm not even sure why. Lately it truly has been because I'm at work. Still here tonight </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So is your job more important than you sanity within your marriage at the present time?

You have to set your priorities. We all find a way to do what we really want to do.

I joined Alanon in September 2003. I was scared to death the first day I walked through the doors and meekly asked "is this Alanon?" They loved and accepted me with open arms.

Here's the funny part. It took me forever to decide I needed to go. My mom believes it is a "sin" to drink, but she has all the behaviors of an alcoholic. She is a dry drunk. For years I have tried to do everything I could...tried to keep everything sane (haha <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) and on track.

Finally I decided I was getting off of that crazy go round.

I promise you...
I bet the farm...
If you go, within 6 visits you will be thanking us.

Susan

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Vicious circle. And because I don't have that self-respect, it has probably allowed me to be walked on all my life and I'm pretty much used to it by now. I don't know any different.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know how you feel. I was used to my life like it was too, but it was pretty miserable.

Well, it's time to change.
Only YOU can change it.

As far as that vicious circle...

We say in Alanon:
Draw a circle around your feet...What is inside that circle...That is all we have control over.

Please get control of yourself. You can do it.

Susan

LL...Melodylane is giving you "tough love" advice. She is a true friend and telling you like it is even though it may be difficult to hear. Listen to her and concentrate on helping yourself. Your H is going to have to want to help himself before it will happen. I have had co-dependency issues in the past myself, this OW is just another temporary fix to a much deeper problem.

Susan,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Draw a circle around your feet...What is inside that circle...That is all we have control over. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The problem is, I can't even seem to get control over that.

Lisa,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> LL...Melodylane is giving you "tough love" advice. She is a true friend and telling you like it is even though it may be difficult to hear. Listen to her and concentrate on helping yourself. Your H is going to have to want to help himself before it will happen. I have had co-dependency issues in the past myself, this OW is just another temporary fix to a much deeper problem. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know it would be very difficult by my actions for Melody not to be very frustrated with me and to not think I am listening. I really am. I value her advice. I am just so darned afraid to do ANYTHING anymore for fear I'll screw it up, that I think I'm basically frozen.

You guys don't know how close I've come several times to driving myself to the hospital and asking to be checked into the psych ward. However, under my insurance they won't take me unless I'm a threat to my own life, and, fortunately or unfortunately, I'm not suicidal. My Dr. even wanted to write me a note to take family medical leave from work, but if I just sit at home, all I'll do is stew about everything.

LL

Hey guys!

Cut her some slack!

I think you ALL should go to al-anon!

It's obvious you all gave good advice, and she is not following for a reason. Her fears!

Someday, the pain will be too great and she will do FINALLY something for her. Pray that that day is not to late!

I wish I were that sure in my case. If I were, I wouldn't be having these anxiety attacks. In my case I truly do believe he's very smitten with OW and that she is meeting a great deal of his needs and may be able to out-do what I've ever done, because my anxiety has been a big factor in our marriage.

Then what is your problem? If you believe he won't come back, go see an attorney.

I did. Do I want a D? No. Why did I go? To know my rights, to know what would happen if he did D me, to take the mystery and fear out of it.

I paced the attorney's waiting area for 20 minutes. I think the receptionist was getting nervous - probably thought I was there to take someone out.

I never thought I would be seeing an attorney about D rights. NEVER! But, there I was.

And the mystery and fear is now gone. I know what to expect. And you know what? It is not that big of a deal. It is more paperwork. Probably less than you sign on your mortgage!

A lot less!!!

It's not death. It doesn't even have to be the end of anything, as long as you keep the love in your heart.

Face your worst-case scenario. Stick your chin out there and say, "Hit me with your best shot, I can take it!" Even if you don't know if you can.

I surprised the crap out of myself. It really wasn't that bad. Now, people (WH and MC) can talk about D, and I don't cry or get upset. Doesn't really bother me to talk about it at all. I probably have the most information about it out of everyone in the room! He he he. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Knowledge is power. Go to Al-anon. Make an appointment with an attorney. Get some facts.

I promise you will be a different person when you are done. Grow grow grow. Take this time without WH in your life every day to focus on you. From what you have said yourself, you need it!

Lots of love and support.

SS

SS,

Then what is your problem? If you believe he won't come back, go see an attorney.

Right now the vibes I get are that his needs are being met by OW, he doesn't trust that I can meet them or am willing to meet them, he's very angry because I made him move out, he's angry because I'm being cold and have imposed no contact(which has been a joke again today), and he hates his apartment and is looking to move up.

All things point right now to the [censored] winning him. I'm hurting from that. And I'm hurting now because if she does win him and become his partner, I'm also not going to be able to participate in the in-laws family gatherings, and they're about the only family I feel semi-comfortable around (sad, huh, that my own mom makes me more uncomfortable than they do).

And then I got dragged deeper tonight. Cell rang at 10pm. Not him, so I answered. It was "friend?" of ours looking for him. Wanting to know when I last talked to him or if I knew where he was because OW called their house saying he was missing. (Aw, too bad for her, except that everyone was now concerned that perhaps he was distraught over things and his dad's cancer diagnosis might have taken him over the edge).

So now I'm waiting and waiting and wondering just what's going on. I was on my way home from work so drove by both the shop and through his apt complex--no truck. Called them back and said I didn't know, but if he did show up, would someone just let me know he was okay.

Phone rang about 1/2 hour later..."he's okay". I asked where he was and they just said, "He's been found". Pretty much answered it for me.

Where the h*** (pardon language) is my righteous anger anyway????????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Lost focus of my post: SS, did you have to put down a retainer or pay a fee to consult on your rights, or did you find an attorney who saw you for free on the first consultation. I don't know, because 12 years ago when I filed for D on him, I walked in, did NO consulting, just plopped down the retainer and started the paperwork. A lot has changed since then for us, though, with respect to assets and such.

LL

LL-

First, let me give you a cyber hug (((((LL))))
I posted on your other thread that I do agree with MelodyLane and see that susan has suggested alanon as well.

Without help, dealing with an alcoholic is almost too much. I have been where you are, and it took me 16 years to really go to alanon. When I finally went for me, things started to get better.

You can't outwit an alcoholic, thier thinking is twisted and they will try to tie you up just like a pretzel. You begin to think that you are crazy and trying to figure everything out. Everything you have described has been discussed in the alanon meetings that I have gone to. This will likely continue for a long time unless you make an effort to take care of you. Remember I am not only an alanon but a recovery alcoholic of many years as well.

LL, stop for a minute, take the focus off WH and put it on you. Love yourself. You will be OK. Yes, you may make wrong decisions along the way. But not acting is a decision too. What I am hearing is that you want to make the choice that will bring your husband back. All we can do is the footwork, and leave the results up to God.

Schedule a session with the Harleys - They are excellent.

Blessings,
D

LL-
One more thing -

Ask yourself - is what you are doing working? If not, stop. (Easier said than done I know, I know I know)

I struggled for what seemed like a long time to face up to what was going on with me. Looking back it was worth it. If I hadn't have done the work, FWH would not be home and I would not feel really good about myself. All these things are within your reach.

D

Final demented thoughts (plural) of this evening. Please club me before I get any more stupid....

* I'm physically sick from the realization that my WH and I may never go on another vacation, may never even so much as snuggle in bed together ever again.

* I'm hurting because I know if he was found, who he's with again tonight. (Although I did hear she was not calling from his apartment, so is still not living with him)

* I am very angry at myself for my fears, my worries and anxiety, my lack of faith, my lack of action, my ability to screw anything or anyone's life up beyond belief, and because I can't fix it.

* I'm feeling some really intense guilt on occasion because if you remember the guy from our church who just lost his wife a couple weeks ago? If found myself more than once thinking, "What if WH and I divorced. Would he be interested in ever marrying again? Would he be interested in me (probably not, his wife HAD boobs). He seems like a very STRONG Christian guy and although he's 8 years older than me, he's not bad looking either. Sick, Sick, SICK thoughts! BAD Of ME!!!

* Analyzing that 28,000,000 single women over 35 vs. 18,000,000 men in that same category. There is really a man shortage. Again, not much hope for a woman with the body of a 10-yr-old (except complete with 38-yr-old cellulite) and a VERY difficult to manage and rebellious teenager. Yeah, all men in my category (widowed, never married, or divorced because of a spouse's infidelity) are REALLY gonna want to jump right on that opportunity.

* Wanting to put my house up for sale just to get out of the memories. A townhome--low maintenance--is sounding mighty good. Seriously! Just so much work needing done here to get ready to market, I wouldn't get out of it nearly what I need to pay WH half and go get a new place on my own.

* Worrying that maybe at this point I have indeed crossed the line and totally lost my mind. Reality doesn't even seem real anymore.

LL

WGTT,

Sorry..saw your post after I posted my "final" so I'll add:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ask yourself - is what you are doing working? If not, stop. (Easier said than done I know, I know I know) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Everyone on here has posed that same question and I can answer with 100% honesty and certainty--NO IT IS NOT WORKING!!! (That is the only thing I'm sure of right now, besides what my name is and where I currently live). But your second statement is where I am stuck. I keep screwing up and screwing up. How long does it take for me to get it right??!?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(sad, huh, that my own mom makes me more uncomfortable than they do).

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yet another way alanon can help and helped me.

She make you feel uncomfortable because it is your choice to to let her.

Get to alanon and then let's talk. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hey there,

Sorry I missed the excitement last night...glad you made it through.

Have you considered calling the Harely's? I've heard they are WELL worth the money, and really put things in perspective.

And what about just setting up a legal separation. It often can be used as the framework for the D later, but just a step without taking the final leap.

I say, take the pictures down, and sell the house. If H's name is on the deed, then may need to contact him...how about a nice letter.

"I'm going to sell the house.
When would you like to come to pick up the rest of your stuff? Should we split the profit in half, or apply it towards child support? Please answer back in a letter I can take to the realtor."

Yes, this may be the demise of your M. Sometimes when a S separates that may occur. This is time to get used to it. BUT, would you want him back the way things are now? Is the house big enough for you, DS, DD, H, OW, and his drinking? Nope, you deserve a man that will respect you, be faithful, and love you. If it turns out to be him, GREAT!!! If it turns out to be someone else...GREAT TOO!! This gives you time to live away from him and let him make up his mind on his own. And gives you peace from having the OW rubbed in your face.

Anyway you can not answer the phone when your "friend" calls again? No need to include you in the mess your H has created.

Just thought I'd check in and let everyone know that much to their dismay, I'm still around. I thought I better give the board a break for a while after my flurry of activity last night.

I did finally calm down to where my muscles aren't in a perpetual spasm, but it took until this afternoon to get there. And then this evening my sis and her kids stopped in. They live about an hour or so away but had come to Des Moines to get things. So they visited a while and then we went out for a quick bite. And now I'm home and my son has his group over playing poker, so even though I'm sort of banished to the bedroom, I'm not alone. If DD would just show up now, I might even be able to go to sleep. (since she was told NOT to go anywhere and all her note says is "Went to a show at Drake. Later.")

And if her safety isn't enough to think about, I noticed she snagged my $400 digital camera and took it with her. URGGHH!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> What the HECK am I going to do with her? Chain her to my headboard when I can't watch her? (Okay, maybe that's a little extreme, but it might be effective.)

SHMI,

Yes, I have considered calling the Harley's but they are pricey, and I am on a fairly tight budget right now, and I'm not even sure they'd work with me with WH having the alcohol problem. So I tabled the idea for now. I could probably only afford 1-2 sessions max right now.

(Had I not have cashed out $600 on new glasses today for DS and myself, I would have had more, but darn I like the glasses I got. Too bad they have to be sent out and processed special because of the way they're assembled. And of course I was warned they are also some of the most fragile glasses they sell. Everything screamed "NO don't buy them--they're impractical. They're way too trendy for a 38-yr-old. But I loved them, so I bought 'em anyway. And I got sunglasses, too. So I'll be all set to try and look good even if I feel like total CRAP!!)

As much as I want to sell the house to escape all the memories and triggers, I really can't yet. It needs interior paint, carpet work, some new faucets, etc. It's amazing how bad a 5-yr-old house can look when kids and pets live in it. And it would make no sense to sell and buy a townhome until my DS goes to college this fall.

Anyway, still alive.

I am thinking about sending sort of a second follow-up letter to reiterate why I am asking what I am asking of my WH. I have one written (not to worry--won't post on here--too long). I let my sis read it. She's pretty in tune with things and speaks her mind and doesn't take a lot of crap. I also let the kids read it, since they're aware of what's going on and asked to. They all though that, although it is very long (the style my WH has been used to from me for 23 years), that it was also very clear but very loving at the same time.

Anyone have thoughts on it. Since I seem to come across cold when we talk (which we're not supposed to be doing anyway), they thought the letter didn't sound cold at all.

Is this a wrong thing to do?

And by the way, I am going to try to hit the Al-Anon meeting that is semi-near my house tomorrow night at 7pm if I can. Right now I don't have any plans.

If I do, I will report back, and I'd BETTER get at least one smiley face for being brave enough to do it.

LL

<small>[ March 13, 2004, 10:39 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

Hi LL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And by the way, I am going to try to hit the Al-Anon meeting that is semi-near my house tomorrow night at 7pm if I can. Right now I don't have any plans.

If I do, I will report back, and I'd BETTER get at least one smiley face for being brave enough to do it.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes! You will love it!

I promise you you will not only have one smiley face from me, but when you arrive home, you will have a HUGE smiley face comming out of you!

Don't be afraid, this people is VERY kind, you will love them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take good care...

PS.: See? You still haven't go and you already have one smiley face!