LL...I know what you mean about some women/men being predators. I think I shared with you a while back about my parents and my dad's affair. He did leave my mom, they divorced, me married the other woman, and a year later the fog did lift. That was a long tough year. But looking back my mother changed in a remarkable way during that time. She went to work and learned what it was like to not depend on a man for her security and contentment. This OW in my dad's case was a preadator too. When my mom found out about the A, she called this woman and literally begged her to just leave my dad alone and to let them try to work through it. Of course the OW didn't and she too was married to someone else at the time.

I don't wish for God's punishment on anyone but I the bible does say that Vengence is His. You see, I know that your husband is pretty screwed up right now and probably incapable of making good decisions but this OW certainly isn't helping things. I get the feeling that she knows what she is doing much more than your H does right now due to the substance abuse problem. God help her!! Rest assured though that God is aware and he knows your H much better than you do and he knows what it will take to open his eyes. It may not be pleasant for you to have to observe the ultimate pain that he is going to have to go through before this is over.

Please keep us posted on how the sessions with SH go.

LL...you may have mentioned this somewhere else in your thread but has your H mentioned filing for D himself?

LL...I do have have one other question, what is OW's mother thinking about this!!!! Does she condone what her daughter is doing??? I can't imagine back when I was involved with OM going to church or anywhere else with him and my mother!!! My mother and dad know about the A now because I felt like I owed my dad an apology for the way I was with him when my parents were apart..LL...the pain that affairs cause is devastating and you know that better than anyone. I guess the one think that I really beat myself up about for so long is how could I have ever allowed myself to do to my H with my dad did to my mother and to us!! I didn't even invite my dad to my wedding. My brother gave me away. I will always regret that and felt like I needed to tell my day, 23 years later, that I'm so sorry for how I treated you and I guess now I do understand much better than I did before.

The strange thing to me about my dad is that he has never once apologized to us for what he put us through. That's ok though, I know the hell he has been through now because of what I did.

Lisa,

LL...you may have mentioned this somewhere else in your thread but has your H mentioned filing for D himself?

No, and actually he's told not only me but his friend that we both speak with that he has no intentions of ever filing on me. That could be taken as a positive (that he really does intend someday to end this crap), or that he's just waiting for me to spend the $ and do it so he can blame me for the ultimate demise of the M.

LL

Lisa,

LL...I do have have one other question, what is OW's mother thinking about this!!!! Does she condone what her daughter is doing???

I don't know, exactly. I suspect that she's somewhat given up on her daughter. But I asked WH what OW's mom knew about him and he said "she just knows I'm separated". I'd assume she thinks he's separated and awaiting a D being final.

I'd love to talk to her, but don't know her name. All I know is the town she lives in. Hard to track, because she's remarried and doesn't share OW's maiden name. (I also don't know OW's married name, so couldn't have called her H if I wanted to, but I wouldn't anyway--he's abusive, and is living with someone else now.)

The only one I do know the name for his OW's dad and steop-mom. They're the ones who have custody of her 8-yr-old DD. I haven't called them either, because I don't think they'd care as much.

I SO don't know what to do! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

LL

Guess what? I have something new. Too bad I don't think there's anything productive I can do with it.

I was opening our mail today and there was an envelope from Verizon just to <<last name>>. Since both WH and I have separate Verizon accounts, I had no idea whose it was so opened it. Oops, it was his--confirming the addition of that second phone and listing the new phone # and the account #.

If his account wasn't under my DARNED corporate group discount plan, I could have gone in and set up online monitoring of the account. But because it's under our corporate plan (but in his name so I can't get any info==stupid how we set it up initially), I can't do that. I was going to look at OW's call history and see if I could get her mother's #.

So, I can't think of anything useful to do with the number, but of course I'm not giving him the piece of mail either. I opened it, and I filed it.

LL