</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by zizzycool:
<strong>

But can i wait that long? What if i happen to meet someone else along the way then what? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">zizzy, we are not talking about 10 years here. Just play it by ear for now and see if the affair wears down. In the meantime, you should be doing everything in your power to END the affair. Expose, expose, expose.

Melody,

Both of them are still working together. If i approached the OW parents would that not be against Plan B rules????

zizzy -

Well girl, you are following in my footsteps. Stop it and go dark. I was just like you. Everyone here told me to stay in Plan B, but I kept thinking there was some hope in contact.

Hopefully after you get whacked a few times you will stay dark. By the way, there is nothing in Plan B that says you cannot contact OW's parents and let them know she is a homewrecker. That may even help.

zizzy, Plan B precludes you from contacting HIM, not her parents. You should be doing EVERYTHING in your power to end this affair. I thought she was leaving her job? Do they know at work there is an affair going on?

I will contact OW parents again.

Not everyone in office knows...Big boss still doesn't know...should i expose it big time? Like how big? Go there and make a big ruckus? Call her ***** and everything else until she got no more face to put on??? How else to expose in the office? And to what extend?

Believer...yes...this time i fell off the wagon...ouch! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

zizzy, no, don't go there and make a big ruckus. Just call the big boss and tell him what is going on and how the workplace affair has interfered with your marriage. Just be as calm and matter of fact as possible and explain that as long as they are in contact that your marriage has no hope of moving forward.

I would get ahold of her parents immediately!

Does his family know about the affair? They need to know too.

Don't cause a big ruckus, just explain calmly to the big boss that A is going on and it is hurting your family and children. Ask it he can provide any assistance.

Yes it is not pleasant to fall off the wagon. But once you get into Plan B for awhile, it gets easier and easier to stick to it.

Hi zizzy,

I didn't know about Plan A, B or Z when I went to their office to confront OW. As it turned out, she was outside for a cigaret break, smoking up a storm, since I sent her one of her e-mails to my H, from me!

Since it was break-time, (I didn't plan this) a lot of the people who worked there were witness to my little conversation with her (from a short distance.) Although they did not know of ANY of my H's affair up until this meeting, after that they thought I was crazy too (boss said) to even think such a thing.

Well let me tell you that when H confessed mos later, one of the first things I said he needs to do is tell boss the truth and that *I was never crazy for even ONE moment. See, H was mortified that office people knew, since OW was not someone he was at all proud to be involved with this way.

It was the best thing I did then really, to expose their R at his workplace. Even bosses reaction to H when H confessed this to boss finally was: "Please tell me you were drunk." He couldn't believe H was having sexual relations with this OW and H was embarrassed, and I'm glad.

Definately tell the parents of this OW, bring it to the light of day. I'd tell boss too--

Okay...will call OW mom and big boss tomorrow.

Yes...his whole family knows about it and they are staying out of it.

Does this mean i do all the above expose and still continue with my plan B???? If he finds out he will definately contact me and will be pretty mad about it. How do i deal with that?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by zizzycool:
<strong> Okay...will call OW mom and big boss tomorrow.

Yes...his whole family knows about it and they are staying out of it.

Does this mean i do all the above expose and still continue with my plan B???? If he finds out he will definately contact me and will be pretty mad about it. How do i deal with that? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If he contacts you, then refer him to your PBL. Just be a broken record, zizzy. "Have you ended contact with the OW? Please don't contact me until your affair has ended. Goodbye, dear."

They are all mad when you expose the affair. Who cares? You are fighting for your family and children.

Well the good thing is that you know you can EXPECT his angry reaction--mine was angry with me for four mos after I visited his office that day--denying to me and everyone the entire time. I was the 'crazy' one for making a scene at his workplace (and it wasn't even a scene at all) it was a civil conversation that H physically broke up when he saw me talking to OW.

Just be prepared for it and stick to Plan B, like is advised here. Try your best not to let his anger get the best of you, most of us as BS's have been through it too and it really is just part of them coming out of fantasy land when reality hits.

ZZ,

I beg to differ in regards to your contact issue. Plan B is about you. You need to STOP panicking about his OW encounters. You gave him your letter now stick to it.

IMHO this even means no discussing this with new persons (big boss and company - including OWs parents). You don't want to be viewed as the one who broke up the A. If they can pin that on you even a little bit they (OW and WS) will certainly try.

Right now you need to have only the required contact and it should NOT be about your R or M. NO more ??? ok? This is hard for any BS but you need to stick to the plan.

Vent to your journal and here. Call you IC/MC or the Harleys but do NOT speak to him. He said he loves you and that's a small start.

I hope you get this B4 you make your calls. You need to be blameless on the end of this A in your current situation.

Why is it wise to expose the A prior to plan B? Because the BS is expected to be in a state of shock and looking for evidence and support. You are not in those situations anymore.

JMHO,
L.

Melody, Believer & Last Straw, i have decided not to do anymore exposing as Orchid advice because of what i further found later last night.

After visiting here, i thought i had better be sure that OW has resigned or not because i have been on NC for 4 weeks and i do not know the real situation in the office. So i called WH and found out, yes, she is still working there. My intention was one question and hang up but it lead to more conversation after that.

This was what i found out. He told me that he misses me terribly. He said he thinks of me everyday and the urge to call me was also there everynight for the whole 4 weeks since plan B started. He told me almost everyday after sending DD back home, he would go into our room, pick up my clothe and smell it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

He said he felt so ashamed seeing me last night and at the same time he wanted to hug me so badly. He said he will respect whatever decision i make and admitted that he could not make the decision to end contact with OW yet.

I explain to him that i was moving on and told him that this will be the last time i will contact him and break my plan B.

I did not LB in our conversation. In fact i was calm and did not even cry when i told him goodbye which sounded quite final then. He didn't even want to say goodbye to me, he said he could not.

I feel i still have a chance to end this by doing plan B. Yes it might take longer but i feel i have expose it enough during plan A. I do feel if i expose it now i cannot repair the damage while in non contact. He would go on thinking i am a very vindictive woman and whatever his thoughts of me NOW as describe above will be gone if i do more exposing.

I do want him to go on thinking like what he said...missing me everyday etc etc... i hope with plan b and missing me soooo much that oneday he would see the light and end the A by his own self.

So i am back on the wagon. Had one major fall from the wagon and hope it will be the first and last. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

zizzy, those are good points and I agree with your reasoning. It sounds like your Plan B is working and I agree you should just stick with it. Its wonderful that you got that reassurance from him. It won't be long before the OW starts lovebusting him since she doesn't have the benefit of MB. Hang in there, zizzy!

Dear ZZ,

You sound much stronger. What your H is going through appears to be the beginning of his recovery. Not your M's. Not yet. But this is progress. He needs to know that deep down he does miss his family. He needs to come out of the fog and when he does a lovely and loving W will be waiting for him.

Now think about what you learned to do from plan A but don't forget plan B. He is aware how you are in both but does not know when you will implement a particular plan.

I had a thread somewhere about plan A the spouse and plan B the Ws. He is still the WS but the spouse side of him is fighting and fighting hard. Let your H know that you will be there for the H side of his duel personality.

What you wrote is similar to what I experienced. It was a hard time since I just wanted to whop him upside the head for treating us soooo bad. But I couldn't, not then...... The point is you want to keep him wondering about you. He needs to miss his life and want it back with all his might.

Don't step out of plan B yet. Don't make it too easy for him to return. Let him show you his plan to win back your trust and love.

Glad to see you doing better. Quite proud of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

I saw a lawyer yesterday to find out the how and what. It was just to find out and i had anxiety attack the whole day. This tells me that i am still not ready for the D thingy.

Before i went i text message WH telling him that i was going to see a lawyer. He did not reply.

Divorce doesn't seemed to cost much and takes only a couple of months as long as he doesn't contest.

Lawyer wanted to meet WH. She said she wanted to talk to him and see if she can help. So i text message WH and told him to make appt with her. He was wary and told me that the lawyer only wanted to make money of out this. I told him that it was free. He asked for the time and place. I gave the number for him to make the appt.

Later I sms him 2 sarcastic messages. I know i should not have but i just could not help it. In my third text message i said sorry for sarcastic message to him and ending that message with another sarcastic messaage... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> i really could not help that.


His last reply was

I have hurt you and DD in ways that i cant begin to describe. I m eternally sorry to u both but divorce wasn't wht i was looking for. U and dd deserve better than me.

That stop all sarcastic message from me. Since then i have gone back to complete darkness. It took a bit of effort to climb back into that wagon.

zizzy, what are you going to do if he calls your bluff on this divorce? This is a pretty dangerous game you are playing. This affair is temporary, divorce IS NOT. Did you do this on impulse?