Stop it right now. You must get on the MB plan. It will save your marriage.

WS's all go by a script. Actually if it wasn't so sad, it would be funny. Watch for the following:

1. I love you, but I'm not in love with you.
2. She's my soulmate.
3. We're just friends.
4. I need some space.
5. I need to find myself.
6. You didn't____________________. (On this one you can fill in the blank - clean the house, give enough sex, care enough, like his family, stay at home, go out, work or not work, pay attention, blah,blah,blah.

Please read this, Mom: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html

Mom, I just read your thread from the beginning. How similar our situations are! people in your thread gave very good advice. Listen to them. Shatterd Dream gave such detail analysis, Believer's is a shorter version.

Get harley's conseling. I talked to him 3 times already(IC, WH refused to), even thought I thought it didn't have much progress. It is important to have professional on board. People here gave me a lot lot of support. Please, i pray for you.

mom

What you are going through right now is 100% NORMAL. Has this shocked you, and is your life totally upside down? You bet it is. Do you feel pain like you never before thought possible. Of course you do. You are reacting just like the rest of us BS's did when we found out. We are only human, and those reactions can not be stopped.

However, they can be controlled.

In reading your posts, I sense that you are in a panic, and while it's ok for a bit, it's not ok to allow yourself to be "frozen" by all this.

It is time to get your thoughts under control...take the proverbial deep breath, and have a short talk with yourself.

What are you going to do? Try to get through all this by REACTING to the crazy behavior of your WH? That will get you nowhere! What's the alternative? Rely on the responsible adult who needs to be in charge of saving your marriage. Who is that, you ask? Why, of course, it's YOU!

That's why you are reading SAA. That's why you are going to take care of yourself, because someone has to find the inner strength to get this process going. Think of all this as an "unpleasant" journey you have chosen to take, and think of Plan A as your road map.

Plan A your a$$ off. Improve those things about you that you know need improving. Hold your head up, and take care of your 3 boys to the best of your abilities. Take every opportunity to SHOW, not tell, your WH that you care for him. Do not LB or DJ.

All this goes against everything you FEEL you would or should do. It takes immense focus and dedication to exercise Plan A. You will be giving 100%, and your WH will contribute nothing until he begins to come to his senses. You will assume the role of "giver", and expect nothing in return. And it's hard. It's really hard. Plan A is not for wimps, as has been said often in these forums.

But, you know what? It works. I've done it. Many others have done it too. It's not magic, it's hard work. But it's the very best plan to save your marriage.

So gather yourself, roll up your sleeves and get busy. You have some veteran posters here that are giving you great advice. You will have tons of support. Come here and learn, come here and ask, come here and vent. But don't give up.

God Bless

SD