I do need to disagree with Chris.... yes, you should read and understand what you're doing. But as with Judaic teachings, you can practice before you understand and it still blesses you and your marriage.

When it comes to exposure, remember these key things and you will be fine:

- You are asking for help for your marriage.
- You are asking the people you tell to support you, your wife, and your marriage.
- You are NOT DOING THIS TO HURT HER.
- You're doing this to save your marrage.

Say that over and over again.

Why did you do it? Because you love her and want to save your marriage.

Weren't you invading her privacy? No, you are trying to get help for your marriage, which is in deep trouuble.

How could you be so controlling? I'm asking for help.

Etc. etc. etc.

But Chris IS right in saying that it's important to come to understanding of this stuff quickly.

Well put Just J.

Johns98ck

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lbrad:
<strong> I did not realize that exposing the A to others was so important. I know that it probably is a LB, </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't believe that exposing the affair is a LB if done properly. We are not talking about bad-mouthing the WS or engaging in reckless character assasination. Just give them the facts. Telling the truth is not a LB.

In fact I don't believe having reasonable boundries is a LB either. Tell you wife in a calm way that you cannot accept her A. Tell her it hurts you. Note that you are not telling her what to do, just what you believe and how it effects you.

The old timers who know more than me can correct me if I am wrong.

Yes.

Based on all I've read here I can see that it is true. But the path is different for each of us and must find a way to do this that fits. I need to do it in such a way that it help not hurt the situation. I just need to find that way.

But the path is different for each of us and must find a way to do this that fits.
That is the problem. The way is very much the same for everyone. Everyone thinks their situation is "unique". It may be unique to YOU but not to all situations. It's pretty standard.

I need to do it in such a way that it help not hurt the situation. I just need to find that way.
That way is described in SAA.
Have you read all the links below and the concepts from www.marriagebuilders.com

I just ordered the book "Surviving An Affair". I also down loaded the EM questionaire & the LB questionaire.

It just feels good to start taking some positive first steps.

Don't bother with the questionaires right now. You're months away from needing them, particularly the EN one.

Expose
Confront
End disrespect
Keep things calm
Prepare to separate

We are going to have our first MC session together this weekend. WW still doesnt think we have much to talk about. I think we have hours worth of stuff.

I told her yesterday that I resolved to do 2 things. 1) Not beat myself up emotionally and 2) Not to try a figure out why this happened. All I want to do now is look forward not back and try to make things better going forward. While fixing any problems that either of us has along the way. She does not seem to have any plan at all on how to proceed, so I am being proactive and trying to the lead the way to save our M.

WW saw the book I ordered "SAA". I leave it out delibrately as a reminder to her. It bugs her but I say so what. She knows what she is doing.

<small>[ March 30, 2004, 06:45 AM: Message edited by: lbrad ]</small>

IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE -pink floyd.

The Board has been pretty quite lately. Not too many new posts.

In any case just want to let everyone know about my emotional roller coaster ride. Until D-Day I was always steady as she goes, but now I find my self on an emotional high one day & down in the dumps the next. Very weird feeling for someone like me. WW is noticing this & I am glad to say that she has actually been very supportive. I guess I am lucky because she has never given me lines about not loving me & such. She still tells me that she cares for me very much & this helps comfort my darker moods. Sometimes I feel like she is coming out of the fog, for short periods of time. I guess I am starting to babble.

Any way hope everyone out there is coping. Post back if you can.

Thanks
lbrad

Hi lbrad,

I just read your story but has it been 2 and half months or years that the A has been going on? I either missed that or you didn't clarify.

Anyway,try not to despair if the board seems slow.There are so many of us going through so much in our lives that a lot of us can go for days without posting or post madly for a couple days or something in between.I just would not anyone to take it personally or think that we don't care.It's not that at all.

I used to post a lot more but I have recently had another turn of events that have left me feeling down so I have been reading more than posting lately.I think other's do the same when they are not feeling up to giving advice or comforting.We all cycle through.

So,have you decided to blow the A wide open or what? I am glad to see that you are getting the book SAA finally.And remember that we don't call this the "rollercoaster" for nothing.Every day is an adventure in emotions.Just be kind to yourself.

Good night.

O

OG.

Thanks for your reply.

I know that everyone is busy. However WW is out tonight, with friends (NOT OM). So I had time to post. Also I read the other thread on bumping & I saw that I was all the way down on page 4. So I decided to do a little bumping of my own.

Any way the A has been going on for 2 1/2 years. D-Day was 3 months ago. IC for each of us started 1 month ago. Joint MC starts this weekend. Good Luck to us all.

LB

Ibrad just checked in to see how things are going. Looks like your headed in the right direction. I wish you luck and be strong for both of you.

N/T