WAT, he does want to read SAA and I believe he truly wants us to learn how to be friends. He thinks this is the way, by separating. I can't change his mind on that. I guess the only thing I can do is try to show him that I can be a friend. That's what he needs. He said he already believes that our R has changed a lot, that we are communicating like never before. He said that should tell me that we are going in the right direction. He just doesn't want my S to see him hurting me any more. And he's not ready to give it a full committment by staying.

He apologized this morning for putting me through all this. He tried to be intimate and I began to cry. He asked what was wrong. I said, it makes it harder to feel you touch me and know that you will not be here any more to do so, I just can't do this. He said, "Okay, I understand, I'm sorry, its okay." He came up to me later in the kitchen and asked if I was okay. I said yes. He caressed my arms, rubbed my shoulders and kissed my cheek. Those are things I always longed for from him, nothing sexual, just affection.

Maybe things will work out if I just let go and try to do it his way, for once in our R. I know everyone thinks this has more to do with OW, but I know he isn't talking to her personally anymore, he's talking to me. Thats what he always needed too.

You have to let him go. You cannot stop him, so don't try. You are right, it doesn't make sense to leave to rebuild. But it makes sense to him.

Keep talking to him. But NOT about him leaving. Ask him to describe his reaction to SAA when he starts to read it. Build that friendship. Plan A is working.

If he leaves, we can debate the merits of Plan B. I think this will depend on whether contact with OW can be verified.

WAT

I forgot to tell you that he had asked me what he could do to help to ease my mind when he is gone. I asked him to continue to let me have access to his cell phone detail, access to his email account, and let me know if there is ever any contact with OW. He said he was not going to change the password on his cell phone account, that I could have access to his email, and that he would be honest about any contact that was made with OW for LL. I find it hard to trust, so I will probably go through with the PI when he moves out just to be sure.

I also forgot to mention that my close friend talked to him for 3 1/2 hrs. last night. She had called for me and he initiated the talk. She is the same one who sent him an email the other day. She said he basically gave her the same story I did regarding our M, just from his point of view. He enjoyed talking to her and felt like she really cares about both of us, that she was not biased in any way. She sent me an email that she wanted to talk to me about what was said. She said it wasn't anything I couldn't share with him and he told her last night that she could share anything he said with me. So, I'm waiting to meet with her this afternoon. she sounded hopeful and told me just to continue to be strong and work on myself.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I believe he truly wants us to learn how to be friends.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is perfectly fine as long as you are 100% certain that there is NC between H and OW. If there is ANY contact you're leaving yourself wide open for round 2.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> . He said he was not going to change the password on his cell phone account </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So does this mean you do or do not have access to his cell phone account?

I DO have access. I have for some time. Then when he got angry the other day, he said he was going to change it. Now he has said he is going to leave it alone and I can check it anytime.

Bump. Mthrr??

That's good. However, he's already on to the calling card trick. He doesn't have to use the calling card from a cell phone. He can use it from a landline and you'd never know who he's calling or when. Just be careful. I don't think she's out of the picture. Here's why. He's still deep into revising how horrible his life with you was. He's still blaming you with the "too little too late" thing. This is a WS who still has something to justify in his own mind.

With my H, this behavior decreased dramatically when he decided OW had to go and contact ceased.