I came home from the gym on Sunday and OW and her H were in my driveway.

I parked my truck and got out. I walked to the front door where my H stood. I could see the shock in his face.

I just said what is going on here. Then the poo hit the fan. OW started screaming at me. Asking me who told her H. The entire time she denied it. My H stood up and told the truth. Her H was very calm. I think he knew that with me and my H standing there in front of him telling him one thing and his wife telling him something else but at the same time she was telling on herself.....I'm sure he knew who was trying to cover up.

Why would my H and I just make it all up? She screamed at me saying that she wasn't the only one he was messing around with......I wanted to back up from her and say while you are digging your hole try not to get dirt on my shoes.

When things started to get loud my H suggested that we go inside. Since it was the middle of the day and our neighbors were out in full force. I looked at him and then I looked a her H and said I'm sorry for what I'm about to say but that WH@RE is not allowed in my house.

I know I shouldn't have....but I did. She didn't defend herself either. I guess she has accepted the fact at this point.

She told me I was insecure in my relationship and that wasn't her fault. I just said when my H is running around with tramp my actions are understandable. I told her to let me worry about my M and that she needed to focus on hers.

It was wild.

I came inside and just had a breakdown. I got in my car and drove home....to my parent's house. I told my H that I loved him but that I needed some time away to think about everything. He cried. I cried. He gave me a very heatfelt apology. He said he would do whatever I wanted him to. He told me there were no other women and that he didn't know why she said that. He begged me to believe him. He was very supportive.

I don't think I have to worry about contact anymore. He hates her. I will reitterate NC. In all honesty I do not think anything was still going on between them...other then a casual friendship. That casual friendship was not acceptable to me. Recovery was not possible with that going on.

With exposure there will be no friendship. She has exposed her character to those around her.

Mortarman, you will be happy to know that my H went to his SM and told all. It was a closed door...not coming to complain or cause problems but here's the situation...if you want me out of here send me away. He knew he stood the risk of an article 15 or much much worse. He took that risk and exposed this himself.

I'm not sure what will come of that. I hope he is not in trouble.

Ah Mortarman -

I'm not sure I want to go into the actual exposure here. Part of me is still trying to figure all of that out. I will update you all as soon as I have all the details and feel more comfortable.

My H did the exposing at his unit though. I had nothing to do with that. I did encourage him to do that though. I think it gave us both a lot of peace to know that there is nothing out there hanging over our head.

HW your H is on the right track!

I'll ask again..are you sure that you believe him that A was only a EA and not a PA? Are you sure it doesn't matter to you? I ask this because for me anything I didn't know festered in my mind.

I wanted to know all, have confrontations, get into therapy...everything done as quickly as possible...I couldn't stand the long drawn out method.

I wanted to get through the ugly stuff and A processing and get through the recovery as quickly as possible to put it all behind us.

I didn't want OW or her H or friends having any secrets that I didn't know about that they could blindside me with down the road. I wanted it all out and I wanted to hear it from my H. I wanted that BIT** to have no power over me or my H!!!

I'm so glad to hear that your H is willing to read books and to post here. Is he willing to counsel with SH or to go to an IC to try and sort out what happened?

I think you should now consider moving over to the RECOVERY BOARD!!! Yeah!!!

Forever -

My H denies a PA. I have no proof of that. All I can say is that I thought there was some sort of PA based on the email I found from him to her. He has denied a PA from the beginning and never wavered on that.

I can say that I can live with what he has told me. I can live with it. That's all that matters now. He hurt me deeply. He knows that and he is willing to do what ever it takes to make it up to me.

I appreciate that.

He is willing to go to an MC. I am willing to do that as well. I am going to get my head on straight and start looking at my family without having tears in my eyes.

I no longer cry 24 hours a day. This is not a foggish recovery. This is true recovery and I am in it!!!!!

I'm not so far into the relief that my eyes are peeled. He knows that and expects that too.

I think he's proud of the way I fought for us and I think he has great respect for me.

HW I admire you...you are one strong lady! I wish I could have been stronger and not so obsessed with the details of the A and not so obsessed over what OW might be able to hit me with later.

I hear you on wanting to leave behind those days where 24 hours of a day is about the A...man there were days when I doubted I'd get there.

I can say now that A memories are there but they don't rule the day anymore. We have reclaimed our lives.

Now that your H's reading her tell him to feel free to post to my H if he needs any guidance from a fellow FWH.

Now girl...move over to the recovery board, you've earned it!!

I would give anything if he would come here and post. I'll ask him. I think it would help him. Right now I'm taking one day at a time.

I think he would be a great help to other people on this board. I think he has a lot to offer.

Pray for me tonight. We have a social outing and OW and OWH will be there. Things should be interesting. At first I wasn't going to go but I think I need to be there to show support for my H. I think he will be happy to have me by his side.

Heroswife -- I'm really glad your WH went to his SM. Yep, might hurt him and his career.... but it might get him clean and get him some help, too.

I really hope y'all can find a way not to see OW and her H. That's just not going to be be comfortable or healthy for either couple. And in the immediate future, it's going to be downright godawful.

Good luck to you -- it's really nice to see a success story.

Yeha! This is all such good news, HW. I guess you could say "I told you so...." because by waiting it out, the cat got out of the bag through someone else and you didn't get the poo on you! Coolness.

I am simply thrilled at your H's actions, taking responsibility, going to his MS or SM or whatever that is (like a boss in civilian life, I gather). That is some excellent assurance there.

As for was it really a PA or EA? I don't know. No one does but the two of them. If it was a PA, though, it will weigh on your H. Guilt will eat him from the inside out. He may need to come clean with you at some point if that indeed did happen. But if that day should ever come, then you have the tools to deal with it.

For sure, tell him to post here. I'd like to congratulate him for becoming a man again and putting his family back together.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

~ Snow

Snow!

You are a doll. I appreciate the words of encouragement.

I will offer one more update. We went to the outing last night and OW and her H were there. Some old friends from our other unit were there and so was my new friend from this base. I felt very secure having them all there with me.

It was so good seeing our old friends that I honestly didn't think much about her being there. It was a little uncomfortable at first but I had prayed a great deal prior to leaving and felt strong. My H had to leave the dinner to go pick up our daughter from softball practice. He was nervous to leave me there. He wanted me to go with him but I said I was fine. He looked at me and smiled and just said "be good ok". It was like he was telling me to keep my anger in check. I think that showed me that he had finally realized how hurt and angry I deserved to be. I just looked at him and said you don't have anything to worry about. I promise.

I was fine. She avoided us like the plague. I was glad. My H's SM talked to me. I could see in her face that she was concerned for me. I tried to reassure her that I was fine. It made me feel a lot better knowing that she knows about what happened. I would love it if she would ship OW to another unit. I think that would be the right thing to do in this situation. OW has been here for a long time and I understand this is not the first situation like this she has been involved in. My H on the other hand is highly decorated and tribute to his new MOS.

Maybe that's just me being partial to my H and looking down on her. I know she didn't do this by herself so I'll deal with what ever happens.

We are going back to DC next week for another award ceremony. This trip will be a true celebration. The last trip to DC was just sad for me. He is being honored once again for his accomplishments and I am very proud of him.

One thing this has made me see very clear is that there is no way possible he would be the person, father, son, brother, uncle, friend and SOLDIER without me by his side.

I'm a good wife. I'm a good mother. I'm a good person. This situation only made that obvious to everyone around me.

Yesterday I was in the home office for the day. I was walking to a meeting and the receptionist (who knew I was going through a tough time) saw me smiling for the first time in months. She stopped me and said "Heroswife, you are such a beautiful person." I was caught off guard and said "Well, thank you." She said I mean inside and out. Then she told me that she admired me.

It made me cry.

Way to go, girl!

Whenever friends come to DC, I usually accept invitations for dinner. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WAT

WAT are you really in DC?!! We will be there Tuesday and Wednesday. I think the ceremony is going to be somewhere in the Pentagon.

Would it be wrong if we met? I'd love to put a face with the USERNAME that helped save my marriage.

I'd be willing to bet that our visit will be on the local news in DC. It may also be in the local papers. I do not think it will make national news.

My girls were featured in the Washington Post sometime last summer...when my H came back from the war.

The last time we were there we had dinner at Nathan's. I believe it's in Georgetown.

It was incredible! I hope we get to go back this trip.

My MIL made sure everyone in the room knew why we were there...to celebrate my H recieving a huge award and a Bronze Star on the same day.

Our entire party didn't have to buy a drink all night. Some big political figure bought all of the guys crazy expensive cigars. We felt like movie stars.

HW,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">One thing this has made me see very clear is that there is no way possible he would be the person, father, son, brother, uncle, friend and SOLDIER without me by his side.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Most great men had a great woman by their side. So, I have no doubt that you are correct here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mortarman, you will be happy to know that my H went to his SM and told all. It was a closed door...not coming to complain or cause problems but here's the situation...if you want me out of here send me away. He knew he stood the risk of an article 15 or much much worse. He took that risk and exposed this himself.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My last post, I said we would see what kind of man your husband is...what he is made of. And he has shown that now. He did a very dishonorable thing. He got caught up in it. He had an incredibly loving wife that called him to task, that MADE HIM confront himself. And, as I always say, in the end...people always show their true selves. Your husband could have done a lot of things after the confrontation. By walking into his CSM, he did take a huge risk. But that is what men of honor do. When they screw up, they own up to it. No excuses, no negotiations. They just say "here I am."

Beyond what your husband has done in the military, I have to say that this is probably his most courageous and honorable things he has probably done. When you put yourself out there, for your buddy...or your wife...and leave yourself open to destruction or even death in order to save that buddy/wife, THAT is the epitome of a soldier.

You tell your husband for me that he has earned a lot of respect from me. We all screw up. believe me, after working as an IG for 4 years, I KNOW how good soldiers can get caught up in things they never expected. but, it is not the great soldier that doesnt make mistakes. It is the great soldier that knows what to do WHEN they make mistakes. Obviously, your husband can be considered one of them!

One caution...do not be deceived, nor should your husband be deceived, by the pull of the addicition he has fought. Even if he doesnt want anything to do with her, he will still have a period of withdrawal, where the ENs she was filling will go unfilled, and where he will begin to come back to you to fill them. So, the two of you arent out of the woods yet. As Just Learning said many times to me...this recovery thing is not for amateurs. Counseling is in order ASAP! And since it has been the MB principles that got you here, I would strongly advise that you get in with Steve Harley immediately.

Again, I am NOT trying to deflate what has happened here. His walking into his CSm tells me this is for real. But just like an alcoholic who is fed up with that lifestyle and is certain they are going to quit, they still need help...and there will still be pain ahead as the addiction is overcome.

So, you continue to be that wife that has made a great man. Stand by him...help him. Because I'll tell you this...every spouse on here that stands by their WS, that stands for their marriage even in the middle of adultery and pain...is on the same scale as that soldier who risks his life for his buddy. We have a motto in the Army...we NEVER leave a fallen soldier behind. We will risk our own lives in order to recovery one of our own.

You have risked everything, endured everything, suffered like you may never suffered again, for that man. And he KNOWS it! So, HW, I have to say that even more than your husband, I find that YOU are the true hero here. You didnt leave your fallen husband behind. You could have easily protected yourself and just filed for divorce and left him forever. But you went after him, you fought for him. And hear me now...you didnt do it just for selfish reasons. You actually fought for him because you wanted the best for him! And for your kids. That is selfless! and even though there werent bullets wizzing by you...let me say, that is heroism. Unfortunately, there are no medals or public ceremonies for what you have done. So please accept mine, and others here, respect and admiration for what you have done. We all wish we could have spouses like you.

By the way, I live in the DC area also. So, if you all are ever in the area, let me know.

In His arms.

mortarman - I didn't know you were "here." Where do you live? I'm in Montgomery Village, MD. Wanna buy a house?

HW - I would enjoy meeting you two and next week could be doable - if your H is ready. It could be awkward for him this early. My GF lives near the Pentagon - the plane flew right over her house.

Perhaps MM should be included whenever we arrange it.

WAT

I live in Prince William County, VA. Work in Tysons Corner and Fort Belvoir.

wow mortarman you post was incredible. i would like to thank you for posting it.

Mortarman -

I would absolutely love that. The last trip we stayed at the Double Tree across from the Pentagon. The Ice Breaker is in the hotel lounge Tuesday night. Do you think you could stop by? I do not know the exact time. I would assume it would be around 6 or 7 but will last until everyone leaves.

It would be great if WAT could stop by too. I'm positive you could pick me out of the crowd very easily.

Your words are very comforting to me. The fact that you mention that particular motto makes me think you may have had some ties to my H's old unit at some point during your career. That was part of his creed. Were you ever in Spec Ops?

I will treasure your last post forever. I am even considering sending it to my H.

I know that I did the right thing for my M. I do not feel like a hero because I know what I did was right. I will also say that I did somethings wrong. I didn't listen to you all when you told me what I needed to do. I should have. I was terrified to take those steps. I LBed like nobody's business. I exposed my children to my pain and caused them pain in the process. Having said that I'll give myself some credit here by saying that I continued to fight even when I wanted to give up.

I was fortunate to have you all here standing beside me and offerring your support and guidance. I hope that I can offer some of the same help to others that come here.

My road to recovery has begun and I will not take this recovery for granted. I plan to continue to work on myself and my M. My H and I will go to counceling and we will continue to read the books. We are scheduled to attend a Love Languages conference in April. We are also dead set on finding a church in our new city. This is one thing that we have not found here.

We are also both focused on meeting each other's needs and making each other happy.

That's our current plan. I think it's a good plan and will be very successful. My story will soon be a perfect example of how MB concepts work.

Wow, that is great. I got to read your post from the beginning.

HW, keep up the good work. You should be proud of your H and yourself. keep us posted.

WAT -

My time there will be short. As I said in a previous post we will probably be staying at Double Tree. The ice breaker would be that Tuesday night. I do not know my way around the city so I doubt I could drive anywhere.

I'm sure my H might be a bit uneasy. I will mention that you all live near and might be able to stop by. I'm sure he will not mind a bit. I doubt seriously he would be willing to discuss anything about the A. If nothing else I'm sure he would like to shake your hands. I personally would like to give you a great big hug! I have told my H about you all and he knows how important you have all been to me.

We will drive up Monday night. The ice breaker will be at the hotel lounge Tuesday night. The ceremony will be Wednesday and we will drive back that night.

HW,

Email me at Mortar29@yahoo.com and we can discuss next Tuesday.

No, I wasnt in Special Ops...I have been in the infantry for 20 years. But the same motto goes everywhere in the Army. When the chips are down, you know you can count on your buddy next to you. And it appears that your husband can count on you!

One more note here...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that I did the right thing for my M. I do not feel like a hero because I know what I did was right. I will also say that I did somethings wrong. I didn't listen to you all when you told me what I needed to do. I should have. I was terrified to take those steps. I LBed like nobody's business. I exposed my children to my pain and caused them pain in the process. Having said that I'll give myself some credit here by saying that I continued to fight even when I wanted to give up.

I was fortunate to have you all here standing beside me and offerring your support and guidance. I hope that I can offer some of the same help to others that come here. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Go talk to any Purple Heart recipient, or Medal of Honor. Ask them if they think they are heros. You know what they ALL say? They all talk about the guys that were killed in the engagement, the ones that didnt come back. They talk about how scared they were...how it was their duty. They just did their duty. Sounds like what you just posted, huh? Believe me, you are a hero. Your husband KNOWS that, especially now. He has a "battle buddy" next to him that he knows he can count on through anything. What anyone would give to have that in their lives?!?!?!

Remember, you dont have to wear a uniform and have medals to have honor!

In His arms.