I think it is a good idea to run this past SH.

I agree with Mel about the race this weekend. I understand your concern that it could be stressful. Even still, unless he insists you not go, I do think you need to be there and be/look your best. Maybe you could get someone to watch the boys so you could go alone. You'd be showing him that you could put him first.

He wants you to prove that you have changed and it can stick. He doesn't want to risk giving up OW if you aren't really going to be the wife he always hoped you would be.

Through his anger he really seems to be saying that he's pissed that your changes are throwing a wrench in his plans for his new life with or without OW. He had himself going in this other direction and you've been surprising him with your change in attitude...not LBing as much and really wanting to save the marriage. It's confusing him because ultimately he probably would like to believe that your marriage can be improved and saved.

I do think you are right to not allow him to move back in until he ends contact with OW.

You may be at a critical point and I'd be interested to hear what SH has to say.

MOM
I am glad I happened across your posts. I never felt comfortable posting here before because My H has not had an A. BUT I did feel comfortable posting to you because I do understand the dynamics of a "Medical Marriage" unfortuantly there are boards for women like us. BUT they are usually thoose going through med school and residency. That was a long time ago for us (we are you H's age).

OK 2 things stuck out for me in your lasts posts.
One thing was it appears he has spoken to an attorney. He has an idea how much a divorce can cost him. Not mentioning CS for 15+ years and alimoney (CS is not tax deductable) you KNOW how our men think.

Well I had written a whole lot more...But My 8 month old just erased it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ..

Hopefully I can regroup later..Got to go run around again this morning

Yes, he has spoken to an attorney and so have I...

He just called me and asked if I had gotten his social security card out of the deposit box yet...I told him I was on my way now. I had to go buy some new clothes first, but he doesnt know that.

He is still clearly very angry at the fact that I look so good now and he keeps saying "go out and get you a boyfrined"...I told him I didn't want to...He just does not get it...I asked if he found aplace and he told me yes...I said ok, good, then you can have the boy every other wekend...

he said he doesn't want them at all....he doesn't ever want to see them again..he just wants to have fun...

he just drove up...bbl

False alarm, but he could drive up any minute. Yes, he actually said that he didn't want his kids and never wanted to see them again. I said, "why are you doing this, dont you think you have hurt us enough"...He is VERY angry at me and I dont even know what the heck I did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am going to tell him when he gets here that he needs to think long and hard about his decision to never see those kids again. Talk about not affecting them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Cuz in one week, or one month or one year when HE is the one crying himself to sleep at night cuz he misses us so much, it will be too late.

PLEASE PLEASE help me ehre. What do i need to tell him...I would REALY like to talk to one of you on the phone! I am so confused now...Do I plan B...or continue with plan A?

mom,

Haven't you heard the phrase before about fogged spouses...you can believe none of what they say and only half of what you see? This stuff means nothing chere....it's babble. Don't bite...don't react. It is very normal and is designed to get a reaction from you so he can keep blaming HIS bad behavior on YOU. Don't let him. He's already losing the ability to blame it on your weight isn't he? He is running scared....don't let him scare YOU.

Starfish, so what do I do..Just look at him nicely and say Ok when he tells me he doesn't want to see his boys again. And just wait for his call. My son;'s very first baseball game of his life is tongith. WH is suposed to be there..do I remind him of it? Do I continue to call him, wait for him to call me? It just seems like this stupid thing changes from minute to minute. I get used to one way then he throws a freakin curve ball at me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I'd let him call you.

He's irrational as hell right now and chasing is a bad idea. Realizing you are not chasing him makes you more desirable - he wants attention.

The kids comment bothers me no end. Sorry bubba, can't stick'm back where they came from now. Y'know if he loses his kids and wife I almost feel sorry for the dumb SOB.

When XW walked i focused first on just being superdad... me and kiddo took care of each other and the rest kinda worked itself out.

Take care of you, be a great mom and focus on things you can control - be pleasant to him, don't get baited into arguing and respond to the nasty comments with a calm "Wow, that was really unkind" and ignore it. Basically let him get nowhere with bad behavior and respond well when he behaves well - silly to play such a game with an adult but he's acting like a 3 yo having a tantrum.

mom - I haven't been following your story, so I am reluctant to suggest something. From the few posts I've read, I can't tell if you went to Plan B. If you did, don't let him come home until he's ready to commit to the Plan B conditions, including NC.

In one post I thought I read that he doesn't want to live with OW, but doesn't want to give her up either. Oh well, no giving up OW and he ought to find his own place to live - away from you.

WAT

I am going to start a new thread cuz I am going to need different support from here on out. But to make along story short, WH is ending with OW...he just needs to find the strenght the do it he says. I told him he has to write the letter, he agrees. I have a migraine taht I am going to get rid of first, then I will start my new thread with the whole story and hoepfully some new sort of support! Thanks!