This has probbably been the most emotionally challenging week that I have ever had.

It all started on Tuesday. You all know that we have been in litigation over the partitioning of the home that we both purchased together. Well, a few weeks ago he offered me peanuts, claiming that the house ehad depreciated in value. My lawyer and I agreed that it was time to get a newe appraisal done of the house.

I told X several times that I was going to have an appraiser out to the house and even sent an email stating that she would be cominig the following week and that I wanted the house SOLD before his marriage in June.

I even went so far as to have one of my family members meet me at the house in an attempt to protect my emotions. The plan wass that my sister would bring the appraiser through the home and I would wait in the car.

Well- HE CHANGED THE LOCKS AGAIN! Even after being told by the police that he was not to do this and that I could break in after notifying them of the situation.

I'm sure you see where this is going...Yes, I called the police, told them mof the situation, and they ok'd the break in. I tried to bust a window out but was suprised at the strength of the material. I was so angered by his complete disrespect for the law and for me that I did manage to get in and I did the tour with the appraiser.

Prior to trying to breaking in, I did place a courtesy call to x. I gave him a chance to come and let me in and when he basically reefused, I told him that I hhad talkled with the police and they are okay with my breaking the window. I left a note addressed to X and GF telling them that after two warningss fromm the police X should know better than to change the locks. I reminded them that I still am an owner and that they are breaking the LAW by preventing me from having access to my property. I also told them that I want the key and that if I can, I will press charges.

The house went up another $25K in value.

I then go to the police to file a complaint and I start getting into an argument with the desk seargeant because he accused ME of illegal breaking and enetering. Even afer telling him that there is a case history on this and that I followed the police instructioins to the letter and that they APPROVED my actions prior to my taking them, he still was insisting that it was ME that broke the law.

After being persistent, I finally spoke to an investigating officer and he assured me that he would pull the records ad get back to me. At this point I haven't heard from the officer but I've had several calls from X.

Well, I called my lawyer and filled her in on the details She has yet to return my call. I told her that all I want is a key to gain access, or a settlement.

X of course keeps asking me why I am treating him like this. He feels he did nothing wrong and doesn't DESERVE to be treated this way by me. I tell him that he changed the locks again and that I want my key, or I'm moving bcak in nto ensure that my rights are being protected. Then I hang the phoe up.

He calls the next day and informs me that this action by me was the final straw. His GF is fed up with my things there and all the conflict. She has decided to leave him and it's MY fault.

My position on this:

I had a talk with her prior to hher momvinig in where I explicitly asked hher not to move in untili the property was settled. She was told that she would be in the middle of a custody ybatttle and a property battle. She didn't care. She told me that she understood the implications of what being on premises mmeant and that was that. In my eyes, she is responsible for where she's at. I'm sorry but it's still my house. No amount of paint or wallpapering can remove that fact.

It's not like I'm in the house everyday and in here face. In fact, I haven't been there in almost a year and I only went there to get an appraisal so that the settlement can finally happen. I've only spoken to this woman two times but apparently she is afraid of me.

I feel sad for X and for DS because they are both going to be HURT if this woman leaves. I am torn by what I feel but generally, I just want the madness to stop and the settlements to finally happen already.

Personally, I think that she is having pre-wedding jitters and was already having doubts. maybe I'm being judgemental, but i feel that she is using this event as an excuse to escape the commitment that she is about to undertake with X.

I may yget arrested for this, and if I do, I do. I did exactly what the police told me to do and if I thought for a minute i was breaking the law, I would have found another way.

I also had a job interview on tuesday. I believe that I got the job working for a lab that is an affiliate with Yale university. So many highs and lows all in one day.

Ugh, the frustration...

<small>[ April 11, 2004, 07:31 AM: Message edited by: God-within-kily ]</small>

(((Kily)))

Sounds to me like your H is trying to cheat you out of the money he owes you - of course he's mad, you didn't let him get away with it!

Did you get the name of the officer who gave you phone approval to break and enter? If it's down in writing, then even if right now, the police are being difficult because they don't have the files in front of them, then you shouldn't need to worry.

As for his GF - good riddance! I don't see how this can hurt DS - and if it does, its only temporary. You know her leaving him is not your fault - she chose to be there, she chose to be with him, and now she has chosen to leave - not because of you or anything that you did, but because of him. If he was a fair and honest man, the property and custody issues would be settled amicably and there would be none of these problems. She has left him because she has seen what kind of person he is. If I were her, I'd leave, too.

Your H is still indulging in his own little pity party. I'm glad to see you are not taking the bait and letting him railroad you any more!

VERY disappointed in your lawyer not ringing you back yet. What gives with that? She's the one who told you it was time to get a new appraisal, after all. Maybe she has been in court all day with someone else.

Take care, kily - you are doing great at standing up for what's rightfully yours.

LIR

Kily, you have guts and then some! I know you're stressed by all this, but.... YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!

Keep your chin up high and your feet firmly on the ground. You're doing what's right to protect yourself. And the whole GF thing is a red herring. If she leaves, t'ain't your fault nor your problem.

(And who knows, if she's out of the picture, you and your Ex have a chance to change things between you.)

Leave it all alone. Stay steady, stay strong, and stay focused on doing what you need to do for you and your son.

Wait ....

You mean when the everyday difficulties of life invaded fantasyland the affair crumbled??? Now where have I heard someone pointing this out ad nauseum around here?????

If the house is in your name and is your property i would suggest calling a locksmith to rekey the locks and filing a restraining order to prevent them from changing them again. Don't be hateful but follow through with consequences every time - never make an empty threat here.

Good for you, sounds like you are doing what you ought.

Hallmark has a very special card you could send Hubby//

"Sorry your mistress dumped your sorry [censored]"

...when you care enough to send the very best.

Hi GwK,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Personally, I think that she is having pre-wedding jitters and was already having doubts. maybe I'm being judgemental, but i feel that she is using this event as an excuse to escape the commitment that she is about to undertake with X. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, she wanted out. That may have been the final straw, but it wouldnt have mattered if he hadnt already given her the first bushel of hay... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Please dont worry about this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This has probbably been the most emotionally challenging week that I have ever had.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I dont know your story, but from what I've read here, sounds like you are doing great. Your H broke the agreement (probably at his gf's instistance), he's trying to scam you on the house, and he's playing victim. What a mess HE'S made!

You, otoh, took support with you, got legal advise on the house, called the police before, filed after, left a note for H & the GF, filed afterwards... sounds like you are doing everything right! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And congratulations on the apprasial, too!

I wouldnt worry about the desk sargent... he told you the standard line... he's supposed to tell people that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am torn by what I feel but generally, I just want the madness to stop and the settlements to finally happen already. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure what your torn about. Step back and look at this, he created this mess, and you are handling the very best you can. I wouldnt waste your time giving him any more thought... Please take care of yourself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Good luck with that job interview!! - Dru

I'm still angry from my court dealings yesterday (did you get the email?), and most definitely, these "men", who cry "VICTIM", when THEY have been the ones causing themselves such problems... ugh... to put it VERY mildly... they just tick me off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Your ex is sounding similar to my stbxH in the fact that they are simply not capable of seeing their own doing in their states of affairs (pardon the word there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

Kily, it seems to me that the law is most definitely on YOUR side. After all, that's the only route you've taken all along, especially regarding the house and child.

If the gf is going to leave for good, then I'm quite happy for her. Your ex couldn't possibly hold up his charade of everything being hunky dory for too long. The stress and reality is breaking out of his core. So for the gf's sake, I hope she finally sees that, and is strong enough to move on. Because quite frankly, as per MB lessons learned... they never should have gotten together when they did, b/c your ex didn't give himself a chance to heal. I wonder if he'll ever look inwards? What do you think? Is the potential there?

(((((((((( kily )))))))))

Karen

Wow---

it's really getting nuts around here.

My lawyer finally called me back, she's been out with the flu.

So, now the picture becomes clearer...x has agreed to my demands on the house issue. It appears that the agreement was signed and submitted on Monday. Since my lawyer wasn't in the office, I had no way of knowing.

So, tueday's exercise was completely un-necessary and the conflict was avoidable.

I of course learned that i was entitled to more $ so I now have her re-running the numbers for the adjustment to what I wanted.

I haven't heard anything more from X but I did send his GF a very short email basically telling her that I felt that she was wrong for blaming x for all of this. I reminded her that we had a talk prior to her moving in and that she knew what she was getting herself into. I told her that I felt that she was using ME as a scapegoat and that it was okay because I was used to taking the blame for things.

I also reminded her that I STILL am an owner in that house, I told her that no amount of paint or wallpaper would remove my shadow from that house.

I then told here that I thought she was a coward because she couldn't tell X the real reason's why she was leaving. I explained that I hated that she hurt X and my son...

I added that X had been requesting a private meeting and to tell him I was up for it.

My closing line was that I would not be contacting her again and to have a nice life...


Whatever...

Yes, I'm pi$$ed and my vindictive side is flying. X contacted my family members and sent an email to the guy I'm dating. I guess for me, this was my way of evening out the playing field.

I know, I lowered myself to a new standard. I will not do it again. I just wanted to let her know what I thought.


LIR-
No, I didn't get the officer's name but I did remind them that there is a recording of the phone call. It was only 30 minutes prior to my showing up at the precint that all of this went down.

Yes, I'm glad that I'm standing up for me, but the stress and conflict isn't worth anything in my eyes. I just want for me to stop feeling anything towards hihm, I don't want to be sad anad doubting myself all the time...

Time for closure,

Just J-
Thanks for the cheer...I'm not gay but man...you look hot in that skirt! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

When X left the message that she left, I was thrilled for all of a minute. I thought Yeah...and dthen I was very SAD for HIM and DS. Man, why can't he see that she doesn't give a rats a$$ about him. If she really LOVED him and wanted to marry him...wouldn't she stand by him no matter what? Do I think a future is possible...No. I think he hates me too much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

2oak-
I can't stopo laughing! You are so funny. Yes...I did feel good about that comment because I would hope that her leaving could give us a place to truly try and heal some of this. I still think in my mind though that he isn't having an A because I left first...
His relationship with her is a natural consequence to my choices. That's why I'd given up and tried to start a new life.

my bet though is that she was just blowing smoke. I don't think she'll leave yet...My hunch is that they'll get married and ride off into the sunset, happily ever after.

Topie-
I'm proud of you for getting through this tough time. I think you're right in that you've now had some pracice and you know exactly what to expect in the next round. I'm curious...are you having withdrawal feelings now that you've had contact with him again?

as far as the legal stuff, I could probably still be arrested. My lawyer thinks that there isn't a claim and that X was wrong to change the locks. After sending GF the email, I'm sure there will be more static...I've taken it as far as I'm going with it. I'm done fighting and I've said my peace...

All for nonw.

Dear me. For about 30 seconds I was honestly going, "Skirt? What skirt? Did I post a picture of me in a skirt? Where the heck is that MB pictures thread? I haven't worn a skirt that could be described as 'hot' in ... uhm, okay, ever. What?"

And then it finally clicked.

And then I laughed really, really hard.

JustJ <----- PAINFULLY slow sometimes.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

So mostly you're calm and strong -- this mess is shaking your center a little... but turn down the static a little like you said... and just relax and keep making me giggle. You're going to be just fine.

Kily,

It sounds as if all of this will get settled. So just let it. I don't know what to say about his GF, but my guess it isn't the house that is bugging her. It is your presence in exBF's mind and thoughts.

Lot of deep wounds from when you left him. Lot's of loses and changes when you came back. Very unsettling. Plus it sounded as if he was a bit controlling on top of it. So the loses REALLY mount up. From this point of view, all of this is pretty much expected, but you will get through it. So hang in there.

Soooooooooo Tell me what is with you and JustJ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have not seen a picture of her in a skirt but I have had the pleasure of meeting her. She is a very attractive young lady.

You two behave yourselves now hear?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Seriously, though Kily. Just chill on this stuff and keep moving on and taking care of yourself. Your exBF and his GF may well patch things up after everything cools down, and then again maybe they won't live is like that.

Oh! and enquiring minds what to know about this guy you are dating? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You just sort of slipped that by the crowd here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Kily you will do well. Hang in there.

God Bless,

JL

Soooooooooo Tell me what is with you and JustJ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Nothing! Nothing!!! NOT A THING. We're JUST FRIENDS!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Uhoh. Did I say that??? Sorry, must've been channeling a WS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have not seen a picture of her in a skirt but I have had the pleasure of meeting her. She is a very attractive young lady.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Gosh, thanks!

You two behave yourselves now hear??

Yessir!! Of course, sir! No dancing here, sir!

And Kily, I'll stop hijacking your thread now... but I do think the laughing is a good thing. What JL said was right on. Keep moving forward for YOU. And yes, what about this guy you're dating? I wanna know too!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by God-within-kily:
<strong>
Topie-
I'm proud of you for getting through this tough time. I think you're right in that you've now had some pracice and you know exactly what to expect in the next round. I'm curious...are you having withdrawal feelings now that you've had contact with him again? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was confused by what you meant when you said withdrawal feelings. I still am confused, to some degree.

If anything, I found that seeing him again at first made me really angry. Why? Because he was sporting a really nice BRAND NEW leather coat (easily costing $300), yet owes almost $4000 in overdue child support! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

After that initial anger burst, I didn't feel much of anything towards him. I was surprised that at one time I was in love with him. And I couldn't get over how much weight he gained!

Truth be told, I will ALWAYS mourn the death of our M. As much of a sick puppy as he is, I will always have a small part of me that wishes he would "get it", and also wishes that our M could have worked. But seeing him didn't change those feelings either way.

So am I feeling any withdrawal? No, I don't think so. I've done MUCH healing, and he's hurt me in excess, that there really isn't any love left. Nothing, nada, zilch. The lovebank went dry a long time ago. So b/c of that, I would have to say I'm not in withdrawal.

Karen

drucilla-

Sorry, I misseed the response to you...

I'm basically torn about my feelings towards the demise of their relationship. I was thrilled for all of 30 seconds and then I realized how much pain DS will see his father feel. It's just another loss for him to have to deal with.

Just j-
Glad to offer you something funny for a change. The one thing that DOES suprise me is that I am so calm about it all. I'm truly amazed that even though it is a tumulutuous situation, it isn't dictating to me how to feel. THAT is such a BIG step in my own personal recovery. I never was capable of this until now.

JL-
More on your comments in my update. As usual you're right on the money!

I'm sure j iS very beautiful. I know from my limited contact with her on this forum how beautiful she is on the inside. She's truly someone that I would LOVE to have many deep converesations with in person. As you are as well.

As far as behaving myself....well...I really haven't had a good paddling in a longtime so i'll just have to take it day by day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

J-
you weren't supposed to tell anyone about the dancing. Sure was fun when that table fell over though!

topie-
sorry to confuse you. I don't know if you remember my saying that afteer being exposed to X in court for a while, I started having Withdrawal feelings again. I was just curious to know how your feelings were in relation to your (x)h.

Now the big update:

x's gF decided to reespond to my email with a two page letter. In her letter, she bashed me left and right. She accused me of being a liar, theif, and of causing continuous pain and anguish to someone she "cares" about. Her basic view is that I'm money hungry and will ldo anything in my power to get his because I don't have any...
Then she admits that she moved in knowing that my things were still there but she ASSUMED that it wouldn't be long before things were settled. She feels that I am a b!tch because I refuse to stop fighting for what SHE views has never been my home.

Finally she stated that my shadow is very ugly and will never leave an impact on ANYTHING ever, that I'm simply not worth it.

My response was very short and to the point. First, I asked her if she felt better by getting all of that out. Then I said in very short sentences:

She makes a great parrot.
She should get all of the FACTS before she opens her mouth.
I have no reason to lie.
That I'm not a *****, I only appear to be because the situation is so volatile...
and then I asked her if I was such a money hungry theif, WHY am I not getting CHILD SUPPORT....

Um DUH!

She then responds with "X does a lot for DS. Please do the right thing..."

What I learned from her email is that they have no $ to pay for the wedding. She's pi$$edbecause he has to pay me "a boatload of money" and there's nothing left for them....She of course CAN'T blame him or herself because then she would have to admit that her sugar daddy doesn't HAVE the $ she thought he did. I thought that it twas hysterical when she became all nice and pleading about the child support issue. Gee, maybe she might actually GET IT? Nah.

So in closing to her letter, I stated to her that if the comment about my shadow was true, then WHY wasa she leaving him...her response, who said I was? My answer, he did. Then I told her that if she WAS leaving, not to USE me as the reason. if she WAS staying, then I was glad for them...they deserve each other.

Next, I receive an email from X that is ALL over the place... You did this, you did that, when you left this, now I have to that...then the good stuff. You're so unhappy does M know how unhappy you are. This is exactly where you were at when you left j, and when you left me...What makes you think that getting back with me would work? I haven't changed any so whjy do you think it would work....(What does any of thihs have tot do with a reconcilliation?)etc and so on.

He closes his letter with:
You have runied the only chance at happiness that I will ever have. The wedding is off!!!!!

I didn't answer because it was pointless.

So in summation:
They need to refinance the house to get equity to pay for a wedding.

She refuses to go any further in the 'relationship' until the "stuff" between he and I is settled.

They both bLAME me for the fact that he hasn't settled the house yet and it's MY fault that because he waited SO long they now have finanacial issues that are MY fault. (Who in the WORLD refinances a house for a wedding anyway? If it's really LOVE, shouldn't a simple church wedding do?)

She is using ultimmatums because she wants what she wants. She doesn't seem to really CARE about X's feelings all that much.

Anyway, I own very little of this. I waited for hihm to seettle because I knew at some point, he would...it's as simple as that.


JL-
In regards to the new pereson in my life, it's not a big deal. I'm involved with a very understanding nice man.

It is a situation where I truly don't believe I'm ever going to feel that fantassy love for anyone ever again. I sincerely don't EVER want to be in the FOG again and I do believe that friendship is where real relationships start.

For so many years I chased that HIGH of the addiction from infatuation and I simply don't have room in my life for getting sidetracked by a whirlwind romanace. Maybe I'm protecting myself because I did get wounded very badly also...I just don't feel that I will ever truly get over the doubts, regrets, and fears that still float in nmy mind because of all of this crap.

For me, marriage was something that I felt would identify me in some way. I've realized that this was one of those false ideas that you learn as a child. I didn't have stable familial roots so i fantasized that I could create that for my kids. The key is that what they really need is a parent that is fully present and aware. They need someone in their life to accept them and model for them what a healthy mind and attitude look like. For me, that's enough.

Thanks for reading. I know it was a long one.

Your x and his fiancee (???) really do deserve each other! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I'm only sorry that your son will continue to be exposed to this mess. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

The GF is an adult, and she knows what she was getting herself into. She admitted to her ASSUMPTIONS, and well, we all know what that does. LOL.

Be sure to protect yourself and don't get back on that roller coaster ride. By emailing the GF, although I understand your intentions, it simply invited them to fling THEIR crap onto you. As long as you're involved with them in ANY way, you will be the target of their unhappiness. Once you're no longer in the picture in any way, then they can learn to deal with it on their own. Although, I highly doubt it. LOL.

Geesh... your ex sure does have cold feet, huh? Blaming YOU for the wedding being off? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Gee Kily... did you cancel the reception hall? Or perhaps have a good one on one talk with the minister who was to marry them? Oh wait! Maybe you flushed the rings down the toilet? Hmmm??? Fog IS thick.

Karen

Hey Kily --

The mess they made, they made on their own. The best thing you can do is get out of it. Stop interacting with these folks, eh? There's no use in doing this kind of stuff. As the saying goes, you get dirty and the pig enjoys it.

It's better to dance, I'm thinking. Oh, wait, no, no dancing. We break stuff when we dance. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Seriously, though, you have a life to lead and a whole lot of good stuff going on. Stay out of the muck and you'll be a good bit happier.

topie-

Yes, I realized prior to contacting his gF that I was iviting trouble. I realize that she could nail me for harassment if I wasn't clear and focused with what I ad to say. I took the risk after mulling it over for a whole day and night. My attitude on it was that X continually pushes the boundaries of contacting MY people and in my eyes, there has to be some natural consequence for that. I do not plan on contacting her again because I have had my say and I made the points I needed to make.

I've actually had FANTASIES about emailing the minister but i wowuld NEVER get in the middle. It doesn't deserve my energy or time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

J-
Great advice. I'm not in the middle. As I told Topie above, I wanted to TWEAK her a little. Her words, and his, basically went right through me. My words however have hopefully planted some seeds. It was a calculated risk that I took and I truly am at peace and have let this whole thing go. X on the other hand is seething and hateful towards me again...at least he isn't calling me or my familiy anymore... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Kily:

"She has decided to leave him and it's MY fault."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I had 2 set the keyboard aside a moment and giggle uncontrollably. Sorry!

How old are they? Seems your DS is more ma2re than the 2 of them put 2gether.

I'm sorry for YOUR pain through all this nonsense, and the drama your son has 2 be subjected 2.

You will persevere, I promise!

-ol' 2long

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> posted by Kily
<strong> She's pi$$edbecause he has to pay me "a boatload of money" and there's nothing left for them....She of course CAN'T blame him or herself because then she would have to admit that her sugar daddy doesn't HAVE the $ she thought he did. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>.

Didn't know you had sooo much power, 'eh Kily? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So now that there's no $$ for a wedding, are they going to elope? Tell her this is a test of the A love. If they can make it on nothing, then there's a chance it will work. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> If not, then they will both know each was using the other. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I would love to see their faces if you ever said that. LOL!!

L.

ps: another thought...... tell the OW it is in your job description to ruin his happiness if it related to an OW and an A. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ March 31, 2004, 12:02 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

2long-

All I have to say is: You reap what you sow.

If they continue with their plans after THIS, without REALLY digging in deep to figure out what reality vs. expectations are, then there is no doubt in my mind that a divorce will happen in 3 to 5 years...

Orchid-
You made me laugh because you truly took my thoughts and put them into words. When his GF sent me that email I was so tempted to tell her that a marriage license costs about $30 and that they could even have the church service for about $200.oo. I'm even willing to give her the wedding dress that I'll purchase for the wedding!

Her actions tell me very clearly what she is after. Boy, will she get a rude awakening when they're so deep in debt and he has to refinance yet again to pay off his bills...oh, but that was MY fault too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anyway, long life and happiness to the happy couple.

I wanted to post this separately from the responses to the "wedding that might not happen".

I went to talk with the court investigator in a marathon 1 on 1 sesssion that lasted about 3 1/2 hours...I was so exhausted when I left there.

Basically, I had to take her from beginning to end of the relationship with X. It was very painful to go through all of that again, but I was as honest as I could be abouot everything including my choioces to cheat and to leave for the trip that ultimately led to me moving out.

I was VERY suprised by her respsonse. She said to me that X with held a lot of information - like my depression - from her and she was very conceerned about it. Her thoughts were that this was pretty important details that really defined why I made certain choices, and his omitting them created a VERY different picture than what she got from talking with me. She will be calling him back in for another 1 on 1 to address all of this with him.

The second key thing she said to me, and I think all of you here will understand the magnitude of her words, was:

"I'm not defending affairs at all. I do feele however that when there is a lack of emotional support, that people will seek it elsewhere. I see why it happened, and now I understand where your motives were when all of this transpired."

WOW! That was so BIG.

A few more points:
1. I did assk him to leave the house and he refused.

2. She felt that my leaving and keeping the kids with the house and not disrupting their stability was the best thing I could have done in their ineterest...she felt that I put them first.

3. She asked me: Did you REALLY get down on nyour hands sand knees and beg him? YES I DID! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

4. i showed her a sampling of the emails thatI had received over the last two years. She ssaid to me: "I now understand why you don't speak to him....

5. Breaking in the house was not against the law. I was within my rights. She checked. She didn'nt approve of my having a key though. Something to negotiate.

All for now

edited to add:

I forgot to mention that when I was talking about my life spiraling and how I got to a place where I crashed and had to heal..her comment blew in my doors. She recognized what I saw but didn't have the esteemm in myself to believe...She believes X is now where I was three years ago...spinning out of control and looking for the magic thing to fix him. He simply doesn't see it.

Maybe I'm not as messed up and inhuman as he'd like me to believe I am.

<small>[ April 01, 2004, 08:13 AM: Message edited by: God-within-kily ]</small>

Just-J,

You might be interested to know that X has agreed to meet me for our "one on one" session to clear the air...in my therapist's office on Monday.

It should be very interesting...