NY, I missed the beginning of your thread, i was too busy today.

We all know about the sleeping problem. You can tell that i used to sleep so soundly that I even didn't know my H left. But now things are different, all those thoughts keep bothering. So Xenax helped me, I even had no dream.

Read a math book, for sure you will fall asleep.

I can see that I am not the only one with the sleep problem. I am beginning to wonder if it isn't he AD that are doing it to me. I am on Prozac and a side effect is insommnia. I take Xanax before bed. I have Ambien, and I have tried benadryl.

I am crazy because of the lack of sleep, and I am impatient, and intolerant. I feel bad because I am so tired that I am short with the kids, and I don't feel like doing anything with them. It is just the lack of sleep.

I used to sleep so hard that I didn't even know that WH was coming home at 3 am. I thought he was coming home at 12 am, like he should have been.

Now I watch every hour go by on the clock, and I think of everything gone bad the whole time. I think of all the mistakes I made in my marriage, and my life and how I will never be able to make things right again for my kids. I feel like no one is going to want someone with two failed marriages and a kid from each one. I have settled twice now for second best and I am just tired of it all.

I am also ready to quit, not life, but the marriage all together. I would love to say I could welcome him back with open arms, but I know I can't and he isn't asking either. I don't know if there will ever come a time when I will feel differently. I can't believe that he is still with OW. She is so nasty, I just don't understand it. He left us with so much work to do on our own. He left me with two kids by myself. He left me with my heart hanging out of my chest all the while he was slapping it around.

I don't even know what I am doing in life anymore, do any of you feel that way too? I think it would just be easier to fix me, and then move on instead of fixing me and then waiting for him to fix him. He is a depressed, low-self esteem type of person. He discards women and children like he does his cars, and motorcycles. I am not the first woman he has cheated on, the one before me he did too and she had a daughter from a marriage also. I am just venting here I guess. Sorry to bring everyone down, but today is my down day I think and if I don't write you I am gonna write him and break Plan B. So I will just write you instead, because you can help and he can't right now. Thanks.

NY