Wow. I thought this discussion was over, but I guess not.

WAT - You are the same one who advised me a week or two ago that I was not ready for Plan B.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Let's analyze whether Plan B is a good move for you:

You have young kids which makes Plan B very difficult - some contact is necessary.

You have some good evidence that OW is LB'ing your H.

You know NOT to LB your H.

Your love bank doesn't seem to be nearly depleted.

You're having necessary contact via MC.

The answer seems obvious, huh? Everyday that OW LBs your H and you don't, you're that much closer to him. Why go dark (Plan B) when you can contrast what OW is doing?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I still believe every word. I did my best not to LB when he told me about the cruise, only because of the counselling I've had with SH. Otherwise, I probably would've balled my eyes out and called him names.

Plan B is not for me right now. SH agrees with me - or maybe he's just saying that because he knows that's what I want. In any case, I cannot do it. My poor justification for Plan B may be just that, but as long as I see my Plan A working on him, I CANNOT go dark.

I will let OW continue to LB and nag him about D. I will let her do all of the love bank withdrawals. I will let her make all of the AO's and DJ's.

I know there are a lot of proponents for Plan B on this board - and maybe sometime in the future I will go dark. But not now.

Having said all of that, I still love coming here and getting advice from you guys - even if I don't like it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> My friends and family think I'm a nutjob for even trying to save this marriage, so I'm so thankful to have this forum.

I haven't changed my mind if you're still in the same place. I have not kept up with your story.

I was commenting on part of your rationale NOT to go to Plan B: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's giving him an ultimatum of sorts, and he DOES NOT like ultimatums. I'm afraid it will send him in the other direction entirely - especially if OW is pushing him to D now anyway.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, it is an ultimatum of sorts. It's supposed to be. And you're correct, he won't like it. None of "them" do.

AND - it's SUPPOSED to send him to the OP. To get full "benefit" of the OP - to have ALL needs met by OP. Not the least of this process is to have him experience more consequences of HIS decisions.

For you, it isolates you from further direct hurt from him. But most importantly, you take control. You're saying, "It was YOUR decision to have an affair and to separate, it's MY decision to STAY separated."

I doubt SH is saying that just because he knows what you want to do. Listen to him before you listen to us.

WAT

<small>[ March 31, 2004, 12:08 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I haven't changed my mind if you're still in the same place. I have not kept up with your story. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My story hasn't changed much in terms of my feelings for him. We've had some ups and downs, but I am still able to control myself and still have tons of love available in my love bank.

I know the purpose of Plan B is to protect myself and to prepare myself for the possibility of no reconciliation. I cannot, in good conscience, go dark until I feel it in my bones. If my marriage does end, I will at least have felt that I gave it 2000%, and have no regrets. Going dark before I am emotionally ready would be at the top of the list of regrets if it doesn't work.

I have mixed emotions about it because I know I need to let her fulfill all of his needs - to make them feed off of one another. Like I said, it's very possible that someday (sooner than I'd like, I'm sure) I will go dark. But it can't be now.

No, roughroad, my H and I aren't in recovery. We are fully recovered and have been for many years.

I don't think of Plan B as successful if you're still waiting around for specific results. Your only focus in Plan B should be your own actions and emotional well being (and of course any children). There is NO guarantee that Plan B will change your spouses mind. There is no guarantee that your spouses mind will change NO MATTER WHAT you say or do. That's free will for ya.

hope4, great! does your H post here? i also like some of the quotes in your signature. thanks!