when i started this i thought i was doing myself a favor but i guess now i was just lying to myself. because i can't honestly tell myself that doing those things would make me be the better person (for fighting for my M). i really have to try and be patient and let God speak to me. one of the more difficult things to deal with is whether or not to talk to my FIL. SH says no and my mom says no but if i looked down the road 2 or 3 years from now, would i think if only i had called his dad? i'm going to be leaving this post that i started.

My H and xow went to football gams together. I got his tickets and had thoughts of giving the ticets away to peple who would be willing to wear a t-shirt that said "Husbnad's name and xow's name are adulterers." I also wanted to hire a plane to fly by with a banner that said, "Ladies, watch your husband around xow's name." It relieves stress to imagine these things but now that I'm several years past these horrible times, I'm amazed that God in His mercy and grace did more than I could have imagined. Husband is establishing a new relationship with the Lord and xow's life is in the toliet. I pray that this situation will too bring her to the Lord. Just watch to see what the Lord has in store. I guarantee it will be much better than anything you could imagine!

thanks JPH, i guess i couldn't tear myself away from this post afterall. would you mind if i posted to you separately? because of what you said, i'm really interested to find out more of your situation. especially since you still post here several years later.

Don't know your sitch, RR, but I generally think it's a good idea to stay friends with in-laws -- potentially, they are your best allies, but keep in mind that, if push comes to shove, they will have to support the WSs. Don't pump them for info, or make them feel they have to take sides. Don't say anything you wouldn't want repeated -- or use them for passing on info. Just be friendly, loving ... and hold no expectations.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Fraggles:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin:
<strong> 11. Crawl into the men's room at the grottiest service station in your town. On the wall, write: "For a good time, call OW," with phone number. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Oh My......this gives me ideas....bad, bad, bad, but oh so good!

We have several ratty bars in our area that is frequented by "low-lifes"...they could probably use a nice evening with a loose S.O.W.!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Shoot, someone talk me outta this. I am seriously considering the above!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

SOW is still driving by my house every morning and I know will continue to be in my face...esp. at my DD's upcoming Communion! ARGGHHH....

thanks am martin, i needed that reminder.

Fraggles, I, too, have fantasized doing this. Practically, however, I just don't see any way that it will help me out of this hole. The worst possible scenario is that they figure out it's me, and I provide more fuel for the A -- something more to talk about to make them feel more "real."

But why destroy a fantasy with thinking?

RR, yes, people often forget that the ILs are also in a bind, although in the long run they will figure that the WSs are going to be part of their life forever, and the BSs are likely to disappear. My job has been not to disappear -- at least not entirely. I genuinely like them. But my presence does put some pressure on them, even if I say nothing, and nobody likes pressure. I've tried to stay low-key, amiable, and friendly.

thanks again am martin, i'm going to talk more about my IL's tomorrow w/SH. i plan on calling them on sunday (MIL/FIL), since it's easter i figured that would be good opportunity and i haven't talked to them since i confronted my H in feb. my thoughts are to let them lead the conversation, i feel pretty strongly about calling them. i am still married to their son and a part of the family. honestly it will also be a fishing expedidtion but will be VERY careful what i say or offer but will go w/their lead, i haven't told them that i still love their son no matter what and will fight for my M no matter what and i think it's important that they know that, call me crazy.

Oh, it's fine to let them know that, just don't fish. They will feel it, and it will make them uncomfortable. If you pressure them in any way, they will eventually gravitate to WS. They will have to. He is in their lives forever, whether he goes through a dozen marriages and betrays each wife. Make it clear that you are seeing them because you care for THEM -- not because you are trying to get something.

I plan to keep in touch with my ILs no matter what happens (and H has filed for D). I like them, and will let them know I like them. And I'm worth knowing.

has anybody had any experience w/the BS mom talking to the OW mom?

Hi RR!

How about the WSM talking to the OWM? That would be me!

The couple of conversations I "tried" to have with OWM convinced my DIL and myself that OW and OWM are equally NUTS! I couldn't believe my ears!

Lines from the OWM to my DIL were "why can't you keep your man at home, what's wrong with you?" AND "Just hurry up get a divorce and move on with your life." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

You see we have a "bunny boiling" kind of OW, I kid you not! Ever watched Fatal Attraction?

Believe me I've had some evil thoughts! The OW dad is the head honcho running the lab at the only hospital we have here and OWM works at KMart! Boy have I ever thought of some goodies, MY karma keeps me in check! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My S & DIL are in recovery now, they get the prank nasty messages on their cell phones and home answering machines. We can't wait until OW gets tired and finds someone new to harrass!

thanks for sharing your experience ragamuffin, i'm not sure my mom could talk to the OW's mom for numerous reasons. i'm really trying to stick to what SH has said but sometimes i feel desparate so i think of things that i or other people could do, such as my mom and the MIL talking to the OW mom. maybe another reason that i'm really hesitant is the effect it would have on my H. I want him to be thinking of me in a good way and feel safe about coming back to me (if he ever does). will discuss options more w/SH.

i'm glad to hear about your S and DIL. something that the OW's mom said to me that has really stuck to me (well more than one thing) is that she says that "they" really like my H and she doesn't want her daughter to get hurt either. have they ever considered that if it did work out between them (my H and the OW, which God i hope doesn't happen) that my H would do this to their daughter? how can they look at my H knowing that he is hurting his W this much and still not do anything about the R? i try not to think about that too much but i mean really are they just clueless because their daughter is just so special?

<small>[ April 07, 2004, 01:27 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> have they ever considered that if it did work out between them (my H and the OW, which God i hope doesn't happen) that my H would do this to their daughter? how can they look at my H knowing that he is hurting his W this much and still not do anything about the R? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I understand EXACTLY what you are saying! Believe me, I couldn't even imagine the OW in our families future! My DIL and grandson's come first! My son would have a very lonely, small world without his family if he and OW continued.

What I find hard as a WSM is my own lack of trust in my son while watching he and my DIL rebuild. Not to say they can't rebuild, it's hard to hide my "afraidness" for my DIL. Time will tell!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> when i started this i thought i was doing myself a favor but i guess now i was just lying to myself. because i can't honestly tell myself that doing those things would make me be the better person</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi RR,

You know, it's not supposed to make you really feel good about yourself, it is all wicked, but the day dreaming is a nice distraction sometimes, dont you think? It's nice that revenge is a 'dish best served cold', because by the time I've usually decided 'it's time', I've come to senses and decide not to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

My H KNOWS how wicked I am. I've pulled some pretty nasty pranks on people less deserving than a WS, with my H watching or even quietly cheering <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . He knows about me! My H always said if he ever had an A, he'd just slink off into the night, so I'd never know about it. Just disappear without a trace. He fears my wrath <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . He knows I'm a good shot, too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

EX: have someone's electricty turn off, mail forwarded to a new address (like a church). List them various self help programs and groups (like listing someone in an sex-a-holics, or heroin support groups, having literature sent to their homes and offices), etc. Personal ads, especially effective on men when you list them in the 'men looking for men' section and get VERY descriptive on a particular kink they are seeking. I've carried peoples addresses, email addresses, and phone #'s around so that I can sign them up on any list or political organizations I came across. Get some hard core republican on the Green Peace mailing list, and they'll get all kinds of crap! Vice versa for the dems. Some people just deserve to be on the NAMBLA mailing list, you know? Sent right to their office!

I havent done anything like that in several years, now, but I still daydream. I think I may have finally grown up, a bit, anyway. I cant imagine what I'd really do to an OW... I'm betting I'd regress HARD.

Please take care and hang in there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> - Dru

I agree with Drucilla. I fantasize revenge when I am angry and it helps cool me down afterwards. Like you RR, the only reason I do not carry out these fantasies is God. He would not want me to be vengeful, vindictive and I need to preserve my dignity in these times. Still, thinking of it is fun. Here are mine:

1. I have photographs of OW. I print it out, circle her BIG nose with a huge marker with the words OMG!! and a message beside the photo that says 'Rhinoplasty or acid peel? (Cost) only from (gangster town nearby). Cheap!! Like YOU!" Then I mail it to her office with her name and the title 'Office Wh*re' on it. I leave the envelope unsealed.

2. I place an ad in the local classified: office furniture or house or a popular car for sale. Real cheap. And her phone number. If it's a house, it would be a pimp's joint, an embassy, the police HQ or a politician's house. Bound to get calls all day.

3. This is an ad from my laser printer. Escort services. Male/Female/Bi. Red Light District Tour. Special Discount after 12pm. 24hours. Ask for Happy Suprise Delightful Ending and OW's name and number. This I post around her home, at bus stops, red light district, crappy motels etc.

and my last but favourite:

I call her office. She picks up the phone. I say in my school teacher voice, "Oh good. You are there. I'm coming up right now." That'll make her scatter everywhere in fright. Oh panic panic! But I am sitting cool in my office... would love to see her expression. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I love these fantasies and am not ashamed of them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />