</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Wanting Him Back:
<strong>
When he's having trouble maintaining an erection, have you tried...ahem...'helping him out'? Maybe some rubbing or sucking? I've heard a lot of men say that it's hard to deny an erection when a woman's mouth is around it.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yup, did that last night many times. then we would try intercourse, he would lose it...then I would suck, then intercourse then he would lose it...this went on for awhile. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I forgot something else......got too lost in my previous post! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Part of me just wants to say "ok, fine just go be with her"...the other part wants to just grab him and hold him forever... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When you have these feelings of doubt and inadequacy, try to remember that he is still in a fog state. Albeit not as thick as it was a few weeks ago, but still buried. Just try to remember that everything he's saying or feeling about the OW right now is based on something very false. When he's pushing you away, just give him a little space and try to do things that will meet his EN without 'touching' him. Maybe making him his favorite drink or snack? Maybe engaging him and the boys in a nice game of Candyland?

My point is that he doesn't know what he's saying when it comes to her. When he's talking about her, try to think of the Charlie Brown teacher "mwmwmwmw mwmwmwm mwmwmw" speaking that incomprehensible bullsh**. Just nod your head and file it away as more fogtalk.

Now you have my $.04. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

- WHB

Mom, I'll tell you something I did for my H that has helped him. I'm laughing right now because I just LBed him for about an hour straight. Didn't yell and scream, just told him how angry I felt today about the A. I had the need to get a lot of crap out of my system, and boy did I. He actually said he understands how I need to do this sometimes. He's such a schuck! So please take what this woman says with a big grain of salt.

I gave my H during this withdrawal, prior to my finding out he broke NC, tons of hugs. I would hold him in bed. As I said rub his stomach, back, and head. Acknowledge that he was feeling so badly. At times, as Shattered Dreams would say, I gave an emmy performance. On the inside I might be thinking, "YOU A%%hole. I don't even want to touch you now." Who knows? Maybe that behavior from me may have been what got the best of him and made him come clean with me. He was very guilt ridden. Of course after tonight he'll probably be calling her tomorrow. This is how screwed up I am. I told him my fantasy is for everyone to know about the A, and have him be with her. Then see how admiring and affectionate she is when H begins being depressed and cold towards her. H looked at me and said, "You want to see me crash and burn, don't you?" I very sweetly said "YES!" Oh, I'm such an awful MBer at times. Keep your head up Mom. Take it slow. Don't do what doesn't feel right to you. CV

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I touch him all the time. Rub him, put my hand on his legs, etc...I have asked him if it bothers him if I touch him and he has said no it doesn't...then I will say..."but you dont feel comfortable touching me, right?" and he says "no, not yet, but if you keep touching me maybe I will be able to touch you some day". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't be confused. Be happy! He is not repelled by your touch, he welcomes it, and instinctively knows that touch from you is important! Touch! Touch! Touch!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Later, I asked him to come here and post his frustrations and he said he didn't want to. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't push him. He'll be back, when he's ready. If you see something you think might help him you could print it out and leave it on his pillow, tucked inside a nice card that says "I Love You."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think he is very embarrassed about what he did earlier this week and cant face ya'll right now. My interpretation of course...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pffft. I understand, but really, if you've been around this board for any length of time you've seen worse. I hope he knows we aren't ticked at him. He did what he did. Not the first, and not the last.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> His exact words about last night..."last night SUCKED" So tell me...how am I supposed to react to that one. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is how you react to that one: "Yeah, it sucked big time. Next time I'll let you take the Viagra!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We use Viagra.... every time. Have to. You know, for those of you whose hubby's are in their 40s and have this problem, it is time for a Testosterone test. It's a normal decline for most men and it has its effects.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am just so confused today. I dont know where this is going or what he is doing.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, it is one of those days. Problem is you can't really know what is going on inside his head until he shares it. In the meantime, assume the best, touch him all you want, and offer him a Viagra at bedtime. Then touch some more, and some more..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

hi Mom.....please dont give up. Very early in recovery my FWH said some very hurtful things.

The first time we had sex after D-Day my H had such a distant look in his eyes. I knew why, and i preceded to say, "Your thinking about her arent you"? Well you know his answer.

That hurt was so painful at that moment, i thought i was gonna die. Somehow, i dont know how i did it but i let it just roll off my back and continued the love-making sesssion.

The next time after the sex, we talked about his feelings and he said. It was just sex, there was no love feelings there. Well another hurtful moment for me, but again i let it roll off again.

I always iniated the sex, i knew that was his #l EN, and why he had the A. So i kept pursuing him.

Give him a neck massage during the day, kiss his neck and tell him how sexy you think he is. I know this is hard when he is being mean to you. He might say well you never said that before. Chuckling you reply well i always thought you were, just didnt want it to go to your head, or something you know what i mean.

Of course the first few times their minds will be somewhere else, its your job to get that crap out of his mind. I know this all sounds so hard but in the long run when he totally commits he will be all yours in every way.

About losing the erection. Does he smoke cigerettes, (i would guess not since he is a doctor). Smoking will cause loss of erections also.

Wanting him Back opened the door for being graphic, sooooooooo, how about giving him oral all the way, and him giving you same, forget about the intercourse for now.

We are almost 2 years into recovery, and sometimes my FWH loses his erection during intercourse too. My FWH is 48 and smokes. He says thats why. In my mind i think its still some guilt from the A, but who knows. We have sex every other day, that could be it to.

I know you dont want to hear him instruct you, but i agree with the other poster, your doing it now, not her (and damm it you can do it better).

I changed totally in the bedroom, i became more verbal and more sexy. I told him everything he wanted to hear. What he did to me, i told him how good he was at it. Men love this stuff.
They live to hear their ego stroked from the woman in their lives (which is you right now).

Main thing dont give up and dont let Dad give up, he may get discouraged and really pull back.

It will take a few times and some preserverance, but in the end he will be yours again.

A/C0810