WHB, sorry about that post...I was just angry thinking about it all last night...No it is not what any of us signed up for. And I have recently told my H that IF he ever decides to leave again, he will get sole custody of the kids. I did not marry him to be a single mom. A real eye opener for him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Stressed...No dad is not mad at you at all...in fact you opened is eyes WIDE up! I would never be mad at you! You have really helped me and HIM thru this all. Your posts make him think cuz this is HIS life! He is starting to get it, starting to come out of the fog!

Today, my kids are out of school, so I am going to stick around and work on the house, get the laundry done, then go walk on the treadmill at the gym. Then tonight we have a baseball game. That is my exciting life! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Dear Mom.
I just wrote this to mom of 3 girls and think it might work for you also.
Your H takes you SOOOOO for granted that YOU will always be there for him as he 'plays' with the OW...(In his mind at least!)

Here is what I wrote to the other MOM.
Read Carol's post and share what you think.
Sincerely, Julie
*************************************************
Hi Mom.
It seems for many of us betrayed spouses that from the very moment of discovering that our mates were involved with someone else, we no longer took them for granted!

I think the fear of losing them was like a GIANT WAKE-UP call.

Following is the site where a lady named Carol posted how she got her wandering husband back.
I like how she did it because she made her H see that he could lose her! Opened his eyes to the possiblility.
It was like HIS wake-up call.

Love, Julie

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=014880;p=1

Blessed Time...What a great thread! thank you for posting it...That is how I got my H back, but in a much shorter version...Mine only took about 18 hours to realize that I would move on without him.

My H is coming out of Fogland now and we are doing much better each day. We have such a long way to go, but with SH help we are getting there! Thanks for the link

hey mom, i don't have a computer where i live so i'm only able to post while i'm at work. i read the thread on carol as well. in response to your reply that you did those some of those things in a short period of time, was this something that SH had recommended? i've got my 3rd session w/SH in about 20 minutes.

oh gosh..I'm sorry roughroad, I just now read your reply...No, SH didn't recommend this at all...what I did was write my DH a "love" letter, I actually posted it in one of my other threads about 2-3 weeks ago. At the end of the letter I wrote down a bunch of things that I knew would get his attention. I also mentioned them to him just in passing...

"oh by the way, guys are really starting to notice me now and are making comments to me"

"oh by the way, this guy at the gym is really showing interest in me now"

He was pissed. WHAT, HIS wife has guys looking at her....no way, that cant be! He was home the next day...I will find the letter and link it for you and then go to my H thread and he posted what his feelings were about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Roughroad, here is the link to the letter I wrote DH which opened his eyes (somewhat) and he came home! Letter

MT3B
I have lurked on your post for some time now. I think you are doing a great job. I am very happy for you that your H is home and that he is here reading and posting. Mine would never come here. I wish he would as this site helps so much.

Sounds like he is starting to get it. Looking at a different home is a step in the right direction. His intentions now seem to be good. Do not underestimate the threat that any contact with OW has. I hope that it can be avoided. Was a no contact letter sent?

Hang in there, avoid LB and meet EN. You are doing it great. Keep it up.
C&S

OH GOOD I feel much better !!!

Mom,

I just read your letter...YEP thats us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
the part you left out was how you hot and heavy
and the phone rings and pager goes off with a 911

and your left sitting there as your hubby runs out to his car.."be right back honey" 2 hours later..sorry had a hemorrhage or some other complication.

After # 4 got here we got a nanny...not a live in (even though we have room). A nice lady who comes in the afternoon helps with housework and with the kids at dinner and bedtime. Gives H and I time to sit and just talk and dream....remember those "dream" conversations you had as he was working triples in his residency....IF you could wake him ??

It has been great...cuz us women need conversation as part of "foreplay"...its inbreeded in us...helps make us feel sexy, wanted as a person....Not just a quick sex object....I highly recommend it...I know you could afford it..and we try to go out to the local steakhouse once a week (for about an hour).
BUT that cant alway happen...our babies like us to put them to bed..

Anyway it wont be so hard to find someome cuz you will also be home so they are just "helpers"
Maybe even a college or HS student to help out
I swear...it helps me BREATH...
Just a suggestion

Just wanted to say this computer, which links me to all of you, has become my life at the moment. I spend far too much time posting to all of you. My house is a complete disaster. Study for my licensure exam? What's that? Oh, I just went to school for 4 years for nothing. I'll just volunteer my counseling services for the rest of my life.

The thing is you folks are the ONLY people who would have a clue why I am hanging in here. I'm thinking of my one niece who I am very close to. We used to have talks about the people we knew who had A's. We both hate A's. If she knew her dear aunt was acting in this way, she'd want to smack the crap out of me, even though she loves Uncle on the edge.

So I keep coming here to make some sense out of an insane world, that I was thrust into, that I don't want to be in. Make sense? Maybe I'll take a shower now. I can at least look good even if the house looks like SH&&. CV

Stressed...I had a wonderful sitter...She ws in college and she was soooo good with the kids. I started using her when DS5 was only 9 months old. When DS3 came, she was at the house and took care of the kids al day. then when I had my hysterectomy, she took care of the kids for 3 weeks. Picked them up from school, stayed here for bath time when H was out at Hospital, etc...THEN she had to graduate and get a job. the nerve. ARGH! So then I found an older lady who would come twice a week to help with the housework and kids. I think I scared her away cuz she only lasted about a month <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I am thinking of calling the local college. We live in a very small town. Not much here. But i am giong to find someone to help out. We NEED it!

Today, I have to report H has called me THREE times alrady. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I think things are turning around and he may be getting those feelings back. I think he is almost out of fogland. I feel hopeful TODAY!

thanks mom for the link to the letter. i think i'm going to start a post of my own on the stuff i've sent to my H. read my latest post on my 3rd session w/SH. not sure what else could open my H's eyes at this point, we don't have kids.